Moving On

I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found newfound strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame trapped in the past for too long
I'm moving on

The doors clanged behind him and Sirius stared at the dank cell that would be his home for the rest of whatever life he had left. He could hear the soft rustling of the Dementors beyond the heavy wood and iron door and could feel what little joy and happiness within already leeching away. All that was left was misery and depression.

And the determination for vengeance. He could feel his helpless rage and sense of betrayal overshadowing the effects of the Dementors.

"I'll get you, Peter, I swear to God, if it's the last thing I do on this Earth, I will hunt you down and maul you until you're nothing but a unrecognizable corpse."

How long he'd been in Azkaban, the wizarding prison set on an island in the Atlantic Ocean, Sirius did not know. It had taken several years to get past his feelings of guilt and the grief over the loss of his best friends, as well as his life before Peter Pettigrew's betrayal. He had done it though, so now only one thing remained, sustaining him more than food or water: revenge.

He listened to every murmur, grinned at every rumor and cataloged any tidbit of information that could possibly concern Peter Pettigrew or Lord Voldemort. There was plenty of material, that was certain. Azkaban was filled to the rafters with criminals of the wizarding world. Many of them were caught Death Eaters who hadn't the brains to get out of their situation with clever lies and charms. Their screams and moans of despair and insanity fed Sirius with hours of stories and rumors, allowing him to peice together threads of things he'd only half known before.

Sometimes he could feel his own sanity slipping away. When that occurred he shifted into dog form, a secret that only three other people knew of: one was dead, the other two’s whereabouts were unknown. As a giant black dog, Sirius could curl up, especially during the cold winter months, his brain processes registering as of low intelligence to the monsters that guarded the prison. He assumed that the Dementors' abilities were so vague they could not differentiate between animal and humans slowly gone insane, for they did not seem to detect when he shifted into a dog.

Temporarily safe from the ravages of the Dementors when he shifted into his Grim-like form, Sirius managed to outlive many of the Azkaban prisoners. He would morbidly watch bodies leave to the grave yard beyond the prisons walls and be replaced with living beings, who would continue the cycle month by month. Only Sirius and Dementors seemed to be a constant; other than the screaming wails of those imprisoned.

As the years passed Sirius began to worry that the sign he needed to know that Peter was out and about would not come. If he up and disappeared from the prison, he'd have a hard time hunting for Peter if he had no point of reference to work from.

Then one day, listlessly sitting in his cell and trying to think of the song his mother would hum when she was cleaning, he heard visitors. Creeping over to his cell door, he watched Cornelius Fudge, looking like the same dapper bureaucrat as always, walk by on some business within the prison's walls.

"Fudge," Sirius rasped.

Cornelius Fudge turned to him surprise, shock and some revulsion skittering over the portly wizard's face. "Yes, Mr. Black?" the small man said hesitantly.

"Can I have your paper?" Sirius motioned down at the folded Daily Prophet under Fudge's arm. "I miss doing the crossword."

Fudge hesitated a moment before shrugging and handing the paper through the bars. Sirius could almost see the man thinking to himself, 'What harm could there be?'

"Thanks," Sirius told him in a voice gravelly from disuse. "This will keep me entertained for at least a year." Fudge recoiled a bit, nodded uncertainly and continued his way down the hall.

Sirius smiled to himself and eagerly flipped open the paper, scanning the articles for news of the outside world. His whole body stilled when his eyes rested on a moving photo on the front page.

'It couldn't be this easy,' he thought almost hysterically to himself. 'My God, it couldn't be this easy!'

But it was. There, on the shoulder of a young boy, was Peter Pettigrew. Shifted into his rat form, one of the slimy git's front paw missing a toe, Pettigrew was all but smiling for the camera with the rest of the family.

'He's that kid's pet!' fumed Sirius silently. 'The slimy, rotten...' Sirius didn't finish the description, having done it many times. Fuming to himself, he scanned the article about the Weasley family having won the Wizard Lottery and treating themselves to a vacation to Egypt where they would be visiting one of the older sons.

