You Left Me a Mixed Up Girl

Last Goodbye

Ginny had gone to sleep that night and dreamed of lover that had the face of neither Draco nor Harry. Again and again, the man asked her to marry him, but Ginny continually refused. Ginny felt that she had a deep affection for the man, but was not sure she loved him. Upon waking, Ginny was confused and in a bad mood. Ginny decided to wear a tight black dress that had a high collar and pencil skirt. It was black silk and was one of her favorites. Ginny put on some red gloss to go with the dress and quickly tied up her boots. She pulled her black cloak on and quickly left her room to go to the Great Hall to eat breakfast.

Ginny wondered which room in the teacher's wing Harry occupied. Hermione lived in Hogsmeade with Ron, so she had no use for a room. Each teacher's suite had three rooms. There was a bedroom, a small parlor and a bathroom. Ginny liked having a small space to plan her classes and read books. Sometimes her brothers visited and Ginny felt quite grown up, greeting them in her own parlor. She shook her head to rid it of the daydreams and stopped to check her appearance in nearby students' bathroom. She had clipped part of her hair back and let the rest trail down her back. Her dark red hair was stick straight, but she had put a charm on it to make it wave this morning. Ginny thought that she looked a little pale, so she quickly pinched her cheeks to bring some life into them. Finally Ginny was ready to face Harry at breakfast.

Ginny shoved the door open with all her might and walked quickly to her seat at the table. Harry was sitting at the opposite end of the teachers' table, talking with Dumbledore. Ginny wondered if he was telling Dumbledore about her recent confession and if she would get sacked. Ginny mentally added that as another reason to hate Harry and irritably speared a piece of bacon onto her fork. 'Still,' Ginny thought, 'better stay on Harry's good side.' Her family loved him like a son. Ginny had refused to come home for the past two Christmas' at the Burrow because she knew Harry would be there. It wasn't as if her family was choosing Harry over her, it was just that Harry was also like a son to them. It would be like barring Charlie from coming home because he'd been an ass to Fleur. To avoid a confrontation with Harry and her family, Ginny had simply stayed at Hogwarts during the holidays and earned extra pay for babysitting the students. Ginny told her family she needed the extra money, but Hermione had known better.

Ginny sighed and noted that she hadn't even noticed finishing off her breakfast. She checked her watch, which read 'Set up for class, you lazy girl!' and stood up from her chair. Harry had already left much to Ginny's relief. She walked out of the Great Hall's doors and began walking to her classroom. She listened as her footsteps echoed off the empty halls of the building. Ginny realized that she suddenly felt very lonely. A cough behind her back caused Ginny to jump in the air and turn around. Standing behind her was none other than Harry himself. He looked quite satisfied with himself. He held in his hands the Marauder's Map, which Ginny figured was how he knew exactly where she was. 'I ought to burn that wretched parchment to ashes!' Ginny fumed inwardly.

"Gin?" Harry smiled at her sincerely and Ginny wondered why he was being so nice to her.

"Yes, Harry? Is there something you needed?" After their argument yesterday, Ginny had hoped Harry would stay away.

"I know we had our problems and after last night, I did a lot of thinking. I want to ask you for your forgiveness for what happened with Cho. I never asked you for that and I want to now. Please Ginny, forgive me." Harry stood closer to Ginny. He was wearing a dark green dress shirt and a pair of charcoal colored trousers. His cloak hung off his shoulders like some sort of cape. Ginny could smell his cologne and feel the warmth his body gave off. She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent deeply, remembering what it had been like when he had loved her.

"Alright, I forgive you. It's been two years since then I think I can get over that." Ginny made a move as if to pass him by, but Harry again stopped her.

"Do you ever wonder what our lives would be like if I hadn't cheated? Where we would be right now? How different our lives would be?"

"Harry, don't start this now. It's not something I like to think about. Our lives are the way they are supposed to be. This is our destiny." Ginny looked at Harry with finality in her eyes, knowing he would try and press her further.

"So you think it's your destiny to have a loveless relationship with Malfoy?" Harry asked her in a harsh voice. "Your destiny is to be used? It's your destiny to be unhappy for the rest of your life because of my screw up? I don't think so, Gin. I think that we were supposed to be together, but I messed it up."

