Rumours and Risks

It was a hot, lazy day in the Hogwarts grounds. Exams were over at last, and Sirius and Remus were lounging under a willow tree near the lake, people-watching. They seemed to be spending an unhealthy amount of time together since James finally got together with Lily, thought Remus as he watched half-reflected clouds drift across the surface of the lake. Not that he was complaining: as far as he was concerned, it was impossible to have too much of Sirius. Although Sirius would never know that, he thought, sighing mournfully. Remus considered himself lucky enough to have friends who accepted him for what he was, and lived in constant fear that he would wake up from this pleasant dream and find himself alone. He wasn't stupid enough to hit the self-destruct button by confessing his undying love for his oh-so-straight best friend.

Remus must have sighed louder than he'd realised, because Sirius, who had been dozing in the shade, opened an eye and yawned. "What's the matter, Moony? Getting sick of my company? I suppose we have been spending an inordinate amount of time together recently, for which I can only apologise. Although really you should be blaming that lovestruck git James," he added. Remus couldn't help smiling at the way Sirius echoed his thoughts, although thinking about this caused a familiar ache of longing to rise in the pit of his stomach. Still, he managed to grin and say absent-mindedly, "Who said I was blaming anyone? I'm always happy to spend quality time with my favourite Padfoot."

"I'm your only Padfoot," Sirius pointed out, trying his best to look unimpressed. "Besides, don't be so sure - any day now the rumours will start flying," he continued, eyes sparkling mischievously. "You know - 'Black and Lupin in Sordid Love Affair', that sort of thing. The Slytherins'll love it."

"And here they come now," muttered Remus.

"What, the rumours, or the Slytherins?" quipped Sirius.

"Both," Remus replied, nodding in the direction of the lake, where Severus Snape and his cronies were strolling towards the two Gryffindors.

"Oh look - it's Hogwarts' cutest couple!" simpered Severus, true to Sirius' prediction, a smile of pure malice playing across his lips. "Seeking consolation in each other now that Enormously Popular Potter's dumped you for that Mudblood Evans?"

"Fuck off, Snivellus," snarled Sirius through gritted teeth.

Snape pretended to consider this. "Umm, no thanks, I don't think I want to," he replied, still smiling that same malicious smile that made even shy, retiring Remus want to punch him.

"Fuck off, if you know what's good for you," repeated Sirius, eyes flashing. Through his quiet rage at the way Snape had just insulted most of his friends, Remus couldn't help noticing that Sirius was bloody sexy when he was angry - fists clenched, face furious and those eyes, those grey, starry eyes that usually held mischief or concern, now full of fire. His stomach somersaulted and for a moment he forgot where they were, even why Sirius was angry, losing himself in the eyes that ever since fourth-year he'd felt he could stare into forever. He was brought back to earth pretty soon, though, as Snape rounded on him with a sneer.

"Freakish in so many ways, Lupin," he said, eyes glinting. "I've kept your other secret" (with a tone of resentment that made it quite clear the secret would've been around Hogwarts in a second if he'd had much of a choice) "- don't expect me to keep this one. Can you imagine what would happen if everyone found out you're a poof and a w-"

Lupin hardly had the time to panic that maybe Snape really did know he was gay, realise that it was impossible, he was just taking the piss, and panic anew as he realised Snape was about to say 'werewolf', before Sirius butted in again, much to Remus' relief.

"Shut up, you bastard!" he exploded. "You know full well that if you said ... what you were about to say," (looking round nervously at the other Slytherins) "Dumbledore'd have you out on your arse before you had time to pack."

Of course Snape did know this full well, and it was the only thing that had stopped him from shouting the truth about Remus from the rooftops. Knowing it was within his power to ruin Remus' school career and being unable to use this power was torture to him. He quickly found a way to put this frustration to constructive use, however - namely, by taunting Remus with renewed malevolence and hatred.

"Ah, it really is heart-warming to see your boyfriend spring to your defence," he sneered.

Remus, outwardly calm as ever, replied, "Haven't you grown out of this kind of thing yet, Severus?" Anything else he had planned to say vanished as he realised that Sirius, still burning with rage, had jumped to his feet and was walking away. Remus' stomach momentarily dropped out as he registered the fact that he was alone - that Sirius had left him alone. But then Sirius turned and met his eyes for the merest shadow of a second, with a look that said, Don't worry, this isn't what it looks like. Remus was somewhat reassured; Snape, having failed to notice Sirius' glance, was ecstatic.

