Trust and Betrayal: A Prequel

9. A Modicum of Fairness

- Next Evening -

Lily
They sank down heavily on the dark oak bench outside the entrance to the Headmaster's office. Generations of Hogwarts students, called before the Headmaster for offences large and small, had sat on this bench and covered its surface with etchings and gouges, reflecting their state of anxiety.

Their interview with Dumbledore concluded, Lily and James sat in silence, holding hands, waiting and wondering and worrying about the fate that lay in store for Sirius and Peter, who were now upstairs before the Headmaster. Lily traced the carving of a name graffitied on the armrest. She doubted that any of the misdemeanours of students who'd come before them could possibly be worse than the one perpetrated by Sirius Black on the previous evening.

Remus had spent his usual day-after-transformation in the infirmary being treated by Madam Pomfrey. Sirius had gone into hiding, unwilling or unable to face his friends. Peter had tried to provide them with his version of events, but was unable to satisfactorily explain why Sirius had so recklessly jeopardised the lives of two of his fellow students.

"He'll be expelled. I know he'll be expelled. Bloody idiot," muttered James for about the hundredth time that day. He held his head in his hands, clutching his scalp.

Lily sighed and put her arm around his shoulders, but didn't contradict him. She'd heard James recount his version of the night's events to Dumbledore, reliving those moments of terror in the tunnel with Severus. It was horrible. Dumbledore looked ancient as he listened to the story being told. As hard as it was for her to manage the intensity of emotions swirling around her, she knew that it must have been equally terrible for Dumbledore, who was an Empathic himself.

Dumbledore had praised them both for their quick responses and, especially, James' unflinching bravery in saving Severus' life while risking his own. He'd awarded Gryffindor one hundred points each, and Lily thought grimly how entirely irrelevant House Points were under the circumstances.

James and Lily were snapped out of their reverie by the sounds of two pairs of feet--one shuffling and the other clicking. Professor McGonagall was leading Remus towards them and the Headmaster's Office.

Their Head of House put a protective arm around Remus and spoke softly. "Mr. Lupin, you wait here until the Headmaster calls for you." She turned to Lily with a nod.

"Come sit here, Remus," said Lily, scooting over to make room for him.

Remus sat without looking at either of them.

With another approving nod, Professor McGonagall gained entrance to the Headmaster's winding staircase, and the door closed behind her.

Lily shifted towards Remus, careful not to touch him. James turned as well.

"Moony... mate," said James gently. "All right?"

Remus looked more distraught than Lily had ever seen him. He hunched over his hands, which were grasping at each other in some unseen struggle. Finally, with a sharp intake of air, Remus chanced a glance at them.

"I'm - I'm okay. The transformation was a bit hard until Sirius got there." He lapsed back into an anguished silence.

"Did you speak with Professor Dumbledore earlier, Remus?" Lily asked, willing herself not to cry at the sight of him.

"Yes. He came by the hospital wing this morning."

James looked confused. "So why d'you have to see him again?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't know."

"But none of this is your fault, Remus!"

"Of course it is."

Remus said this so softly that Lily almost missed it. James, hearing him clearly, stared at him in astonishment.

"THERE IS NO BLOODLY WAY THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" James yelled, leaping up in frustration.

Remus flinched.

"James, please!" Lily hissed. James knelt down in front of Remus.

"I'm sorry, Remus, but how can you say that? You can't help what you are!"

Remus looked at his friend with a mixture of love and pain.

"None of this would have happened if I wasn't in school to begin with. Dumbledore made a mistake. I - I don't belong here. It's too dangerous. I could--" Remus' voice hitched and tightened. "I could have killed you both! I couldn't live with myself if--I'm - I'm so sorry!" At that, Remus dissolved into sobs. Both Lily and James wrapped their arms around him. Remus didn't resist as they held him tightly until his body stopped quaking and the sobs slowly receded.

Finally, Remus laid his head on Lily's shoulder, wiping his face with the sleeve of his robe. "Don't you see?" he whispered. "I've been fooling myself all this time. I needed to because it felt so wonderful to finally be almost... like everyone else. To be able to have friends. But what's the point of going to school if I'll never be able to work? If I can't use what I've learned? What's the point of having friends if they'll always be in danger?"

Lily was speechless and saw that James, who'd gone nearly white, was as well. How could she help her friend? What could she say? Despite the horrible unfairness of it all, despite how heart-wrenchingly wrong it was that such a wonderful, talented, gentle and loving boy had to stare into the face of his bleak future, it didn't change the fact that he was right. The wizarding world saw him as a Dark creature. As something less-than-human to be feared and controlled.

