Helpless

Chapter 6 - Breakdown

It took both Harry and Ron's combined strength to haul Hermione off of Malfoy, who scrambled to his feet, rubbing his bruised throat. Hermione's struggles were loosening the contents of her pockets from her robes, which lay scattered on the ground. Hermione didn't seem to notice as she fought, animal-like, to get free of the two boys holding her back.

"Let me go, I'll kill him, I swear, I will rip his bloody head off with my bare hands..."

Malfoy stumbled backwards.

"Keep that crazy bitch away from me, Potter! I'm telling Snape!" With that, Malfoy took off, followed dumbly by Crabbe and Goyle, towards the castle. Hermione actually growled in his direction as she continued to struggle. The rest of the Slytherins seemed torn between watching Harry and Ron battle to hold her back and observing the rather historical event of the erstwhile best student in the school getting expelled. Eventually they seemed to settle for the latter as they all took off for the castle.

Hermione's struggles were lessening as Ron called the rest of the Gryffindors over.

"You guys, please, tell Snape what really happened. Please, just go. We'll take care of Hermione."

"I don't need taking care of!" Hermione yelled. The rest of the class, seemingly more frightened of the rabid girl than the imposing Potions Master, moved swiftly up towards the school. Harry inwardly suspected that they had only agreed to go on Hermione's behalf based on Snape's cutting down of Malfoy in the earlier Potions class, but had no time to think about it now. Hermione had calmed slightly, but was still trying to wrench her arms from the collective grasp of the two boys.

"Let me go, I'm fine. I have to go..." she started, and Ron interrupted her.

"Hermione, what is wrong with you? You nearly killed him!"

Hermione gave a scoff.

"Because that would be such a loss. Ron, what the hell is the problem?"

"You could be expelled! Hell, you could be arrested! Attempted murder is a seven-year sentence in Azkaban! Murder is LIFE!"

"There are worse things," Hermione muttered.

"There AREN'T worse things! You're breaking down, please! Tell me what happened!" Ron was holding onto her shoulders now, trying to look into her eyes, but the girl wouldn't look at either of them.

"I can't, Ron, you can't help me with this! You don't understand, just leave me alone!"

"I won't leave you alone! I can't stand to see you like this!"

Hermione stiffened and knocked Ron's arms off her shoulders.

"You can't stand to see me like this? That's right, it's all about you. I should feel better, be fine, act normal all for you." Her voice had dropped to the same terrifying iciness that she had used confronting Malfoy. "Well, bite me, Weasley. You can't possibly understand what this feels like, because you're just a selfish, stupid little boy. Now just sod off and leave me alone."

There was a desperate, angry silence between the three of them. Ron was staring at Hermione in unabashed confusion, Hermione at Ron with fiery rage, and Harry at the both of them with nervousness. The air was electric. Harry couldn't stand it anymore and broke the gaze to stare at the ground, where his eyes fell on the small pile of items that had fallen out of Hermione's pocket. He noticed her wand, half-hidden in the grass, next to...

Harry bent down and picked up a small, well-worn folded piece of paper. With a jolt, he recognized it as the letter Hermione had received two weeks ago, the day she had left.

"Don't read that!" Hermione shrieked, pushing past Ron and grabbing the paper from Harry with a look of terror in her eyes. "Did you read it?"

"N-no," Harry stammered. Hermione stared at him with a look of extreme betrayal nonetheless and spun on her heel, taking off towards the castle. Harry wanted to run after her, but the expression on Ron's face stopped him. He expected the red-haired boy to be angry or sad, but Ron still stared after her with confusion and distinct concern. Harry put a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

"No." Ron's voice was shaking. "We have to get that letter away from her."

* * *

As Harry followed Ron up towards Hogwarts and through the halls to the common room, mercifully empty, Ron reiterated the lecture he had given Harry in their second year about enchanted works of writing - this time adding a few more, equally as colourful examples before he came to the climactic point, flopping onto a chair in front of the fireplace as he spoke.