Weasley. He vaguely remembered an Arthur Weasley at the Ministry. A Muggle lover, especially Muggle gadgets. Lily had often given little things to James to give to Arthur whenever James was at the Ministry offices. The whole family were redheads. The two eldest boys were starting school right before Lily and James were - were...

His mind shied from the events thirteen years ago. He focused on the article again, memorizing every detail mentioned about the Weasleys and their whereabouts. Returning in a month. Lived at the Burrow in Ottery St. Catchpole. That was south England, if he remembered correctly. Large family. Five siblings attending school at Hogwarts...

Sirius froze, his mind blank for just a moment, then it raced to count the years. Ron Weasley was going to be a third year, that would make him thirteen. Sirius glanced at the date of the paper. Harry was born in July...thirteen years ago. Harry would be at Hogwarts! With that rat!

Sirius crawled to a far corner, his thoughts whirling. He had to get out, soon. He had to get to Peter before the git found a way to hurt Harry, or worse. Sirius had not ignored the echoes of knowledge that Lord Voldemort was rumored to be rising in power again, little by little. Voldemort was the type to want revenge and would crawl through Hell to see it done.

He ground his teeth. He'd do it. It would be hard, but now he had a destination. He'd come up with a plan on the trip to Hogwarts.

It took a couple of nights to get the courage and a basic plan of travel, but Sirius slipped out one evening when the Dementors opened the door to put food in the cell. In dog form, they paid him little mind so it was easy...too easy. He made it to the gates, slipped through the bars, and to the rocky shore of the island. He swam through the thick waves and icy water, dragging his half-frozen and drenched dog form up on the mainland. He hid in a thicket, shivering and moaning to himself, wishing his fur would just hurry up and dry.

Aurors were easy enough to avoid, for who would think that Sirius Black was an unregistered animagus? As he roamed the countryside, Sirius had three thoughts: 'avoid the hunters', 'what does Harry look like' and 'I'm moving on'.

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same.
They mean me no harm but its time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed that home would end up where I don't belong
I'm moving on

Severus Snape never really quite believed that he could be redeemed. He'd blown one chance at redemption because of foolish pride and a lust for power. That Albus Dumbledore hadn't blasted him dead but instead forgave him one more time was something Severus couldn't decide if he admired about the man ... or thought him a fool for.

Probably both.

Day in and day out, Severus' life was children: the education of, the babysitting of, and the putting up of someone else’s brats. It was probably decent penance for the children whose lives he disrupted in some fashion or form over the years, but it still wasn't something he'd had any plans on doing, ever, let alone for the seven years he'd been doing it.

After a time, he could feel his resentment and hatred of the situation he'd allowed himself to be cajoled into fade away, though he kept up outside appearances just for the sake of pride. He found satisfaction in a student who made the perfect Veritaserum or when his House won the House Cup time and again. At least somewhere he was the success he'd always wanted to be.

Things changed one September evening, though, and Severus was sure that the outcome of that change was not going to be pleasant. Harry Potter walked into the Great Hall, all owl-eyed and uncertain. Severus knew the brat had been raised by Lily Potter's Muggle relations but he'd never dreamed the boy would be so ignorant. As much as he'd detested James Potter and his cronies, Severus would never have thought James' progeny would be so...clueless.

Potter was a quick learner though, Severus had to give him that. No doubt inherited from his mother, because in Severus' not so unbiased opinion, James was an idiot and a dense one at that. Oh, the boy had weaknesses and Severus was really getting tired of the ache in his arms from withholding jinxing the brat every Potions class or detention he had with the boy, but, like James, Harry was a genius on a broom. A natural genius, just to add insult to injury.

It was now Potter’s third year, or coming up on it anyway. Another five more years and no more Potters.

These thoughts tumbled through Severus' head as he stared blankly at some musty Potions tome in the school library, trying to while away the hours. So deep in thought was he that he did not hear the approaching footsteps of the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Albus Dumbledore.

