The Tower

Draco Malfoy stood at the top of the Astronomy Tower. The drop was too high, even for his tastes. Frowning, he eyed the dagger in his hands. Such a murder would be too bloody for his aristocratic hands. He decided against it.

Draco checked his watch. It was eleven fifty four. He motioned to the black eagle owl that was perched on the edge of the tower and tied a letter to its leg.

It flew away into the moonlight and he frowned. That left him with six minutes to decide on a weapon.

***

Pale, cool flesh against his own sweaty skin, white blonde hair against his own black, gray eyes against his own green. Flashing lights, naked bodies, intertwined. Lips touch, tongues fighting a battle. Mint fresh taste against his own tongue. Moans, soft whimpers, whispered promises in the dark. Words, pleas, confessions stream out of pearl white teeth, lips bruised from overzealous snogs. I love you, Harry. Harry, I love you. Hurried embraces, the feeling of one body against another, long, passionate kisses goodbye. Owls, pecking at his face...?

Harry sat up straight in bed, breathing hard. A black eagle owl was on him. Draco's black eagle owl was on him. It was enough to make his heartbeat speed up. A blush crept across his cheeks as he recalled the dream. He grabbed the letter from the owl, shooing it away. He sneaked a look at his bedmates to make sure everyone was asleep. Then, he kissed the letter and opened it, holding it close to his eyes so that he could read it without putting on his glasses.

Potter Harry,

I loath love you. I'm sorry, I can't keep this inside of me anymore. I can't hide it. I just wanted to let you know that I loa love you before it's all over and too late. As much as I hope you've felt the same way, I've realized that we just can't... be, what with your demands for secrecy and ... the like. And as you know, I cannot live without you. IF you love me, Harry, please do not come to the Astronomy Tower at midnight and try to stop me from jumping. Death is inevitable I would rather die now than have to spend another minute of my life with y without you.

Draco

It was sufficiently dark and Harry was sufficiently vision impaired so that he could not see the words that were crossed out. He mistook them for tearstains. Gritting his teeth, Harry tossed the letter aside and began running to the Astronomy Tower. He did not care that he was barefoot or that he was wearing the ducky pajamas, all that mattered for him was getting to Draco in time.

***

"...moe, catch a tiger by the toe, if he hollers let him go, eenie... meenie... mione... moe!" Draco said softly, his index finder on the dagger. He scowled. This would be bloody.

He checked his watch again. It was eleven fifty nine. Draco felt the doorknob rattle. Predictable Gryffindor punctuality was on his side again.

He hastily shoved the dagger down his robes and hoisted one leg over the side of the tower. A pained expression graced his features as Harry rushed through the door.

"H-Harry..." he stuttered, resisting the urge to laugh evilly, just as he'd practiced. No, it would have to wait till later. It would have to wait till he'd successfully avenged the imprisonment of his poor father, his poor father who was in that horrid, unsanitary institution where the sheets were cotton and the shampoo was unscented. Yes, Draco would have to avenge his father's silver blonde locks that were slowly losing their shine.

"Prat! What are you doing? Is Draco Malfoy, Slytherin Supreme, chickening out?" Harry said, licking his lips nervously. Draco gave him a soulful look, and Harry licked his lips again. When the Malfoy spoke, it was in a deep, husky voice.

"Harry..." he said, trying to sound torn. He really only said the name because he couldn't think of anything else to say. Nevertheless, it had the desired effect. Harry licked his lips again. Draco made eye contact and gave Harry the soulful look for a while. He wasn't the best at loving dialogue, so looks would have to do.

Harry was standing a few inches away from Draco now. They leaned forward, lips slightly parted. Draco had a sick feeling in his stomach. He wanted to back out of this immediately, but Harry was too fast. He kissed the blonde passionately, wrapping his arms around him and closing his eyes, savoring the moment. Draco had an expression of disgust on his face, and he began digging around in his robes for the dagger.

