Cascade

Cascade

I never meant for it to end this way.

I figured that one way or the other I'd have someone to say goodbye to, someone to hold me as I drew my last breath. Whether or not I fulfilled my goal was irrelevant, as long as I was loved. As long as I knew that someone would miss me.

What now?

He's here, in this town. I swore up and down that I wouldn't go looking for him, though he's my father, and I've kept my promise. I've kept my bloody promise, Harry. You made me vow that I would avoid him as much as possible, that I could put off our meeting as long as possible. For you, I did. But he found me. He found us. He went to the papers with it Harry. They know where I am now. What the hell is the use of your stupid words now? I bet you wish you had spent more time with me, don't you? I bet you wish that you had spent more energy on us, and less on worrying about Voldemort. Hey, I can say his name now. You always told me that one day I would be able to say it without fear. You know why I can? Because I can't feel him anymore. I can't feel anything anymore.

But I can't be angry with you. Not now.

I would give anything to know where you are. Anything in the whole world. I would give you my heart, but you already have that. To have you here for just a moment, just a glimpse...that alone would sustain me, that alone would fill me with the will to live. But you won't come back, Harry. I could see that in your eyes when you left me two days ago. You walked out into the bright sunshine after a cheerful wave goodbye.

That sunshine was the façade behind which you hid, and the deep well of your fear and sadness lay underneath its concealing fabric. You knew you were never coming back. Why didn't you say anything before? I remember you walking down our ridiculous pathway, with all its rose bushes and silver birches. And then you turned, right at the end, and looked back at the house. You had assumed I had gone inside, but I never do Harry. I watch until you disappear, until you get swallowed up by the heat of the day.

When you turned around, I saw your heart shatter like glass through your eyes.

I knew you were breaking, I knew you were hurt. But I never could have imagined that I could be devastated by one look. I fell to my knees, Harry. I wonder if you even noticed. Right there on the porch, I showed my weakness to the whole world, the weakness I was taught to conceal. That weakness is you.

You had red circles under your eyes, ringed with black. When did you become so tired Harry? When did the weight of the world settle so deeply on your chest? Your eyes were blurry, tears cascading down your pale cheeks. I was already crying, the salty rain washing away my pain. You looked so beautiful, Harry. You looked so beautiful. I wanted to scream at you, run at you, tell you that I loved you more than air, life, or even myself. I would die instead. But somehow I stayed cemented, bound to our front porch step like a frozen statue. You looked right through me as you spoke, your whisper carrying the scent of fresh roses.

"Forgive me, Draco..."

And you were gone.

I refused to believe that you were dead. You weren't, I convinced myself. People were certain that no one could have survived the battle you had with him. Everyone believed that both of you died. But I knew better, Harry. I knew better. As long as there was still hope, I knew I would be searching. Searching for you, searching for an answer.

But there is no hope.

They delivered you to me today. Lupin and Hermione did. They didn't stay long, Harry. They never do. They know that I love you too much to talk about you. The package was addressed to me, from the Order. I was surprised that it hadn't been opened, but Lupin simply told me that no one knew who it was from. Simply that it was for me, about you. The package was lumpy, like something was in it.

I knew what to expect, I braced myself for what was inside that package. I knew that it was you...that I would have to face what you had become. I opened the package with the letter opener you gave me last Christmas. Do you remember it Harry? The one with the lion and the snake. I slid my hand into the package and brought out the object, wrapped in the tissue paper you used to use, your writing sprawled across it. My breath had left me, leaving nothing but a warm, empty space in my soul called hope. I read your note until I memorized it, Harry. I will keep it until it is worn away...yet I know it by heart. My heart broke into a thousand pieces of ice at the last line.

Forgive me Draco... I will always love you.

I slowly unwrapped the tissue paper, and found you.

An emerald box, full of rose petals.