Rating:
G
House:
Astronomy Tower
Characters:
Lavender Brown
Genres:
Romance Angst
Era:
Multiple Eras
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone
Stats:
Published: 05/05/2002
Updated: 05/05/2002
Words: 1,119
Chapters: 1
Hits: 998

What I'm Looking For

VeelaSong

Story Summary:
Hermione decides to tell Ron how she feels about him, but he starts dating Lavender right before she can. She's upset, and as you can imagine, full of angst. Takes place in fifth year.

Posted:
05/05/2002
Hits:
998
Author's Note:
Another note: Please tell me if this fic is good. I need reviews because I'm really not sure if I should keep writing. I hope you enjoy the fic!!

I have walked, I have crawled

Wow. There he is, with his fiery hair all tousled. He's only just woken up. Ahh, how cute he looks when he's tired.

"So," I said, once Harry and Ron had gotten down the stairs. "Time for breakfast?"

"Sure," Ron replied. "I'm starving."

I smiled to myself. Of course he was hungry. He always was. A great way to get on his good side is to offer him food.

"What classes have we got today, Hermione?" Harry asked as we made our way into the packed Great Hall.

"Well, I have Arithmancy first thing, and you two have Divination," I informed them. "Then we have Transfiguration, Lunch, Potions, and Defense Against the Dark Arts."

We took our seats at the Gryffindor table and began to eat. Around Ron's third helping of pancakes, the mail arrived. I was too busy staring in bliss at Ron's handsome freckled face to notice that I had a package until Harry poked me in the arm with a spoon.

"OW! Oh, thanks Harry." I blushed and took the package. I opened it and inside was a single rose petal and a garland of magnificent opals. "Oh wow," was all I could say as I searched for a note. Nothing. I looked across the table at Ron. Had he sent these? I can only wonder.

I have climbed these city walls, These city walls

The opals glistened in my hand as I turned them over in my hand. "Who sent these?" I wondered aloud. Harry and Ron both shrugged. Both of them? Was Ron seriously clueless? If he was, he didn't send them. However, acting clueless was exactly the sort of thing he would do.

*~*~*~*~*

Classes are over so we're back in the Gryffindor common room. I can't take it anymore. I spent so much time ogling over Ron that I couldn't answer a question in Transfiguration and lost 5 whole points for Gryffindor. I can't let that happen again. I can't. I have to tell Ron. Tonight. I just hope I can muster the courage.

only to be with you

Ron's going up the stairs to get his Charms book. "Okay," I said quietly to myself. "Mione, you can do this. When he comes back down, you're going to look him right in the eye and tell him. That's it." Oh yeah, I'm sure it's as easy as that. Oh well, you have to do it anyway.

He's back. Now's the time. Okay.

"Ron..." I trailed off. My voice is temporarily out of order. "Er...."

"Hermione?" Ron said. He sounded concerned. It was very sweet, but it really didn't make things better.

"Ron, I-" I was suddenly interrupted by Lavender Brown. Crap. I can't tell him in front of her. Everyone knew she liked him too. What the heck? Why was he letting her snake her scaly, clammy hand into his soft, beautiful, elegant one? And why was he smiling at her like that?

"Ron," she said, smiling too. "Mind if I study with you?"

"Not at all, love," he responded. LOVE?! "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you," Ron continued, grabbing her other hand as well. "Lavender and I have gotten together."

And I still haven't found what I'm looking for

"It's about time!" roared Harry joyfully. "Isn't this great, Hermione? Uh... Hermione?"

I was choking back tears as I forced a smile and nodded. They bought it, and I told them I was tired and I was going to bed early. "See you later on tonight, 'Mione!" Lavender called after me. "It looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together!"

I got into my bed and sobbed myself to sleep. I had gotten to him too late. He was already taken by that foul, that evil- I stopped myself. I didn't have a problem with Lavender. She was really pretty nice. I was just looking for someone to blame. I know now that the person to blame is myself for not getting to him fast enough. Now it was too late. I suppose that this is all for the best. I know that I can't have all I want in life.

I watched in pain as the two got more and more serious. I was seeing them together all over the school. I started being afraid to open closet doors because every now and then they would be occupied by the two. It was not helping my feelings for him.

"Hermione?" Harry said apprehensively one day six months later as I watched Ron and Lavender snog in the middle of the common room floor. "Are you alright?"

I looked at him and all of a sudden a tear trickled down my face. "Do you want to go for a walk?" he asked. I nodded, and we got up to go. Ron and Lavender didn't notice us step over them on our way out.

*~*~*~*~*

When we got out beside the lake, Harry turned to me with a very concerned, almost scared look on his face. "'Mione, you haven't been yourself lately. You look pale and depressed, and I think I know why. You're in love with him, aren't you?"
I nodded and another tear escaped me. Then a whole flood came fourth. I explained everything to him, and he listened closely. "...And I was so sure that he had sent the opals." I finished. With that. Harry suddenly looked very uncomfortable.
"Hermione..." he said. "Those opals were from me. They were given to my Mum by my Dad."

And I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I was thunderstruck. "What?" I said, a few minutes later. "You mean, you fancy me?"

"Well, I'd rather not have had you put it like that, but basically, yes." He looked calm, but his voice was so shaky I was sure there was an earthquake taking place in his throat. He reached over and suddenly kissed me passionately. This wasn't right. I had to stop it. I pulled away and gave him a shocked look.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I couldn't stop myself-"

I put a finger to his lips. "Harry, I love you, but not in the same way. I can't do this. You're my friend, and always will be, but no more. I'm sorry."

"I understand," he replied. His voice had no tone. It was just... nothing. Flat. Listless. "I thought that's how you'd feel."

I picked the opals from my pocket and closed them in his hand. "Don't you want them?" he asked, looking almost desperate for me to like his gift.

"I love them," I said. "But it's not what I'm looking for."

And I still haven't found what I'm lookin' for