Ron Weasley's Fan Fiction

A/N: Basically, I need to give a big thanks to Snow and a couple of my other friends who helped me out with a couple funny lines in this first sequence here. I'd list the others, but they don't have a pen name, so it wouldn't do any good to advertise their names would it :D Well, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing (unfortunately)

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"Now Draco, here's how this little game is going to work. We'll ask you a question, and you say whatever comes to mind," Hermione instructed.

"Basically, don't think just answer," said Ginny. "Now, here's your first question. You ready mister?" and she slipped her hands off his shoulders, where she was massaging him before, down to his shirt. She undid his tie, unbuttoned his shirt, and felt her way down to his chest.

"Yeah," Draco said, almost wheezing.

"Okay, quick," and Hermione started spitting out questions. "What Quidditch team do you play for?"

"Slytherin House."

"And what position do you play?"

"Seeker."

"How did you get on the team in the first place?"

"Umm..."

"Now Draco, you must play nice. You're thinking. That's not allowed, remember?" Hermione said, while she moved a little closer to Draco so she could play teasingly with the hair that was hanging down in his face, twirling it around her finger.

"My father bought the whole team Nimbus 2001 broomsticks."

"That's more like it," Ginny said. "Now, who's the hottest Quidditch member here?"

"Cali Misnet."

"Yeah, she's got a nice arse."

"Ugh, too much information!" Hermione squeaked. "What are you thinking about right now? Quick, answer!!"

"That you two girls are hotter than Cali."

"Oh? Are we turning you on?" Ginny asked, stifling a giggle.

"Hell yeah. I haven't been this hot and bothered since I found that Wizard's Playboy magazine under my father's bed. It was great; the girls moved and everything. Man, I got in a lot of trouble for that, but was it worth it!"

"Th-thanks for sharing with us Draco..." said Hermione, as both the girls got a mental image of what was in that magazine. "Moving on to the next question, are you jealous of anyone in particular at this very moment?"

"Yeah. Ron Weasley."

"Interesting. And why's that?" Hermione egged on.

"Because he gets to make out with you Hermione. And that whole thing with the bathtub, crap, that Weasley is one lucky git."

"Did you tell anyone about that Draco?" she asked, while making sure Ginny was still moving her hands around inside his shirt, and she again started to twirl his blonde locks. He's got really soft hair she noticed. I wonder what kind of conditioner he uses. No, get back on track!

"Yes, I told... Snape and some other Slytherins."

"Is that so?" Hermione responded through clenched teeth.

"Yeah. I told them back at Hogsmeade the other day."

"Well, Mister Malfoy, I think we've played this game long enough. It's time for your parting gift," Hermione said, as Ginny removed her hands from inside Draco's shirt. Hermione then move her hands down to Draco's waist.

"Hermione, what are you doing?" Ginny mouthed, but Hermione didn't see her. She undid his belt buckle, unbuttoned and unzipped his trousers and stuck her hand down his boxers.

"Hermione!!" Ginny shouted this time.

"Shut up you," Draco yelled. He was too excited about what he thought was about to happen. But quite to the contrary, Hermione grabbed him in just the appropriate place and dug her nails in as hard as she could.

"AHHHOOOOWWW!!!!!" Draco screamed, as tears started to pur down his face. He then realized what had just happened to him. He had been tricked, and he was pissed.

"You didn't believe me when I said I'd punish you for your actions. Well, that's what you get for being an arrogant prat. Now stay still while I take your picture just in case I need it to keep you quiet ever again."

"You -- can't do that -- Granger, you filthy -- Mudblood!" said Draco through sobs of pain. "That's black mail!"

"Oh, can't I? Well if you're so sure then go ahead and tell people what you wish, but you'll risk everyone finding out that you were tricked and seduced by a Mudblood and a Weasley. And you know your father wouldn't like that."

"Damn you two and your blasted potions!"

"How do you know it was a potion?" Hermione screamed back at him.

"Well how else would either of you be slightly attractive?"

"Ah ah ah! Remember this?" Hermione said, as she took another picture of Draco, which shut him up right away.

