The Ivory Backbone

Epilogue: The Ivory Backbone

Professor Snape woke with a start the night after the Fourth Task. He had a nightmare, but it was hazy in his mind. Trying to retrieve all the fragments from his brain was like trying to pick up marbles with scissors. He gave up after a while. It was enough to remember that he had dreamed of Lucius and that horrible fiasco.

He walked to the small stone basin in the corner of his room and splashed some water on his cheeks, hoping to chase the memories away.

It didn’t work.

Lily. Oh gods, how she shone in his memory. He often wondered what might have happened if he’d found the formula for that love potion and kept giving it to her. She wouldn’t have died. Voldemort wanted James and Harry. Not Lily. Never Lily.

Severus remembered when she woke up. It happened quite suddenly on the twenty-eighth day. They were watching the sunrise over the moors at his house. Severus knew the potion would wear off, and he had invited Lily to his house under the premise of meeting the family. He wanted their last few moments together to be special. So they woke up early and packed a breakfast and waited for the sun. Severus couldn’t help staring at her. He wanted to store her up in his memory, as she was right now. She had blossomed so much under his care. She spoke her mind. Hell, she wasn’t afraid of her mind anymore. He hated to see her go.

He got one last kiss, very soft and sweet, before confusion clouded her eyes. She asked Severus where she was. And then the memories fell in on her. She stared at him with this horrified expression on her face. That’s what truly broke him, seeing her so disgusted.

“Lily...I...” He tried to explain.

And her hand flew. He supposed later that he deserved that. But at the time, he felt it was very uncalled for. He rubbed his cheek.

“How could you...?” she whispered. “How could you do it, Sev? What if James hates me? Because of you?”

Severus did not (nor did he now) think that James Potter would be a great loss. Patiently though, he explained. “Lucius gave you that potion. Not me.”

“I...Lucius?”

“Please try and remember, Lily.” Severus’ eyes were pleading. “I had many...MANY opportunities to...I could have...But...Lily, I tried to be good. I tried so hard to be good.”

Lily’s eyes were streaming tears. “Why did this happen, Severus?”

“Lucius...Lucius wanted me to be happy.” It wasn’t much of a lie. Not one that counted, anyways. “I want you to know...I didn’t lie to you. Nothing I said about how I feel about you was a lie.”

“Lucius knew how you felt?”

“How I feel,” Severus corrected miserably. “And, no. He didn’t think it went so far as love. He didn’t think a Slytherin could love someone who wasn’t pure of blood.” Severus wiped his eyes viciously. “But I’m not pureblooded anyways, and what does it matter? I’m so sorry this happened, Lily. I tried to fix it. I tried to cure you.”

“That night in the dungeons...before Cadogan tried to kill you.”

“Yes.” Severus nodded. “That’s why I needed your blood.”

“I’m going home, Severus. I’m going to try and sort this out.” Lily chewed her lower lip. “You...you really were a gentleman. I didn’t know how you felt, before. I--”

“It wouldn’t have changed anything,” Severus said. “There was Potter. And maybe there still is. I hope I haven’t ruined things with you two.” That last statement soured his mouth horribly.

Lily smiled weakly. “Liar.”

To this day, he had no idea how he managed to hold back his tears through her packing and hailing the Knight Bus to take her home. He also wasn’t certain how he’d made it through his sixth and seventh years with Potter gloating about stealing Lily back. Lily must have never told him about the potion. Or possibly, Potter had a shred of discretion and decided on his own that bringing that up would be way out of line. No, Lily must not have told him.

Which brings up the subject of his accursed son. It was much easier to think of Harry as James Potter’s son; as if James had cut off a finger, put it in a glass of milk, and Harry sprouted from that. But his eyes betrayed him. Harry would never know that there was no overblown sense of honor that saved him from Quirrel. The only thing that kept Snape’s watchful eye on him was that piece of Lily. Those green eyes.

Severus felt the weight of Lily’s death every time he saw Harry. His sixth and seventh years in Hogwart’s had taught Severus to respond to pain with pain. Cruelty was a weakness, a sick indulgence honed by years with Voldemort. But virtue be damned, Severus was going to find the half of Harry that was Lily if it killed him.

Then there was the dark, sneaking thought that crept up on Severus on nights like these. That Lily would have been so much better off with him. He painfully remembered how Potter re-subjugated Lily into the perfect image of the retiring Gryffindor witch. Severus would try and think his way through things, to no avail. And if Lily should have been with Severus, then Harry should be...

