Chapter Something

ALTERNATE ENDINGS TO CHAPTER 10, THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON BY CHARZZZZZ

'Well, well, well,' said Sirius. 'Look who's back.'

'What are you all doing here?'

'Eating chicken,' they said in unison, gorging down an extremely large roast chook which must have been magically enlarged. They carelessly threw their bones in the fire and Hermione could do nothing but join in the feast.

Remus wiped his greasy hands down the front of Hermione's robes and she slapped him playfully, shoving the bone in his hand up his nose while simultaneously kicking Sirius in the shins.

Sirius glowered and slapped Hermione in the face.

'OW you BASTARD, what the fuck was that for?' Hermione yelled through a mouthful of breast.

'For kicking me in the shin you bitch,' he said sharply, spraying saliva-covered chicken bits all over the rest of the feasting five.

Although no-one had really noticed, as the heated chickeny argument between Hermione and Sirius was breathtakingly interesting, Lupin had fallen on the floor, choking on the bone which had been forced through his nose and into his trachea. Although his life was slipping away, he could not help but eat more of the delicious chicken, as he ripped away a piece of white flesh and tried in vain to stuff it down his already blocked throat.

Hermione, in the meantime had gathered up some chicken wings (there were more than two wings because this was a magical chicken) and was frolicking out the door when Sirius darted in front of her. 'Where the fuck do you think you're going?'

'To eat these wings you arse wipe,' Hermione said matter-of-factly trying to push her way past Sirius.

Peter burped in the background and fell asleep, he was a warm and well-fed little boy and had had a big day.

James said, 'If I had a son, I'd call him Harry.'

Hermione gasped and began to choke, as the thought of Harry made a lump of chicken materialise in her throat.

Sirius took the opportunity to take her by the hips and hug her gently, while sneakily prying the chickie wings from her grasp.

Remus had a peaceful death, he was eating chicken and watching his true love be embraced by his best friend while Wormtail slept as angelically as a child, and James contemplated how to utilise chicken in the creation of a baby called Harry - a little, fat, ugly, stupid baby called Harry.

'Potty potter smoked pot on the potty,' chortled Lupin just before his final gasp for air, and his second death was a glorious death as a picture of his true love flashed beneath his eyelids. Young Hagrid, killed by chicken consumption.

Hermione grasped her hand around her wrist to hug Sirius; however, he had slipped from beneath her and was now in the fire, eating chicken with a mad glimmer in his eyes.

Hermione stroked "Sirius's" hair and caressed his back, opening her eyes to find that James had slipped into Mr. Black's place. She shrieked with embarrassment and stuck her finger in James' eye, to which he replied:

'I'm gonna find my chicken woo, find my chicken... good.'

'Fuck,' said Hermione.

***

'Well, well, well,' said Sirius, 'Look who's back.'

'What are you all doing here?'

'Telling mother about chicken,' James said, rolling his eyes. 'Mind your own business bi-atch.'

***

'Well, well, well,' said Sirius, 'Look who's back.'

'Yeah I am back fuckers, and what are you going to do about it you fucks? You are all fucking fucked fuckers with fucks for -' Hermione stopped as Sirius cut her off.

'Fuck,' he said gleefully.

Lupin bowed his head in silent prayer to the lord M'thair. It was a difficult prayer to recite, as it contained many words that poor little Remus was incapable of understanding.

'Dearest M'thair, F'thair, big hair, in there, a chair, why Claire? Sarah O'hare, fucky, éclair.'

He unclasped his hands and smiled blankly as fucking Lord Voldemort stabbed him in the back with Neville, who had previously been hit with a sharpening fuck charm by Malfuck, the school bullfuck.

Lupin was dead with a smile on his face, and Voldemort, who happened to come back in time like the stupid DUMBASS FUCKING FUCK that he was. Hermione screamed, 'FUCK!'

The word seemed to be overused within a short space of time. She ran to her heart's content and stumbled over her arse, as it had been hit with an arse-tripping fuck charm.

Fuck that for a fuck, she thought as Voldemort ran after her, shooting charms from his wand. By the time she was at the end of the fucking hallway she had a sagging arse, no nose, was unable to stop doing the fuck dance and had the tip of her nose covered in fucklashes.

What a fucking day, she thought with a smile.

She spun around only to find that Voldemort hadn't been chasing her, but James Potter, who was yelling profanity at her.

'You fucking little biatch, get back here with that fucking biatch face of yours. Yes that's right I'm talking to you, you - why, hello Professor,' said James innocently up at Snape who told him plainly to fuck off.

James slinked away like a mountain hen and clucked on the way. Hermione slapped Snape hard in the chops and cursed. 'Fuck you, Snivelfuck.'

Peter ran up behind her. 'Snivelfuck - that's a good one you FUCKING BIATCH.'

The school then blew up with Dumbledore screaming, 'FUCK THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING IN IT.'