The Proposal

"Doubt that the stars are fire

Doubt that the sun doth shine

Doubt that truth be a liar

But never doubt that I love."

- Hamlet, Shakespeare

James Potter lifted the goblet to his lips, toasting Lily Evans. "Congratulations for making it to six months with me, without wanting to kick me in the groin, hex, curse or generally torture me to death."

Leaning across the table, Lily replied laughingly, "Whoever said I didn't want to do any of those things? Because death by sex well with you, I'd probably die happy..."

James shot her a lazy grin, his eyes travelled down the length of her slim body, which was encased in a green dress that highlighted every one of her curves. Under his open admiration, Lily felt a slow blush heat her cheeks. Although she could talk dirty on the occasion, she was still unused to her boyfriend's intensity. The urge to either hex him or enact a kinky fantasy on him was equally strong whenever his eyes wandered over her.

But commitment, Lily had to admit, was something that came with great difficulty to her. Certainly, her parents' death at the start of the school year in a Death Eater attack hadn't helped her thoughts on that matter. As James stood up and walked towards her to caress her neck with his soft lips, Lily sighed, her mind still partially on her parents' death.

Although it had been a shock to her at the time, Lily could see that in hindsight, she shouldn't have been that surprised. After all, Voldemort had been getting more and more powerful during her years at Hogwarts. His dislike of all Muggleborns and Muggles had been obvious in all of the Death Eater killings prior to her own parents' death.

However, their deaths had meant that for once in her life, Lily had been in agreement with her older sister, Petunia.

Her parents' deaths had been Lily's fault.

In Petunia's words, Lily thought, her shoulders tightening, if she hadn't been a "freak" their parents would still be alive. Lily closed her eyes, trying to keep from crying, from feeling like a parent-killer.

"Hey..." James murmured gently, his hands running lightly over her bare skin. "Relax..." Lifting her off the chair, James carried her to a divan that stood at the side of the small room, placing her there. Lily opened her eyes and stared blankly up at him.

"James?"

"It's alright."

His soothing tone made Lily smile. He'd said the same thing when she'd returned to school after her parents' funeral and discovered that he had discreetly taken control of both their Head Boy and Head Girl duties. Eventually, Lily had learnt to accept her parents' death, but in between that time, something between her and James had changed. He'd stopped being a bigheaded Quidditch player who hexed anyone and everyone, and he'd calmed down, became more focused. More intense.

As James bent to take her mouth, Lily closed her eyes, enjoying the texture of his mouth as it rubbed gently over her lips. Pressing her mouth forward to deepen the kiss, James surprised her by moving back, so that the pressure between their lips was still light.

"James..." Lily murmured frustratedly.

James released her, one hand running through his hair, and resettled his glasses on his nose. Frowning at James' strange behaviour, Lily suddenly realised that all evening, he'd been uncomfortable. Before she could comment, James said, "I...Lily..."

Uncomfortable with having to look up at James, Lily stood, so that her body was centimetres from James'. "Yes?" Lily asked, noticing the shift from sexual to serious.

Swallowing hard, James took hold of Lily's hands, his head tilting downwards so he could look into her eyes. The candles danced behind him, casting shadows against the walls, making him look more ethereal, more exquisite. "Lily...I know...that it's been a rough year for you..." James' tongue stumbled around those words, and Lily frowned. As far as she knew, he'd never in her acquaintance, ever been tongue-tied. Although, Lily supposed, when she'd accepted his offer for a date at Hogsmeade for the first time, he'd been quite inarticulate, saying something between a "blah" "what" and "eh"

James' nervous hand squeeze caught her attention again. "But...I...I love you, Lily Evans. I love you, and nothing can take that away from me. From us. And I wanted to ask you...will you marry me?"

"What?!"

***

Lily felt as if the air had been sucked out of her when James had proposed, and her only answer to James' boyish look of hope had been a feeble, "I...I don't know. I'll get back to you on that."

At least, Lily thought wryly, she hadn't thrown up when he'd proposed, like she had when James had told her he loved her. Even so, it had been a close thing.

The moment she'd left James' shocked presence, Lily had run up the stairs to the seventh-year girls' dormitories, and blurted out to her best friend, Ella Figg that James had proposed. The fact that James was on detention at present said a lot to Lily though. Was she ready to commit to an eighteen-year-old who was currently serving detention because he'd hexed a certain slimy Slytherin into speaking in sonnets the previous day?

"- I mean, are you sure?" Ella's voice broke through Lily's thoughts, as they wandered out onto the sunny Hogwarts grounds with Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew.

It wasn't until the group of Gryffindors had sat down beneath a beech tree that faced the lake that Lily realised Ella had been talking to her. "Uh?"

"I said," Ella said wryly, "are you sure you want to marry James right now?"

