Secrets

Secrets

Chapter 11

Harry hadn't felt as alone as he did now since before he received his Hogwarts letter. Ron and Hermione weren't talking to him. They weren't sitting with him at lunch or in class and the other Gryffindors didn't know what to make of it. They tried talking to Harry, but he always seemed a bit moody, so they wound up giving up all together.

He wasn't even seeing Draco much anymore. Other than in class, he hadn't seen the boy since the night of the confession, which had happened a week earlier. It wasn't that he was intentionally avoiding him, he just hadn't gone out of his way to talk to him and Draco hadn't done so either. He figured it probably had to do with what Draco had told him. Must have made things awkward. Whatever the case, Harry decided he would wait until Draco approached him. He didn't have to wait very long.

After a rather long and dull History of Magic lesson, Harry was walking down the hallway when Draco appeared at his side. The two continued walking without a word until Draco broke the silence.

"Why are you moping?" he asked, conversationally.

"I am not moping," Harry replied, defensively.

"Sure you are. You don't talk to me. You don't talk to your friends. You sit by yourself. I think that qualifies as moping."

Harry just continued walking without saying a word.

Draco sighed. "Fine."

He grabbed Harry's arm and pulled him into an unused classroom.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Harry protested.

"You're going to stop being a little bitch and tell me what's the matter," Draco muttered as he performed a locking spell on the door. "You're not leaving until you talk."

"Gee, well when you put it that way..." Harry said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Draco glared at him.

"And you expect me to believe you're not moping...right."

Harry stared blankly at Draco.

Draco walked over to the desk nearest to where Harry was standing and pulled himself up onto it.

"Fine. You don't want to talk? I will. So, the weather outside? Beautiful. I-"

"It's raining," Harry scowled.

"Exactly. This kind of weather is perfect. The sky is gray and the rain is falling. It's just amazing. The air always smells clean and there's this type of romanticism involved with it. Not that I'm a romantic or anything. The quality is just there. It's undeniable."

Harry frowned. He crossed over to the desk next to the one Draco was sitting on.

"I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right. Why would I waste my breath if I wasn't? Now, you know what's fun? Playing Quidditch in the rain. That definitely spices up the game a bit. Anyway, potions. Still failing miserably?"

"Not as much, but I'm not doing great," Harry said, starting to appear less tense.

"Well, that's good. Maybe Snape will warm up to you eventually."

Harry burst out laughing. "Yeah, that'll be the day. I don't think I'll hold my breath waiting for that to happen."

"Snape's not really that bad," Draco said with a grin.

"Yeah, right. Damn ugly git..." Harry muttered.

"Now, that was uncalled for," Draco protested, jumping off the desk. He leaned casually against it. "You know, if you look at him in just the right light, he's not so bad looking."

Harry grimaced, "Oh, that's just gross."

Draco smiled. "No, I'm serious. Think about it. Snape is a sexy beast."

Harry doubled over in his seat, holding his stomach. "Oh god, I think I'm going to be sick. Stop. Please stop."

"I'll tell you what," Draco stood up and walked behind the desk. He grabbed the chair and pulled it over to Harry's desk. He flipped the chair around and sat down, straddling the back. "I'll stop if you tell me what's the matter."

Harry frowned. "I don't know..."

Draco shrugged. "That's fine. I'll just tell you about the time that I walked in on Snape when he-"

"OK, OK! Fine, I'll tell you," Harry cried, interrupting Draco.

"Good," Draco rested his arms on the back of the chair. He put his head down and stared expectantly at Harry.

"You're just going to think I'm being stupid," Harry began.

"You're probably right. Now, about that one time with Snape..." Draco started, a sadistic smirk on his face.

"Ron and Hermione aren't talking to me."

Draco smile sympathetically at Harry. "So I've noticed. What happened?"

"Well, Ron told me that I never see them now and basically said we're not friends anymore. He huffed off and Hermione agreed with him. They haven't spoken to me since. I'm sorry. I know I'm being a baby. I just wish they'd talk to me," Harry put his head down, banging it against the desktop.

