The Night Before

The soft sound of water lapping against sand gently brushed his ears, raking into his mind through the intense pain that hovered there, waiting to take root. He knew that if he moved, the agony would shoot through his temples with the force of the Hogwarts Express. His sense drifted back one by one, as if he was being pulled from a dark oblivion slowly, and very reluctantly. Rough grains of rock pressed against his cheek, and something warm trickled from his forehead. At his fingertips, he could feel the same course stones rubbing raw skin.

What had happened?

A groan forced its way up from his lungs, rubbing against a pained throat. His mouth was dry, his lips cracked and bleeding. It was as if he had screamed all night. Perhaps he had.

With a massive effort, he drew his arm under him and pushed hard, flipping himself onto his back. He landed hard on tender skin, and he let a small hiss of pain escape his lips. He was almost afraid to open his eyes, to find out where he was. If he opened his eyes, he would remember what had happened. He would remember where he was, who he had hurt, how far away from the school he was...

Something warm clutched in his hand, the one he was just regaining feeling to. He wondered vaguely what it was, if he even wanted to know. He could recall one time he had awakened to the carcass of a five-year old girl beside him, her limp hand grasped in his.

Choking back a whimper of fear, he opened his eyes and let harsh sunlight assail his vision. With his luck, of course, he had chosen to collapse under the only break in the trees where sunlight could pour down in a blinding yellow waterfall. Squinting against the glare, he worked his way into a sitting position, testing out which muscles hurt the most and which were still usable. His entire back felt as if he had fallen on a fire. Scalding pain shot up and down his skin, protesting his movements. The Hogwarts Express had taken rail inside his head, and drove him nearly mad with intense pounding and pressure in his temples. He drew his free hand up to rub his eyes.

His clothing was in shreds, as usual. Luckily, everything important was covered well enough so that he could wander back into school and claim a centaur fight. His arms were bare, revealing multiple scrapes on the pale skin. Some still bled. His legs did not look much better. He wondered if he should try standing.

A choking noise caught his attention, and he realized he was not alone. Whipping his head around, he saw someone lying not two feet from him, flat on his back and not moving. Black hair framed a serene face, eyes closed and mouth hanging open slightly. Slippery bands of water dripped down the face, drawn to the ground by gravity. He was soaked, and it was only then that Remus realized he was also drenched and shivering, cold to his very bones. His clothing hung in wet rags around his thin body. He clenched his hands reflexively, and they closed around the others'.

Remus shuffled forward on his hands and knees, closing the gap painfully to kneel beside the other boy. "Sirius..." sandy blonde hair shook into his eyes as he leaned over his dear friend. "Sirius...?" he almost couldn't hear himself, his voice was so shot. He must have been howling all night.

The black haired boy was not moving. A streak of blood crossed a pale cheek as Remus ran his hand over the boy's face. "Sirius, please..." Remus murmured, "This isn't funny..." He noticed that along with water, Sirius' clothes and face were spattered with blood. With increasing anxiety, Remus moved his free hand slowly down Sirius' chest, feeling the torn material of the other's shirt, feeling the wet stickiness of blood coat the fabric. "Oh god," Remus hissed, working his other hand free of Sirius' grip. He hunched over the other's inert form and carefully peeled back wet cloth to reveal a gaping wound in Sirius Black's chest, inscribed by some sort of claw.

A single tear slid down Remus' cheek as he witnessed to his own destructive handiwork. Long, deep, fresh cuts, no less than ten of them, raked across the shuddering chest, drawing blood in red rivers down to the ground. A soft moan of despair collected in Remus' raw throat. He had nothing to heal Sirius with. His wand was at the castle, hopefully not snapped in half and under James' watch.

He shrugged off what was left of his shirt and pressed it against Sirius' wounds, eliciting a cry of pain from the unconscious boy. "I'm sorry," Remus whispered, "I'm sorry..." What little he knew of Muggle first aid included applying pressure to stop bleeding, and keeping the victim warm. If Sirius lost too much blood, he could catch hypothermia or some other dreadful disease.