"Well, so much for him!" he cried gleefully. "Your lover-boy's clearly got more important things to do than protect filth like you, and to be honest, I can't say I blame him. That may be the one sensible thing you've done all day!" he called after Sirius (although the latter was already lost from sight). "I shouldn't stand for that, Lupin," he continued, turning back to Remus. "I'd get yourself a new boyfriend if I were you. You should try Potter - although I don't know if even he could be stupid enough to get romantically involved with your type. Then again, maybe I'm overestimating his intelligence - not difficult to do, I know - after all, he is going out with a Mudblood. Or what about that gimpy little Hufflepuff with the glasses... you know, the one who looks like a Niffler... I hear he ..."

But whatever Snape had heard about the gimpy bespectacled Hufflepuff was lost to posterity. His eyes suddenly widened, his face grew pale and an expression of terror came over it. His fellow Slytherins were pointing dumbly somewhere behind Remus, looking equally aghast. Remus turned to find out what was making them so horrified, and beheld a gigantic mass of tangled black fur hurtling towards them, teeth bared. "Padfoot..." he breathed, feeling a mixture of wonderful relief and morbid fear, although for very different reasons than Snape.

Fortunately for Remus, Snape didn't hear his whispered welcome - he was too busy shouting "Argh! The Grim!" Next moment, all three Slytherins turned and ran, tripping over their robes, radiating panic. Snape pointed his wand over his shoulder as he ran and aimed a hex at the huge black dog, who yelped with pain. Remus hoped against hope that getting rid of them would have been enough, that Sirius would now leave them alone... but he knew his best friend too well to really believe this. And, sure enough, the dog was still pursuing them over the grounds, snarling and snapping. Snape gave a cry of pure terror as he looked over his shoulder and saw Sirius bearing down on him - Remus winced as the dog landed on Snape's back, knocking him to the ground. Frantically, Remus tried to think of some way to tell Sirius he had to lay off Snape before it was too late; if he injured him too badly, he'd be sure to go to the hospital wing, where awkward questions would be asked ... and Remus couldn't bear to think of the consequences if Snape worked out that Sirius was an Animagus. But they were too far away now - there was no way Remus could intervene without arousing suspicion. Thankfully, though, Sirius seemed to be thinking along the same lines. He turned his head abruptly, pretending to have seen some other quarry in the distance, and, with a final snarl at Snape, raced off towards Hagrid's hut, barking. Snape scrambled to his feet and ran blindly, full-pelt, in the opposite direction, seeming not to know where he was headed. His fellow Slytherins had already fled.

Remus slumped against the willow tree, finding to his surprise that he was shaking. He was torn between pride at the way his best friend had stood up for him, a painfully intense ache that a best friend was all he'd ever be, and fear that Sirius' recklessness would give away the secret they'd hidden so well all these years. He had become accustomed to having Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs with him when he transformed, and contemplating those nights of the full moon without them caused him a stab of pain. He wasn't entirely sure what would happen if the staff at Hogwarts found out his three best friends were Animagi, but he was certain that it could only make his life as a werewolf immeasurably harder. Remus gazed out towards the lake, where some Ravenclaw third-years were gathered, playing with the giant squid or languidly looking up at the clouds, and sighed. If only life were that easy.

A familiar voice, still rough and somehow dog-like, roused him from his thoughts. "Well, he won't be bothering us for a while at least. Did you see the look on his slimy little face when he saw me?" Sirius flopped down heavily beside Remus, and let out a laugh like a bark. "Pure hilarity. He was scared shitless! 'Course, I contemplated biting his arm off for you, but the stupid prat's headed straight into the Forbidden Forest anyway, so..."

Sirius trailed off as he realised that Remus was looking anything but amused by what had just happened. "Moony... what's wrong?"

Remus didn't look up. ""Padfoot..." he began, and realised he didn't know where to start with the tangled mess of fears, worries and anxieties jostling for space in his head. He took a deep breath. "You shouldn't have done that."

"Oh, where's your sense of adventure, Moony? Where's the fun in life if you never take any risks?" Sirius tried to sound offhand, but there was an uncertainty in his voice which told Remus he hadn't forgotten the consequences of the last time he'd taken a risk to punish Snape.

"Sirius, after what happened last year, I would have thought you'd have stopped taking risks like this," said Remus quietly, to remind Sirius that he hadn't forgotten either. "Don't you think Snape is going to be a bit suspicious? We're arguing, you disappear, and five seconds later a huge black dog turns up and tries to kill him! You know what he's like, he'll suspect something... And if Dumbledore finds out you're an Animagus..."