No, he wouldn’t let himself get sucked into that train of thought. Instead, he allowed himself a happy memory. The memory of Lucius losing a round of his perpetual game of dominos. The memory of himself out-plotting the plotter. That was good.

They exposed Lucius as a Death Eater. But Dumbledore must have known that. There was a reason that Kyle was detained, and it wasn’t because he was a Death Eater.

Kyle happened to be the only person in the school with a wand that had a heartstring from the same dragon as Lucius’ wand. Priori Incantum told the rest of the story, and naturally confused the hell out of Lucius. Then there was Severus’ own shock. He never even considered that Lucius might have cast the Imperious Curse on Peter Pettigrew to slip Lily the love potion.

There was no potion master to make Veritaserum, nor did any remain in the potion stores. That meant that there was no way to validate Lucius’ testimony. The Mark betrayed his loyalties, anyways.

It took Lucius the night he spent imprisoned in the dungeons to figure out what happened. But, by that time, Dumbledore had already signed his expulsion forms. His parents were already on their way. As were the Aurors.

Severus wondered who the Malfoys had to bribe and threaten to keep Lucius out of Azkaban. (Probably the same ones he bribed or threatened to be a school governor, he mused.) He spent his last two years of education touring Europe with a private tutor, along with Crabbe and Goyle (whose parents withdrew them to protest Lucius’ expulsion.)

The only thing he ever received from Lucius was a brief thank-you note. It congratulated Severus on his wit and his victory. It also thanked him for getting him out of such an oppressive institution. Lucius had no hard feelings, and that bothered Severus more than anything else.

But he had won, and he kept Lucius from ruining Lily. A Pyrric victory.

There were some far reaching consequences of his actions. Corporal punishment was banned after Cadogan and Filch got doused with their own potions. Cadogan left the profession that year. He complained of nightmares involving wolves. The dungeons were converted into quarters for the new Potion Master. Sullivan jinxed and hexed his quarters with so much black magic, they were unusable. Naturally, they were among Peeves’ favorite haunts.

The new Potions teacher was a very nice old woman named Grizelda Longbottom. And the Arithmancy teacher, Professor Muddle, became Slytherin head of house. Muddle proved to be a very intelligent and well-spoken wizard, who immediately took to Severus. Every night, he engaged Severus in some sort of battle of wits. They each won as much as they lost, and Severus was very happy with his head of house for his last two years.

Most importantly, the Juvenile Offender’s Act was repealed. Severus hadn’t expected that.

But now, as he returned to bed in the middle of one of the few safe places he knew in Hogwarts, Severus Snape wondered about things to come. He dreaded the Dark Lord’s rise with every fiber of his being, and here it was. His students, despite his loving care and devotion, were a bunch of prats. They would take the carrot and never notice the stick. He feared for them, knowing the horror that waited in Voldemort’s service.

There were a few students that he had hope for. Ginny Weasley was very bright and already knew what Voldemort truly was. If only she would stay away from Potter, she’d have a chance. Severus smirked. Where had he heard those words before? True, Ginny bore more than a passing resemblance to Lily. However, Lily didn’t have the drive or the anger that Severus saw in Ginny. She had to be a very pig-headed individual to survive six older brothers.

Severus had had hope for Cedric Diggory, too. Cedric, poor Cedric, the first of Voldemort’s new victims. Cedric, who he’d wished good luck to not six hours ago. Cedric had a fierce devotion to his house, his family, his way of life. God save the person who crosses paths with a determined Hufflepuff, and that’s exactly what he was.

Severus had the most hope for Hermione Granger, though he had a funny way of showing it. He felt as solidly about Hermione’s sorting as he felt about his own. The girl was in the wrong house. Just as he should have been a Ravenclaw, she should be a Slytherin. She’s got the ambition, the need to prove herself. It would be a horrible shame if her time with Potter leads her to believe that his athletic ability is worth more than her mind.

He even held out a little hope for Malfoy. It had taken a few unsolicited discussions of his days as a Death Eater, but Severus thought that

he might be breaking through the marble facade that is Malfoy. Slowly, he was finding that part inside Draco that glowed.

He looked at the black robes hanging in the corner. He’d worn black for fourteen years now, since he’d heard about Lily. Perhaps it was time to come out of mourning. Tomorrow, he would buy some new robes, in colors other than black. Maybe green, for his house. It was time to bury Lily and Lucius and that horrible time forever. He was strong enough to do it now. He had the ivory backbone.