Sirius' head tossed to the side, and Remus' breath caught in his throat. The black haired boy's eyes flickered behind bluish lids, and slowly pulled open. Dark brown orbs roved the area, taking in the small lake, the trees, the sunlight, until finally they rested on the shaking boy beside him, nearly sobbing in exhaustion and relief.

"Sirius!" Remus managed, a weary smile cracking his lips, "Oh god, Sirius!"

"What...?" it was barely a whisper, one that Remus had to bend his head to hear. "What happened...?"

He was reduced to near hysterics, Remus was so happy that Sirius had awakened. He could only shake his head and bite his lip to stop from crying. Sitting shattered on the sandy bank of the lake, Remus could find himself only thankful that he had not killed his best friend. His trembling fingers clenched the soaked fabric that held Sirius' fragile life force back. "I'm so sorry," he could not stop the tears as they flooded forth, drawing a hiccup painfully from his lungs, "I'm so, so sorry... Sirius..."

At the sound of his sobs, Sirius looked more awake than ever, and slowly reached his hand upward. Alarmed, Remus grabbed his elbow, helping support it, "Sirius, you shouldn't move..."

"I'm... fine," Sirius managed a small grin as his fingers trailed down Remus' cheek. Remus leaned into the touch, closing his eyes as fresh tears spilled over. "Shh..." Sirius whispered, "Are you hurt?"

"Not as badly as you," Remus gasped, a shuddering breath wracking his frame.

"I'm fine..." Sirius repeated, "I think I'll go for a little walk... A short prance through a field of daisies perhaps..."

Normally Remus would have smiled. At this moment, however, with Sirius' life hanging between his tremulous fingers, it was not the least bit amusing. "You're not going anywhere," Remus quickly retorted, "You're delirious."

"I'm not delicious..." Sirius murmured, closing his eyes tiredly. His hand opened and closed slowly, searching for another warm palm. Remus complied, sliding his hand into Sirius' weak grasp. The boy fell silent. Almost at a panic, Remus leaned close to hear some sign of breath coming from the other's lungs. Faint but present, thank god. But what if it didn't last?

He rested his ear to Sirius' bruised chest, trying to hear a heartbeat. Again, faint but present. It fluttered oddly beneath his touch, and Remus wasn't sure how long it would hold up untreated. He let his tears smear his agony on Sirius' chest as he let out a moan. He couldn't leave his friend here. There were centaurs and other monsters in the forest. He didn't know exactly how far he had wandered this time, but he was sure it was deep enough that anything could be roaming the ground. He didn't dare leave Sirius alone and unconscious in the Forbidden Forest.

"Help!" Remus raised his voice despite his aching throat, "Someone! Please!" His voice cracked, panic threatening to overwhelm him. Nobody could hear him. They were too far into the forest. Sirius would die, chilled on the forest floor, by his hand. Or more specifically, claw.

"Someone please help!" his voice rose to a desperate scream. Sirius' body was becoming increasingly cold; a bluish tinge crept around his lips. "Please!" Remus sobbed, "He's dying!"

Something crashed through the underbrush of the forest and tumbled across the sand to rest a few feet away from Remus. The figure stood and shook out his hair, looking around. "Moony!" tall and lanky, James Potter rushed to his friend's side and dropped to his knees in the sand, "Moony, are you okay?"

Remus threw himself into James' arms, relishing the warm sanctuary of his strong embrace. James held the shivering boy tightly, "Moony, calm down. Calm down. It's going to be all right..."

"Sirius... he's- he's dying!" Remus choked between sobs of relief. James would make it all right. He would get Sirius to Hogwarts safely. He wouldn't let Sirius die.

