Crossed Wires

Nymphadora Tonks sat staring out the window, her hair its natural brown, her clothes less than bright.

She had to wonder where her guardian angel had disappeared to. Maybe it was just lazy.... or maybe like everyone else it saw this happy-go-lucky girl with the bright hair and loud clothes and didn't think she needed any help, support...... love.

Something had to account for the bad luck she'd been having. Maybe there was some rare bad luck potion someone had slipped into her drink and was just lasting a very long time. What else could explain her losing her favourite relative and being blocked out by the one man she really needed at such a difficult moment in her life?

Sometimes she'd be sitting there and she'd suddenly realise she hadn't taken in anything happening around her for ages, her mind had just wandered..... just started thinking of Sirius, although he wasn't the only marauder on her mind lately. She was often prone to daydreams about a certain were-wolf. She'd make up scenarios where they would pour out their hearts to each other, share all their memories of Sirius, her talking about the way he'd almost been like a brother to her, and Remus sharing stories of their school days together and the many scrapes they'd get into. They'd talk and there would be this comfortable atmosphere between them as they shared the good times and the bad, the joy of his life and the sorrow of his death. She wished for that moment in her daydreams where he'd see the sensitive side of her and lean in to comfort her, and all their sadness would melt away as their lips met.

But for any of that to ever come true he would actually have to talk to her, beyond the occasional muttered 'I'm sorry' or 'Morning' or the dreaded 'I have to go' which were his normal responses to her attempts to start a conversation. She couldn't understand, she would have thought they would become closer through this tragedy, but he just kept drifting away, distancing himself. She'd already lost one person close to her and she didn't need to lose another, especially not one whose relationship with her she was so anxious to build on, even though she had never managed to utter those words to him.

She'd almost said those three magic words once, the night before Sirius' death...... She'd just captured him and sat him down, she opened her mouth to tell him... and someone came to tell them they were required for an Order of The Phoenix meeting. Somehow since that night there hadn't been a good time to tell him, and now it looked like he wouldn't let her get close enough to say them.

So she tucked her knees into her chest, stared out the window and cried for the ones who she'd lost, both physically and emotionally.

Upon entering the room Remus saw the Tonks he saw so often since his friend's death. Mousy haired, somberly clothed, emotionally drained and the one thing he hated seeing..... the tears.

He never let her know he'd seen her during these times when she'd hole herself up in this room and cry to herself. Sometimes he just wanted to walk up behind her and wrap his arms around her, comfort her, let her know she wasn't the only one hurting, but that would only lead to her thinking he wanted something more from her, from their friendship. The last thing she needed was to let her grief bind herself tighter to him. He knew she was too nice to let something that happened between them go as a fling, as two friends comforting each other in their hour of need, and no matter how much he wanted it to be more than just that he knew she deserved better than him. He was too old for her, never mind the whole were-wolf thing. He wasn't what she deserved and even if it might hurt them both for him to be so distant right now it was what was best for her. She would get on with her life and find the man she deserved in time.

As he turned to leave, he silently blew a kiss at her shaking form in the window seat and whispered the words that so often drifted through his head

'I love you Tonks.....'