In his haste, he leaned forward too much, pushing himself and Harry onto the ground. Thankfully, Harry interpreted it as desire and continued to keep his eyes closed. Draco pulled out his wand and shoved it up into the sky, muttering "Mordsmordre" into Harry's mouth. The thick Gryffindor interpreted it as a moan of pleasure. The spell didn't work, and the sky remained skull free.

Draco dug around for the dagger a bit more, but Harry moved his leg, knocking the sheathed blade towards Draco. The hilt of the dagger was pushing into Harry's thigh. Draco looked mortified. The plan was going all wrong. His worst fears were confirmed when Harry began to speak.

"Draco, is that a knife in your robes, or are you just happy to see me?"

"A knife in my robes?! I don't have a knife in my robes?! What gave you that idea--Shit... oh...er... I'm happy to see you!" Draco grimaced. In the dark, Harry interpreted it as a sexy smile. His glasses weren't on, after all.

Finally, Draco managed to pull out the dagger and unsheathed it. He pushed himself off Harry with relief and pulled the dagger out. Now was the time to unleash his evil laugh.

"MUAHAHAHAH!" Draco cackled sinisterly, straddling Harry underneath him and lifting up the dagger. Harry squinted at it, unable to clearly distinguish what it was. All he could see was the shiny tip. Draco was unnerved. This was the part where Harry was supposed to scream and beg for mercy. Instead, Harry just squinted harder and gave Draco an expression of respect and finally, understanding. When he spoke, it definitely wasn't to plead for his life.

"Oh! Good idea, Draco, use protection," he said, grinning. Draco blinked, blinked, and blinked again.

Suddenly, Alastor Moody burst through the door. An old, wrinkly woman on crutches, who was nevertheless muscular, followed him. Her robes were opened a bit, revealing a black lace bra.

Draco screamed and covered his eyes. It was too much. Harry just squinted at them, unable to distinguish who they were. Finally, when they were three feet away, Harry recognized the peg leg.

"Professor Moody! What are you doing here?!" Harry asked, blushing. The old woman behind Moody blushed as well. Moody cast a sideways glance at her and cleared his throat.

"I... er... CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" he shouted, repeating his motto once again. He rushed towards Draco, who'd just opened his eyes.

"For you, father!" Draco shouted, grasping the dagger and getting ready to bring it down towards Harry. Moody kicked it away with his peg leg, sending it flying over the edge of the tower with a metallic clink. Draco shouted in agony.

"No! It's just... a shiny... condom..." Harry shouted, enraged, believing that Moody had just kicked off Draco's wand. He'd never known genitalia to be so easily broken. Moody and Draco took a minute to look at him with identical expressions of disgust... well, Draco looked at him with an expression of disgust and Moody looked at him with something slightly resembling an expression of disgust. Contorting his... lack of facial features... made him look constipated, but Harry couldn't see, so it didn't matter.

Draco cracked. His plan failed, the dagger was gone, and he was stuck on the top of a very high tower with a crackpot, a paranoid old goat, and an ancient woman who tried to flaunt things she didn't have. Moody grabbed him with one arm, and began dragging him away from Harry. Draco began cackling sinisterly and waving his free arm indignantly at Harry.

"Potter! See that Potter! I'm straight as a broom! I'm straight as a broom, I am! Straight as a broom!" Draco shouted, unable to grasp the fact that his plan had royally failed.

"Memorable last words, Malfoy," Moody snapped, pointing his wand at Draco's throat.

"Alastor, let me take care of this," the woman purred, putting a hand on Moody's shoulder and winking lasciviously at Draco, who gulped, wide eyed, at the twisted woman on crutches. She dragged him along out of the room, placing one hand in his pants. He was too mortified to speak, as something told him it would be a long night.

Harry, meanwhile, was cowering in a corner of the tower, trying to stop the tears from flowing down his face.

"It was only a condom... only a condom!" he muttered, banging his fist on the ground and cursing the stars.

It was hard to tell who ended up worse.