Remus raised his head to find Sirius staring straight at him, grey eyes now full of concern, and his stomach gave a jolt. Fighting back tears and an overwhelming desire to kiss Sirius, he simply looked back at him and sighed again, feeling old and weary. Remus looked like he was about to cry, something he hardly ever did. He felt the tears starting in his eyes and bowed his head, saying in a hoarse whisper, "I can't go back to transforming without you, Sirius. I need you. You should know that."

Remus felt Sirius' fingers under his chin, tilting his head upwards till their eyes met. "It won't happen, Moony. I'll modify his memory if I have to, but I won't let it happen. I'd never let anything happen to you... not after last time. You should know that. Anyway, who's going to believe him if he says he was attacked by a dog who was really Sirius Black? Everyone knows he hates me, it'll sound like he's made it up. And that's on top of the impossibility of a seventeen-year-old secretly learning to be an Animagus under Dumbledore's nose. It'd sound ridiculous." Against his better judgement, Remus found himself being calmed by Sirius - by his presence as much as his reassurances. Here, with Sirius' arm round his shoulders, telling him everything would be fine, he couldn't help feeling he'd over-reacted.

Sirius took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Remus," he said. Remus appreciated the apology; Sirius almost never apologised, and saying this had evidently cost him a bit of effort. "I'm stupid, I know I'm stupid. I don't make sensible decisions by myself - I need you to do that for me, everyone knows that. I just... got so bloody angry, I just couldn't stand there and watch him insult you - and I thought doing it as Padfoot was a safer option than punching him on the nose in human form, given what McGonagall said last time I got into a fight with him."

Remus managed a small smile, telling Sirius without words that he was forgiven, and they were silent for a while. He noticed that Sirius looked troubled; he was licking his lips nervously and seemed to be debating something with himself. Finally, he seemed to come to a decision, and looked Remus in the eyes once more. "There's something else as well. I'm only saying this because... well, I didn't realise that Padfoot trying to maul Snivellus would upset you so much, and I want you to understand why I did it." He looked away, examining his nails and speaking to the grass beneath him. "The thing is... that for once, Snape got something half right. Although I'm sure he doesn't know it." Remus was puzzled, not understanding where this was going; but then something clicked in his brain, and his eyes widened. He hardly dared to hope that Sirius was about to say what it had just occurred to him that he might be. Sirius licked his lips again uncertainly, and continued. "He was... he was right, in that... in that I was trying to defend you because... well, obviously I'd defend you anyway, any of you, James and Peter too, because you're my best friends..." Remus had never seen Sirius this tongue-tied. His heart was telling him this could only mean one thing, but his mind wasn't ready to let him believe it. "... Because you're my best friends," Sirius repeated, running his hands through his hair anxiously and still looking determinedly down at the ground, "but also because... well, because...it's different with you, because..." Sirius gave a fierce, exasperated sigh and looked up; there was a mad, now-or-never look in his eyes. "Because I love you," he finished firmly, suddenly holding Remus' eyes in a powerfully intense gaze.

Remus' heart was pounding. His guarded brain still tried to tell him that this must be a dream, but the sun in his eyes, the grass beneath his feet and the breeze in his hair told him that this was reality, and for once, he ignored the protective voices in his head that urged caution. The words he had longed for for years, but never dared to expect, had just come out of Sirius' mouth. It was impossible to take in. His state of shock must have been obvious, because his dazed reverie was soon interrupted by Sirius muttering in a pained voice. "Oh, bloody hell, I'm sorry, Moony, I shouldn't have said that. Christ, I am such an idiot!" Sirius ran his hands through his hair again distractedly. "Look, it's okay that you don't feel the same, this was a stupid time... any time would be a stupid time, I mean, you've got enough on your plate without having to deal with a friend who's madly in love with you... it was selfish, I'm sorry, just forget -"

But Remus was no longer listening. He felt as though he'd just swallowed an entire box of Filibuster's Fireworks. He gazed at Sirius in a new light, at his raven-black hair shining in the sunlight, his hands with those long, slender fingers, and his now liquid-grey eyes, eyes like the sea after a storm. His stomach lurched pleasurably as the realisation hit him: Sirius Black loved him back. They were very close now, close enough to touch. Remus didn't know who had moved closer, but guessed it must have been him, as Sirius was still wittering on about how they should just pretend that this conversation had never taken place. He looked Sirius up and down, every inch of him throbbing with desire. He was finding it very hard to think, but through clouds of love and lust he dimly realised that Sirius was still labouring under the delusion that he, Remus, was revolted by the very idea of being loved by him. Remus decided it was time to shut him up.

