Nick Cleveland and the Coven of Lancre

Nick Cleveland and the Coven of Lancre

Chapter Eleven

A few days later, Professor Dumbledore called in Professor Flitwick and Nick Cleveland. Nick was convalescent, and catching up on the schoolwork he had missed.

"You'll be happy to know, Mr. Cleveland, that our...guests...can now return to their home world. We've managed to reverse-engineer your Portkey, and our own people are eager to open relations with the Discworld."

"Great!" Nick was rather relieved; he had thought that he was in a lot of trouble. "Maybe I can go back there, once I'm out of Hogwarts. That 'Unseen University' that I heard the young one, Miss Garlick, talking about sounds like lots of fun. I'd love to see them reacting to Melinda...and Melinda reacting to being told she couldn't study there!" Nick grinned mischeviously. "I always did enjoy a fireworks display!"

"Mr. Cleveland, while I can certainly understand your impatience with their strictures, you should remember, when and if you get to go, that you are a guest, and I shall expect you to comport yourself at all times in a way that reflects credit on Hogwarts," Dumbledore said sternly, as Flitwick nodded agreement.

"Ex-squeeze me? 'If I get to go?'" Nick raised one eyebrow. "Seems to me that as the inventor of this process, I have a good right to use it if I please!"

"The process takes a good deal of magical energy, and has been nationalised by the Ministry as a vitally important resource," Dumbledore explained. Nick's eyes went very cold, and Dumbledore hastened to explain: "Of course, they'll be paying you fees for the privilege of using your work. They wouldn't want to cheat you."

"How much?" Nick asked. Dumbledore named a figure, and Nick's eyes went wide. "Well, why-didn't-you-just-say-so?" He grinned a grin of pure greed. "Hoody-hoo! Flourish and Bott's and Foyle's, here I come!"

Flitwick smiled proudly. "You're a real Ravenclaw, Mr. Cleveland."

"So Professor Snape told me once, long ago, when he found out about my little scheme to discredit Professor Lockhart." Nick looked from his headmaster to his House head. "Oops...you didn't know about that little exploit, did you?"

"Do go on, Mr. Cleveland," purred Dumbledore. "Tell us all about your scheme to discredit one of your teachers."

Nick spread his hands. "Well, after Louella Martin got expelled* for being, if you please, the Heir of Slytherin...and, paranthetically, my own take is that if she's any sort of Heir of Slytherin, I'm the King of Romania...I got to thinking, hard. And I came to the conclusion that the only person who could have done the things the Heir had done, particularly paralysing Nearly Headless Nick, was a very powerful witch or wizard, who was new to the school. There was only one person who fit that bill, wasn't there?"

"You're certainly correct about the Heir's exploits being only within the capacities of a powerful wizard or witch, Mr. Cleveland. But why did you think that the perpetrator was new to the school?" Dumbledore was plainly very curious, and Flitwick was beaming with pride in his pupil.

"The attacks had only just started, and I didn't think the Heir of Slytherin would waste any time, sir."

Both teachers nodded. "Excellent thinking! Ten points to Ravenclaw for very clear thinking! After you leave school, may I recommend you look up the Department of Dark Arts Eradication? I have heard that Madame Lovegood is interested in offering you a job." Flitwick looked as smug as a cat that not only had eaten the canary, but got it blamed on the dog.

Nick smiled. "I'll certainly do that. When I visited her with Melinda,** she was the soul of hospitality. She wouldn't let me ride my motorcycle back to London from Devon, because the weather had socked in."

"In any case, it's time for our guests to leave. Shall we go round them up?"

OOO

Granny Weatherwax had hit it right off with Professor McGonagall. They found the two together in McGonagall's office, sipping tea and trading stories.

When she was informed that she could return home, Granny Weatherwax stood up to her full height. "Well, Minerva, I can't say it ain't been a pleasure, getting to know you. Even so, though, I've gotta be getting back home. I've got work to do, work that ain't getting done with me sittin' here."

"You're welcome back here anytime, Esme. I must say it's very refreshing to meet a kindred spirit. I may come and visit you, one of these days. Or you could come back here?"

"Anythin's possible, Minerva. Gotta go collect my friends, an' get ourselves back home. No tellin' what people've been getting up to without me there to keep an eye on things."

"Believe me, I know the feeling!" The two witches shook hands, and Granny Weatherwax came out to meet Flitwick and Nick.

