Conquered

Remus

I could never understand Sirius' amazing ability to whirl out jokes and retorts at a moments notice: "Moony, my old friend". Honestly, we had just seen each other a week ago. Putting aside his humor, my stomach unknotted itself in relief. I had begun to get anxious when I couldn't find anybody around the platform. I walked over to Sirius, no, I ran. But I tried to look calm, as though I hadn't just raced over to him because I had felt alone on the platform. I hate that feeling, when you're all alone, and you can't find a familiar face, and you're wondering whether you're going to get to the train on time.

Needless to say, I'm a bit of a worrier.

"Sirius, old buddy, old friend, it's been what? Two weeks? Whatever have I done without you?" I replied, gasping. I extended my hand to receive a handshake, maybe a clap on the shoulder, but he pulled me into a tight one-armed hug. My head spun with the combination of his scent, and my joy at being so close to him. But just as quickly as it had started, it was over.

"So!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands once as if nothing unusual had just happened. "Where is that Jamesie that we so dearly love?"

That stung, right there. He's always looking for James, as if James were more important to him than me. James appeared out of the crowd, and Sirius shrieked like a little girl and jumped up and down.

"JAMES! Oh my god, James, it's been SO LONG! How have you been? How are the wife and kids?" Sirius joked, dropping his suitcase dramatically. He ran to James, as if they had not seen each other for years. James immediately caught on, and started joking back.

"SIRIUS? Is that you? Oh, my gosh! I could hardly recognize you!" I was starting to get impatient. They were acting as if I weren't even there. I had never felt so bad for the ghosts at Hogwarts. The Hogwarts Expressed whistled loudly. We had about thirty seconds to board the train. I glanced over at Sirius and James, who were still exchanging hugs and joking around, and I looked away. Sirius will always like James better.

"Unless you idiots want to miss the train, I suggest you stop acting like you're bloody five years old." I stormed onto the train. I had no idea why they had gotten me so upset. But, they were sixteen, already! When would they grow up? I distantly heard someone call my name in a whiney voice, but I just ran faster. I ran until I reached the bathrooms, where I changed into my robes, and set off for the Prefect's carriage. Still fuming, I tuned out the Head Boy and Girl. It didn't matter what they said. I went back to the bathroom to think.

In a way, I felt betrayed by Sirius. We, the Marauders, had pledged that we would always treat each other equally, but Sirius had been getting so close to James. How could they treat us the same? Was there even enough friendship to go around? It kind of hurt. I knew I didn't have a chance with Sirius sexually, but was I going to lose him as a friend, as well? It was a horrible feeling. Tears started welling up in my eyes, but instead I laughed silently at myself. What a stupid reason to cry! Letting my mind analyze my emotions, I realized Sirius probably didn't even know that he'd been ignoring me.

When I had sorted out my thoughts, I went in search of Sirius and James. They had probably already found Peter, as well.

"Hey, Remus, why did you go running off like that? Is everything okay?" Sirius asked, concerned. I smiled a little.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You know me, always worrying I won't get on the Express on time," I replied. It was true; I was always anal when it came to catching trains and buses. We all chuckled a bit, and I relaxed, challenging Peter to a game of chess. After an hour, we suddenly got very bored. There was an extended awkward silence, then...

"Well now, this is rather boring, isn't it? No, don't answer. I know it is. But never fear, my dear Marauders. Fun is just a puff away!" Sirius announced climactically as he pulled out a dime bag of marijuana. I immediately grew alert. Here, on the train? Is he bloody mad? I mean, I'm up for a smoke once in a while, but this is hardly the appropriate time!

"Are you mad, Sirius? We'll get caught on our first day back!" After a thoughtful pause, Sirius' face lit up (ooh, how I love that).

"Well, we can do magic, right? And I know a spell to make a passerby not smell anything, and I'm sure we can just blow the smoke out of the window. Don't worry, Moony, old fellow. All we would experience high is Dumbledore's speech, nothing major." He gave me the pleading puppy-dog eyes, and, oh, how could I say no? Besides, he was right. Anyways, I hadn't smoked in a while. Just then Rose came into our compartment. Perfect timing, Rosie, darling.