" That's what I've been trying to figure out," Lily said exasperatedly. "I just don't know. I mean, I love James now, but who can say what can happen in two years?"

Silence greeted her, as Sirius, Remus and Peter all exchanged perturbed glances with each other. From their expressions, Lily could tell that although they might all like her, they had no idea what to say to such an announcement. Considering that James was their friend, Lily could understand. How they couldn't have known that she would've talked to them about James' proposal with them sooner or later confounded her though. As the three boys continued to stare aimlessly at anything but Lily, she heard Ella sigh and shift beside her. Lily grimaced, knowing that from her sigh that Ella was going to get to the heart of the matter immediately. She wasn't disappointed, as Ella said, her voice low, "Lily, there's no way that you can know whether you'll still want to shag James like some wild thing in the next two months, let alone the next two years. But the big question is: Can you imagine shagging him for a very long while yet?"

Off to the side, Lily heard Remus give a snort, but when she twisted her body around to get a better view of the three boys, she found them to be stoically staring at the lake. Turning her attention back to her friend, Ella asked persistently, "Well. Can you?"

Lily's eyes closed. "I...I don't know. Can't know."

The only response was the distant sound of other students letting out shouts of delight over the end of exams, and the gentle whistling of the wind as it caressed the oak tree that they were all sitting beneath.

"Guys?" Lily's voice softened, confusion settling around her. It wasn't that she didn't love James...she just didn't know if she could love him forever...

The three Gryffindors turned to face Lily, and at her strained expression, Sirius relented slightly, a suppressed smile on his handsome face. Probably the comment about shagging, Lily supposed absently; and at Sirius' remark, Lily knew that she had been right. "You're the smartest witch of our year," Sirius pointed out irrelevantly. "I'm sure that if you set your mind to it, you could come up with an image of James shagging you ten years from now. Although," Sirius said, after a thoughtful pause, "you might not want to be envisioning that..."

Sirius grinned when Lily let out a startled laugh. As the laughter faded though, Lily sighed. "You know, when he asked me, I hated him. For putting me on the spot. I mean it's not just about sex-"

"-shagging," interjected Sirius.

"Thanks Sirius," Remus said calmly, as Peter looked on with curiosity. "I think we all know that you're horny. Now that we've got that, can we please focus on Lily?"

"Oh, I'm horny all the time..."

Peter grinned from behind Remus. "And don't we know that."

"Okay, don't want to ask how you know Peter."

"Ella!" Everyone stared at her - Sirius in admiration, Peter in horror, and Lily and Remus simply did it out of habit. Even after knowing Ella for seven years, none of them had managed to get used to her outrageous comments.

Ella shrugged, ignoring their expressions. "What? I'm saying, it's nice that you've finally come out of the closet Peter. I'm proud of you."

"Wha-?"

Peter's expression was priceless, and Sirius thumped the smaller boy on the back with a whoop of laughter.

"Thanks Ella," Lily said with a wry grin. "Just never tell me why it is that you spy on Peter during your spare time."

"Oh-!"

By this time, Sirius was howling with laughter, and although Remus was trying his hardest to restrain himself, a hint of a smile curved his lips. By the time Sirius had stopped laughing (probably because his stomach hurt too much for him to continue) Peter had managed to drag the topic back to Lily, no doubt finding it safer than any other subject where Ella could come up with more disturbing jibes.

"Well, it's just, do you love Prongs?"

"Do you love Prongs?" Ella countered back, setting Sirius back into exports of glee. Remus rolled his eyes, a smile on his tired features. Giving a red-faced Peter a pat on his back, he said, "Ignore him. He's just jealous."

Not hearing Remus, Sirius' bark-like laughter continued.

"Shut up, Sirius," Lily said, trying to stall. Giving Sirius a sharp prod with her foot, Lily said absently, "Stop laughing at Peter. Otherwise I'll chuck you into the lake and you can have some fun with the giant squid."
Swallowing hard, Sirius regained some control, knowing just how serious this matter was. His features rearranged themselves as he turned his full attention on Lily, shutting down all the inappropriate thoughts that were swirling around in his mind. Ella too, switched back to seriousness, as she asked, "Peter's right, you need to ask yourself if you're in love with him."

Lily, whose eyes had glazed over, jerked her head up. "What?"

Giving an abstract wave of her hand, Ella repeated, "Are you in love with him?"

Lily frowned, as she followed the direction Ella's hand was waving in. "No! I'm not in love with him!"

"Well..." Ella exchanged puzzled glances with Remus, surprised at Lily's sudden change of heart. "I suppose it's not really necessary..."

"It isn't!"

"But I suppose it would make things easier."

"It wouldn't." Lily countered.

The four Gryffindors stared at Lily, before Remus finally said, "Please tell us Lily, that you're lying."

