Rescue Me

Chapter Three: Fear

The night is so long

When everything's wrong

If you give me your hand

I will help you hold on

Tonight...

Tonight...

I won't let you say goodbye

And I'll be your reason why

Away from me...

Away from me...

-continued lyrics from "The Last Night" by Skillet

Marla was pretty much the worst influence Hermione had ever had. Every night, Marla would ask Hermione if she wanted to get drunk. She wouldn't do it every night, but a lot of the time Hermione felt so down in the dumps that she just... did.

One night, Parvati noticed that Hermione was drunk when she came into the dorm.

"Hermione," said Parvati. "What are you doing?"

"I'm falling," said Hermione, laughing and then falling on her bed.

"Do you have any idea how much trouble you could get in over this?"

"Well, I'm sure a pooface could tell me!" Hermione giggled and rolled over.

"Hermione, I'm serious! You really should be careful. If you do this kind of stuff, you can't just walk around acting like nothing's wrong! You could get caught."

"You know what's a funny word? Cookie." Hermione laughed. "And pancake." She held up her fingers and counted to five. "And if you say pancake backwards, it's ekacnap..." Hermione busted into laughter and Parvati went over to her.

"Oh, you poor thing. You really got drunk, didn't you?"

Hermione rubbed Parvati's face. "It's such a beautiful face..." she whispered, dozing off a little.

"Well, uh... thanks?"

"No... Ron..."

Hermione fell asleep, leaving Parvati confused. "Ron? You like Ron?"

The next day, Parvati promised Hermione she would never tell anyone about her drunken experience, as long as Hermione promised to stay where she was when it happened.

"You really shouldn't do it though," said Parvati. "You might... tell some secrets."

"I remember stuff that happens," said Hermione.

"You do? Then what did you tell me?"

Hermione stared at her for a second. "Umm... I don't remember, actually."

"It's all right. You were lucky. You just told me you thought I was pretty."

That's a load of crap.

"Oh... how nice of me," said Hermione. She turned and walked the other way, hoping that Parvati would just leave her alone.

I need to be careful...

At least now Hermione knew that someone besides Marla knew of her "secret life". She definitely hoped that Parvati wouldn't be the one to catch her hurting herself.

That night, Hermione and Parvati were the only ones left in the Common Room. Parvati sat in Hermione's chair, staring at the fire.

"You know, Hermione," said Parvati, leaning in a little closer. "We never really get to talk."

"Oh yeah?" said Hermione. "Well, what do you want to talk about?"

"Well, I don't know...who do you like, for instance?"

Hermione shuddered.

She knows...

"Well, I don't know... I don't really like anybody, I guess," she said bluntly.

"Are you sure? Because we can talk about this stuff. Are you just nervous or something? I'll tell you who I like."

"All right, well, why don't you start us off then?"

Parvati smiled and moved around in a girlish sort of way. "Well, I think that Dean Thomas is absolutely amazing."

"Really?" said Hermione, shocked. "I never really thought he was your type."

"People can confuse you, I guess," she said. She stared Hermione in the eye. "Or surprise you."

What the hell?

"Oh, I suppose."

Hermione shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

"All right, well, it's your turn then," said Parvati. "Who do you like?"

Hermione shifted again. She supposed she should just tell her. "Uh, well... I like Ron."

Parvati's mouth dropped. "No way!"

Hermione smiled and nodded. "Yeah, well, people can surprise you."

"Oh, that's so cute! Does he know?"

"NO! No, no, no. And he won't know, either," Hermione said with a glare.

Parvati put up her hands. "All right, all right, I won't say anything. But I really think that's cute, and good luck to you and him."

"Thanks," said Hermione.

Parvati yawned and stretched. "Well, I am so tired. I'm gonna go to bed. I'll see you in a bit?"

"Well, I'm gonna stay here and read some," said Hermione. "I'll be up when you'll probably be sleeping."

"All right, well, 'night then."

"Goodnight."

Hermione watched Parvati go up the stairs. As soon as she did, she sat in her chair and pulled out her dagger again.

It's the same story over and over...

She lifted up her shirt. Her stomach was now also covered in cuts. It hurt her, and she decided that she wasn't going to do her stomach anymore.

She was going to move on to her hips.

Hermione shivered and goose bumps went up and down her body. She pulled her pants down a little and set the knife onto her hip.

