Shattered Glass

Dearest Harry,

I have no excuses for the way I behaved earlier, but once and for all the truth must come out. I'm surprised you hadn't noticed earlier. I thought I had made everything so obvious: All those excuses for your help and inviting you to the Burrow. I was almost positive you knew how I had felt about you since I first laid eyes on you. Do you remember? Hopefully you do. If not I'll refresh your memory.

Do you not remember when we were first introduced at the train station? You needed instruction, and there was my mother, to the rescue of course. I had to do a double take, which I do not do so often. The light from above illuminated your natural highlights and sent a shiver up my spine. I was so sure you had seen me. Even later that night my mum had owled me asking if I had been feeling well earlier that morning. She knew. Everyone knew.

Even though you were only in your first year and I in my fifth, I could tell you would become a great wizard. And once again, I was right. You are amazing, Harry Potter. Anyone can see it. You became Head Boy and a star Quidditch player, something I'd never be able to accomplish. I have finally met my match. I knew that one moment when our eyes locked for the first time that you were meant to be mine, and only mine.

I know what you're probably thinking: That Percy. Always thinking about himself and no one else. He's such a git! He betrayed his family who loves him so much and gave that all up for a job! Well, for the record, I was and still am never thinking about just myself, because somehow I always end up thinking about your best interests. I left my family to be away from you. Backwards, I know, but it makes perfect sense. I couldn't stand to see you everyday knowing that you'd never truly know how I feel about you. That could kill a man, Harry! Love has eaten me inside-out.

It felt as if I didn't even know who I was anymore. I was so worried about what you thought, what you didn't think, what I thought you thought, that I let myself go. Although I was Head Boy, inside I was hollow. Love can do crazy things and I experienced every single one.

That's when I decided to leave. And this wasn't your usual I'll leave for a day or two and plan on returning. This was for good. I had no intention on returning, or in that case, pretending to be someone I wasn't. I have been living a lie for many years, Harry, and the lines between them are blurry. I left my true self at the nearest bus stop, and I'm afraid he's dead. I'm afraid he'll never return home. I'm afraid I'll never taste the sweet taste of bread or breathe fresh air. I'm afraid I'm dead as well.

I never asked to be this way. They say there's a fork in everyone's road. You either turn left or right, but I'm still deciding which way to go. I can't tell the difference between real and fake. The other night I thought I saw Hermione. She was as real as you are to me. Hate overcame me. I ran towards her and mangled her. When I blinked, there she was, lying on the ground. She was no longer breathing and body parts were strewn everywhere. For some strange reason, I laughed. I sat there and played in her blood. I acted as if I was a three year old child again playing in the local sandbox. I drank her blood, but it was not Hermione's'. Oh, no.

The cloud of smog lifted and there was Ron. I thought he was playing, so I punched him in his arm, like I usually do. But, I didn't feel an arm. I moved his head and found it detached from the rest of his body. I was in denial for so long but finally I admit it: I killed Ron Weasly, my brother. Surprise, surprise. The amazing thing was I felt absolutely no guilt. I was proud of what I had done. Yes, I meant proud.

At the funeral I acted like everyone else. I wept and pretended to hold back my fake tears. The moment where he was lowered into the ground I knew what my soul purpose in life was to get to you. Do you remember Hermione Granger? I'm sure you do. She's been dead for five years this past April. Her death is my fault. I take pride in what I did. When I saw you two with each other I wanted to die. Seeing you love another tore out my heart, Harry! You're always talking about how I'm the selfish prat, but you are. You never once thought about my feelings and how I would react. I spent my whole life worrying about you and your health and you well being while you were worried about getting laid.

So one night, after your party when you became an Auror, I slipped into Hermione's house unnoticed. I did it so well it reminded me of how they do it in the movies. You would've been proud. I waited in her kitchen until I heard the door unlock and turn. I couldn't turn back now. I knew how much this would hurt you, but you deserved it. After all, you didn't need her. She was cheating on you with Ron anyways. I needed to stop that bitch once and for all. So, I waited until she went to go turn on the light and that's when I attacked. I can still remember her face. She never saw the first blow coming! I had so much fun slicing her into tiny pieces that I would do it again in an instant.

So, once again, at the funeral I put on my sad face. Underneath my sad face was a maniacal one. I couldn't have been happier with myself. My plan was finished. I thought once and for all you'd be mine. I never would want to lose you to another, so I made sure you never went on another date and that you'd spend the rest of your life living in solitude. So far, my plan has worked. Until tonight.

As you know, my mum had called us together to have one final summer dinner together. Since Hermione's funeral me and my parents have gotten along again, and I have Hermione to thank for it! Tonight was the night you told me you hated me and never wanted to see me again. I wanted to hold on to you forever, but I'm afraid forever is about to run out of time.

So here I am, hopelessly in love with Harry Potter whilst he hates me. No one can live a life without love. Not even Harry Potter.

So I will slice open my veins, and let the romance bleed away. Goodbye Harry. I hope you cry actual tears at my funeral. I love you.

Love Always,

Percy