Lonely

Lonely. He had always been lonely. It wasn't the intense longing of one who had gained and then lost, but a quieter, more solemn type of loneliness. He hadn't really ever had anybody worth losing. This sort of feeling just hung around him, so familiar to him that he hadn't realized what it was. That is, until he set foot in Hogwarts.

The crush of bodies frightened him. He knew he was different from the rest of them, from the way they talked and laughed and giggled. He had never laughed with someone else. He had chuckled a few times at the expense of one of his neighbors, but he had never had a side-splitting, stomach-hurting laugh. He wasn't sure he even knew what the word was. The others around him were laughing because they were nervous. The upper classmen stared at them as they walked into the grand entrance of the Great Hall. Anyone else would have felt intimidated, but Remus Lupin was too busy trying not to become claustrophobic among his first year classmates.

He found himself scared of their touch, worried they would feel how unnaturally cold his skin was, or notice the numerous scars on his arms or neck. He really shouldn't have been fretting, for nobody was paying any close attention to him... Except... that one boy on the fringe of the crowd. The one with the black hair and dark eyes. He kept staring at Remus, hitting the poor boy with a gaze that no child should wear, a jaded look. The boy was clinging tightly, his fist nestled in the back of this boy's shirt, to the other beside him, a boy with brown hair and slight build who was chatting animatedly with several girls. The louder of the two did not seem to notice the shadow grasping at him, and instead seemed completely comfortable with it. Remus did not understand. He felt he would have been annoyed at someone grabbing onto him like that.

A young, beautiful woman in shimmering green robes stepped forward holding a rather beat up looking hat. Remus had a small flashback of the time he had accidentally gotten a hold of his father's hat one time during a full moon. A small smirk lifted his pale lips. He quickly dispelled it, shooting a glance at the staring boy and his handhold. Those eyes were still staring at him. They must have seen his smile.

"First years will step forward as your name is called to be Sorted into your respective Houses," the woman spoke with a slight Irish accent, making her all the more exotic. Several of the other first years were staring at her with stars in their eyes, unable to stop their jaws from dropping. Remus rolled his eyes. Perhaps this was why he was lonely. He didn't share the same interests of anyone in this crowd.

"Delilah Abbot," the woman called in a silky smooth voice. A timid girl stepped forward, anxiously twisting her hands in front of her. Her chocolate hair swung down to her hips in loose waves as she boosted herself onto the chair and sat waiting. The green woman dropped the scrappy hat onto Delilah's head, and to everyone's great surprise it started talking.

"I am the Sorting Hat, finer than all apparel on any of your heads..." the brim of the hat moved like a mouth, forming words in a rhyme. The hat recited a poem atop Delilah's head, while the poor girl turned white in nervousness. At the end of the poem, the hat thought for a moment and then promptly yelled "Hufflepuff!" The green lady removed the hat and pointed in the direction of a black and yellow table. Delilah leapt off the stool and all but ran to the table, where she was greeted with cheers and table pounding.

"Sirius Black!"

All heads swiveled in the first year crowd, trying to determine the owner of the name. Remus looked towards the dark boy, and saw the brunette trying to shove the shadow forward. The pale, dark-haired boy looked almost scared.

"Sirius Black?" the woman called again, looking around in the first years.

"He's right here!" the brunette yelled, drawing the attention of the entire Great Hall. "Get up there you scared git!" he hissed into the black-haired boy's ear with a quick shove at the back. Sirius released the other's shirt and stumbled onto the stage, before the entire Hogwarts population. Sirius Black swallowed hard, and sat on the stool. The Sorting Hat was placed on his head.

After a moment's deliberation, the hat called, "Gryffindor!"

A loud yell went up from one of the center tables, one decorated in red and gold. The students all stood to welcome their new first year.

And so the list went on, each first year being sorted into their appropriate houses. Apparently, whatever house the hat picked was one where each child would be best suited, whether in academics or socially.

"Remus Lupin!"

Remus started. He hadn't even been paying attention. They were up to his name already. He made his way through the thinning first year crowd to stand before the stool. The lady in green smiled at him and pointed to the stool. He turned around and hoisted himself onto the stool. It wasn't that he was short; the stool was rather tall for an eleven year old. From his vantage point, he could stare at the entire school population, minus the teachers. The students all stared at him, some smiling, some indifferent. Some were poking their plates for food, bored with the ceremonies already. It seemed to him that everyone already had someone to sit with. What was he going to do when he got sorted? He didn't know anyone.

