Safe At Home

Chapter 2

Sirius followed Remus to where James was sitting. Right outside the door, Sirius stopped. "Remus, I can't. I can't!"

Remus took hold of Sirius' shoulders and looked directly into Sirius' eyes. "Sirius, yes you can. Sirius, you need to tell someone. You should tell a teacher, or Dumbledore, but since you won't, you need to tell the others."

"I...I know. But--"

"Sirius, I don't mean to be harsh, but you have to go tell James. He's your best friend for God's sake! He won't look down on you for it," Remus said firmly.

"You're right Rem," Sirius sighed. He reached out his hand to grasp the handle, then pulled back. "What if someone overhears?" Remus just stared at him. "All right, all right." Sirius pulled open the door to the compartment and stepped in.

"Remus, did you find--? Oh, Sirius, never mind," James said. Then he saw the look on Sirius' face. "Sirius, what--?"

Sirius looked to Remus, who nodded and cast several charms on the compartment. "James, what I'm going to tell you...you can't tell anyone else, especially not the teachers."

"I won't...what is it?" James asked, concerned.

Sirius took a deep breath. "James...my...my parents...th-they...they abuse me." Sirius felt the tears well up in his eyes. He didn't bother to force them away.

"Oh God...Sirius," James said, the color draining from his face.

Sirius sniffled, hating himself for crying again and told James everything about the abuse that he had told Remus.

When Sirius had finished, he was crying harder than when he had told Remus.

James got up, crossed the compartment, and put his arm around Sirius. "Why didn't you tell us before?"

"I c-couldn't!" Sirius said. "And n-now that I've to-told you, I'm afraid that...s-someone else m-might find ou..." Sirius stopped speaking as a wave of nausea overtook him, and he vomited on the floor of the compartment.

Sirius' face burned. Oh, shit, why did I have to throw up, why?

James hadn't moved, though it was obvious he was grossed out. "Are you all right Sirius?"

Sirius didn't answer, just flushed darker.

Remus walked over to Sirius, avoiding the puddle on the floor. "Siri?"

Sirius looked up. "Sorry," he muttered, embarrassed.

"Are you all right?" James repeated.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah...I don't why I..."

Remus put his arm around Sirius' shoulders too. "It's all right Sirius, most people would have done the same thing." He cast a spell and the puddle of vomit disappeared. "Should I take the locking and soundproof charms off yet?"

Sirius nodded miserably.

James sighed. "Life is so fucked up."

No one answered that profound statement.

Remus got up and undid all the spells on the compartment.

The three friends sat in silence. After a moment, James pulled out his copy of Quidditch Through the Ages, and Remus began to read Romeo and Juliet, for the hundredth time.

After about an hour, Remus looked up from Romeo and Juliet to see silent tears still running down Sirius' cheeks.

"Sirius, what's wrong?" he asked. "Is it still...?"

"No," Sirius said hoarsely.

"Then what is it?" James asked, making his place with his wand.

Sirius sighed. "Lyra."

"Lyra?" Remus asked, confused.

Sirius nodded. "Before...everything, we got along okay. She was my baby sister. Then Corvus, the son of a bitch, started to abuse me. He'd always been...violent. But now that I'm about to leave home...I'm just worried he'll start hurting her."

James frowned. "But why do you care? She's part of it too."

"James, it's not her fault! Corvus and Ursa corrupted her! She's been brought up to think I'm a 'bad doggy'!" Sirius yelled.

"Easy Sirius, I didn't know," James said quietly.

Sirius sighed. "I know."

~ ~

When they got to Hogwarts, Sirius, James and Remus went up to the Tower. They said the password and found Lily and Annie playing chess and Peter watching them.

"Can I tell you something?" Sirius asked.

"Of course," Lily said. Annie and Peter nodded.

"You have to swear you won't tell any of the teachers," Sirius said.

Peter looked solemn. "Marauder's honor."

"Marauders' girlfriends' honor," Lily and Annie chorused together.

Sirius took a deep breath and told them about the abuse, the familiar tears coursing down his cheeks.

When Sirius finished talking, Lily looked horrified. "Oh, Siri, I'm sorry, if I wasn't your girlfriend, you wouldn't be treated so badly! If you want to break up now that I know, I'll understand, and--"

"Flower," Sirius began, "I still love you and I don't blame you at all. You or Remus. All right? I blame damned Corvus and Ursa."

