For Every Action

I can't believe I let this happen. I mean it was one night. One stupid, stupid night. Harry didn't mean what he had said. Neither did I for that matter. But it's too late now.

He was just - there. There . . . when Harry wasn't. There, when who I really wanted was Harry. I'm going to have to tell him. He'll find out soon enough, I suppose.

"Hermione, are you up here?" A familiar voice drifted up the stairs to the girl's dormitory. Oh, how I would love for him to hold me, and just, pretend this never happened. But he may never hold me again.

Pulling myself off the bed and away from my pillow, I took my first step to the door, trying to collect myself. "You could lose him," said a little voice in my head. "You could lose him forever and he won't come back." I shook it off.

"Hermione, you here?" There was the voice once more.

"I'm here Harry," I said as I pulled open the door and found him standing there.

"What's wrong?" asked Harry, concern written across his face. "You look like you've been crying." I nodded, and he slung his arm around my shoulder in an effort to comfort me. Oh, why can't we just stay like this for eternity? Why does life have to be this complex, this layered, this difficult to choose from? Please, accept what I'm going to say rationally. Please.

"Why?" He had waited a few minutes, giving me time. He was always like that. Considerate. Loyal. Dependable. Loving. And it wasn't as though I didn't love him. That was only the tip of the massive iceberg we were headed straight towards. Like the Titanic all over again. But the only casualties of this collision were going to be Harry's heart, and mine.

"Harry, I'm pregnant," I blurted out. His entire form froze. He didn't speak for a moment.

"You're what?" Shock. "B-But how? We were so careful! When Hermione? When?" Harry said, emotions churning inside as his eyes gazed into mine. The question came out like a plea.

"About a week ago," I said softly, pressing my hands together between my legs.

He stood up, running his hand through his hair. "But that's impossible-"

"The baby's not yours, Harry," I said quietly. I couldn't look him in the eye.

Silence.

He was trying to get himself together.

"Whose is it?" His voice was strained, unnatural.

"Do you need to know?" I asked wincing slightly, but as soon as I said it I knew it was out of place. I squeezed my hands together and glanced at his face. It was full of pain, fear, love and unbelievable hurt.

Harry's voice was stern, and somewhat frigid. "Yes."

"It, it happened the night we had that fight."

"Go on," he pressed.

"I ran out of the Common Room. I . . . I was so angry with you that I would have done anything to spite you. And I did. I ran into Draco-" Harry just stared at a spot past my shoulder; his jaw was set tight and he was shaking "-and he suggested a walk to calm me. We started talking, then he kissed me, and . . . well, things just got out of hand. It all happened so fast. All I really wanted then was you Harry. You weren't there. It - it should be your child, not Draco's."

"Are you going to keep it?" he asked in a shaky voice, so unsettled that I was afraid he was going to crash into a million pieces.

"I-I don't know. I'm not sure if I'll give it up for adoption or not."

Harry turned to look out the window, his expression dull. "Does Malfoy know?"

"No."

"You'd better tell him then." And that was all. Harry quietly shut the door to his dormitory and left me alone. I broke down, feelings flooding through me in torrents, leaving me in an exhausted, weeping heap on the floor.

A cautious hand was placed on my shoulder. "Hermione?"

It was Ginny. The same Ginny who was experiencing an on again - off again relationship with Draco. Today was shaping up brilliantly.

Bringing my head up, she gazed at my tear-stricken face.

"What happened?" Her tone was soft, understanding, something I knew I didn't deserve. Something I shouldn't have had, especially from her.

"Nothing, Ginny. Bad day, that's all," I said finally, letting out a long, shaky breath and running my fingers through my tangled hair in an attempt to calm myself. From the wary look in Ginny's eyes I could see she knew that something was the matter. Something. Something. Was it always going to be something? Was this child always going to be something? Was it never going to have a name, a father, a family? I choked on a sob, making a strangled sound in my throat. Ginny gave me an odd look, and I brushed it off.

Striding past her to avoid any further confrontation, I set out to find my companion in the currently tremendous burden I was carrying.

He and his mates were laughing and joking about down by the lake, and when he saw me approaching, Crabbe and Goyle left us alone.

"What do you want?" He wasn't looking at me; his gaze was fixed on the choppy lake waters. The sky was heavy, like a thick blanket of grey wool, spun to smother my life, my child's life, and those connected to me.

"You know, th-that night," I began unsteadily, taking an uneasy step towards him, leaning slightly as I made my way over a large rock. Draco nodded. "Something happened," I continued, steadying myself several feet away from him.

"Well, I should bloody well hope so!" he snapped, glaring at me from a side glance.