"- just hope that we can still be friends, I mean, I'll understand completely if -"

The rest of Sirius' sentence was lost in a strangled gasp of surprise as Remus leaned in and pressed his lips against his own, reaching his hands around the back of Sirius' head to pull him in closer, although he felt that he could never be close enough. As his eyes fluttered shut, the ever-dwindling part of Remus' brain that was still capable of rational thought was faintly surprised that he, Remus Lupin, the voice of reason, the sensible one, had made the first move. Kissing Sirius was madness... after all, he was a werewolf ... werewolves mated for life... and Sirius was his best friend... it was far, far too complicated...Oh, Merlin, he shouldn't be doing this, it was far too big a risk ... But rational thought was fighting a losing battle against a recklessness Remus had never felt before, a vague feeling that if he and Sirius really did love each other, the rest of the world could just quietly implode... Remus' reserved, cautious mind was still feebly trying to tell him to stop, that this was too good to be true, there had to be a catch - but this train of thought, and indeed any train of thought, was rapidly derailed as Sirius deepened the kiss... Remus moaned softly and let Sirius flood his brain, leaving no room for anything else. Nothing else mattered any more, with Sirius in his arms, one hand caressing his tawny hair, the other the small of his back, warm against him as their tongues gently explored each other. The kiss seemed to last for an eternity, and yet it was not nearly long enough before Sirius broke away and began trailing kisses down Remus' neck, nuzzling into his shoulder. Remus held him, and neither spoke for a moment.

"Remus?" murmured Sirius, his warm breath tickling Remus' neck so that he shivered.

"Mm?" Remus replied into Sirius' hair.

"Where did that come from?"

"I don't know, really," said Remus, truthfully. "I suppose it's like you said earlier... sometimes in life you have to take risks to get what you want... whether it's the total humiliation of a complete git or the love of your life."

Sirius raised his head, grinning. "Bloody hell, Moony, I love you so much."

Remus grinned back. "The feeling's more than mutual, Padfoot," he said, absent-mindedly tracing a finger up Sirius' back. Sirius winced at the touch and started upright.

"What's up?" said Remus, alarmed.

"Ah, it's nothing," grimaced Sirius, gingerly feeling his back. "That bastard Snivellus hit me with a hex while he was feeling the wrath of the mighty Padfoot. But I'll survive."

Remus wasn't convinced. "Maybe you should go to the hospital wing, I'm sure Madam Pomfrey could fix it in a second..."

Sirius snorted. "What, and face her nosy questions about how it happened? As you said yourself, we don't want to draw attention to the whole thing. Besides," he continued, grinning mischievously, "there's a gorgeous A-grade Charms student right here who I'm sure could mend it - or, failing that, kiss it better." (The desire in Sirius' eyes made it abundantly clear he was hoping that Remus' Charms knowledge wasn't quite up to scratch.) "And as he's far sexier than Madam Pomfrey, I think I'm going to stay where I am." And with that he leaned in again and kissed Remus hungrily.

They stayed there under the willow tree all afternoon, savouring being together - really being together, being Remus-and-Sirius at last, after years of mutual longing. It was some time before Remus looked up to see a heavily bandaged Severus Snape (he obviously hadn't come off too well from his trip into the Forbidden Forest) cross the lawn nearby, heading towards the lake. It was all Remus could do not to burst out laughing as Snape glanced over at them and did a double-take, eyes widening. He looked more than a little surprised to see them lying entwined in each other's arms, Sirius brushing his lips gently over Remus' face and neck and gazing adoringly at him. The look on Snape's face told Remus immediately that he had never for a second believed his own taunts about their 'relationship'. Sirius must have felt Remus shaking with repressed laughter, because he broke off his kisses and looked up.

"What's so funny, Moony?" he asked, propping himself up on his elbow. Remus nodded in Snape's direction.

"Snape just found out how right he really was. Looks like those rumours really are about to start flying."

"Ah well, sod them," Sirius retorted, glancing across at the still-gaping Snape. "At least now they'll be true." He turned himself back towards Remus, eyes sparkling. "Now, how about we really give them something to talk about?"

Fin.