Draco stood up and crouched down next to Harry. He placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Resorting to self destructive tendencies? Not a good idea. Take it from someone who knows," Draco said in a soothing voice. "Listen, forget about me. I'm the reason they're acting like this. Just go back to being friends with them. You'll survive if you're not friends with me."

Harry's head snapped up. He turned to look at Draco. "I shouldn't have to resort to that. They should be happy for me, not jealous. I'm not going to do that. You're my friend now. If they can't accept that, then it's their fault."

Draco smiled softly. For a moment, the two just looked at each other, then Draco leaned in and brought his lips to Harry's. Draco felt Harry tense up at the contact.

Harry jumped.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" he cried, his eyes wide with surprise.

Draco backed up and put his arms up in a gesture of helplessness.

"I'm sorry. I thought-"

"You thought wrong. I'm not like that. I like girls. Girls, Draco. You're not a girl. I don't-"

Harry began pacing. He kept running his hand through his hair, nervously.

"Look, I'm sorry. Calm down, you're making me nervous."

Harry looked at the other boy incredulously.

"Calm down? How am I supposed to calm down? You," Harry glanced around and lowered his voice, "kissed me!"

"I know. I guess I read the signals wrong," Draco responded calmly.

"Yes, you read them wrong. Damn it. I thought you liked girls! What about Pansy and Luna?" Harry babbled, pacing nervously.

"I like whoever I like. Yes, usually it's girls. But that isn't set in stone."

"That's weird. You're weird, Draco. How can you like both? You're just horny, that's what you are. You don't care who you get some from, as long as you're getting some. And you said you're not a whore."

"I'm not. I've only slept with two people. And there is a difference between being a whore and being promiscuous. Not that I'm that either. Listen, I'm sorry I did that. I'll never do it again."

"Better not..."

"But I think there's a reason why you're reacting so badly to this. Maybe you need to think carefully about what you want."

Harry's pacing came to a sudden halt. He glared at Draco.

"Are you calling me gay?"

Draco scowled. He took a step towards Harry, who responded by taking a step backwards. Draco stopped his movement.

"Shut up and listen to me," Draco demanded, ignoring the look of anger that crossed Harry's face. "I just think you need to figure out what you want. Maybe you're confused. Maybe you're not. It's just that when people react so strongly to something, it's because somewhere, something hit home for them. Something they don't want to deal with."

Draco crossed over to the door and unlocked it. He pulled it open and glanced back at Harry.

"Just think about what I said," he remarked before he exited the room, pulling the door closed behind him.

Harry sighed, running his hands through his hair once more. He made his way back over to his chair and slid down into it. He rested his arms on the table, dropping his head into his hands.

"I handled that well," he muttered.

Now what am I supposed to do?

******

A couple of days went by and Harry hadn't really spoken to anyone. This time however, it didn't bother him so much. He found himself so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn't have time to converse with anyone. He kept replaying the kiss and everything Draco had said to him.

I'm not gay. How can I be gay? I've never thought of any guy like that before. I've liked girls. So I'm straight. See? Why am I even wasting my time thinking about this? It isn't hard to figure out. I like girls. But then again, I haven't really found myself attracted to anyone lately...maybe Draco is right? Maybe I'm just confused. Goddamn it. I don't know what I want.

"This is so frustrating!" Harry cried, slamming his hands on the table in front of him.

"Surely it isn't that difficult, Mr. Potter," Snape remarked, his words dripping with disdain. "That'll be 10 points from Gryffindor for your incompetence."

"Sorry professor," Harry responded, with sincerity.

Harry glanced over at Draco, who was staring intently at him. Harry glanced down , feeling his face flush. When he looked back up, he found the other boy still watching him. Then, with a small smile, he looked away.

Harry continued to watch the blonde for a moment before returning to his thoughts.

I'm not gay.

I'm not gay.

I'm not gay.

*****

"Harry?" Hermione said softly, approaching him as they left the classroom.

"So, you're speaking to me?" He said sourly as he continued walking.

Hermione quickened her pace to keep up with Harry.

"I've been noticing that you haven't been acting like yourself lately..."

"How can I? My two best friends won't even talk to me," Harry muttered, avoiding eye contact. He kept his eyes focused on the hallway in front of them.