Lily flung her arms around Sirius. He bit his lip and winced. "Lily...don't do that for awhile. Not till February at least."

"Oh, did I hurt you? I'm so sorry!"

"I'm not made of fucking glass you know Lily! God, don't treat me any differently. I just want to be normal!" Sirius yelled, before storming off to the dormitories.

Lily and Remus exchanged looks. "What did I start?" Lily asked rhetorically.

"Never mind Lily, he'll come around," James said.

"James Potter, you could be a little more feeling! Sirius is your best friend for God's sake!" Lily yelled.

James yelled back, "Lily, I'm trying. I just...I don't know what to say!"

Peter looked uneasily to Remus.

"Guys, stop arguing. Think for a minute...won't your voices carry up to the dormitory?" Annie asked.

Lily and James paled. "You're right love, we shouldn't fight because of this," James said.

"I'm going up there to see how he's doing," Remus said.

"But I'm the one who--" Lily began.

"Lily, Sirius is more likely to talk to me. No offense, just...wait for a minute," Remus said, starting up the stairs.

Meanwhile, Sirius had been listening to Lily and James argue. God, why did I tell them? Everything was better off before they knew. Maybe... Sirius' thoughts were interrupted by Remus coming in.

They were silent. After awhile, Sirius spoke.

"Things have reversed now, haven't they?" he asked.

"Hmm?" Remus asked.

"Well, I was always the one to come find you and comfort you. Now it's the other way around," Sirius said bitterly.

"You can't always be the brave and strong one Sirius," Remus said gently, sitting beside him.

Sirius laughed harshly. "Brave and strong? Are you kidding? Remus, you don't know what goes on inside my head. If you did...oh, never mind."

Remus gently touched Sirius' arm. "No, tell me. If I did, what?"

"If you knew what goes inside my head...you'd know I'm anything but strong," Sirius said quietly.

Remus' eyes widened. "After telling us, you feel like...like...we've stripped your outer bravado off and...now we think you're...weak, or...something. Am I right?"

Sirius nodded wordlessly.

"Oh, Siri," Remus sighed, gently embracing him. "We don't think any different of you."

"Lily does. You all do, even if you don't want to admit it," Sirius countered.

Remus opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. He didn't say anything.

"See?"

Remus, still acting like a fish, finally found his voice. "Sirius, honestly, we don't. Well, at least I don't. And I have a sneaking suspicion the others don't either."

Sirius looked at Remus with tears in his eyes. "Thanks Remie," he said, before burying his face into Remus' shoulder and crying.

"It's all right," Remus said, rubbing Sirius back, being careful to avoid places that were sore.

"All I've done today is cry," Sirius mumbled, his voice muffled by his tears and Remus' shoulder.

Remus smiled sadly. "Crying can be a good thing. It can also be bad, if that's all you do."

Sirius looked up, his face tear-streaked. "That's not all you do Rem,"

"I wasn't referring to myself..." Remus protested.

"Yes, you were. You have a right to cry," Sirius said.

"Listen to your own wisdom," Remus said pointedly.

"Point taken."

There was a knock at the door. James, Peter, Lily and Annie came in.

"Sirius, I'm sorry, I was just concerned, and--"

Sirius held up his hand. "I was overreacting Flower, don't feel sorry."

"Well, so was I," Lily countered.

"No you weren't, I was."

"Sirius, you are so--"

Lily was cut off by Sirius' mouth over hers. After their long and passionate kiss, Lily and Sirius resumed their argument.

"Lily, really, I was overreacting!"

"I was too!"

James tuned them out and turned to Annie, Peter and Remus. "They are the only couple I know who can kiss furiously then resume an argument."

Lily and Sirius stopped arguing upon hearing this. "Good point," Sirius said.

James was about to say something when Gus walked in. He took one look at the girls and turned right back around and left.

"We'd better go," Annie said. "Come on Lily." The two girls left, and Gus came in.

"I dunno know about you guys, but I'm going to bed," he said. He fell onto his bed and pulled the hangings shut to prove his point.

The Marauders also went to sleep.