"There's one spell, it's a potion... my Dad told me about it, a lot of wizards and witches use it on gifts they send to their enemies. It's called Gobbler's Ink, and if you make it with the blood of an enemy, it works like the Imperius curse. You can make your enemy do whatever you want as soon as... well, in Hermione's case, as soon as she reads it."

Harry thought about this for awhile. Ron wrung his hands nervously as they stared into the fire. It didn't make any sense, though, Harry thought. Why had Hermione gone home, then? Why would someone ask her to behave this way? What good would it do? If they wanted to ruin Hermione's life in the school, well, they weren't doing a very good job of it. And it didn't explain why the teachers, even Snape, were so forgiving and almost protective when it came to her.

He started to tell Ron so when the Portrait Hole slammed open. They could just barely hear the Fat Lady protesting the violent treatment as Hermione stormed into the room, carrying two massive bags filled to bursting with thick library books. Scowling and angry, she cleared a spot on the floor in front of the fire and emptied her bags, frantically opening and reading books.

"Hermione, what's all this?" Harry asked gently. Hermione didn't respond, scanning the books too fast to be truly absorbing the text. "If it's homework, we can help you."

"Screw homework. I got suspended."

This hung in the air between the three of them. It was Ron who spoke first. "You... you what?"

"For assault on a goddamned fellow student. I'm out for a week and I have to read these now, Ron." Her voice was shaking but she refused to look up from the books, tossing one aside and hurriedly opening the next one, desperately scanning the pages.

"Well, give me one, I'll..."

"I don't need your help, Ron!" Hermione screamed. She took the book she was currently flipping through and threw it at Ron, who dodged it. Hermione buried her face in her hands for a second and cursed violently. Harry picked up the book and looked at the title: Magical Medicine for Muggle Ailments.

"I have to find something... there has to be something here!" Hermione muttered, tossing every scanned book aside frantically as she dug through the pile.

"Something for what? Hermione, are you ill?" Harry's stomach dropped with the possibility. Hermione gave a bitter, angry laugh.

"Me? I'm fine. Tip sodding top. Lucky me." Harry continued picking up the books and reading the titles: Disease or Dark Arts: How To Tell The Difference. Mediwizards and Witch Doctors, an Intercultural Study. Cunning Curses and Disguised Attacks. "There's NOTHING!"

"Hermione, please, we can help you if you'll just tell us what's wrong!" Ron's voice cracked as he spoke. Harry knew Ron was desperate to do what he could, anything to bring their old Hermione back.

"You want to help?!?" Hermione screamed at him. She threw another book at him. "Tell me how you can help! Tell me how I can! There's nothing I can do, nothing! I'm useless!"

"You're not useless! You're the best, most brilliant witch Hogwarts has ever seen!" Ron yelled back. Making a strange choked noise, Hermione dropped the book she was holding and reached into her pocket. She drew out the suspect bit of paper and, standing up, thrust it towards the two boys. Ron grabbed it first and opened it, reading desperately. Harry looked over Ron's shoulder as Hermione continued, her voice quivering.

"My mother... she has cancer... she's going to die and I can't do anything." She desperately looked through the pile of books, knocking them over, becoming more panicked by the minute. "Why can't I find it?"

Harry tried to stop Hermione's frantic searching, moving to hold her shoulders and found himself knocked violently back into the chair, hitting his head against the arm. Hermione clapped a hand over her mouth and drew in a shuddering breath, staring down at him guiltily. She clutched the book to her chest. Harry rubbed the bump on his forehead and sat back, shakily.

"Hermione... there's no magic cure for this, you know that," Harry said solemnly.

Hermione spoke in a shaky, desperate voice as she opened yet another book, still standing. "If I'm so brilliant, why can't I fix that? There has to be something... there has to be."

Ron dropped the letter and moved towards Hermione. Taking the book from her hands, he tossed it onto the floor and pulled the girl into a hard, powerful embrace. As Hermione drew in a shaky breath, her face crumpled and she began to cry angrily. Harry watched as her entire body was racked with loud sobs, her knees giving way and Ron lowering her to the floor, still holding her, kneeling with her as she wept.