Lily glared at Sirius. "I'm not lying! I don't love Sirius like that!" Sirius burst out laughing again, his serious demeanour vanished. Lily's tone became strident, as she proclaimed, "And if he doesn't stop laughing at me I'll really throw him into the lake, and he can keep the squid company there!"

Choking slightly, Sirius gasped out, "Wha...What did you..."

Lily groaned in frustration. "Sirius, please! This is the biggest decision of my life...and there's no one here to help me make it!"

Remus sighed softly, as all of them were reminded of how Lily's parents had died at the hands of Death Eaters. Gentling his voice, Remus said quietly, "This is something that you have to do yourself Lily. You know that. We can help, but..."

Lily swallowed hard, before nodding, her thumb running over her Head Girl's badge. Closing her eyes, Lily knew that she couldn't fall apart now. Without looking at her friends, Lily's head bowed slightly, the weight of all her worries making her shoulders slump.

"I know."

***

The moment James stormed into the Gryffindor Common Room from detention, Lily knew he'd discovered that she'd confided in their friends. His usually cheeky expression was replaced by a frown, and for once, he didn't care that he was bowling over first-years as he strode towards Lily.

"Can I speak to you? In private?" James said coolly.

Lily stood up to leave, just as Sirius, Remus, Peter and Ella slipped away to give them some privacy. Moving closer to her, James gripped her arm and dragged her into sitting position on the couch their friends had just vacated. For a moment, James stared angrily at the empty fireplace, before abruptly turning to face Lily. Beneath the usual evening noise of the Gryffindor Common Room, James asked, his voice tightly controlled, "Why in Merlin's name did you tell everyone that I proposed to you? It was private Lily, between you and me. Do you want to humiliate me, when you finally make up your mind and turn me down?"

Lily gaped at him. Where, Lily wondered, had he come up with such a ridiculous idea?

"Well?" James looked down at his palms. "Go on. You might as well tell me."

"I'm in love with you, but..."

"Well?" James' tone was calm, determined. "What are you going to say?"

"I still need to think-"

"For the love of...Yes or no, Lily. It's not that hard."

"In theory it's not. But I'd have to live with you."

"Hell, Lily, you've lived seven years in the same place with me! There can't be that many things you find awful about me."

"Oh, I'm sure."

"Well then?"

"I can't say-"

"Why not?"

"James, are you aware that you're shouting at me?"

James shot a dark look at her, as the gathering audience of Gryffindors looked on curiously, wondering why their Head Boy and Girl were arguing. Although in the past, everyone had got used to Lily and James' blowouts, since they'd started dating, nothing but sweet kisses and teasing words had been tossed between them. Standing up, James held out a hand to Lily.

"I want to show you something," he said abruptly.

"Wha-"

"Come on." With a heave, James hauled Lily upright. Pushing through the crowd to the portrait hole, and never letting go of Lily's hand, James looked over his shoulder. Scanning the crowd, James saw Sirius wave some Dungbombs in the air. At least, James thought, Sirius would ensure that none of the Gryffindors would follow them.

As the portrait hole closed behind them, James gave a tug on Lily's hand.

"Where are we going?" Lily's voice was soft in the darkness, but James shook his head. As he lead her down corridor after corridor, Lily stopped trying to remember which way they'd taken and simply trust that James knew where he was going.

Finally, James paused in his long strides, pausing outside a door. Grasping the handle, James gave it a gentle nudge, and it fell open.

"Come on." Lily fell into step with him James their shoes echoing in the large room. Giving her hand a tug, James led her to a cloth-draped object.

"What...?"

"Wait a moment." James let go of her hand, and walked towards the object, lifting the dusty cloth of it.

A mirror.

James' steps were measured as he walked back towards her, stopping centimetres from her face. Reaching forward, James gently tilted her head up to face him. His eyes locked on hers, and Lily could see the love swirling in his hazel eyes. "I know that you're not sure about marrying me Lily. With Voldemort. Graduation. Us...But I want you to look into that mirror and tell me truthfully what you see. And then tell me if you'll marry me."

Lily nodded, uncertain. When James released her, she stepped slowly towards the mirror, looking at the inscription on it. Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi.

I show not your face but your heart's desire.

Lily felt her eyes widen, but she didn't stop walking towards the mirror. As she came closer, the image in it came into focus, and Lily gasped.

In it, was an older James, his arms around someone that could only be her. Although Lily was sure she was seeing things, she took a step closer, and realised that in the mirror version of her, she was holding a baby boy, with black hair. And green eyes.

Her heart's desire.

The future.

As tears pricked her eyes, Lily felt James' strong arms wrap around her waist. Without looking back, Lily smiled, snuggling into his embrace.

"Yes."