~ ~

Corvus had a gun. He shot Remus with a silver bullet, shot Lily with a regular bullet. "Boy, you're going to wish you'd never been born!" Corvus came at Sirius and began to beat him. Sirius tried to fight back, but it was no use. Corvus nearly killed him, but stopped short. "Now you're going to watch me do to your sister what I can't do to you!" Corvus raped a screaming Lyra. Ursa was just watching. Corvus then turned to Sirius with the gun. He aimed the gun and...

"AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHH!" Sirius yelled out loud, waking himself and everyone else in the dormitory.

Remus and James immediately dashed to Sirius' bed.

"Siri, are you all right?" Remus asked.

Sirius shook his head, but said out loud, mostly so Gus and Peter would leave him alone, "Yeah, just a nightmare."

Gus and Peter immediately rolled over and fell asleep again.

James and Remus sat at the foot of Sirius' bed and Remus cast a sound charm around the bed. "Sirius, what really happened?"

"It was a nightmare, that was true. Corvus was...being Corvus. Don't worry, nothing life threatening," Sirius said.

James frowned, but decided to let it be. "Well, all right, but remember, I'm always available to talk."

Remus nodded. "Me too."

The two climbed out of Sirius' bed and into their own.

Sirius lay back on the pillows and sighed. I'm surprised Remus bought those half-lies. But I can't tell them what happened in the dream, they'll insist that I tell a teacher about the--

Sirius' thoughts were interrupted by Remus suddenly crawling back into Sirius' bed. "Okay, out with it, what was it really about? The dream, I mean."

"I--" Sirius felt the all too familiar pricks in the corner of his eyes. I will not cry again! He forced the tears away. "I--you--Lily--Corvus was--and Lyra--Ursa was just watching--then a gun, and--"

"Siri, you're not making any sense. What happened?" Remus said gently yet firmly.

"Corvus had a gun. He killed you and Lily. Then he was beating me. Then he stopped just short of killing me. He--he--raped Lyra, Ursa just watched. Then he came at me with the gun, aimed it and I woke up screaming," Sirius said, still holding his tears back.

Remus sighed, and got into bed with Sirius. "You can cry you know. I already told you that. Well, you already told you that. Go on. The charms are still in place."

Sirius sighed and lay down, burying his face in the pillow and crying.

"Do you want me to leave?" Remus asked, moving to leave.

Sirius grabbed Remus' arm. "Stay, please!" he cried out desperately. "I...it sounds dumb, but...I'm afraid you'll be gone forever."

Remus lay down next to Sirius. "No, Sirius. It's not dumb. And I'll always be there for you, always. "

"Thanks again Remie," Sirius muttered as he drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, Remus slipped out of Sirius' bed before anyone else awoke. Had it been only the Marauders in the room, he would have stayed, but Gus' mind tended to scrape the gutter, and he didn't really want gross rumors spreading around the school.

Sirius woke as Remus was pulling on his shoes. "Morning," he said sleepily.

"Morning," Remus replied, looking around for his hat.

Sirius staggered off to go to the bathroom, and Peter, James and Gus woke with the slamming of the door. Everyone began moaning.

"Classes start again!"

"So what, we also have to deal with Snape some more."

"Oh, we can handle him."

"What's for breakfast?"

"Maybe you can James, but I can't!"

"What's for breakfast?"

"We don't even have Potions first, Pete, don't worry."

"Who's worrying?"

"WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST?!"

"You--I dunno Gus, go see--are Peter."

Remus rolled his eyes. It was always like this after holidays, and even after weekends. "Has anyone seen my hat?"

Peter paled. "Oh, um...yeah."

"Where is it?" Remus asked.

Peter, still pale, said, "Around?"

At this point, Sirius walked in, as Gus walked out. "What are you looking for Remus?"

"My hat."

Sirius grinned evilly. "Look under Wormy's bed."

James sniggered. "Wormy?"

Remus crawled under Peter's bed. "It is under--OW! Bloody Hell!"

"Remus? What did you do?" Sirius asked worriedly.

Remus emerged from under the bed, holding the fingers of his left hand with his right. "Did you know?" he demanded.

"Did I know what?" Sirius asked, genuinely confused.

"Did you know that there was a silver tray under his bed?" Remus asked angrily.

Sirius paled. "There was? I didn't know, I wouldn't have told you to look under there if I knew, God, I'm sorry Rem!"