But Lily knew too well what determination in the heart of James Potter meant. And she saw it spark in his eyes.

"Remus Lupin!" James said intently. Remus looked up.

"You are my friend! It IS right that you are in school. You DO belong here! I'd be only half as good in school if it weren't for you. I need you, and I'm not afraid of you. Last night happened only because Sirius went off half-cocked, not because you are a werewolf. And you needn't worry about work after school. I'll - I'll make sure that you can find something to do that's worthy of your talents!"

Remus forced a smile. "James, you know you can't promise that."

"My dad knows loads of people, Remus! He'll be able to help!"

"James, your father doesn't know I'm a werewolf, does he?"

James looked away. "Um, no. But--"

Remus sighed deeply. "It's all right, James. I'm grateful that you are my friend. Both of you. It helps, it really does."

James shook his head and slid back onto the bench next to Lily. "You can doubt me all you want, Moony, but we'll find a way, won't we, Lily?" he said with firm determination as he grasped her hand in his.

Remus sat back and looked at them curiously. "Has something happened between the two of you?"

Lily felt her face flush, and James grinned.

Remus broke into his first genuine smile of the day. "When?"

"Um, last night, after...." Lily started, suddenly self-conscious.

"That's brilliant!" said Remus, beaming.

"See, Remus," laughed James, "it is your fault that we came together--you scared her right into my arms," said James. "And we'll be forever grateful to you for it! Right, Evans?"

"I'm more than happy to give you the credit, Remus!" And she threw her arms around him and kissed him soundly on the cheek

Remus blushed furiously, but he smiled and hugged her in return.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Peter
"There is one final matter, Mr. Pettigrew. I'd like for you to hand me that interesting map you have in your pocket."

Peter, startled, glanced at Sirius who looked equally stunned. Professor McGonagall just looked bewildered. The Headmaster's expression, however, was clear: there would be no discussion.

"Y - yes, sir," said Peter. His hands shaking, he withdrew the Marauder's Map from the inside of his robes and handed it to Professor Dumbledore. The Headmaster stored it in his own robes without a glance, maintaining the unrelenting glare that pinned the two boys to their seats.

"You'll both report tonight to start your detentions. Is this understood?"

"Yes, sir," replied Sirius and Peter in unison.

"You are dismissed." Dumbledore's expression did not change as the boys stood and turned out of the Headmaster's office. Indeed, the stern look of anger and disappointment had been solidly set on the old man's face for the entire hour they'd been taken to task for the disaster that occurred under last night's full moon.

"Minerva, I'd like a word before you go," they heard Dumbledore say, as they made their way down the spiral staircase.

*****

As Peter descended from the Headmaster's office, he took several deep breaths to try and quell his rapidly beating heart. It had been, he was certain, the worst day of his life. The fact that no one had, in fact, been killed or expelled as a result of his taunting Sirius was a miracle. He didn't quite understand how Sirius had not been expelled, now that he thought about it, but he was so relieved that the worst had passed and his part in it had been overlooked, that he didn't give it a second thought.

Sirius stopped in his tracks as Lily, James and Remus looked up at him. Peter knew that Sirius had been avoiding them all day. He inwardly smirked, knowing that Sirius couldn't avoid them any longer.

There was a long silence. Finally, Lily stood up, walked to Sirius, and took his hand. He looked away, unable to meet her eyes.

"Sirius," she said evenly, "look at me."

There was never any point in denying Lily Evans, so Sirius looked.

"Good. Now, first: are you all right?" she asked.

"Never better!" he said, with more than a bit of sarcasm.

Lily raised an eyebrow, not amused.

"Fine. I'm not all right. I'm to blame for having one best friend nearly kill another one. How the bloody hell do you expect I'd be?"

Lily ignored his outburst. "Have you been expelled?"

Her blunt question took them all by surprise.

Sirius took a deep breath. "Um... no. I have detention with Kettleburn two nights a week for the remainder of term. Peter's with Filch one night a week for a month." Sirius bravely looked at James and Remus, who were both clearly stunned at this news.

Peter wondered whether they'd think this news was good or bad.

"I'm shocked as well, actually," said Sirius, who had never looked as hang-dogged as he did at that moment. "I was ready to be sent packing. I know I deserve to be tossed out. I've no idea why Dumbledore didn't just hex me right out of his tower window. He was certainly angry enough."

No one responded. Sirius shuffled his feet and combed his fingers through his hair, which was coming to look even more unkempt than James'. Peter stood against the wall, wanting to be out of the line of fire.

Strengthening his resolve, Sirius walked over to Remus, who did not look up. Lily sat down next to him, leaning protectively. James stood, his hands clenched into fists, and Peter held his breath.

