Wreck of the Day

Wreck of the Day

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And the light's always red in the rear-view
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you

Danielle sat petrified in her car with the red stop light glaring in her face. Her eyes traveled to the rear view mirror where his apartment was still visible. Her heart's pulsing beat pounded inside of her head jumbling her thoughts.

Danielle stared at the apartment behind her which held the sleeping wizard her heart longed to be near. She remembered how peaceful he looked as she silently and secretly packed her bags, and walked out of the door. He had looked so beautiful that her heart had been on the verge of making her drop her bags and crawl back into his strong arms for the night. But Danielle had finally allowed her mind to overrule her heart and make the best decision for the both of them. For she knew that she was slowly losing her mind with each moment she spent with him.

A car's aggressive honk pulled Danielle from her reverie, signaling to her that the light was green and that it was time to push forward: alone.

Danielle dreaded the hope that welled in the pit of her stomach. The false hope that was going to tear her to pieces when the thing she hoped for most never came to past; the hope that Sirius would follow her and fight for their love.

But such hope was detrimental to her wounded heart because it would only hurt her heart even more when it never happened. Because her mind, her rationality, knew that Sirius would never come. Because it knew that Sirius didn't love her the way she loved him.

And Danielle knew that the worst part of this false hope was that it would encourage to do something foolish. It would encourage her to do anything to have him back, something that she'd never have the nerve to do under any other circumstance.

If this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love

Danielle's mind wandered even further as she drove along the dark roads of both England and destitution. She thought about the road that had brought her to this point. She thought about the lies, the shame, and the heartache that never seemed to disappear throughout their entire relationship.

'But Sirius I want to meet your friends!'

'No.'

'Sirius, we've been together for over nine months and I still have yet to meet any one of your friends!' Danielle yelled breathing harshly.

'Danielle it's just not the right time,' Sirius said shaking slightly.

Danielle listened to the words that continuously ran from his mouth. 'Time,' she thought sullenly finally being able to decode his 'time.'

'What? Are you ashamed of me, Sirius? Hm? Is that it? Is that why you hide me from your godson, best friend, and the rest of your inner circle?' Danielle whispered, staring at him.

Sirius remained silent while holding her eyes. His breathing was labored and he knew he needed to answer her, but for some reason the words wouldn't come.

'Oh God you are ashamed of me! You're ashamed of me,' Danielle said softly while tears filled her brown eyes.

'What's wrong with me, Sirius? What is so wrong with me that you're too ashamed to introduce me to your family?' she asked in a broken voice.

'Dani--'

'NO, you don't get the right to call me that anymore. You don't get the right to anything anymore Sirius,' she said angrily moving towards the front door.

Sirius grabbed Danielle's arm, pulling her body to his. He held her tightly as she struggled against him.

'Let me go! Let me go!' Danielle shouted as the tears fell from her eyes.

'Dani please don't. Just calm down, love. Just calm down,' Sirius said with sad eyes.

'Leave me alone Sirius. I'm going, so you'll be able to find someone worthy of your friends' presence,' Danielle said brokenly, her confidence and will completely lost.

'Please don't. Don't leave me Danielle. I couldn't handle that. I could handle anything else, except that. I've already lost so much and I can't loose you too. I don't want to find someone else Danielle. I only want you.

'I just need more time, love. I just need more,' he said pleading with her.

'And what if I'm out of time, Sirius? Did you ever think about that?' she said sadly.

'Then I'll find us both some more, I promise I will.'

Danielle's eyes were void of any light which tore at Sirius's insides. But he pushed it from his mind and kissed her passionately, to get her to give into his will. And once again it worked, just like every other time.

Danielle was brought back to life once again by the honking of a car. She continued her trek to her destination. A destination she wasn't too sure of.

She briefly wondered if she was doing the right thing by running. She wondered if what she was doing could be considered running. Or was it considered survival? She wasn't sure, but she was sure that she was done. She was done with love and leaving it behind in Sirius's apartment.

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus
'Cause love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love
I'm just falling to pieces

Danielle continued her drive while considering how she could classify her and Sirius's relationship. 'Could it even classify it as a relationship?'

But she did know one thing. Danielle knew that her heart ached like hell which led her to a whole new set of questions.

She had always believed that love never caused pain, except when a loved one died; but that was the only pain that love inflicted. So, Danielle wondered if what she felt for Sirius was even love because love wasn't supposed to hurt; rather, it was supposed to make people feel good, better, happy.

Danielle knew that she had fallen in love with Sirius a long time ago, and she knew that this was why she falling apart. She knew that her love for him was tearing her into tiny pieces. And Danielle knew that those pieces were making their way back to Sirius, the man who held her entire being in his beautiful gray eyes.

And if this is giving up then I'm giving up
If this is giving up then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love

And maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love
All my resistance will never be distance enough

Danielle allowed her mind to flow to Sirius. She wondered how long it would take him to notice her absence, and if he would even care.

'It doesn't matter because you're done with him and you're done with love,' she thought but she knew that she was only lying to herself. The hope was beginning to choke the life from her body.

'I'm tired of this, Sirius. I'm tired of always being the one who's hurt. I'm tired of constantly being your victim and the victim to this love. I'm tired,' Danielle said in an exhausted voice.

Sirius' gray eyes stared back at her and for a brief moment she thought she saw a flicker of something in his eyes. What the flicker was she didn't know. Danielle knew what she wanted it to be, but she wouldn't allow her heart to believe it.

'Love, it's never been my intention to hurt you. I lo-care so much for you, and I don't want you to go,' he said advancing on her slowly.

Sirius allowed his fingertips to brush the tears from Danielle's eyes, before he pulled her into his arms.

'I need you baby, I can't lose you. You have to know how I feel,' Sirius said before planting a sweet kiss on her lips.

'That's the problem Sirius, I don't know anything about you,' Danielle said removing herself from his arms, and climbing into the bed without another word to him.

Danielle brushed the tear that rolled down her check away haphazardly. That was the day that she had finally gotten the courage to even think about actually following through with her threat to leave him because every other time had merely been a lie to herself, and to him.

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And it's finally quiet in my head
Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed
And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love

Danielle inhaled the night air deeply while relishing the muteness in her mind. The pounding had lifted which made her believe that maybe she was going to alright without him, that she would be alright alone.

Her destination didn't seem so desolate; rather, it looked actually warm and comforting. Danielle pulled into the garage of her building, and walked up the flights of the steps to her flat.

She fell onto her bed, finally happy with her choice to give up on Sirius and on their love.

But then the hope crept into her heart, and the night seemed much more gruesome and lonely. And now all she wanted was for Sirius' strong arms to wrap tightly around her body, and to feel his warm breath on her ear while he whispered sweet words into it.

On love, On love

Song: 'Wreck of the Day,' by Anna Nalick on the 'Wreck of the Day,' album.