Remus scowled at Peter. "Why, may I ask, is there a silver tray under your bed? And why was my hat under your bed?"

James sniggered.

Remus rounded on him. "What the Hell is so funny James?"

"Well, it's not, really. But I was just thinking--a were-Remus trap!"

Remus bit his lip to keep from smiling. "James!"

Peter blushed.

"It wasn't, was it?" James asked him.

"NO! I just...um...a couple days ago, before you got back, I was running around as a rat, and I ran into your hat, and..." he picked up the hat and held it up by the tip. A handful of little black pellet-like things fell out.

"EW!" Remus, Sirius and James yelled.

"Rat droppings!" Sirius added.

"Um...no offense...but I am NOT wearing that hat ever again," Remus said. "But what about the tray?"

Peter blushed again. "To keep you from finding it?"

"Hey, we're going to be late," James said.

"Fuck!" Sirius said loudly, and he, James and Peter dressed hurriedly.

They slid to their places at the Gryffindor table with ten minutes to eat.

Remus set his Transfiguration book on the table while he looked for his homework.

James flipped it open. "'This book belongs to Remus J. Lupin. Damn, I was hoping you would have printed your middle name."

"In a school book? No way," Remus said.

Lily looked over. "What does the J stand for?"

"Not telling. You guys can all have one guess though. One person in each class," Remus said, grinning.

Sirius smirked. "Let's see...five guesses. Someone's bound to guess it."

Remus just smiled and shook his head.

~ ~

During Transfiguration, the first class, Annie guessed. "James," she whispered to Remus while saying her spell. As a result, James turned into an elephant, instead of her chair turning into a pig.

Everyone laughed, and Remus shook his head.

~ ~

They had Herbology next, and Peter guessed. "Joshua."

Remus made a disgusted face. "No! That's the worst name you could put with Remus."

~ ~

At lunch, Lily guessed Jonathan.

"Jonathan. Also doesn't go with Remus," Remus said, grimacing.

"Well, it's better than Joshua," Lily countered.

~ ~

During Potions, James guessed. "Jacob!"

Remus laughed out loud, causing Carson to take thirty points from Gryffindor and flash his silver ring.

"That fucking bastard of a Slytherin whore teacher," Sirius muttered angrily.

Snape smirked. "I wouldn't call the teacher names Black."

"I wouldn't draw pornographic pictures Snape. We still have those, you know. For blackmail."

Snape paled. He had written his name all over them, and they had his mark in other ways too.

Sirius smirked back.

~ ~

During Charms, Sirius thought. Hmm, something that goes with Remus. I wonder if it's something that sounds good, or goes with the name in terms of what Remus was named after. Well, he was named after one of the founders of Rome, as his family has origins in Rome...maybe Julius, like in Julius Ceasar! No, too easy. Well, I can think of other Roman sounding names...don't know if they're Roman though...

~ ~

Defense Against the Dark Arts was the last class. "Speak now or forever hold your peace Sirius," Remus said quietly.

Sirius quickly racked his brain. Hmm...which name do I use? Ah ha! I've got it! Sirius grinned evilly.

"What wacky name do you have Sirius?" Remus asked.

"Nothing much...Remus Janus Lupin," Sirius said casually.

Remus' jaw dropped. "How--how--how did you guess?"

James blinked in surprise. "That's what it is?"

Remus nodded mutely.

"It went with Remus," Sirius replied simply as the bell rang.

As everyone walked out of the room, Remus sighed. "All right, laugh at me. I know you want to."

Everyone laughed so hard Sirius was sure someone would crack a rib.

"Okay, okay," Remus muttered, blushing.

Sirius put his arm around Remus' shoulder. "Hey, we won't tell anyone. That's what friends are for, right?"

Remus grinned. "Right. By the way Peter...you owe me a new hat."

Peter blushed.

~ ~

Later that night, when everyone was asleep, Sirius woke up and broke into a fit of laughter.

James and Peter groaned.

"Now what?" Remus asked.

"Are you going to wake us up every night?" Gus demanded.

"N-no!" Sirius got out through his laughter.

"Good. I'm going to sleep," Gus said. "By the way, what's so funny?"

Sirius snorted. "Ask Remus!"

Remus blushed, though no one could see. "Remus is asleep!" he yelled. "Stupid middle name," he muttered to himself, before rolling over and falling back to sleep.