James tightened his grip on Remus, drawing his wand from his pocket with a free hand. "Moony, calm down. Sirius is not dying. Come on, on your feet you lazy bum." James hauled Remus up, forcing the boy to use aching muscles that would not respond to his mind. "Stand up. I can't carry you and Black," James ordered, using a stern voice that helped bring Remus out of his panic. He stiffened his legs and remained on his feet, even though he desperately wanted to sit down again. James levitated Sirius, pursing his lips at the state his friend was in but saying nothing. His wand hand held Sirius, and his free hand held Remus' tightly. "We're going back to the castle," James stated.

...*...

Flicks of white and snatches of yellow lifted his eyelids, breaking into the void of his subconscious. He let his eyes slide open fully, and saw that the white was not just a mere flick- it was the entire room. The yellow glow from the candles lightened the shade, and did not do a thing to soften the stark paleness of the Infirmary.

His chest felt taut, as if the muscles had been stretched while he had slept. Slight tingling brushed his skin in many places, and he knew that if he sat up he would be in great pain. He still couldn't remember what had happened. He could recall waking in the middle of the forest, but that was a haze. If he remembered correctly, Remus had been crying... but he couldn't be sure.

"Sirius," a soft voice spoke beside him. Sirius turned his head to see Remus sitting beside him. He sat in a chair, and Sirius was laying flat on his back in a bed in the Infirmary.

"God, you look awful," Sirius opened his mouth, but his voice came out a croak. Remus had certainly seen better days. His arms and neck were wrapped in bandages, some stained red where blood was seeping through. His eyes were glazed over, as if he had not slept in days, and his hands trembled as he poured a glass of water to hand to Sirius.

"You look worse," Remus whispered, an uneasy grin lifting the corner of his lips.

"I don't feel worse," Sirius inched himself up in the bed, pushing into a sitting position to take the water. Sharp lances of pain curved around his chest, drawing breath from his lungs with frightening swiftness. He gasped, trying to breathe, and dropped the water glass. Remus jumped up, putting his arms around Sirius' shoulders as tiny droplets of liquid splashed them both.

Suddenly, it was dark. The moon was full. Sirius saw a flash of claws- heard a howl of agony. Splashing water... freezing cold ground... intense pain in his chest...

Almost of its own volition, Sirius' arm shoved at Remus, pushing the sandy haired boy backwards into his chair. "Don't touch me!" Sirius rasped, a chill racing down his spine. Remus' pale blue eyes went wide in shock; his thin lips hung open in surprise.

"Sirius..." his voice was laced with anguish as his eyes filled. Sirius trembled hard where he sat, and tried not to think about the emotional damage he was doing to his friend. All he knew was that Remus had nearly killed him last night. "I'm sorry..." Remus quietly hiccupped, trying to get a hold on himself, "I'm so, so sorry..." He dropped his head into his hands, shoulders heaving in a silent struggle for control. The wrappings on his hands did nothing to soak up the flood of tears that fell. Finally, after what seemed like hours of this, Remus couldn't take it anymore. He stood and ran from the room, ducking his head out of sight of the other students in the room.

...*...

The Gryffindor dorms were lit a cheery color, thanks to the warm fire that stewed in the fireplace at one end of the room. The color wasn't enough to lighten Remus' mood, however, as he threw himself on his giant four-post bed facedown, praying that nobody was around. He just wanted to be alone, where nobody could touch him, and he couldn't hurt anyone. Just in case there was someone else, he tried to suppress his crying until he was more coughing than sobbing.

"Moony?"

His head shot up to stare blurrily at a tall figure standing over him. "Are you okay?" James sat on the bed beside Remus' elbow.

"Yes," Remus mumbled into the mattress. Of all the people he didn't want to be around, James numbered one.

James looked around, "You're kidding right?" He reached out a tentative hand and touched Remus' tousled hair. "What's wrong?" he lowered his voice and dropped himself into a reclining position to be nearer Remus.

"Sirius..." Remus couldn't even begin to say it. He had known this would happen. From the very first day they had met, he had known it would end up like this. Nobody could stand being around a werewolf for long. They all ran away in the end.