"Severus," Dumbledore said, startling Snape slightly. "My apologies for disturbing you but a situation has arisen."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "A situation?" echoed the Potions master.

"Sirius Black has escaped from Azkaban Prison."

Severus sneered but said nothing. As usual he and Albus' opinion of Black differed, but this time in a reverse order. Albus believed Black to be guilty but Snape wasn't so sure. Black had been too noble, too devoted to his friends to wish them ill or be a Death Eater spy.

"Did he now?" was all Severus would comment.

Dumbledore nodded, looking downcast. "Word from the Ministry is that a few nights prior he'd been overheard muttering in his sleep that 'he's at Hogwarts'. It is believed Sirius is coming for Harry."

Severus stopped a snort of derision. "I see," he merely commented blandly. Dumbledore shot him a look of reproval. "What do you want me to say?" Severus snapped impatiently. "We've had this discussion before."

"They want to put Dementors at Hogwarts."

The sentence was like a shotgun blast around the room. Severus swore even the twittering birds outside the window he sat near for light stopped chirping from the shock of the words.

"You have got to be joking," exploded Severus. Dumbledore shook his head. "Surely you aren't -"

"Of course not!" said Dumbledore indignantly. "I dislike them more than you do," he began but Snape muttered "not likely" which was ignored. "I will not have those monsters roaming the halls. However, I have taken precautions. I've finally worn down the objections of Remus Lupin. He will be our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher this year."

Severus' lips thinned and he sat back in the chair, glaring up at the headmaster. "You've lost your marbles," he informed Dumbledore.

"Better a werewolf we trust than Dementors, Severus," rebuked Dumbledore.

"You trust him, Albus, I do not."

"He had nothing to do with that prank and you know it," scolded Dumbledore with a sigh.

"He's still a monster, just less so than the Dementors. Out of the two, I will concede to him, but I do so only under protest."

"So noted," Dumbledore said dryly. "The Ministry was insistent with the Dementors so I've allowed them to stand at the gates and guard the perimeter, but no further. We'll have to set extra watch schedules for everyone and keep an eye on the students during Hogsmeade visits."

‘Oh joy’ thought Severus as the headmaster walked away. ‘Yet another round of disruption and special treatment for the sainted Potter. I can’t wait until the brat leaves and I can go back to what passes for my normal life again.’

I'm moving on
At last I can see
Life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know
There's no guarantee but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
when all you can see are the years passing by
and I have made up my mind
that those days are gone

Peter Pettigrew was getting tired of being a rat but it was part of a long list of bad choices he’d made and it was just something he was going to have to live with. At least he got free Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans out of the deal. The youngest Weasley boy was a sucker for feeding a rat sweets.

Peter felt a twang of guilt. He actually liked Ron Weasley. The boy was nice, gentle with his pet, and fiercely protective of the old “useless” rat. It warmed Peter’s heart each time Ron went into the boughs when the demon cat the girl Hermione called Crookshanks made an assassination attempt.

It made Peter’s heart lurch in guilt every time Ron’s other friend Harry got caught in the argument. Harry, who look exactly like James. Harry, the reason in a roundabout way that Peter was destined to probably live forever in rat form. Harry, wonderful Harry, the boy who unexpectedly lived…

More than anything Peter wanted to take back everything he’d done. As Ron’s pet rat, Peter was privy to the boys’ conversations and through this unusual eavesdropping Peter learned just how miserable Harry’s life had been. And it was all Peter’s fault.

Oh why hadn’t he been stronger? Why couldn’t he have been brave like Moony, Padfoot and Prongs? Why was he such a coward? How could a spineless ninny such as himself wind up with courageous wizards like his schoolchums in Gryffindor? He never understood this mystery his entire seven years at Hogwarts, but he’d accepted the reasoning that James had often told him: “You’re brave, Peter, you just haven’t had the circumstances to prove it. You’ll show us, Peter, you’ll show us. Until then, we’ll protect you, we’ll make sure no one messes with our pal.”