"Don't! Do not make this about yourself, Harry. It's not. What I do with Malfoy is my choice. It's my life. I don't do that because of you. I do that because I have needs and he fills them. Life is less complicated without love. I learned that two years ago when you ripped out my heart and stomped on it." Ginny felt tears welling up in her eyes and knew she could not face her first class with puffy eyes. They'd know she'd been crying and ask her why. Ginny wasn't sure she could handle that.

"Needs? If you have needs get them filled by a friend or someone trustworthy. Don't get your 'needs' filled by that ass Malfoy." Harry stepped closer to her, tempting her. "Better yet, get your needs filled by me." He was almost on top of her now, his cologne filling her senses, reminding her of old memories. Ginny felt like she was being tempted by the devil. He knew that she was still attracted to him, regardless of her feelings for him, (which at this point were very confused). She had once told him that he was the only man she ever truly desired and now he was playing upon those desires.

"What are you doing to me?" Ginny whispered, trying to put some space between them.

"I want you back Ginny. I don't care about Draco or whatever else you have done. We should be together. I've been haunted by your memory since we broke up. It keeps me up at night. I want you." Harry closed the distance again and Ginny leaned against the wall to support herself.

Ginny chuckled low, in her throat. "You're just mad because your favorite plaything is being played with by another. You don't want me back, you just don't want Draco to have me." Ginny looked into Harry's eyes. "If I haunted you so much, why haven't I heard from you until now?"

Harry looked back at her. "Hermione told me you weren't ready. She said you were still angry. I wanted to wait until you were comfortable to face me again."

"Harry, I was still angry last night. Nothing's changed."

Harry snorted. "Everything has changed. I could have been satisfied to wait, but your confession about Draco drove me out of my mind. I decided to make you aware of my feelings now because I can't stand knowing that you go back to him for something I am so willing to give. He doesn't even love you, Gin. I do and I want you to give me another chance."

"No," Ginny whispered. "I can't do that. I won't do that to myself. You broke my heart once; I won't let you do it again. There's a difference with you and Draco. Draco could never break my heart because I don't love him. You can break my heart and I won't let you do that to me again."

Harry was silent a long time before he responded to Ginny. "Fine. If that's what you want, I'll leave you alone."

Ginny stared at the wall, avoiding his eyes. "That's what I want." Harry left her without saying goodbye and Ginny kept repeating to herself that this is what she wanted. She wished that if she said it often enough, she would believe it.

Later that night, with the day's chores over and dinner having been eaten, Ginny went back to her suite and found a surprise waiting for her. Perched on her desk, was Draco's eagle owl holding a letter he had send her. Ginny wondered why Draco had bothered to owl her. He had never done this before and Ginny feared he was falling in love with her. Draco Malfoy being in love with her was a complication she did not need. Ginny untied the note from the owl's leg and opened it.

'Virginia,

I wrote you this because I needed to tell you that I'm leaving. I'm sure the news will be in the Daily Prophet tomorrow, but I thought you deserved to hear it from me. You know that since Father went to Azkaban the ministry has been hounding me. This afternoon I received news from a reliable ministry source that the auror's are planning to arrest me and take me to Azkaban. I cannot go there. I will not go there. So tonight I'm leaving for Bulgaria. I've been offered political asylum there and a teaching job at Durmstrang. I've accepted and I will not come back to England. I wanted to write you to tell you this and let you know that I enjoyed our time together. You offered me comfort when few could. I did not love you, but I was quite used to having you around. I'll look back on our time together with fondness.

Draco'

Ginny felt a sense of relief knowing Draco had left her life, but she also felt a sense of terror knowing how Harry would react to this news. He'd be around much more now to bother and tempt her. Ginny sighed and wondered just how to get herself away from the situation. While undressing for bed, Ginny took Draco's letter and put a corner of it to the candle that sat on the corner of her dresser. The parchment immediately caught fire and the letter quickly burned. Ginny brushed the ashes into a nearby wastebasket and pulled on her night clothes. Without knowing it, Ginny quickly fell asleep and dreamed again of the faceless man.