"What about him? The nurse said he was going to be fine," James sounded confused.

"H-He's scared of me now," he clenched his fists around the cloth of his bed sheets.

"It is pretty scary the way you ace every single test we take," James chided softly, knowing very well what the problem was but choosing to ignore it.

"Not as scary as the look you get when you stare at that Evans girl," Remus shot back, turning onto his back to stare into the deep pits of brown that James called eyes.

The boy laughed and sighed, "I can't help it. She moves with the grace of the wind."

"Poetic. You should write that one down."

"It is written down... Just not by me..." They shared a chuckle before James pushed himself off the bed. "Relax, Moony. You think too much." He tossed a pillow at the pale boy before ducking out of the room.

...*...

"Wake up you lousy git."

A rough hand shook his shoulder painfully, making Sirius hiss. He opened his eyes quickly and found himself staring at an irritated James Potter. "You lousy, no good, scum sucking, yellow stomached, smarmy, sniveling little..." he couldn't even finish, and ended the sentence with a guttural growl. Sirius couldn't remember a time he had seen James more angry. Almost instantly, he knew what this was about. "You are going to break him," James got to his knees beside the bed so their conversation wouldn't carry. They and Dumbledore were the only ones who knew about Remus' condition. Dumbledore preferred to keep it that way. "You are going to be the reason he goes crazy. Not because of the curse, but because he feels so much of what he did to you," James' face twisted in anger, eyebrows drawn sharply together and lips curled in a distasteful sneer.

"You weren't there," Sirius made an effort to defend himself, "He didn't even hesitate to attack me."

"He didn't know any better!" James shot back, trying to keep his voice from rising drastically, "You know that. In all our years together he has never once recognized us! Not once! What made you think he wouldn't attack you?"

Sirius fell silent, ashamed. It was true. Moony had never recognized them while under a full moon. Ever. "I couldn't help it..." he whispered.

"Well you better change that extremely quickly," James barked, gripping the sheets on Sirius' bed, "because I'm not going to watch him fall apart because you are scared shitless. That's not a friend. A friend sticks close by, no matter how hard it gets. Pain, torture, death. None of that matters to a true friend."

"You never felt his claws ripping into you," Sirius shuddered, desperately trying not to remember what had happened that night. He looked at James, shocked to see him pulling off his shirt, sputtering in anger.

"Never!? Never!?" he burst out, absolutely infuriated now. Sirius' eyes widened. Across a tanned shoulder etched a series of scars- long, ugly, and deep. And then suddenly, he remembered the time in first year, when they had discovered Moony's condition. James, being James, had tried to help Moony's shaking by throwing his arms around the boy. The werewolf who took Remus' body had slashed at him, nearly taking off his arm. Sirius had stood there in horror while the werewolf pup bolted from the room and into the halls. They had found him the next morning cowering in the dungeons.

"Don't you dare use that on me," James hissed angrily, throwing his shirt to the ground in frustration, "I was there first. And on that day, I resolved never ever to let him be alone again. You promised that too, you bastard, and look what you're doing to him."

Tears of anger, shame, and hurt pooled in Sirius' eyes. He remembered that promise as if he had made it yesterday. They had vowed that they would take turns watching Moony during the full moon. One day out of every month, all three of them woke up exhausted somewhere on the floor of the Forbidden Forest. One watched Moony's wand while the other watched Moony to make sure he didn't hurt himself. That was how it always had been.

"I guess just watching him isn't enough now," James mused, his anger seemingly vanishing. "He's too strong for us now. We need to go a step further."

"Further?" Sirius wiped his eyes furiously, now embarrassed at his display of emotion, even to his best friend, "What do you mean?"

"Well, we have to get stronger somehow," James spoke as if he should have known. "I read somewhere about wizards who could become animals. Do you think Moony would be happy if he had company in the forest that he didn't feel like eating?"

"You want to become an Animagus?" Sirius' eyes widened, "That's hard. It'll take a while."