Hermione glanced down at the books she was carrying in a gesture of guilt.

"About what just happened in class...I know it wasn't about potions. You seemed too lost in your thoughts to have been paying attention to the lecture. What's the matter?"

"Nothing. It's just that I've had a lot on my mind lately. I kind of forgot where I was for a moment."

"Oh. Is it about Ron and myself? Is that what you've been thinking about?"

Harry glanced over at Hermione but didn't answer. He couldn't tell her what was going on.

Hermione's eyes welled up with tears. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean for this."

With one last glance at Harry, she ran off ahead before he could see the tears in her eyes.

Harry sighed.

You should have said something. At least let her know it wasn't her fault. Well, at least maybe this way she'll feel guilty and continue talking to me. Now I just need to figure out how to get Ron back. And to figure out what to do about Draco.

Harry brought his hand to his temple and groaned at the oncoming headache.

******

Harry placed his bag down in the grass and sat down next to it, waiting for Care of Magical Creatures to begin.

He began picking at blades of grass as he continued to question what he thought about himself.

Maybe it's like Draco said. He said he likes who he likes. That seems reasonable. But does that make me bi or gay? But I'm still not sure that I'm even attracted to boys. I mean...I like Draco, but do I like him like that? What if I do? What will the other Gryffindors think? What will Ron and Hermione think? No...I can't be gay. This isn't a good time in my life right now to be gay...Oh please. It doesn't quite work that way.

"All right, class. If yeh'll jus' follow me..." Hagrid said, getting the class' attention. Harry stood up and followed the other students to find out what deadly creature they would encounter next.

Throughout the lesson, Harry found himself not paying very much attention. He could remember seeing a small ball of fur that somewhat resembled a rabbit that had been put in the dryer. He could vaguely recall hearing something about razor sharp teeth and a poisonous odor, but other than that, he really didn't know much about the creature.

When class ended, he headed back over to the spot where he left his bag. He picked it up, but noticed a piece of paper fluttering to the ground. A look of confusion crossed his face as he bent down to pick up the note. Standing back up, he glanced around, looking for whoever left it. Nobody seemed to be paying attention to him.

Looking back down, he unfolded the piece of paper. Recognizing the handwriting as belonging to Draco, Harry's head shot back up and he glanced around for the blond. Only a few students were lingering around and the Slytherin wasn't among them.

Returning his attention back to the paper in his hands, he began to read.

Look, I didn't mean to make things awkward.

I never should have done what I did.

Let's both just forget it ever happened.

I hope you can forgive me.

DM

Harry looked once more in search of Draco. Not seeing him, he folded the note and shoved it into his pocket before heading back to the castle.

******

As Harry walked into the common room the first thing he noticed was Ron and Seamus sitting at the table playing a game of exploding snap. He felt his jaw clench and he turned his eyes to stare directly in front of him. He had just about reached the stairs when he heard his name being called.

"Harry?"

He stopped at the sound of his friend's voice. He turned around to see Ron walking over to him.

"Yes?" Harry asked, his voice coming out a bit more harsh than he intended it to.

"I have to tell you something..." Ron started, looking slightly uncomfortable.

"What would that be?"

"I...told Dumbledore," he said quickly, looking away.

A look of confusion filled Harry's face. He shook his head. "Told him what?"

"About Draco. If everything you said is true, then shouldn't we tell someone? And if he was lying, well then he'll be exposed as being the slimy git I know he is."

Harry felt his facial expression harden as a wave of anger washed over him.

"How dare you," he growled.

"Harry, it's for the best. Even if you believe him, shouldn't this be a good thing?"

"Draco told me not to tell anyone. You had no right," Harry spit out through clenched teeth.

"Well, then how is what I did any different from what you did? You told, I told. Both of us broke our promise."

"I'll never make that mistake again."

A pained expression crossed Ron's face.

"I'm sorry, but I don't regret it. You'll see I was right." With that, Ron turned and walked back to Seamus, who was looking at him with an expectant expression. Ron just shook his head and sat back down.

Well, this is just great, Harry thought as he stormed up the stairs.