Always, My Love

Always, My Love

Remus Lupin stood tall, his posture calm and sure, but inside he was anything but. His emotions swarmed within him, crashing against the rocks that were his stability like the angry waves of the sea.

Within his soul, a storm raged. Lightning flashed, the only thing that could be seen from the outside, flickering in his eyes like smoldering flames. Within him, thunder crashed loudly, roaring across the sky as the wolf growled deep within.

Inside, it rained. It rained and rained and rained, tears falling from the black sky; a sky that would always be black. Distantly, he heard the echo of a memory...

"You know, Remus, we're not going to forget about you just because you're a werewolf. We're not going to leave you, Moony."

"But you did leave me, Sirius," Remus whispered. He stood alone before a smooth grey stone, words inscribed upon it. Kneeling down, he traced his fingers over the engraved letters, his fingers barely making out the words "Loving Godfather; Dearest Friend." He closed his eyes as pain filled his soul. He felt tears roll down his cheeks, hot like lava, burning his skin as they slowly leaked down.

"You forgot to take me with you, Padfoot," he said in an agonized whisper. "And now I'm alone again." His knees met the ground. It was so painful to be alone again. He had grown up alone, his Lycanthropy forcing him to steer away from friendship. But friendship had found him, and had clung to him despite all odds.

And then it had all been ripped away.

He was alone again, just one. He wished he had never tasted the sweetness of friendship. Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much.

"I hate you, Padfoot," he whispered. "I hate you for leaving me behind." He felt more tears roll down his cheeks, but he began to relish the searing pain they brought. "You promised you wouldn't. You promised you wouldn't leave me; that we'd be together forever." A strangled sob escaped passed his lips, despite his attempts to hold it in. "But you lied to me, Sirius! You lied to me!"

He fell forward, his fists slamming futilely against the ground as if somehow, beyond the embrace of death, Sirius might feel the pain he was attempting to inflict. His leaned his forehead against his fists, still holding them against the cold ground. Distantly, he was aware that it had begun to snow, but he ignored it just as he had been ignoring everything else around him. He couldn't take it anymore. Why had everyone decided to leave him? Why had they lied?

"Why did you leave me, Padfoot?" he whispered. "Why did you forget about me?"

"I didn't forget you, Moony."

Remus' head snapped up immediately, and he pushed himself up so that he sat on his knees on the ground, looking wildly around for the source of the voice. It echoed oddly, but he'd recognize it anywhere. "S-Sirius?" he whispered in urgency, hardly daring to hope.

There was a loud bark-like laugh, sharp and quick, and Remus jumped to his feet, whipping his head around to locate the source. He heard a chuckle and turned completely around to come face-to-face with the first person he wanted to see, but the last person he had expected.

"Really, Moony, crying over me?" Sirius wiped away an imaginary tear. "Remy, I didn't know you cared!"

Without thinking, Remus swatted at his friend.

The moment his hand began to move, he wanted it to stop. He knew it was going to go right through Sirius, and then the hallucination would vanish and he would wake up. He didn't want to wake up. He tried to stop his hand, but it was too late.

Quick as always, Sirius threw out a hand and caught Remus' arm in his fist. Remus stared at his arm and at the feeling of skin on skin. Slowly, his eyes moved to stare into Sirius' orbs.

"Is it really you?" he whispered, fearing that at any moment, Sirius would fade away into the air.

"Honestly, Moony," chided Sirius. "You, above all others, should know that I'm too stubborn to die!"

Remus couldn't help it, though Merlin knows he tried. A sob escaped his lips and before he knew it, he had rushed forward to hug his friend. "I'm sorry," he whispered, as Sirius gently hugged him back.

Frowning, Sirius held his friend at arm's length. "What for?" he asked, staring into Remus' grey-green eyes.

"I shouldn't have been so stupid," Remus answered, not looking into Sirius' eyes. "I should have paid attention. I could have used a spell and stopped you from falling. I..." He shut his eyes tight, that moment still vivid in his mind - the moment he lost his last best friend. "I'm so sorry."

"Remus, look at me." After a moment, Remus obeyed. "I'm the one that should be sorry. I got hasty - something that was always trademark to James and I said I'd never do, but I did. I should have paid more attention and just ended it, and stopped playing a game. It was just...it was nice to be free." He smirked, but then it fell into a frown. "But don't go apologizing," he continued. "It's not your fault, and I'm here now. I'll always be here, I promise." Remus looked away, but Sirius caught his chin and turned his face back to look him in the eyes. "Marauders don't break their promises," he said, and gently he moved forward, his lips brushing over Remus' ever so softly before he pulled back and opened his eyes again. "I'm always here for you, Moony."

Remus felt tears come to his eyes again. They weren't hot anymore, but cool and relaxing. He closed his eyes against them and felt his lips brush against Sirius' again. "Always there," he whispered.

"Always," Sirius promised. "Always, my love."

Remus smiled his first true smile in a long time. "Yes, my love."