"Remus...." Sirius began, "I don't have any excuses for what I did last night. Snape was there--you know how we hate each other. We said things, it got out of hand and I... I guess I must have lost my mind."

Remus still would not look up, and Sirius became more agitated. James looked as if he was ready to kill someone.

A brief thought--a hope?--flared in Peter's mind, that this might be the proverbial last straw that ended James' friendship with Sirius.

"I don't expect any of you to forgive me," Sirius muttered, eyes cast down. "All I can say is that I'm truly sorry--especially to you, Remus and you, James."

It was silent in the corridor and no one moved except for Lily, who looked from Remus to Sirius to James, waiting for someone to say something. When no words came, Sirius shrugged and began to walk off towards Gryffindor tower.

"Wait."

Sirius turned hesitantly as James came towards him. They eyed each other warily for a moment, and then James finally spoke.

"Padfoot," he began, swallowing hard, "this was... wrong. It was inexcusable, as you said. It will take some time to get over how angry I am at you right now. But...."

Sirius held his breath, eyes wary, waiting for James' final judgment.

Peter had long thought that there was some unwritten rule in the Black family that forbade tears or the expression of any emotion that was not swaggering arrogance, pride, sarcasm, the various shadings of hatred or, as Sirius had just allowed, a twinge of regret. Now, he saw for the first time an uninhibited display of fear and need: Sirius' need for James' approval and his fear of being alone--of being rejected.

James reached out his arm and placed it on Sirius' shoulder. "But... you're my family. Even though I'm so angry I could pummel you, Sirius, I have to find a way to forgive you."

Sirius' body slumped with relief and James embraced him, both boys in tears for the need of each other.

Remus sat and watched them, his face inscrutable but for the lingering pain still evident in his pale eyes.

Sirius disengaged himself from James, wiping his eyes as he returned Remus' gaze.

"I'll try to forgive you, Padfoot," Remus said quietly. "But I'm not sure that I can fully trust you. I'm sure you can understand why."

Sirius nodded. "I do. I'll do better, Moony, I swear I will."

I'm sure he'll manage it, Peter thought petulantly. He should have been a cat for the way he always lands on his feet. He crossed his arms and frowned, contemplating the seemingly charmed life of Sirius Black.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Severus
When Severus had stumbled back into the castle the previous night, he'd had the good fortune to collapse into the arms of his Head of House. Horace Slughorn, quietly patrolling the corridors, had been aghast at the sight of his student with blood-soaked hair, hands and robes. Without asking questions, Professor Slughorn brought him to the hospital wing and into the caring and capable hands of Madam Pomfrey.

After the Matron had dispatched his injuries and determined that the wounds were superficial, Slughorn then wrested the story from Severus about what had happened. When Professor Dumbledore appeared in the hospital wing, the story was repeated. They had both made him promise not to tell anyone else until the Headmaster could sort it out. Severus had reluctantly and bitterly agreed.

Severus had spent most of the next day secluded in his dormitory room, stoking his anger and waiting for his interview with the Headmaster, which was, he noted as he checked his watch, in five minutes. He threw on his robes, stormed out of the Slytherin common room, and made his way up the castle from the dungeons.

They all know! he fumed. The staff, the teachers--they ALL know that Lupin is a werewolf! A werewolf! How could they have allowed such a--such an abomination into this school! Are they mad?

As he strode up the stairs, Severus' mind was in a fever as thoughts and emotions ricocheted off one another in rapid succession: Black had to be expelled. Lupin was a dangerous Dark creature and should be removed from Hogwarts. His hatred was mixed with humiliation at having to be saved by Potter. Fury at Lily for rescuing him again after she'd promised not to do it.

Justice. All he asked for was justice. And for a modicum of fairness when it was deserved. Like right now.

Severus scowled and snorted at the thought. When had Albus Dumbledore ever been fair when it came to his beloved Gryffindors? Severus had heard about the fiasco at the Three Broomsticks and, while it was common knowledge that it was the result of another Black-manufactured fiasco, there had been no punishments at all! Not one night of detention!

Slughorn had been rightly furious last night and had vehemently argued that Black should be expelled. Dumbledore listened and told him that he'd make his decision after gathering all the facts. This was not reassuring to Severus. What other bloody facts did he need? Black had shown him how to get into a tunnel that would result in his death! End of story!

Severus rounded into the corridor of the Headmaster's office and froze at the sight before him.

"I'll try to forgive you, Padfoot. But I'm not sure that I can fully trust you. I'm sure you can understand why."

"I do. I'll do better, Moony, I swear I will."