"Draco, I'm-"

"What do you mean something?" He sounded maddened in frustration. "What you and I had . . it was . . ." he paused, searching for the right word. "Something. But it's over. And we're not meant to continue this sorry charade."

"Can you hear me out?" I asked as calmly as possible, not sure of how to approach the father of my child. Right now, I wasn't sure of how to do anything.

"No. No, I believe I don't want to talk to you." He turned on his heel and stalked off along the shore, his green-trimmed robes billowing out in the chilly wind from the lake.

"You're right, Draco, it was something," I answered, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Nice to see you've realized it!" he called back over his shoulder, continuing his way down the beach.

"Draco," I shouted in a last-ditch attempt at getting his attention. "I'm pregnant." It worked. He froze in mid-stride.

"Come again," he said quietly, turning around fractionally. His steely grey eyes showed a depth I had never seen before as he stared at me, my robes and hair flying askew in the unusually bitter spring breeze.

"You heard me."

His hands, previously shoved into his pockets to protect against the cold, we now out, hanging limply at his side. He pulled up one hand and ran it over his head, grinding the palm of his hand into his forehead.

"You're seventeen!" he finally exclaimed, moving his gaze from the shore to me.

"It doesn't mean it can't happen!" I nearly yelled, throwing my hands up. "This isn't just my responsibility. It isn't just my fault! We're in this together, whether we like it or not."

He was playing with a pebble on the shore, kicking it around. "It's mine then?" Draco asked, looking up at me. I nodded, my face blank, eyes glassy. "Figured as much. Didn't think you'd be coming down here to tell me you were having Potter's kid. You're going to keep it then?"

"For my own? I don't know. It's . . . it's too early for that decision," I ended lamely, clenching my hands together.

"Does Potter?"

"He won't talk to me," I admitted. My turn to look down. Draco nodded, and stole a glance at me and once again returned to the rocky shore.

"What do you want to do?" I asked, wrapping my cloak more tightly around me.

He looked surprised. "Why are you asking me?"

"It's partly yours too, you know," I said gently, wanting to place my hand on his arm but resisting the urge. His features softened, and a slight smile could almost be found on his lips.

"Don't you think we're a bit young to be parents? I mean, I don't know about you, but I wasn't planning on changing nappies when I turned 18."

"I know." I was chilled just then, at the prospect of what he had said. It was true; if I had this baby, and didn't give it up for adoption, then I'd be doing just that. Until I was twenty-three, and then school started for him. Or her. I shook my head, trying not to worry about my uncertain future, and trying to focus on my uncertain present.

"So, would you allow me contact with this . . . child? If you keep it?" Draco asked with caution, taking a step closer to me.

"Of course," I answered without a trace of doubt. "You're the father. You should play a vital role in this child's life."

"I take it you're keeping it then," he said softly, looking out over the rough lake.

"I told you it was too early-" I began, but I cut myself off. I'd already decided. Somewhere, a part of me had said: You're keeping the baby. Now, let's schedule around it. "Yeah . . . I guess I am," I said slowly, thinking about the consequences of my decision.

He smiled at the ground. "I figured as much."

"You're - you're not upset?" I asked quickly, trying to establish where I stood.

"No, not at all. I thought you'd end up doing that. It's fine by me - I was just wondering . . . " he paused, almost hesitating, like he was afraid to speak his mind. " I was wondering in what way you would like my support. Whether it would be a cheque every month, a nice house, nanny, university paid for, a fantastic job somewhere out of the country-"

I frowned, my anger lit like a match, and cut him off. "I don't want to be paid off. That's not what I meant when I said you could be part of this baby's life. If you're going to act like that, you won't have any part-"

It was his turn to cut me off. "Just checking to see what you thought."

My eyes smouldered slightly, the anger, although receded significantly, was still present. "This isn't the kind of thing I want to be playing games with. Draco, this is serious," I finished, emphasizing the last word.

"It wasn't a game, Hermione." The first time he said my name. "This isn't a game. I know that. You know that. Hell, even Potter knows that. But sometimes, games are played when we aren't even aware. And we're all pawns on the board. I'm glad you don't want to be paid off. But I do want to know what you want me to do as support? Do you want to live together? Do you want to get married? Do you want me to visit on weekends and holidays? I just want to know where I stand, Hermione," he ended, sighing. "I don't want to be a cardboard dad. I don't want to turn out like my father. He was married to my mother and he never gave a damn about me even then."

I shut my eyes to contain my thoughts; I wanted my face to hide my feelings rather than dictate them to everyone who saw me. "I thought," I began slowly, my eyes shut. "I thought that you would say it was my fault at first. I thought that, at most, I'd be able to get you to sign the birth certificate. And actually see it when it was born. And now . . . you've just proposed to me! What do you expect me to do?"

