Smoke and Mirrors

The first time Sirius Black had ever smoked was after catching his favorite cousin Andromeda smoking out by the shed during one of the countless family gatherings they were both forced to attend.

She had been leaning up against the wall of the shack, sitting on the wood pile, her long black hair blowing in the wind, her cool grey eyes staring out onto the grounds, the cigarette sitting her mouth, her long fingers reaching up to remove it and a trail of smoke flowing softly out of her lips when her hand had pulled back.

Sirius had been struck, standing immobile watching her, seeing a side of his cousin that fascinated him, a part he'd never seen before and wanted to watch a little longer before it disappeared. Andromeda seemed thoughtful, innocent almost, and very alone. He couldn't help but watch her. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, accidentally moving his foot and cracking a twig, which snapped with a crack and brother her from her reverie with a start and she jumped up the from the woodpile, stamping out her cigarette before turning to see who it was.

Realizing that it was him and not one of her dreaded sisters, Andromeda placed her hand on her heart and noticeably relaxed. "Merlin, Sirius, you nearly gave me a fucking heart attack. What are you doing? Get your skinny arse over here and join me, since you've found me out anyways," she said, sliding back onto the woodpile, beckoning him over to her and motioning for him to sit next to her on the logs.

From her jacket pocket, she pulled out a crumpled and folded package of cigarettes, removed two, and having done so, she slid the pack back into her pocket. Even doing this normally vulgar and entirely simple task, she used a strange sort of grace, the Black family grace, and it seemed to flow from her pores. Sirius was mesmerized. He watched as she rested one on her lips and held out the other for him. He took it, staring at it for a moment, before mimicking her and sticking it in his mouth. She pulled out a box of muggle matches from another pocket and struck one, using it to light the cigarette in her mouth. Once that was complete, she held out the matchbox for Sirius to take and once he'd removed it from her hands, she inhaled deeply on the cigarette, exhaling slowly.

He watched her for a moment, watched her silent revel that first puff, before gracelessly striking a match and lighting his own and handing her back the matchbox.

"Merlin did I need this," she said to him as she slid the matched back into her pocket. "Our family is deserving of more than one fag." Those words gone from her mouth, she inhaled again and this time Sirius joined her, inhaling from his own cigarette, the effect being quite different for him than it had been for her.

He pulled the cigarette from his mouth, exhaling in coughs and hacks, feeling Andromeda slap him on the back to help him and hearing her laugh ringing in his ears.

"Fucks sake, Sirius, why didn't you say you'd never smoked before?" she asked him, still laughing her signature laugh as she inhaled again.

He shrugged, swinging his long legs and kicking a wood chip. "Dunno, I guess I figured if I told you the truth, I wouldn't be invited to join," he said, slowly catching his breath and preparing for a second try.

She rolled her eyes. "Merlin, no. I would've still let you join, I just would've showed you how to do it right on your first time," she answered. Holding her own cigarette in her long fingers, she tapped off a bit of ash, before bringing it slowly back to her mouth. "Do it like this, next time. Shallow breaths until you get used to it." She demonstrated how to do it and he followed, this time being followed by less coughing.

"There you go! Soon you'll be a regular old chimney," she congratulated, patting his back affectionately as she inhaled again.

He smiled; glad to be allowed in on her special ritual, this sacred part of her. They finished smoking, in a mix of silence and odd broken conversation, both of them on the woodpile staring out into nothing, enjoying the same peace this experience brought.

It soon became that whenever Andromeda would sneak off for a fag, as she called them, she would ask Sirius to join her and the two of them would repeat the ritual that had begun on that cool day in late summer. Sometimes, they would just appear in the same spot, at a time seemingly fated, neither of them having sought out the other, the togetherness just happening. The two of them, the outcast Blacks, the white sheep, smoking secretly together in a mix of silence and chatter. These gatherings happened anywhere, at Hogwarts or at family things, the two of them just found a secluded place to smoke and exist.

It was a few years after the first time, during a particularly hectic and frantic gathering (he vaguely recalls that it might've been Bellatrix's wedding), that they found each other under an ancient oak tree on a forgotten corner of the grounds, near an abandoned house elf cemetery. Sirius had been waiting there for her, leaning up against the tree, watching Andromeda's approach, knowing that she would come after having seen his signal and his leaving.

He pulled out two cigarettes from his own crumpled and faded pack and held one out for her to take. She shook her head 'no' and he slid it back into his pocket, lighting his own cigarette and giving her an odd look.

"What's up, Meda? It's not like you to refuse a fag, especially during one of these things," he asked her, watching her with his equally grey eyes.

She looked at the tree line and back up to the manor, and then back to him, her arms folded across her chest, an act of protection rather than standoffishness. She sighed and looked at her shoes, kicking the dirt absentmindedly with the toe of her fancy shoe, scuffing it, before looking back at him and meeting his eyes for the first time since she'd arrived.