Trust? None of them can be trusted. Not now. Not ever.

Severus moved closer towards them, and as he passed under the torchlight, they saw him. Sirius Black took a step backwards, his face darkening. Severus felt his hand close around his wand, but before it could be drawn, the door opened and Professor McGonagall emerged, taking in the scene before her.

"Except for Mr. Lupin and Mr. Snape, the rest of you are to return immediately to your common room. Now."

They practically flew down the corridor.

Brooms couldn't have moved them faster, thought Severus wryly.

"Mr. Lupin," she said gently to Remus, "it will be just a few more minutes. I'll wait here with you." Professor McGonagall turned to Severus. "Mr. Snape, the Headmaster will see you now." She waved her hand towards the entrance and invoked the password: "Chocolate Cherries."

*****

Severus struggled to keep a reign on his temper as the Headmaster offered him tea and biscuits. He declined both, forcing himself to remain patient until Dumbledore had poured himself a cup and settled at his desk.

"Mr. Snape, I want to assure you that I have looked into this unfortunate situation with the seriousness it deserves. What you went through last night was both unconscionable and horrific."

Unfortunate situation?

"Was he expelled?" Severus practically bit his tongue in his restraint.

Dumbledore gazed at him evenly. "There were so many violations of school policy last night, that it boggles the imagination to come up with suitable punishments. Despite what you endured--and I don't speak of it lightly--you violated one or two of them yourself."

Severus shot to his feet, shaking with the rage he'd been harbouring all day. "Please forgive me, Headmaster, but being set up for murder hardly compares to being out of bounds! Did you or did you not expel Black!"

"No, Mr. Snape, I did not."

Severus blinked, uncertain that he'd heard correctly, and then sank back into his chair, deflated. It was true. No justice would be found here. It would never be fair. The truth of it hit Severus square behind his eyes and burned there.

The Headmaster stood up and came from behind his desk to stand before Severus.

"You are right. It isn't fair."

Severus noted the echo of his thoughts in the Headmaster's words.

"It is a hard lesson for one so young to have to learn, and I regret that you had to learn it at my hands, but I need you to listen to me now."

Severus looked up at Albus Dumbledore. He'd listen. Then he'd decide what to do.

"There are many prejudices in our world, as you well know, and nearly all of them wrong-headed in my opinion. Several years ago I was given a unique opportunity to right one of those wrongs: I was approached with the request to admit young Mr. Lupin to Hogwarts.

"Lycanthropy is a condition that causes unspeakable harm to those afflicted. But for one horrible night, Mr. Lupin is as human as you or I, and he deserved a chance to become the man he is, not the monster he becomes. I could offer him that chance and did so. I planted the Whomping Willow the summer before your first year, created the tunnel, and set up the house in Hogsmeade to help Mr. Lupin manage his monthly transformations and keep the students safe. This decision was not made lightly, and there were long hours of debate among the staff. We were all aware of the risks, but felt that if we could succeed in our plans for Mr. Lupin, we might pave the way for others, to offer them a life that has heretofore been denied, a chance at acceptance in our society."

"So Lupin is an--experiment," Severus concluded bitterly.

"I wouldn't use that term, exactly, but in essence, yes. A very, very important experiment. One that must be protected, to preserve both Mr. Lupin and the reputation of the school. And expelling Mr. Black would only hurt us in this regard. Do you understand?"

He clearly caught the intent in the piercing gaze of the Headmaster.

"You want me to keep it secret." Severus felt the bile rise in his throat and fought to keep it down.

Dumbledore raised one of his silvery eyebrows. "You are a remarkably bright student. One with many talents. I'm hoping that maintaining confidences is one of them."

The Headmaster was well known for speaking rings around what he really meant to say, so Severus understood that the cold directness of Dumbledore's words reflected the seriousness of the situation.

At that moment, the office door opened, and Remus Lupin stepped inside. Dumbledore smiled genially.

"Ah, Mr. Lupin! Please have a seat!" With a wave, another chair appeared next to Severus'. "Tea?"

"Um, no thank you, Headmaster."

Remus sat down and Severus fought the urge to flee, settling for an instinctive flinch. There was still a hint of the feral about Lupin that he'd smelled in that tunnel. He thought he might actually vomit.

"Mr. Lupin, I've just been explaining to Mr. Snape the conditions of your admittance to Hogwarts, and helping him to understand why it's important that you remain with us."

Remus looked up, surprised.

"You want me to stay, sir? Is - is that wise?"

At least the monster has some common sense, thought Severus, taking several deep, measured breaths.

"Of course you'll stay, Mr. Lupin. Don't give it another thought," remarked Dumbledore with a smile.