"Nothing right now. But consider your options. Consider me." He looked straight at me, our eyes locked together. He took another step towards me. We were inches apart, mere inches. I leaned in, and he kissed me. Soft, comforting, yet protective at the same time.

"I'll consider your offer," I replied, looking up at him. He was a good six inches taller than me.

He merely nodded in reply, and kissed me once again.

"Thank you. For showing your support and all, I mean," I said, almost shaking with relief as I took a step back. "Now I know I have . . . someone that I can turn to."

He brushing a shock of hair out of his eyes. "Anytime. Look, I got you into this mess, it's only fair I help you deal with it," he said, with a slight grin to his smile.

I pushed a flying strand of hair out of my eyes. "Look, I don't want to make you do something you don't want to. You're sure you want to be involved if I keep the baby?"

"Yes, definitely." His voice was sharp, doubtless, and supportive. I placed a protective hand on my abdomen and looked at my presently flat stomach. Draco's gaze followed mine and a slight warmth spread to his eyes. "I've got to go. I've got to see if Harry'll talk to me; we need to settle this. Soon." At the mention of his name Draco's face hardened. With one last look at his stormy charcoal eyes that matched the turbulent waters of the foamy lake, I spun on my heel and ran back towards the castle.

Was I willing to sacrifice my relationship with Harry for something that couldn't think? For a one night stand that, well, could be a life-long stance if I so desired.

My windblown hair stood at odd angles as I entered the school. I trailed my fingers along the smooth, white stone banister leading to the tower. My hand found a rough spot. Engraved in the hard stone surface were letters; initials actually: HG + HP. A crudely drawn heart surrounded the inscription, and as my fingers traced the shape I bit back a sob and blinked with anewed ferocity at the break in the dam that sent tears rushing to my eyes.

Maybe being pregnant made you emotional - I didn't know. But those initials Harry carved there two years ago; we'd been steady since. That one damned fight threatened to ruin everything. Unless, Harry could so much as forgive his cheating girlfriend and help her raise a child that is half his enemy's.

"Hermione." Harry's voice filled the echoing silence, and startled, I released my death grip on the marred railing.

"So..."

"So what?" His voice was cold and hard, yet absent.

"I told Draco."

Blank stare.

"H-he knows I'm going to keep it. He says he'll be the father properly, do the right thing. We're not sure what's going to happen yet, whether we'll get married or-"

"Married?" Harry's blank voice echoed in the entrance.

"It's-it's only preliminary right now. Nothing's set in stone," I said quickly, blocking images of the initials carved into the stone banister.

"Oh." There was the echo again.

"Look, Harry, I need to know what's going on. I need to know where we are, with this," I paused, placing a hand absently on my stomach. Harry's gaze followed my hand. It wouldn't have been so difficult to see him like this if he had been upset. Angry. In a rage. Hell, it would have been easier to take if he had hit me. But Harry wasn't that kind of person.

He nodded. "Yeah, but I need to know where I stand too. Did I mean that little to you that you just up and run to Malfoy at the slightest argument? Hermione, I know you weren't that angry. What did we even fight about? God, it was something insignificant. And I know that you don't end up in bed with someone you accidentally run into in the hallway for the first time. I need to know: How many other times? How many? And why? Why wasn't I good enough? What did I do wrong? Please, please tell me. I can't make that mistake again-" but he stopped abruptly, glaring into the shadows.

"Screw off, Potter." It was Draco. As he stepped into the light, his eyes flickered over to me, and for a brief moment, they held the light of compassion. Afraid to reveal his vulnerability to Harry, Draco's face darkened and he grimaced.

"What was that, Malfoy?" said Harry in a goading, unnatural voice. "You want someone new to run around with? Let me tell you, Ginny will just be pissed-"

"Leave Hermione alone."

Harry chuckled softly, his face vacant of expression. "No," he said, barely audible. "We're going to have to sort this out between ourselves."

"I meant what I said," Draco insisted, grasping my shoulders. "Leave her alone. And don't say anything."

"Say anything," he laughed, rolling his head over to his right shoulder. "You two just do what pleases you. I don't care anymore. You did what you pleased when I cared, so I don't see the difference."

"Harry, please, don't leave it like this," I began, but I bit my lip in an effort to stop myself crying. Again.

Harry answered with a tone of cold indifference. "Don't leave what? There's nothing to leave."

That did it. The emotions I had been trying to control just let go. Once again, my eyes flooded and tears sped down my face. Shaking his head, Harry left and Draco wrapped his arms around me. My sobbing gave way to darkness, and all consciousness slipped away.