Harry stayed almost completely still as Ron and Hermione sat on the floor, their arms wrapped around each other. He shifted awkwardly, wondering if he should be witnessing what was obviously a very intimate moment between the two. He wished he could do more or say anything to lessen the weight on his best friends. Harry could see that Ron was trying to shoulder some of the burden for her, allowing her a release, a chance for relief, something she so rarely allowed herself.

As Hermione's sobs slowed, Ron let her pull herself out of his arms. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and looked up at the two of them.

"I'm so sorry... Harry, how's your head?" she asked, teary and red-faced. Harry gingerly touched the growing bump.

"I've had worse, don't worry. Are you okay?" he responded. He noticed that Ron had still not let go of Hermione's hand, and that the girl was holding it tightly, as if grounding herself to him. Hermione squeezed out a small but real smile and shook her head sadly.

"I don't know... I will be, I think. I'm going to go home over Christmas to help my parents... I don't know if I'll come back." A look of alarm and distress flickered over Ron's face, though he kept this silent. Harry himself couldn't imagine Hogwarts without Hermione, and could only guess how much worse it would be for his best friend. Ron swallowed nervously, but when he spoke his voice was oddly calm.

"Whatever you decide, Hermione... whatever you need, we'll be here."

Hermione grinned weakly, but jumped when the portrait hole creaked open. The mile-a-minute chatter, mainly one Irish-accented voice, quickly slowed to a halt when Hermione looked up, redfaced, at the speaker. Seamus bit his lip and nodded at Hermione, who sniffled and wiped her eyes.

"Seamus, I'm so, so sorry."

"Hey," Seamus said, holding up a hand and breaking into a grin. "Forget it. For a while there I was worried you'd gone Slytherin on us."

Hermione coughed out a short, teary laugh. "All of you... I've been horrid, I know. And I really am sorry. Things just got to be..."

"You don't need to explain, Hermione," Lavender said gently. "Not now. We'll just... clear upstairs for a bit." With that, she hustled the rest of the Gryffindors up the common room stairs, tossing a backwards, relieved smile at her roommate, who returned it. Ron reached inside his robes and took out a well worn but unopened essay. He handed it to Hermione.

"I waited for you," he said again, softly. She smiled and opened it, scanning the mark. She grinned widely and handed it back to Ron.

"128%. That's the best Potions mark a Gryffindor's ever had." Ron's jaw dropped as she spoke. He looked up at her.

"Well, aside from you, of course." Ron grinned. Hermione stuck her tongue out at him.

"Yes, fine, aside from..." Her face fell as she seemed to realize something.

"How long until bedtime?" she asked urgently. Harry, out of habit, glanced at his wrist before remembering he had finally removed the watch that had broken last year, during the second Triwizard Task. Ron looked at his own.

"About an hour."

"Oh, Lord, I haven't got much time." She hopped to her feet. Ron looked at Harry, raising an eyebrow. Harry noticed Ron seemed reluctant to let go of Hermione's hand.

"Time for?"

"I've got to go to Dumbledore, and beg him to lift the suspension! What was I thinking, getting suspended?!?" Hermione wiped her face. "And then I'll go to Hagrid and apologize... god, I really was a nightmare, wasn't I?"

"Just a little bit." Ron said, still holding her hand. "Are you sure? A-about the first one, I mean. You really should take a short break."

Hermione looked at Ron as if he had just grown a second head that spoke entirely in Gobbledygook.

"Are you mad?!? I already missed almost a week when I went away! I've got to catch up, oh, I've got so much to do..."

Ron and Harry tossed an eyebrow at each other, and Harry couldn't help himself. He laughed out loud, for the first time in weeks. Ron joined in as Hermione put her hands on her hips, scandalized.

"What is so funny?"

"Nothing..." Harry said, choking on another guffaw. "We're just really glad to have you back." He and Ron burst into laughter again and, after a minute, Hermione did too.