"See you later Malfoy. You better get yourself composed before going anywhere," said Ginny, while laughing, almost to the point of hysteria. "Especially the showers. I imagine there's going to be some fingernail indentations left down there for quite a while."

The girls left Malfoy in the room, in complete hysterics. They couldn't believe how well their plan worked.

"Oh man, that was so much fun Hermione! I've never felt so sexy in my entire life! Let's see, we should probably get back to the Common Room, huh? Harry and Ron will be wondering where we are."

"Yes, that's a good idea. That was loads of fun, but it was kind of disturbing at times, don't you think?" said Hermione, as they walked down a flight of stairs.

"You're telling me! But you're not the one who had to put his spit in your mouth! Ugh, I still can't believe I did that!"

"Oh, you think that's bad, well try this on for size. You know what happens to guys when they're all horny don't you?"

"Yeah. What's your point?"

As they rounded a corner, Hermione continued on. "Well, I was sitting right on top of him when that happened! In his lap! I swear, feeling his - you know - in between my legs --" But she stopped as they literally ran into Harry and Ron, who did not look happy.

"Feeling his what between your legs Hermione?" Ron said, so calm it was scary.

"Um.. nothing."

"Tell me."

"Its nothing, Ron. I was just, um... telling Ginny about this dream I had the other night," Hermione said, worriedly.

"Hermione, don't lie to me!! If you were off snogging Malfoy then tell me straight!" Ron yelled at her.

"She wasn't snogging Malfoy, Ron! I was there!" Ginny exclaimed.

"Oh, so you were there too? Sounds like a threesome to me," said Harry.

"No!! It wasn't what you think!" Hermione pleaded.

"Oh, so you two were snogging Malfoy then! I knew it!!" shouted Ron.

"NO!! We weren't doing that with Malfoy!" Ginny yelled.

"Oh yeah? Than what were you doing? You had his spit in your mouth," Harry presented, then he pointed at Hermione. "And you were sitting on top of him!!"

"I told you, it was a dream!"

"NO IT WASN'T!!" both Harry and Ron screamed at the top of their lungs.

Both girls were now in tears and couldn't believe how horrible the situation had turned out to be. Ron was completely enraged, and Harry was feeling extremely jealous. But he didn't like the fact that he had made Ginny cry. Now he felt bad.

"Well speak up one of you! We're NOT leaving this spot until I GET THE TRUTH!"

"Oh shut up Ron," Harry told him.

"What?! Are you taking their side now?"

"No, but it looks like they feel bad for whatever they did. Just leave them alone for a whi-"

"NO! I can't believe you Harry! They were off shagging Malfoy and you're feeling sorry for them?! I can't -- UGH!"

"Well we don't know what they were doing, Ron. Maybe that have an actual explanation!"

"Heh, I just think you're a bloody--"

"We were using a veela potion!!!" Ginny cried out.

"What?!" The two boys said in shock.

"We went to seduce Malfoy with a veela potion to get him to confess whether or not he told about you and Hermione."

"Is this true Hermione?" Ron asked her.

"Yes. Things just got a little out of control."

"It was all too much for Draco. I don't think he's ever been seduced in his entire life, he was getting really excited,"said Ginny, trying to change the mood.

Harry let out a little chuckle and said, "Wouldn't doubt it."

"But we only did it to get the truth," Hermione said reassuringly, touching Ron's shoulder in hope. But he pulled away from her.

"Don't touch me," he said coldly. This made Hermione break into a rush of tears as she ran off from the rest of the group.

"Oh way to go Ron," Ginny scolded him. "Its not like she really did anything out of her own pleasure. She didn't even kiss him or anything. Heck, she hardly ever touched him even. It was very impersonal."

"I'm not happy with you either Ginny. I don't even know if I want to be around you right now. I can't believe my own sister is a tramp."

Harry had had enough. He couldn't keep his feelings in any longer. This was the last straw.

