Chapter Something

CHAPTER 37

The chiming of golden bells rang throughout the town of Hogsmeade. Christmas was here at last.

'What a fucking fuck of a sound,' commented Harry cheerfully, scratching his tongue.

'Yes fuck fuck, I agree fuck,' agreed Fuck, Harry's pet Pokémon TM.

The two companions skipped down the sugar-coated cobblestone path, singing carols jubilantly to the passers by.

'Silent Fuck, Holy Fuck.

We wish fuck a merry fuck fuck and a fucky fuck fuck

Fuckoff the red-arsed fuckdeer, had a very shiny fuck.'

They lingered by the Honeydukes store. 'Let's go in Fuck,' said Harry eagerly, his mouth frothing up at the sight.

'Fuck no,' said Fuck, who then used his powers to cause Harry's right arm to fall off.

Harry laughed in glee and let his companion drag him elsewhere. They found themselves in front of the Three Broomsticks.

'Shall we go in for a drink?' suggested Harry, looking longingly at the warm pub buzzing with life.

'No fuck fuckety fuck!' screamed Fuck, using his powers to cause Harry's ears to melt. The goo oozed down Harry's quaint Christmas bodice and into the gutter.

'I love you,' Harry gushed as he bent down to let Fuck climb onto his shoulders. Fuck squealed in delight.

The sun was shining bright, causing the snow that covered the village to shine majestically. Harry and Fuck continued to sing as they traipsed down the street.

'Jingle fucks fuckle bells, fuck-jing all the fuck

Fuck feels fuck in fuck's fingers, fuck feels fuck in fuck's toes, Fuck is all around fuck

Fuck's dreaming of a fuck fuckmas.'

'Alrigh' there 'Arry?' Hagrid, who was walking towards them holding a stack of presents, boomed.

'Fuck you!' said Fuck, using his powers to kill Hagrid.

'Ooh!' Harry tickled Fuck on the belly fondly whilst Hagrid's giant carcase rolled down the hill.

'Akjhaskdhaskhdksajhdkahsdkjhsaf fuck ashdaksjhdkjhadfjhggfdjagdsja fuck fuck fuck ashdgjwhgggggggggiuqriueywqiruyewiuyr fuck!' chortled Fuck.

He hopped off Harry's back and ate all Hagrid's presents.

The time was right for sturgeons and cougars to look them in the eye and assure them that Francis would survive throughout the night. Not a moment too soon.

Spying his true love Hermione peering in a shop window, Harry grinned and ran over to her, Fuck following him obediently.

'Hohoharryho, I've decided what I want for Christmas!' she said brightly as he reached her.

'And what is it, Hermyflower?'

'A Chrisco © hamper. For a magical Christmas with Chrisco ©.' She pointed to a poster on a lamppost with a cheery rosy-cheeked lady smiling.

'Anything for you my mighty monkey mother-bear Mione.' He kissed her softly on the lips.

Fuck, who was slower than Harry, had just reached them. His fat little legs looked fat in the sun. He instantly sensed a fucking biatch on his biatch radar.

'For fuck's sake,' Fuck said, setting Hermione on fire and watching her turn to ash.

The crunching of gravel told Ginny that her uncle was having a seizure.

Her ashes blew away with a sudden gust of wind, some getting stuck in Harry's hair. He picked up Fuck and cradled the fucker in his arms, fuck. The bellshimed again, it was Christmas time. Harry smiled.

'Home then, Fuck?'

'Death.' Fuck said re-assuredly, kissing Harry on the eyelash.