"No it won't," James shook his head, "We all know what we're doing. It has to be a surprise though. Can't tell Moony yet."

"It'll take at least two years to get registered," Sirius pointed out. Then he froze, "Oh no. No. It's illegal!"

James had that look in his eye. That horrible look that always led to trouble. "Nobody has to know," he said, his voice smooth as silk.

"We have to register! It's illegal!" Sirius hissed.

"That'll take too long," James whined, "We're already in fifth year. If we wait too long, it won't be any use anyway." He had a point.

"Fine, fine," Sirius sighed, he could never resist James. "I refuse to do any research though. If we die, I'm haunting you forever."

"Agreed," James grinned, "Now let me go get Moony. And remember, no telling."

...*...

Silence had settled over them like a blanket, heavy and suffocating. Remus sat twisting his hands in his lap, unhappy that James had forced him to be here. Sirius didn't quite know what to say to begin to apologize.

"Do you-" his voice cracked. Sirius cleared his throat and tried again, "Do you want to know what happened last night?"

Unable to stop himself, Remus nodded. Sirius took a deep breath, "You wandered around just like you normally do after you changed, and ended up near that little lake near the end of the night. As the moon was going down, you started to change back, and I guess it was more painful than usual. You jumped in the lake, trying to drown yourself..." Sirius stopped, inhaling deeply and trying to press the images out of his head. He could still feel the panic he had lived the night before, as he watched his best friend suffer so much agony without being able to help at all. "I just... just jumped in after you and dragged you out. But you fought me..." he touched the bandages across his chest, wincing, "And then you passed out. I guess I did a couple minutes later, also..."

The other boy sniffed, pressing a hand against his eyes, "Sometimes I wonder... if I were better off dead. I couldn't hurt anyone that way..."

Sirius jerked the covers of his bed back and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He stood, well, half-stood, leaning on the bed for support. Remus' eyes went wide and he jumped up, "Sirius!" The black haired boy felt his legs collapse under him, and he fell into Remus. The pale boy used all his strength to maneuver them to a position where they could fall back onto the bed without injury.

"If you ever," Sirius panted, exhausted from the effort, "ever say that again... I swear to god I'll kill you." Sirius had landed on his back, Remus pressing heavily against his chest. It didn't hurt, however, so much as it gave him comfort.

"But..." Remus' eyes filled with tears again.

"Never," Sirius growled, "say that again. Ever. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Remus whispered, laying his head against Sirius' chest where he could hear the steady heartbeat of his friend. "I'm sorry..." he said as he felt the coarse cloth of the bandages against his cheek.

"Stop apologizing. I volunteered for this job, remember?" Sirius grinned, "And its perks."

"Perk?" Remus looked up, his face mere inches from Sirius', "This is a perk?"

"This is a perk," Sirius lifted his head to touch Remus' lips gently with his own. Remus was shocked and pulled away quickly, flushing a brilliant red. Sirius tilted his head back and laughed, his strong chest shaking Remus' arms. When he quieted, he pulled Remus up so that they lay next to each other on the small bed, "You are never alone. I love you. James loves you as a friend. Peter loves you as a friend. We're here for you, and I will protect you."

Remus broke down again, quietly hiccupping into Sirius' neck as the black haired boy kissed the top of the sandy head. Sirius smiled when Remus' arms curled around him tightly, holding him safely.

"Am I too late for an orgy?"

Both boys looked up at the cocky voice to see James standing at the bedside. "How long have you been there?" Sirius asked suspiciously.

"Long enough," grinned James. He jumped on the bed, snuggling in behind Remus, to sandwich the sandy blonde boy between the two brunettes.

"Watch it. There's two injured people here," Sirius moaned in exasperation. His chest was throbbing, but not as badly as before.

"Let's make it a third." James licked Remus' ear, grinning madly. Remus squeaked, and Sirius reached over and shoved James so hard he fell off the bed laughing. "I'm just kidding!" he yelled from the floor. "Really!"