The Seriousness of Sirius Potter

It had been a month since Sirius and Michael first realised how they felt about each other. Their time alone together was getting shorter and shorter. Both had Quidditch practise and homework, but it was neither of these that bothered Michael. No one knew about the two of them. For one this was a blessing, for the other it was a curse.

After three days of celibacy they had been given a golden opportunity, the chance that all couples in Hogwarts hope for, heterosexual or otherwise. It was a Hogsmeade weekend. Sirius told anyone who asked that he wasn't going this time. He needed to catch up with some work. Michael claimed to feel bloody awful and couldn't get out of bed. He was telling a half truth, he and Sirius didn't leave his bed all day.

After long sessions of love making, they both lay down on the bed staring at the ceiling, thoroughly exhausted. Michael ran his fingers through Sirius' thick, untidy hair. He began to work up the courage to ask his boyfriend something, a question that had been preying on his mind for a while now.

"Sirius ...are you ashamed of us?"

Sirius sat up slightly by propping himself up with his elbow.

"What?"

"Are you ashamed of us?" repeated Michael. For a moment their eyes met but Sirius couldn't hold his gaze.

"Of course not,"

"Look at me and say it Sirius," Sirius forced himself to maintain eye contact.

"I have never been ashamed of us. Why would you ask that? Are you?"

"No, it's just that ...I'm tired of all the lying and sneaking around. There are times when I want to let the whole Wizarding world know of my love for you. I want to be able to sleep in the same bed as you, to hold your hand in public, to be with you all the time, not when it's convenient. There are times when I cry myself to sleep knowing you're in the same room but not the same bed. The only way we can be together all the time is if people know about us, would that really be such a terrible thing? What's holding us back, Sirius?"

For a moment Sirius couldn't answer. He bit his lip, trying to hold his reply in.

"Fear," he said finally.

"Of me?" asked Michael in a tone of concern.

"No, not of you," he stroked Michael's face with his fingertips. "Never of you."

"Then of who?" There was another moment of silence. The quiet felt as strong as cord and Sirius had to use a lot of effort to cut it.

"I'm not afraid of what the other students will say, I mean, I've been made fun of ever since I got here. I'm used to that kind of thing. It's how my family would react that I'm afraid of...and when I say my family I mostly mean my dad,"

"You don't think he would approve?"

"I'm not sure. I've never heard him talking about gays so I don't know how he feels about them. If he takes it badly it would be terrible ... and what if the word got out? 'The Son of the Boy Who Lived is Gay'. It could ruin his reputation."

"You think my situation is any different? My dad's the head coach for the England Quidditch team. I happen to know for a fact that when he started off as their keeper a guy made a pass at him. My dad nearly floored the poor bloke. I don't care about that, I don't care what anyone thinks about me except you," He caught Sirius' glance and their eyes locked together. "I love you Sirius and that's a wonderful thing. Shouldn't we share it with everyone?"

A tear came to Sirius' eye. He tried to talk coherently but his voice seemed choked.

"Mike, you ...you haven't seen my dad when he's really angry. If I was to tell him, I don't know how he would take it. He was furious with Lily when he found out she was pregnant with Arthur. I remember how much he was shouting then I try to think of how he'd react, it - it scares me Mike," Michael embraced his boyfriend in a loving, comforting hug. Sirius' tears fell from his cheeks and down Michael's bare back. "I don't have your bravery Mike, I wish I did but ...I just don't."

"Sirius, I'm sorry I imposed this on you. I never stopped to think if you were ready. Please take some time to think about it." They heard voices coming from outside. Michael peered out the window and saw students heading back to the castle. The two boys retrieved their clothes from various parts of the dormitory and got dressed in silence. When they were done Michael took Sirius gently by the shoulders. "We won't tell anyone if you don't want to. Whatever happens, I'll always be here for you and I'll never stop loving you." He kissed Sirius on the forehead before walking through the door and down to the common room.

Sirius sat on his bed, allowing everything that had been said to sink in. There was someone he needed to talk to.