I'll Never Know

I'll Never Know

March 23

'I'd always known that those two had something between them. Their intensity, their energy that flashed among them, when they fought, argued, and ultimately, dated. If dating is what you would call whatever it was they'd had. When had the anger changed and why hadn't I noticed. Harry and I, we were close. But we weren't close enough apparently.'

I stopped writing to shift Harry's blankets back over his still form. The dim light in the infirmary lit his face and my eyes lingered there for a few moments before going back to my journal. The journal that I relied on ,even now, to hide my feelings and to hold my thoughts for safe-keeping. I had nowhere else to put them.

'I usually followed Harry every night and stayed to watch him around, when he and Malfoy were together. I felt that it was truly a love-hate relationship; I couldn't understand why he never needed someone that really loved him instead of a person for extra-added benefits.'

'I 've spent my days protecting and guarding him, being there whenever Harry needed; he never seemed to care. Even now he lies there, frozen in his mourning for Malfoy while tossing us aside. How could the ferret be the one to save him..when a more worthy person was right there?'

'I love him-I always have. From the moment we meet on the train 'til today, I've known that I wanted him. I even thought he felt the same way-everything pointed that way. During the Triwizard tournament when I-but that doesn't matter now, does it?'

Pausing for a second, I rubbed my eyes. My watch's hand pointed to Very Late. A groan from Harry caused me to jump involuntarily.

"Harry..." I whispered, taking his cold hand in my own.

He stirred a little, muttering under his breathe. I leaned over him, my ear right above his lips. I felt a brush of air and then he spoke a name I never wanted to hear again.

"Draco."

Dropping his hand, I moved back to my perch, silently fuming. After everything, it's his name he calls out for, his name that falls from his lips. I snatched up my quill and began furiously scratching away.

'Now Harry's broken. Malfoy saved him and broke him in one brief moment. It was my duty-not his. My way of grabbing Harry's attention, and finally having him to myself. Yes, I have him alone now-but he's not there. He's not my Harry anymore.'

'I watched him as we brought him here today, after he clung to Malfoy's corpse for what seemed like hours. He was so closed to me, to both of us then. I'm staying by his side now, hoping to draw him back. I'd do anything to bring Harry back to the way he was, before he was tainted.'

Shutting the book with a loud clap, I dropped it back into my seat. Seemingly floating, I sat on his bed. Before, I noticed him grasp a vial in his hand when he though I wasn't looking. He gave that vial such a soft, sweet smile, the same smile he gave Malfoy, the same that he would never give me. My heart fell then and I don't think I can ever pick it back up. Harry will never let go.

A piece of hair bothered me then and I brushed it from his closed eyes. Watching his chest rise and fall, I knew that I all I'd ever want is one more glimpse of his emerald-green eyes, warm and filled with life. Slowly uncurling his left hand, I slipped the vial from his fingers. Studing it, I smiled grimly and stoded it away in the inner pocket of my robe.

"Ron?" Startled, I whirled around to find Hermione, a puzzled and concerned expression on her face. I jerked off the bed and laid a lanky arm across her shoulders.

"Just checking on him, 'Mione. I got worried." I murmured in her ear, ushering her away from the seat with my journal.

She smilied and patted my check. I stayed put, trying not to shy away from her touch.

"You need your rest, Ron. Don't stay to late. Madam Pomfrey said he'd be fine with a little recuperation." With a few more soft words, she left, moving quietly down the corridors.

I sighed, draping myself back into my chair by his side. Taking my book back up again, I decided to write a little more. The weight of the vial next to my chest calmed me enough to write and it gave me an idea.

'When Harry awakens, I'll be there, waiting. I'll be everything that he wants-even if its not what he's expecting. I meant what I said when I would do anything, even go on polyjuiced as some else. I'll never know why he chose Malfoy over me. His best mate, the one that was always there, that never faltered in devotion...It doesn't matter to me now. I'll have him one way or the other.'

An unfamiliar smirk spread across my face as I took the vial out. Harry's eyes were flickering back and forth and he moved more in his sleep. He'd be awake any moment now.

I unscrewed the cork and tossed it down. It slimed down my throat and I grimanced. I barely felt the tremors shake me apart. My eyes were directly on Harry, who was even now stirring more and more awake. I stumbled over to the mirror and clenching the gilded edges in my hands.

After I stopped my shaking, I looked into the mirror's eyes. Silver glared deliriously back at me. Behind me I watched Harry sit up on bed, his own eyes wide open, his gaze unmoving.

"Draco." He gasped.

I smiled at him through the mirror.