"You - bloody -" he said, but now one heard what he called Ron. Harry had grabbed his wand and aimed it straight at Ron's head. "Expelliarmus!" Harry yelled, which sent Ron flying back against the wall where he hit it hard and slid down to the floor in pain. "Don't you call Ginny anything like that ever again, Ron." Then he turned to Ginny, who had started to cry again. "Are you okay?"

"I think so," she said while sniffling. Harry wiped a tear off her cheek. Ginny then looked up directly into his eyes. The two kept the gaze for a moment, but then Ginny looked down and whispered, "I love you." She immediately took off to go back to the Common Room.

Harry looked at her as she walked away, his eyes wide open. Ron, who had been watching the scene, then heard Harry softly say the words, "I love you too."

"I'm sorry Harry," he said. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I didn't know you felt that way about her. And I love Hermione so much that it kills me to know she was doing that with Malfoy, even if she didn't mean anything by it. And Ginny, she's just growing up so fast; she's not a little girl anymore. It just took me by complete and utter surprise."

"Its okay Ron. I understand," Harry answered, as he went over to give his friend since first year a hand to help him up off the floor. They shared a quick hug when Ron stood up, when they composed themselves to being "men",Harry said, "I can't believe she really feels that way about me. Why didn't I say something back?!"

"Because you're a stupid git," Ron joked.

"Oh, thanks old chap. That really makes me feel a lot better."

"Hey, its what I'm here for!"

They laughed a little bit, then started back to the Common Room. But, unfortunately for Harry, the girls had already went up to bed. So the two guys decided to go on up to bed as well. On the way up, Ron spoke. "I'm still mad at Hermione though. She not only did what she did, but she lied to me about it.. TWICE!!" Then he mumbled something Harry couldn't hear, so he decided he should just let Ron cool off on his own rather than argue and make it worse.

The next morning, breakfast was very quiet for our friends at Hogwarts. Ginny had sat with some fifth year friends of hers, Ron and Harry sat with Dean and Seamus, Hermione with Susan Bones and Parvati Patil, and Draco was no where to be found. He was probably taking a late shower or was up in the Hospital wing.

Classes went as usual, except that Hermione and Ron weren't sitting with each other. Once lunch came, the seating arrangements were the same, and once again, Draco was not in sight. Susan and Parvati were trying to get Hermione to tell them why she looked so glum when Ron came storming up to her, took her by the shoulder and spun her around to face him.

"You told me you didn't do anything!! Ginny told me you hardly even touched him!! LIES LIES!! ALL LIES!!!"

"Ron what are you--" said Susan, but she was interrupted.

"Shut up! This is between me and Granger here." This hurt Hermione so much to hear Ron call her by her last name. She thought for sure this was the beginning of the end. "I was talking to the guys today and supposedly Malfoy's not showing himself anywhere. He's up in the Hospital Wing they say. Then when takin' a crap in the bathroom I hear Crabbe and Goyle saying something about the fact that he couldn't walk standing straight up, and that they had to block him from everyone in the shower so no one could see the RED MARKS ON HIS DICK!!!" Just then, Ron realized that everyone in the entire Great Hall was looking directly at him. He instantly understood what a mistake it was to do that. If no one knew that they were together before, they certainly knew now, and it was very clear that it indeed was Ron and Hermione in the Prefects' Bathroom. "Hermione," he said in a much calmer, pleasant voice. "Would you please follow me?" Ron was now smiling nervously. But Dumbledore stood up to make an announcement, so Ron took a seat next to her.

"It is my pleasure to announce that this year there will be a Dueling Tournament against the four Houses. Only students in the fourth year or older will be allowed in this tournament. There will be preliminary rounds in each house to determine who will duel for their house. Three students from each house will then be chosen to go into the final duels. The winner of the Championship Duel will receive sixty points for his or her House. Please be sure to speak with the head of your house to officially register for the preliminary rounds. By the way, you have Professor Snape to thank for this wonderful suggestion. Thank you and enjoy the rest of your day."

"No wonder Snape wanted a way to earn 60 points!" said Susan. "Slytherin's only behind by 35 for the House Cup!! What a jerk!"