Chapter Something

ALTERNATE END TO CHAPTER...NAH, THIS IS JUST RANDOM

Hermione ran through the Hogwarts corridor, ignoring her weak little muscles' screams of protest. She had to go somewhere, she had to escape from Mother and Father, who wanted to remove her from the chook mailing list. She swerved round a sharp corner and skidded to a halt when she realized that she didn't know where the fuck she was.

In a state of bubbly disorientation, she was about to call out to hell for a green-apple-green-tea when she heard the faint sound of cheers and applause echoing from somewhere yonder. She moved closer to the sound which was followed by a loud scream and banging noise. It led her to an abandoned classroom.

Startlingly, she saw Dumbledore in the far corner, hunched over a black screen that she gathered to be a laptop. He was banging his fists on the stone ground.

'I should have won you pricks! Phillis F. Phillip should be kicked. Fuck, fuck you all. Yes, go on and slap me you fuckers.' He was red in the face from one wrinkle to the next.

She coughed to get his attention and he looked up, his eyes weren't twinkling for some reason.

'Er, sorry Professor,' she said politely, 'but what the fuck are you doing?'

He placed the computer on the ground and stood up, his kneecaps cracking loudly as he did so. He moved towards Hermione and put a fatherly arm around her, leading her in circles around the room.

'Sometimes my dear sweet chook,' he began over the cheerful, irritating music that was emanating from the machine, 'we need to find a way to make ourselves heard. This is why the tropical storms in western Antarctica always roar like the lion of Gryffindor.'

She opened her mouth to say something but suddenly found herself outside the room. Dumbledore had led her out and shut the door in her face.

Another bang sounded from the room. She curiously placed her ear against the door and heard lots of ticking, swearing and constant blowing of a whistle. The sounds of Isketch.net.

'How goes you, sweet bi-atch?' said a voice suddenly.

Hermione turned to find Lupin smiling lazily at her. When Lupin was a child, he was waltzing through the sweet cedar-scented woods near his home when he'd gotten bitten by a sloth. From that day forward, he'd always been a lazy fuck. This is why he couldn't be bothered to even smile properly. Hermione punched him in the head.

'Albus has triumphed at last! Whee! Take that you fucks!' could be heard from the classroom.

'How about some tickets to my heart, birdie?' Lupin asked, smiling seductively. 'You may purchase them for the price of 129387192848432658732648721537521736521 pounds.'

She punched him in the head. He smiled dazedly and fell over backwards, crashing to the floor as silently as a feather.

Hermione began running again. Frolicking, actually. She did a funny little dance of coldness as she passed through Nearly Headless Nick - the ghostly fuck, but kept going.

'Where are you going?' he called after her in a singsong voice as she neared one of the tall glass windows of Hogwarts.

'To the sunset!' she screamed shrilly as she crashed magnificently through the window of the high tower and off into death-land.