"You feelin' all right, young feller?" Granny Weatherwax bent a beady eye on Nick, who felt for a moment rather like he was facing McGonagall with his homework undone and his trouser-fly open.

"I'm on the mend, Granny." Nick had been briefed on how the Discworld witches preferred to be addressed. "Thank you for your concern, though."

"One of a witch's jobs is healin' sick people," Granny pointed out. "Even here, I'm just doin' my job."

"And doing it well," Flitwick said. "Madame Pomfrey said that you're one of the better Healers she's ever met, and her standards are high."

"Of course!"

Nanny Ogg took a deal of tracking down. Finally, she was run to earth on the Hogwarts grounds, talking intensely with Molly Weasley, of all people.

"Esme! You'll never guess what I found out!" Nanny beamed at her friend. "It seems that one of my sons may have found his way here before we did!"

"Really?" Granny Weatherwax raised an eyebrow. Nick wished for a notepad and biro, to take notes.

"The caretaker here before Mr. Hagrid was named Ogg, and Molly, here, is his granddaughter! What fun, to meet relatives where you weren't expectin' them!"

"Yes, indeed!" Molly Weasley radiated happiness. "Nanny, here, is my great-great grandmother! I never thought I'd get to meet her! Thank you, Nicholas!" She grabbed a very surprised Nick and squeezed him, kissing him on the cheek.

"Well, we'll have to make sure to keep you two in touch. In the meantime, Gytha, they tell me it's time for us to be headin' back to Lancre. Work's a-pilin' up, and we've gotta be there to do it."

With hugs and promises to communicate, the two witches finally parted company. "Now, where in the world is that Magrat?" muttered Granny Weatherwax. "Ain't like her not to be easy to find."

They looked high and low, but no sign of Magrat Garlick could they find. Nick finally said: "Granny, let me try something." Pulling out his wand, he said: "Point me, Magrat Garlick!" The wand quivered, and then pointed to Hogwarts Castle. "She's in there somewhere, ladies. Let's go find her!"

As they followed Nick on the trail, Nanny Ogg muttered to Granny Weatherwax: "Shame about meetin' him at my age. When I was younger..." The look Granny Weatherwax gave her would have melted a hole in stone, but Nanny was unintimidated.

After several repetitions of the charm, Nick and the two Discworld witches were standing below the Divination classroom. Granny Weatherwax yelled: "MAGRAT! Get your skinny arse down here! It's time for us to go!"

The trap door opened, and Magrat Garlick peered out. "Oh! Granny Weatherwax! I'm so sorry! I've been having such fascinating discussions with Professor Trelawney! I've learned ever so much from her, and told her a bunch of things she never knew!"

As Magrat came climbing down the ladder, Professor Trelawney came after her. "My dear, you will be back one day. The Inner Eye says it, and the Inner Eye does not lie." Then she turned to Nick. "And you, young Mr. Cleveland, have a most interesting future ahead of you. I foresee a happy marriage and an interesting career!"

"Why, thank you, Professor," Nick said. Privately, he thought Trelawney to be mainly a fraud, nearly on Lockhart's level, but he was almost always polite, even when seriously provoked. He had had little to do with Trelawney, but had heard a great deal about her from his House mates.

And with the three Discworld witches reunited, they repaired to Dumbledore's office, where the headmaster personally cast the spell to send them home. When they were gone, Nick turned to Dumbledore. "You know, sir, I do hope I can see them again some day. Nanny Ogg's wonderful company, and Magrat reminds me of Luna."

"I notice you don't mention Granny Weatherwax," Dumbledore observed.

"Frankly, sir, she scares me. Oh, I respect her...but she scares me."

"As she should. For what it's worth, she did say that you were quite an accomplished spellcaster, for your age...and sex."

"She sounds like Melinda, pontificating on how much superior witches are. May I be excused, sir?" When Professor Dumbledore nodded, Nick turned and went back to his tower.

THE END

(Author's note: This may be the last Nick Cleveland story for a while, at least in the Hogwarts universe. I've taken the character, revamped him and Melinda and Luna, and put them into S.M. Stirling's Emberverse. However, if inspiration strikes, I may return to this someday.)

*"Detective Work," by Technomad, referring to Chapters 20-on of Enemies of the Heir, by J.L. Mathews.

** "Nick Cleveland and the Spirit of Christmas," by Technomad.