Remembering those words, and he did so often, was so humiliating, so shameful! James had believed in him and Peter had turned him over to the man who murdered him. There was no word to describe what Peter knew he was. Murderer wasn’t entirely accurate. Traitor didn’t cover it all.

Betrayer was as close as verbal communication could come.

Year after year, Peter considered just stop being a rat and confess all. It would be a courageous thing to do. Sirius would be freed from his wrongful imprisonment and could start a new life. Peter heard here and there from Arthur Weasley’s ministry rumors that Remus was doing the best he could despite the drawbacks against him as a werewolf.

Indeed, Remus was here at Hogwarts now, teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts! Remus loved tutoring fellow students. Maybe if Peter revealed himself to Remus, his old friend would find a way to help…

No, this was something he was going to have to do alone, on his own. He had to be brave. He had to prove that he was put in Gryffindor for a reason. He wasn’t a coward. He wasn’t a coward…

But what if Voldemort came back? Who would protect Peter from Voldemort if he got sent to Azkaban? No, he’d remain a rat and wait and see what happened. Sirius can’t get into Hogwarts. Remus would have told Dumbledore about all the secret passages the four friends had used so long ago. He’d wait and see what happened and decide from there.

But soon, something would have to be done soon. He was so tired of being a rat.

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm moving on

Dumbledore closed the office door behind him with a soft click. Remus stood there staring at the closed door, feeling as if the floor had dropped from beneath him. He’d known Severus hated him but never had he dreamed that Severus would do this.

Didn’t he know that this position was one of the few posts Remus had his entire adult life? Didn’t he know that this job actually brought Remus three square meals for the first time in his adult life? Didn’t he know…

Yes, Severus knew but he didn’t care. He told the Slytherins that their Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was a werewolf, knowing that Remus would have to resign.

Remus, in an out-of-character show of temper, grabbed a small statue of a wolf and threw it against the door, the shards fanning over the room. Despair whipped through him. The knowledge that he and Sirius had screwed everything up and things were now probably worse than before weighed down upon him.

And it was all Severus’ fault.

No, Remus corrected himself, Severus was Severus. He’d always been narrow-minded and vindictive. Put the blame where it belonged.

Peter. God-damned Peter Pettigrew. He’d spent thirteen years pitying the tragic figure of his lost friend, believing him to be another victim of Sirius’ mysterious betrayal. He’d spent thirteen years mourning the loss of the friends who had been his friends despite all the strikes against him. And in the final moment to be proved wrong, to learn that Peter was alive and the betrayer, that Sirius was not a traitor and Harry had a chance to get out from beneath the thumb of his hateful aunt and uncle.

Remus sat down heavily in the rickety office chair.

It was almost more than Remus could bear.

He could handle losing his position, he could handle going back to an ostracized member of society again. He was used to it. He’d been doing it almost his entire life, after all. Knowing the rest of what was revealed last night was an added burden that Remus wasn’t sure he could handle.

It was just so damned unfair!

With a sigh of regret Remus shrugged it all away temporarily. It was done. Harry and Hermione had gotten Sirius away before the Dementors got to him. Ron’s leg was mending quickly. Sirius had better be off to someplace where the Ministry wouldn’t be able to get their hands on him anytime soon. Peter…

Remus paused a moment.

And Peter had better be mingling with the rest of the rats in the bowels of the earth far out of reach because this werewolf was going to make it his mission in life to kill any long tailed rodent that moved with a blast of his wand.

He pushed a lock of ragged brown hair out of his line of vision and began to put things in his worn old suitcase. Remus had never had much but he realized as he packed that he had a lot more now as he was leaving Hogwarts than when he had arrived.

He had the truth. He had Sirius’ friendship back. He still had Dumbledore’s faith despite his deception. He had Harry’s trust. And he still had a chance to help make things right.

It was going to have to do for now. It was time to move on.