The Secret Diary of Cho Chang Aged 15 and 3/4

July 31^st

Today is Harry's birthday. Everyone knows that, it's practically the most famous date after YKW's downfall on 31^st October. I've not heard anything back from the owl I sent him. Well, I suppose it was out of the blue, me sending him a letter like that. I don't know why I did it now, to be honest. Lack of sleep probably. I feel like a bit of a plum now. Not so much of a Ravenclaw, then. Mind you, it was 4:30 in the morning. God, I hope Andromeda didn't make too much noise. I've heard that the Muggles he lives with are awful. Well, everyone's heard that. Anyhow, nothing, not a word. I was going to buy him a birthday card, but I didn't. I don't really know him well enough to send him a birthday card. However, the main reason I didn't was because I felt like I was betraying Cedric's memory. Isn't that daft? I spend the first 3 weeks of the summer holidays crying my heart out, and here I am, 2 weeks later, wondering whether I should send another man a birthday card.......

Does that mean I never cared as deeply about Cedric as I thought? I loved him.

I thought I loved him.

August 4^th

I've been getting on with my schoolwork. It's really helping and its keeping my mind off things. That, and a barrage of owls I've had. Honestly, you'd think I was some sort of delicate flower.

"Cho, are you ok? I wanted to give you a few weeks to settle down. Just owl me if you need anything"

GOD! Where were these people at the beginning of the summer? When I needed them the most? I've been thinking that I am some sort of social pariah. And all the time they were too scared to get in touch with me. Bitter? You bet I am.

"If you've a ready mind

Where those of wit and learning

Will always find their kind;"

Funny how I remember that song from the sorting hat. My fellow Ravenclaws didn't have much of a ready mind when I needed them. Did they?

And why on earth do we need to learn how to transfigure a chair into a raccoon? I mean, its not as if in the upcoming war I'd say to You Know Who, "Sorry about this, but to even things out a bit I'm just going to change this chair into a raccoon and then it'll bite you on the arse." Yeah, really scary. I can't wait until we start doing proper transfiguration. I really want to be an animagi, that's meant to take years of practice, but, it'll be such a challenge!!!! I've read all about the theory, (of course!), but to actually learn, to get stuck into the practical lessons, well, that'd be excellent! Ever since I saw Professor MacGonagall transform into a cat I've spent hours in the library studying the theory!

I really miss Hogwarts. Especially the library. I can spend hours in there, getting lost in the history and the magic of the place. It's my most favourite place in the world. Well, the Quidditch pitch might just shade it! Cho Chang, the only female seeker in Hogwarts. Second only to Harry Potter, and that's only because he's got a better broom then me. Hmm.... Perhaps not. Just as well I'm not in Gryffindor , I'd never have got on the team.

August 8^th

My birthday. I am sixteen today. I'm not sure how to feel. One more year and I'll be an adult.

We're going to Diagon Alley later. Mum, Dad, Michelle and Tony. Michelle's got a day off from the Ministry of Magic, and Tony's come back from holiday especially.

I've decided to wear my new jumper today. I may as well, it's not as if I'm doing anything special. Mind you, I'm going to Flourish & Blotts today, I'm going to buy lots of books!

I'd better go, they're all waiting for me downstairs

9:30pm

Just back. I bumped into the Weasley's down Diagon Alley. I've always got on really well with George. We've had lots of potion detentions together. He was really sweet. He took me into the Leaky Cauldron and had a few butterbeers.

"I've wanted to owl you for ages, to see how you are" he said.

"Seems like everyone is saying that. I got caught in a hailstorm of owls last week. People were too scared to owl me before."

"I don't think that's fair Cho. I know I didn't because whatever I would have put would have come across as flippant or insincere."

"Oh, right. Sorry, George. The first few weeks I was in a complete daze. I was crying, not eating, angry, mad. Everything. I blamed myself. I blamed Harry. I even blamed Cedric. How dare he die? How dare he leave me behind? Pretty stupid, eh?"

"You were in shock back then Cho. You probably still are."

"Its just sometimes I miss him so much, and other times I just forget about what happened and then start worrying about potions, or charms."

"But surely that's good, Cho. You're getting on with your life."

"How can that be good? What does that make me?"

"A normal girl trying to get on with her life?"

"Hmph. I keep bursting into tears sometimes. I'm worried I'll get chucked off the Quidditch team if I burst into tears during a match!"
"Can't see that happening Cho."

"You know what? I wrote to Harry a little while ago. I never heard anything back from him."

"Well you wouldn't. I think he's having a worse summer than all of us."

I wonder what that means then? Now I'm worrying that my owl has got him into even more trouble. I'm glad I bumped into George though. Talking to him has really cleared my mind. Who would've thought it??!! A Weasley twin talking good sense!! No, that's not fair, George is a great bloke, and I'm glad he's my friend. He's a lot more clued up than what people give him credit for. He told me I could owl him any time, and that he would owl me anyway. I told him that if he hears from Harry to tell him I said hi.

August 25^th

Been a very busy couple of weeks. However, I've finished all my homework. I think I went a bit overboard, but I had to keep my mind busy. You know, I'm dreaming about Cedric less now. I think it's because my mind has been occupied with all the work I'm doing. I got an owl from George the other day. He was just asking after me. He'll make someone a good wife one of these days.

OK. I'm not being 100% honest. About a week ago, I just holed up in my bedroom, staring out of the window, crying. I really do feel that I am losing my mind.

And I'm sure I've already said that.

August 31^st

All packed!

Andromeda is sulking in her cage. All my schoolwork is done. I even cleaned my wand. A 10 inch willow and dragon heart string. It made a change from rubbing it on my robes to keep it clean.

It feels funny going back to school. I've got so used to being at home, not really seeing anyone from school.

I wonder how much people will have changed? I mean, I know I have. I don't think I'm as carefree as I was, no, wrong word. Surely Cedric's death will have changed people. I only hope for the better. I've done a lot of thinking over the past few days/weeks. I remember what Professor Dumbledore said at the end of last term. And I won't let Cedric's death be in vain. I know that the time will come when I have to choose between what's easy and what is right, and I'll have to be strong. Above all, I am a Ravenclaw. Everything has a reason behind it.

Oh bugger, I didn't see those. My Quidditch robes were under my bed. How am I going to fit them in my trunk? AND THERE ARE MY SHOES! Oh for gods sake.