That was a weirder sensation then her arms and stomach. Her arms seemed so casual, so normal, because everyone did it. Her stomach scared her because she didn't want to kill herself and her hips... Her hips somehow made her feel alive.

She placed the dagger firmly on her hip and drew a nice, long cut into her skin. The blood began to form and then roll down her leg.

She winced; this one hurt a lot more than the others.

She put the dagger down again, not too far from the last cut, and made another cut on her hip.

The pain felt good. She thrived on it. It seemed like it was a tickling sensation. She felt a rush each time she put the dagger down for a new swipe.

She yearned for this.

The pain brings me to life.

She needed this.

The pain forces me to survive.

Every day she looked forward to the pain that she would endure that evening.

What have I made of myself?

She placed the dagger once more on her body. She had goose bumps everywhere now, and she began to shiver. It was around fall now, and the air got a lot colder when the fire got a lot lower.

She cut herself again on her hip.

I'm not stopping anytime soon.

For some reason, Hermione felt a lot less stressed that day, so for some reason her logic forced her to believe that she needed to cut herself a lot more. The normal three to four cuts a night didn't do it for her this evening.

She needed more.

She placed the dagger on her body again. She was on cut number seven for the evening. The blood flowed freely down her legs and onto the chair. She would just do the normal cleaning spell to clean it up, and no one would ever know.

She put the dagger down again for number eight. This one was an extremely deep cut, forcing the blood to ooze out of every pore of her skin. She cut herself twice more to make an even ten.

That feels so good...

Hermione had no idea how she was getting enjoyment out of this. It hurt so bad, but it felt so good. It was amazing how those two intertwined.

She moved over to the other hip. That would do it for the night; ten on each hip.

I need this...

Hermione pulled out her cloth again and dabbed it all over her body. About twenty minutes later, after cleaning up all the blood, she limped up to bed, where the pain in her legs soothed her to sleep.

***

The next two nights Hermione spent alone, cutting her legs. For some reason the pain that the legs caused was so much better than all the other pain. The amplification of the pain seemed to caress her, taunt her, draw her in to want more...

Got her so addicted she almost let it take her over the edge.

Especially when Parvati took the dagger she used every night, found the most painful spot in her back, stabbed it and twisted it.

Three days after Hermione began cutting her legs, Ron came over to sit with her at breakfast.

"Good morning, Ron," she said brightly, trying a new approach at getting him.

"Oh, well, good morning Hermione!" said Ron, slightly taken aback by her new cheer.

Harry came over and sat next to them. "Good morning Ron," he said. He nodded at Hermione. "Hermione."

"Hello, Harry," said Hermione, smiling. "How are you today?"

"I'm doing just fine thank you."

Ron took some hash browns and scrambled eggs and put them on his plate.

Parvati walked up and rubbed Ron's chest.

"Good morning," she said.

"Good morning," said Ron.

They both smiled and kissed.

And kissed...

And kissed...

Hermione's world began to spin around. Everything seemed to freeze for a moment as her eyes locked on the kiss that Ron and Parvati shared.

That kiss...

That kiss...

THAT BITCH!!!

Hermione slammed her fork on the table, fuming. Parvati and Ron looked up and Parvati put on an evil smile and started to rub Ron.

"Oh, right," said Parvati. "I forgot to tell you... Ron and I are dating."

Ron turned and smiled straight in Hermione's face.

Hermione stood up and walked away.

"What a spoil sport," said Parvati. "She's probably just mad that we didn't tell her sooner."

Harry got up and followed Hermione. He caught her in the hall.

"Hermione, wait up!" he said, running up to her.

"Go away, Harry," Hermione said, tears coming through her eyes.

"Hermione," he said, grabbing her arm.

She winced and pulled it back quickly.

"GO AWAY!" she screamed.

She turned and ran up the stairs, leaving Harry completely confused.

Parvati had betrayed Hermione. She had confided in her, told her a secret she never told anyone, and she used it as sabotage against her.

Hermione went to the empty Common Room. She went to her chair and pulled out her dagger. She stared at it and then put it back down.

My pain has gotten worse...

She had a new idea. She didn't want to just hurt herself this way anymore. She wanted to try something different.

She knew she had definitely gone off the deep end.

I fear for my own life...