To Scream

I never thought it would happen to me. Not really. No one ever does.

I knew I was putting myself in danger by saying yes to Albus Dumbledore when he asked me to join the Order of the Phoenix, but I never allowed myself to dwell on it. Even when people I knew well started to die, I didn't let it frighten me too much. The work was too important to give up because Marlene McKinnon, who had always made me laugh when we were at school together, was dead. Benjy Fenwick, the most stubborn man I ever met, would not have wanted us to quit even though we were left with only a few bits of him to bury. Edgar Bones would not have wanted the destruction of his family to be in vain.

I couldn't let fear crack my resolve, not even when Caradoc Dearborn vanished, leaving nothing but memories for those of us who had loved him. After he was gone, I became obsessed with beating back the darkness that threatened to take over the wizarding world. Caradoc was gone, and I had nothing to live for except the memory of his kiss and the dark nights and furtive afternoons spent in my tiny flat. When we were together, nothing outside could touch us and no evil in the world was too great for us to defeat. Without him, I fought for both of us.

No mission was too dangerous for me; I volunteered for them all. I knew Dumbledore thought I should take a holiday, but no one could be spared. The outlook was dim indeed for the side of the light. Danger was everywhere and could strike at anytime. When I saw the Death Eaters through the window of the old factory, I was on my way home from the market. I didn't think twice about slipping inside to see what I could overhear. I carefully climbed the narrow staircase to the balcony overlooking the factory floor.

They were torturing a Muggle. His screaming stopped even as I tried to come up with a plan to help him. And then, too late, I realized that the staircase I had climbed was now blocked by a second group of Death Eaters. Even with my wand, I couldn't hope to fight my way free of all of them.

They were all so big. So very large and strong and I knew I had no chance. But I had to try.

They didn't know I was there. If I couldn't find another way out, at least I had the element of surprise on my side. Maybe-

A large rough hand over my mouth ended any advantage I might have had. I bit down hard and tasted dirt and blood.

A coarse voice spoke in my ear, "I was going to give you to the Dark Lord as a gift. He's been looking for you, one of Dumbledore's pets. Such bravery. Such stupidity. Don't you know that he is stronger than you could ever imagine? So foolish. And so pretty. I like a girl with some fight in her. I think I'll have some fun with you before my Lord does." I smelled his foul breath as he bit my earlobe. I struggled to get away, but he pushed me against the wall, his knee digging violently into the small of my back. "I'm going to want you to scream, lovely, but not yet. If you scream before I tell you to, I will rip the tongue out of your head. Nod if you believe me."

I felt the brick wall scrape the skin off my face as I nodded. He took his hand away from my mouth and wrenched my arms so sharply behind my back that I felt both of my shoulders pop out of their sockets. I nearly fainted from the pain, but I did not scream. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"You want to scream, don't you, my sweet?" One strong hand held my wrists together behind me. I felt the calluses on his other hand graze my bare skin as he slid it inside my robes; it made me want to scream even more than the pain did. "Tell me that you want to scream." He pinched me hard enough to draw blood.

"No," I gasped. He jerked my arms further back and upward. The taste of my own blood mixed with his in my mouth as I bit through my lower lip to keep the scream contained.

"I know you want to scream; beg me to let you."

"No." I suddenly felt very peaceful. I was certain that he was going to kill me no matter what I did. I would not allow him to have any more power over me than that. I felt a small pang of remorse that I would not see the end of the war, that the others would have to continue the battle without me. Oddly, the strongest emotion that registered was relief that I would no longer be alone. I would soon be reunited with Caradoc.

"Crucio." The curse was uttered almost lazily. My captor finally heard the screaming he had desired, but it was not mine. The Death Eater's own screams filled the air as Voldemort punished his follower. "I believe you were instructed to bring any prisoners directly to me. If you've already broken this one, I shall be most displeased."

"No, my lord," the Death Eater spoke, panting slightly from the lingering effects of the curse. "She still fights."

I stood unmoving, my arms hanging limply and at odd angles, trying to find some last ditch escape route even though I knew in my heart that it was hopeless.

"Crucio." Again, the Death Eater screamed for mercy. "She is damaged. I wanted to start with a fresh one. Crucio."

That one was for me. I fell to my knees, whimpering but still refusing to scream.

"You are unworthy to call yourself a Death Eater if this girl can withstand Cruciatus with more dignity than you can. Avada Kedavra." A casual flick of his wand, and the Death Eater fell where he stood. I waited for the rush of green light to bring my own death as Lord Voldemort turned to me. "What is your name?"

I answered without even thinking of resistance. "Dorcas Meadowes."

"I think I'll use something a bit more creative than Avada Kedavra on you, Miss Meadowes."

Eventually, I did scream.