Sitting in front of him, at the foot of the table was Sirius Black, who was again staring. Somehow the boy had already made a new friend; the first year next to him was poking at him urgently, whispering in his ear. Remus wondered if he would ever be like that, to be able to just make a friend. Any friend. Now that he knew what he was, he wanted to change it. He did not want to be lonely anymore.

You don't want to be lonely?

Remus started. Unbeknownst to him, the green lady had placed the hat on his head already. The brim was so large it slid down his nose, blocking his view of the school. There was a voice that seemed to be speaking right into his mind. Remus shook his head. No.

I have just the place for you.

"Gryffindor!" the hat boomed, making Remus' ears ring. The lady removed the hat and send Remus off towards the red and gold table. Trembling with anticipation, Remus made his way to the table where the students were hooting for him and clapping him on the back. This table seemed to be a lively bunch.

Remus took his seat at one of the ends, trying not to look up at any of his new housemates. They had already forgotten about him, and were looking at the next student expectantly. Remus sighed inwardly. That horrid feeling was eating at him again. He didn't want to be a nobody. He wanted at least one person to notice him, to take him out of the haze he had imposed on himself.

As the long list of first years continued, he caught a few names of Gryffindors. Peter Pettigrew, a slimy sniffling student with buck teeth who shook like a willow in the wind. James Potter, who turned out to be the brunette Black had been clinging to. Arnold Weasely, a redhead who was attacked by his siblings after making Gryffindor. There were eight of them, scattered throughout the years. All of them had bright red orange hair, and a spray of freckles spattered across their faces. Remus thought they all looked the same. He wondered how they all had managed to get into Gryffindor.

The Headmaster of the School stood after the sorting had finished, and merely said, "Let's eat." The plates before them filled with food magically, and all the students dug in.

...*...

A resounding crash shook the tower, sending Remus under the covers of his four-poster in a quivering ball of limbs. He tried to block out the noise, but the pillows did nothing to stop the shaking and flashes of light. It seemed that the storm kept getting closer and closer, never ceasing. It seemed to magnify with each crash of thunder, and the candles in the dorm did nothing to help. They cast spooky shadows over the walls, shadows that moved and danced in the light of the fires.

Flash of light. Remus let out an involuntary whimper. Crash of thunder. He hated storms. Absolutely hated them. There was nothing in the world that he hated more than storms.

"Hey." A voice hissed out of the darkness. Someone's hand patted the blanket over his head, searching for any part of his body. "Hey? Is there someone in there?"

The hand grabbed the blanket and pulled, attempting to draw the cloth back. Remus saw a flash of light and jerked the blanket over his head again, wrenching it from the alien hand. "Hey!" this time the voice was surprised. The hand closed over a fist of cloth again, pulling hard and drawing it back. The person tossed the blanket at the foot of the bed to stare at the shivering boy underneath.

Remus looked up to see the Sirius Black standing above him. The boy had an odd expression on his face, a cross between amusement and concern. "Are you okay?" he said, cocking his head, "Should I get a teacher?"

"N-No..." mumbled Remus, flushing hotly. A teacher couldn't cure his fright of storms.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing..." Remus slowly uncurled. He hadn't heard thunder in about two minutes, so maybe the storm was over. He had thought that Black was quiet, the way he always followed Potter around and kept to himself.

Black shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets. He started to walk away, but a flash of lightning lit the area, casting a black and white portrait of the formerly colored dorm room. Remus couldn't help it; he cried out and ducked onto his bed again, pressing his hands tightly over his ears in anticipation of thunder. When it did come, it was loud and booming, a sound to shake the heavens and scare even the most stouthearted. Poor Remus moaned and tried to dig his head further into his mattress.

Unfortunately, Black noticed all this and was at his side in an instant. "What's wrong?" he asked, kneeling beside the bed.

"Nothing!" Remus shuddered, "Go away."

"Are you scared of the storm?" Black asked, with no hint of sarcasm or amusement in his voice.

"N-No," Remus ground out, trying to stop shaking so violently.

"It's okay if you are. Lots of people are scared of storms. In fact, it would probably be better if you go downstairs. We're all gathered in the Common Room, sleeping on the floor. The storm's not that bad down there..." Black spoke softly. When it became apparent that Remus didn't want to move, Black shrugged. He gathered the discarded blanket up and jumped onto the bed. Remus started, trying to keep his balance at Black stood up and readjusted the blanket around them both. Then, the boy sank down beside Remus under the blanket, lying on his side facing the shivering boy.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked, unsure if he should be wary of the other boy's attentions.

