Rescue Me

Chapter Four: Doubt

In the dark with the music on

Wishing I was somewhere else

Taking all your anger out on me

Somebody help

I would rather rot alone

Than spend a minute

With you, I'm gone, I'm gone

And you can't stop me from falling apart

Cause my self-destruction is all your fault

How could you

How could you

How could you hate me?

When all I ever wanted to be was you

How could you

How could you

How could you love me?

When all you ever gave me were open wounds

Open wounds

-lyrics from "Open Wounds" by Skillet

Hermione sat in her dorm room, staring out the window and crying again.

The door opened and she turned to discover that Parvati was walking into their dorm. Her anger built up, and she was glad the dagger was downstairs, because this time it wouldn't be going on her; it would be slitting Parvati's throat.

Parvati sat down. "Hey," she said cheerfully.

Hermione looked up at her with tear-streaked eyes. "What the hell do you want?"

Parvati's look changed to one of concern. "What's wrong, Hermione?" she asked sweetly.

That bitch. She knows what's wrong. She knows exactly what's wrong, and she's buttering me up so I don't hate her so much.

"Don't play sweet an innocent," Hermione said icily. "You know what's wrong."

Parvati smiled. "Hermione, there's nothing to be mad over. It's not like it's my fault. Ron asked me out, I just said yes."

Holding back the urge to punch Parvati in the face was a lot harder than Hermione thought it would've been.

"You could've said no! You knew I liked him!" she said.

"Yeah, well, I have a hard time saying no," Parvati said innocently.

"That's because you're an EASY WHORE!" Hermione screamed and stormed out of the dorm.

"What a bitch," Parvati said.

Hermione ran straight for the bathroom and sat down on a toilet, putting her hands in her head and beginning to cry. She sat down on the ground and turned to face the toilet.

Don't do this.

She opened her mouth and put her finger towards the back of it, gagging herself.

I hate feeling like this.

She began to cough and she felt her food from breakfast coming back up. She continued to put her finger back. Tears started coming down her cheeks again.

Vomit came out of her mouth and splashed into the toilet. She vomited harder and harder, until she had nothing left to vomit up.

Don't leave me to do this alone.

She sat down and scooted back to the back of the stall, crying and curling up in the fetal position.

"Why am I doing this?" she screamed out to herself. For so long it had remained to be thoughts, little conscientious thoughts telling her what to do and what not to do.

She sobbed pitifully, pulling her legs up closer. "Why do I let myself do this?" she moaned to herself and began to rock back and forth, all alone in the stall.

Alone.

That single word forced her to feel hated by the world. That was the only word that described out she felt.

After about ten minutes of crying, Hermione looked at her watch. It was time to go to class. She wiped her tears and got up, going to class.

I have to pretend like nothing's wrong. No one can know now.

She walked down the long, haunting Hogwarts hall. She had gone to the out-of-order bathroom, and was extremely secluded.

It was the perfect bathroom to go to. It was the perfect bathroom to help her feel exactly how she felt.

I've gone too far.

She entered her Defense Against the Dark Arts. The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher's name was Madam Lilac. Hermione laughed the first time she heard it, seeing how a lilac is a flower and she talked Defense Against the Dark Arts. She was a nice lady, and Hermione thought she had been the best Defense teacher yet, and hoped she remained.

She walked in and sat next to Harry, who instantly noticed something was wrong.

"Whoa, Hermione," he said. "You look like you've cried some pretty hateful daggers there."

She wiped away the remaining tears on her face. "I'm fine," she said bluntly.

"What's wrong?" Harry pried.

"Nothing," said Hermione. "Nothing at all. You wouldn't understand."

Madam Lilac began to talk and Harry questioned Hermione no further.

Don't let me slip away...

After class, Hermione passed Parvati in the hall. Parvati stepped in front of her, and Hermione ran straight into as if she didn't see her.

"Watch where you're going," Hermione snapped coldly.

"Hermione, what's wrong?" asked Parvati. "Two days ago you were telling me everything, and now you're treating me like I'm the devil or something."

"YOU ARE THE DEVIL YOU STUPID SLUT!" Hermione's shrill yell turned some heads. She cleared her throat, leaned in, and whispered, "You knew I liked him. You said you liked someone else. After I told you I liked Ron, you went off and began snogging him. You are a selfish, cold-hearted bitch and I hate you."

Hermione turned her heal and walked away. She didn't think she had ever felt so much anger before. She didn't know how Parvati couldn't see how stupid and mean she was being. She felt dumb for ever even thinking she and Parvati were friends.

She decided to do something she had never done before: Ditch class. She went straight back up to the Common Room. She felt addicted to that dagger, and she felt like she was going through a withdrawal that she couldn't handle.

As she went into the Common Room, she sat down and went crazy on slitting her wrists. She slit over the scars that had already been left, and she even went over some fresh wounds to make them deeper.

This time, though, she didn't cry. She stared, unblinking, at her bleeding wrists, having an odd sense of... pleasure.

What is wrong with me?

She cleaned up quickly and went into her dorm and pulled out a book to read. She heard the door open and footsteps.

The footsteps came up towards her dorm and somebody knocked on her door.

"Yes?" said Hermione.

Nothing.

She opened the door and realized the stairs had turned into a slide, and she knew that a boy was trying to talk to her.

They turned back to stairs, and Hermione descended them and found Ron sitting in the Common Room, looking absolutely livid.

"Ron," she said. "What are you doing?"

"You stupid bitch," he said through clenched teeth.

Hermione took a step back, shocked at what Ron had just said.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"Parvati told me what you did to her!"

"Oh? And what was that?"

"She told me all those names you called. She told me how you publicly humiliated her and made her feel inferior in front of everyone!"

"OK, someone twisted that story around. I said it to her, yes, but under my breath. And I only called her an easy whore and a stupid slut."

"YOU CALLED HER WHAT?!" he shrieked.

Hermione looked at him, confused and a look that asked for some explanation.

Ron shook his head. "Don't deny it. Don't deny everything that you called her. Everything that you did."

Hermione furrowed her brow. "I'm really sorry, but I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about, Ron."

"YOU THREATNED TO KILL HER!" Ron screamed.

Hermione's mouth dropped open.

What... a... BITCH!

"I DID NO SUCH THING!" Hermione said, shocked.

"She told me that you wanted me all to yourself," said Ron, fuming and foaming at the mouth. "She said that you told her if you couldn't have me, no one could!"

Hermione descended down the stairs, looked Ron straight in the eyes, and slapped him across the face. The slap echoed across the Common Room.

"How... DARE YOU!" she screamed. "I can't believe you'd listen to that stupid bitch and not me! Take her word over mine, believe that I would do something so stupid! You know me better than that! You're an ass, and I never want to see you again."

She shoved Ron and left the Common Room, fuming again. She went back to the bathroom, and even though she didn't have anything left to vomit up, she forced herself to find something.

Asshole.

She threw up some processed saliva and some stomach acid and sat in the bathroom, staring at the ceiling.

Myrtle came out.

"Hermione," she said softly. "Are you all right?"

Hermione looked at her.

"I want to kill myself."

"I want a friend," said Myrtle, not in a weird way at all, but quite a dead serious way.

Hermione looked at her.

Can I really do this?