"I can't. Not this time, and not again for a very long time, perhaps forever," she answered, biting her lip in a display of uncharacteristic nerves and looking away from him again.

He stood up straighter, pulling his cigarette from his mouth, his eyebrows knit together in confusion. "What does that mean, Meda? Why can't you?" he asked, desperate to know.

She stood straight, still not looking at him, looking at the grounds, the world, taking it all in, clearly preserving it in her memory for a time when these things would not be this way. Her hair was flapping in the wind and Sirius unwillingly recalled the first of these meetings.

He dropped his cigarette onto the ground, grinding it out with the ball of his foot and took a step towards her, asking, "Meda, what's wrong? What's happened?" He grabbed her arm gently, turning her towards him, concern in his eyes.

Andromeda looked up, startling him with tears in her eyes, something clearly paining her as she answered his inquiries. "I'm pregnant, Sirius."

The words fell heavy, and he felt the need to take a step back, not quite hearing her, let alone believing her. "Pregnant?" he questioned, trying to grasp what she had said.

She rolled her eyes in the patented Andromeda way and looked at him, looked him right in the eyes, her grey eyes piercing his and looking right into his soul. "Pregnant, you know in the family way?" she clarified.

"Oh Merlin, Meda, whose is it? Who's the father? Macnair? Avery? Rosier?" he asked, fear seeping into him, not wanting the father of his favorite cousin's newly minted child to be one of those pureblood Slytherin assholes.

She laughed an edgy laugh, shaking her head 'no' and looking away from him once more. He breathed a sigh of relief and tried to think of other pureblood boys she could've gotten herself mixed up with who were not members of the group he'd just mentioned.

"Who? Caradoc Dearborn? Gideon Prewett? Fabian Prewett?" he asked, racking his brain for names. She laughed the same sort of laugh, shaking her head 'no' again.

"Fuck, Meda, who is it? I'm running out of names," he asked, looking at her helplessly.

"He's not a pureblood. Fuck, he's not even from our world, even by half. He's a muggleborn, Sirius, a muggleborn," she said, looking at him, harsh laughter in her breaking voice, and helplessness clinging to her. He'd never seen her like this, not once in all the years he'd known her.

"Who? Give me a name, Meda," he asked her softly, walking back over to her and bending his knees slightly to look her right in the eyes. "A name for the father of my favorite cousin's baby."

She looked at him for what could've been a moment or could've been a millennium before saying the bloke's name. "Edward Tonks," were the words that slipped from her lips.

Sirius searched his mind, trying to recall a Tonks, let alone an Edward Tonks. Suddenly recollection hit him and he looked at her again, not realizing he'd looked away. "Teddy Tonks? Ravenclaw? Always a bit off, but nice enough bloke all the same? Same year as you?" he questioned, seeking confirmation.

She nodded. "The one and the same. Ted Tonks. My Ted," she replied. A tear slid down her cheek and she bit her lip again. "Oh Sirius, what am I going to do? How do I tell them that not only am I pregnant, but some mudblood is the father?"

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. She was the closest thing he'd ever had to a sister, the one family member he'd always liked and it hurt him to see her like this. "Do you love him?" he asked after a bit of silence.

She nodded her head under his chin. "More than anything," was her quiet reply.

"Then you have to be with him and leave all this behind. Tell him that you're the mother of his child and you love him and you two should be together always. Run away from her, Meda. Be free," he told her, squeezing her slightly.

"What do I tell the rest? How do I tell them?" she asked, seeking his advice he though she was the older of the two.

He was quiet for a bit, thinking over what she could do, how she should go about it. Something finally falling into his head, he snapped his fingers. "Write them a letter. Pack up your things and leave and I'll give it to them when you're gone and free," he detailed to her.

"What happens to you? They'll hate you for knowing," she asked, looking up at his face.

He shrugged. "Who cares? I doubt I'll stay very long after. Think about it, Meda, soon we'll both be free and away from these awful people who are our family and living lives we chose. It'll be great, I swear, great," he promised her.

She nodded again and lapsed into silence and thought once more. A few minutes passed before she spoke again. "Will you come to my wedding?" she asked, quietly.

"I wouldn't dream of not," was his reply.

Silence fell over them again before Andromeda broke it once more, her voice still quiet and shaking. "I'm scared," was what she said.

Sirius nodded, shuffling his feet as he thought things over. "Me too," he answered in a voice just as quiet.

The two cousins slipped into silence again, both of them with their thoughts on the future and the questionings of how it would all be different. Freedom was not going to be a sweet and innocent thing, rather than a thing of bittersweet thoughts and memories and both of them were going to be thrust into it.

For better or for worse, the Black family had just lost two shining stars.