"I'm sitting with you," Black said. He looked around, "Well, lying with you actually. It's better if you're not alone. You don't want to deal with this by yourself, do you?" A loud bang of thunder cracked the sky again, forcing Remus to clench his teeth.

He realized that Black had him. He didn't want to be alone. Being lonely was the last thing he wanted right now, not when he was shaking in fear. But he didn't want to be surrounded by people either. The thought of sitting up with all the Gryffindors was almost nauseating. He couldn't stand to be around all those other people. "No..." Remus finally managed, eliciting a smile from the other boy.

"Good. The way you're so quiet, we were wondering if you hated people," he grinned.

" 'We'?" Remus repeated.

"Me and James. And Peter, but he's so quiet himself," Black rolled his eyes.

"You and James are together a lot. Are you two friends?" Remus asked.

Black narrowed his eyes, as if trying to guess if Remus was joking or not, "Yes. I've known him since I was born."

Remus stretched out on his side so that he could face this curious boy and talk more easily. "How did you meet him?"

"I don't remember. We've always been together."

They had always been together. Remus bit his lip. Did that mean that he had no hope of finding a friend at all? Did friends have to know each other from birth? He hadn't known anyone that long. Did that mean he couldn't have friends?

Another clap of thunder rocked the tower, reducing Remus to a quivering child. He ducked his head into his chest, trying to stop acting like a baby. Suddenly, two arms wrapped around him and pulled him close to a warm body, pressing tightly to stop his own shaking. "It's okay," Black murmured, gripping Remus tightly, "You're fine. It's not going to hurt you."

Surrounded by warmth, Remus froze. Black would no doubt feel how cold his skin was. Unnaturally cold. Remus pushed at Black's chest, trying to get free. "Hey, it's okay to be scared. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," Black protested.

Remus looked up at him, "Don't you think I'm weird?"

A chuckle escaped the other, "Weird? How? You're a little pale, and kind of scrawny, but so am I."

A sense of relief flooded into Remus. This boy didn't care how odd Remus was. He just saw a classmate in need and was up to the challenge. Maybe... maybe this boy could be his friend. Maybe this boy could save him from feeling so lonely.

"I didn't used to be scared of storms," Remus began tentatively. Black nodded, listening, "But I got lost in the forest one time, behind our house. It was summer, and there was a storm. I-I got struck by lightning..." He left out the part that he had been a wolf, a mere puppy. Black's eyes went wide, and he let out a large breath.

"But you lived," he said, trying to find something good. "You have every reason to be scared of storms. You go on being scared." Black propped himself up on his elbow, lifting the blanket and sending a rush of fresh air into both their lungs. "From now on, if it ever storms, you come right to me, understand?" he looked at Remus with such fierce determination that the boy smiled. "We can hide somewhere," Black elaborated, "And wait till the storm's over. And you won't have to be alone in fear again!"

"Who's hiding?" a voice called from above the blanket. A body slammed again Black, pushing him into the mattress laughing. Black fought, knocking the intruder off the bed and onto the floor. Remus whipped the blanket off their heads to see James lying on the floor with a mock frown plastered on his face. "Sirius you git! You messed up my hair!" James whined, tossing his head.

"Cry a river, Potter," Black shot back. "Hey, this is Remus. He doesn't hate people. He just isn't as sociable as you." Remus flushed at being in the spotlight. James leapt up and shook Remus' hand vigorously, pumping it up and down until Remus' arm was tired.

"What exactly were you two doing in that blanket?" James quirked an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. Remus turned an even brighter shade of red, if at all possible, and Black lobbed a pillow at his friend. James picked it up and tossed it back, only it missed Black and his Remus square in the face. Remus flung it at Black, who toppled off the bed in shock. James ran to the opposite wall of the room and grabbed a pillow off his own bed, and raced at Black with it.

As they tussled, Remus felt something catch in his throat. It worked its way up, and forced itself out of his mouth. Within seconds, he was rolling on his bed with laughter, heedless of the feathers flying around him or the thunder in the distance. He had two friends. These two were ready to make friends with him, to protect him from his fears, and to help him crawl out of his loneliness. With them, he wouldn't ever be lonely.