"Sirius mentioned a smoke earlier, and I was wondering if maybe I could join you? I have much better shit; I stole it from my parents." We laughed. Rose's parents were Muggles, and smoked more Mary-J than all of us, combined.

"Sure, Rose, we'd be delighted if you would join us. But please, don't tell Lily," begged James. I smiled to myself. All hopes of James and Lily being together would be shattered if she knew James did pot. Sirius withdrew a lighter, a multi-colored bowl, and weed. Then he lit up. I mumbled a couple of spells, and took a hit too.

Sirius

You know that feeling, behind your eyes when you're high? It kind of...infects your head, a heavy but content kind of feeling. That's how I was feeling twenty minutes after I first pulled out the weed. I glanced around the compartment. Rose was lying on the floor, her eyes closed, singing a sweet tune to herself. I turned my head, and the lights around the room blurred. I found myself face-to-face with Remus. He was staring at me, and I stared at him too.

Something passed between us then. It was like rays of light were connecting our eyes. The room became hazy, but he was still very much in focus. A feeling rose in my chest, it was warm, and longing. My chest ached. Why am I feeling this way? This is definitely weird. But I didn't look away, and neither did he. I found myself wanting to do things I had never thought of myself doing with a man. I found myself wanting to kiss his red, plump lips; to hold his skinny body.

At first the feeling seemed foreign to me. But as I stared into those chocolate colored eyes, my childhood flashed before me, and the feeling seemed present the whole time. I guess I've always been in love with you, Remus. Well, that's something new, I guess, feeling this way. But I feel as though I've always felt this way, but it's been hidden underneath something. Fear, I guess. Fear that you wouldn't feel the same way.

It's funny how marijuana can bring things out of you that you never realized, or never wanted to realize.

Suddenly, my eyes stung a bit, and I closed them, lazily. But his face stayed hovering in front of me. He was there, smiling at me, kissing me. We were surrounded by swirling lights. Merlin, this was good shit. I got lost in my thoughts, thoughts of him. Everything seemed perfect, there was no mother screaming at me, no father hitting me, no brother taunting me. There was just Remus sitting there, smiling at me.

All the multi-colored clouds that were in my vision vanished as a voice rang throughout the train.

"We will be arriving at Hogwarts in ten minutes time. Please, leave your luggage on the train. It will be brought up to your dormitories."

It was like being dropped from the sky, and flat on your bum into reality. I looked around the compartment again. James and Peter were laughing maniacally at some joke, and Rose and Remus were having a philosophical discussion. Suddenly, the whole situation seemed funny. We would be arriving at school stoned out of our minds. I laughed and walked, or rather stumbled, out of the compartment to put on my robes.

After much unnecessary laughter, strange arm movements, and more laughing, we finally got our robes on. The train stopped, a little too sharply for our tastes, and we all fell to the floor. I didn't feel the impact of the fall. In fact, it took a while to register that I had fallen at all. We got up, and finally made it out of the train.

I felt like I was floating as I left the Express. The cool night air stung my face, and then turned pleasant. I wanted nothing more than to just stay outside all night. To lie down on the cool grass, look at the stars, and never get up again.

"Sirius, wha...what are you doing? C'mon, less go." Remus' voice penetrated every particle of my body. I opened my eyes, and was surprised to find that I was sitting on the damp, lush grass. A sudden image invaded my mind: Remus as a knight. How odd. I giggled.

"Thanks, Remus, mate, you saved me." I didn't even know what I was saying. Remus shot me a confused look. "No, I'm serious. Hey, I am Sirius! But really, I would have lied down here all night, but you saved me. Saved me from the depths of my own..." What was I trying to say? If it had once made sense, it was forgotten.

"Where are James and Peter? Never mind, c'mon, Serious...Sirius. Less get on the carriages."

The carriage ride was quiet; we were all absorbed in our own pleasant thoughts. The rest was a blur, most of it. I vaguely remember the feast, Dumbledore giving us a speech about inter-house unity. And then we went up to our dormitories.

Now I lay down in my bed, and wondered how I got through the evening. I was really, really stoned. I loved going to sleep high.