Remus looked at Severus, facing him directly for the first time.

"Snape, I'm truly sorry about last night. I can't imagine how horrid it must have been for you." Remus dropped his head, as if in shame.

Severus didn't know how to respond. Before last night, Remus Lupin had been just another annoying Gryffindor, friend of Black and Potter. Not as bad as them, he admitted, but a Gryffindor, nonetheless. And now, Lupin was a werewolf, one he'd seen in his foul-smelling, golden-eyed, twisted form of a beast. He'd never be able to see him as anything else.

"Mr. Lupin--Remus," said Dumbledore gently, "you didn't harm Mr. Snape or Mr. Potter, and you are not to blame in this. Mr. Snape has had a terrible scare, but one I'm sure he'll recover from in time."

Perhaps some time in the next century.

"In a way, you are both victims here and as such, I'd like to offer you something in recompense," said Dumbledore.

Both boys snapped to attention: Remus looking confused and Severus filled with suspicion.

"What are your plans after leaving Hogwarts, gentlemen?"

What is he after?

Remus spoke up. "I - I thought I might like to study to be a Healer, sir," he said softly, without conviction. "But, I don't think I'd be allowed."

"Well, we'll cross that bridge next year, Mr. Lupin," Dumbledore remarked with kindness. "Mr. Snape?"

"I'd like to continue to study Potions, sir, and work towards Mastery."

Dumbledore nodded. "I've no doubt that you'll succeed in that endeavour. As I said, you have many talents, including many of the... darker arts, if my understanding is correct?"

Severus neither affirmed nor disaffirmed his understanding.

"But, I suspect that you will both be faced with the need to make some difficult choices when you leave the safety of our school." Dumbledore shot a direct glance at Severus. "And I think it would be beneficial to you both if you left here armed with some helpful magic, which I'm prepared to teach you myself."

Remus sat up straighter, more alert. "What would that be, sir?"

"Have you heard of Legilimency and Occlumency?"

Dumbledore smiled at Severus' look of surprise. How could Dumbledore know that these had been an abiding interest of his for the last year?

You're an idiot, Severus. He closed his eyes, the truth hitting him like a Bludger. He's a Legilimens himself.

Remus looked wide-eyed and eager. "Yes, sir, I know about them! You'll teach them to us?"

Dumbledore nodded and sat upon his desk. "Having the ability to block one's mind or reach into the minds of others is fraught with both danger and responsibility. I will be teaching you not only the skills, but how and when to use them."

Understanding the terms of this compensation came to Severus slowly, like the dawn casting its light into the darkness.

"And you'll teach me these if I promise to keep Lupin's secret." It was not a question.

"Sir," started Remus, "you asked Snape to keep it a secret?"

"I have determined that protecting you is paramount, Mr. Lupin, as it also protects the school. So, I have asked Mr. Snape to preserve the confidentiality of our arrangement. To answer your question, Mr. Snape, I am not asking for your promise."

Severus quirked an eyebrow, waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop.

"I need for you to swear an oath."

Ah, there it is.

A wizard's oath was more binding than a simple promise. He raced through his options quickly, but found that the Headmaster had deftly parried him into a corner with no escape. He wanted that knowledge. He was hungry for it. And Dumbledore knew it.

Damn him.

Severus swallowed and stood, holding his wand out so that its tip pointed towards his heart. Dumbledore placed his hand upon Severus'. "You have my oath that I will not reveal that Lupin is a werewolf or about anything that happened last night."

Dumbledore beamed, his legendary twinkle alight in his eyes for the first time that night.

"Excellent! Thank you, Severus. Now, I'll be speaking to your Heads about scheduling our sessions together."

"Sir?" Remus asked. "Do you mean that Snape and I will train together?"

Severus hadn't thought of this, and started with alarm. Train with the werewolf?

"Of course! What better opportunity than to have the two of you train together. You'll learn much faster with each other, I assure you. Now, I think it's time you return to your Houses. It's been a long day for all of us."

Remus stood. "Good night, sir. And thank you." He nodded to Severus and left quickly.

Severus slowly stood and started to protest the arrangements he'd been tricked into.

But Dumbledore was ready for him and glared sharply, his tone abruptly stripped of its earlier cheer. "Mr. Snape, there will be no further discussion. Thank you for your cooperation. Good night."

Severus turned on his heel and left shaking, wondering how it was that only Albus Dumbledore could leave him feeling both elated and furious at the same time.

*******

A/N: Thanks to my wonderful beta, celtmama! And extra cookies to OWL's minuet99 and Annie Talbot for their eagle eyes. Any errors remaining are mine!