The End of Innocence

Vanished. Missing. Dead. Abandoned to evildoers, completely at their mercy, betrayed by one whom he called his friend. Lying, breaths ragged, as the end drew near, wishing for someone to come. As his life seeped away, bit by bit, aurors burst into the grime coated, musty chamber. All hell broke loose.

"Evans, you get the one there - by the curtains. Zabini - the one beside him. Roderick - get the guy and apparate him to St. Mungo's immediately, you hear me!"

There was light everywhere. Green, purple, orange - I'd live with the memory for the rest of my life. The cloaked figure by the heavy black curtains was my target. It was aiming a stick -no, what was I talking about, a wand- at Roderick. Spells, spells, spells - which one to use? All sense of being magic left me. I felt helplessly muggle.

"Expelliarmus!" someone growled. The stick flew out of the figure's hand. "Watch it, Evans!" the same voice yelled, enraged.

"A-Ava-Avada..." I gulped involuntarily, pointing my...my wand at the wandless figure. He - she - sneered. Raucous laughter emitted from underneath the dark hood. Green light barely missed me from behind. Kill her, a voice whispered. Kill her. A beast lurked in the depths of my mind, imploring, pleading, encouraging me to go in for the kill...

That was savagery.

I'd practised on sick animals before, to put them out of their misery. Why not now?

...Kill her...

"EVANS!" the same voice roared at me, his face a map of feral fury. My cheeks burnished, as if with fire.

"CRUCIO!" I clenched my fists, steeling myself against the cutting pain, when...when I realized that the words had come from my own mouth. In front of me, the figure writhed in pain. She hadn't expected me to attack her, I realized. She thought I was too scared to use an Unforgivable. I just didn't want to kill.

Roderick had gone, taking James along with him. He had used his speed to his advantage. I only prayed that James would be alright.

I cast a binding spell on the hooded figure, whoever she was. Though the hood still hung over her forebodingly, concealing her face, I was certain I could feel her eyes boring into me with hatred.

Almost instinctively, I glanced at my shaking hands, as if checking for blood. I felt so, so ashamed. I'd stooped to the level of the dark. I'd... My desire to torture was sated. And my innocence ... was gone. Dark times, Dumbledore's voice echoed in my head, dark times. Green, purple and orange had tainted my innocence, my ignorance. Epiphany overwhelmed me. Tainted. Ruined. Maimed. Destroyed. I had seen too much of the war, such that thoughts of the possibility of better times were...lost.

The last human touch I felt was two gloved hands pushing me straight into the curtains. Someone cried out my name. "Why?" I thought numbly, "I'm only going to crash into a window...or something."

The curtains gave way, surprisingly light, considering how heavy they looked. My feet left solid ground for...nothingness. There was no window. No moonlight seeping through transparent glass. Just nothingness, an empty black void. I looked down and saw a glistening black surface, sounds of liquid. "Water," I thought. And I cried out when I realized what it was. I crashed into the water, splashing wildly before realizing it was all an illusion.

And I was trapped in this illusion.

I heard voices from above me, daggers to my ears. I cried out, but the endless babble, calling for me, went on, heedless of my calls. Could they not hear me? Was I to be trapped in this darkness for all eternity? My heart, pierced with inexplicable depression, beat hard against my frail ribs. I don't want to die.

"Potter's dead," I heard Roderick choke, as he apparated in with a distinct pop. "They couldn't save him. Where's...where's Lily?"

"She fell," someone said gravely, "Behind the veil."

"Oh...oh my fucking god..."

Below, I wept for the end of innocence, for the end of love.