Praying for Rain

The sun shines every day, even when I pray for rain. My heart left a long time ago, yet no one will ever notice. My eyes have long since dried out from the tears I've shed, but they'll never see. They don't hear my strangled cries when the clock chimes midnight. They don't think I'm any different from the person I once was. Maybe I should be worried that my family has long since stopped caring about my comings and goings. But maybe I shouldn't. After all, I had stopped caring about them long ago.

My world was once bright and full of colours . Cliched, yes, but oh so true. Now, I pray for rain to drown out the colours. I sit for days alone, looking out the window and seeing nothing. Only shades of grey fill my heart. I think, somewhere in the back of my mind, a little part of me still believes the colours will return to my life. That one day, he will open the gates and the sky will become blue once more.

But a bigger part of me knows it will never happen. He is gone, taking with him, and forever hiding a part of me. He holds my heart, and I share his soul. We knew it couldn't last, we knew it was wrong. But we didn't care, together forever, he said. I'll never leave your arms, was my reply. We should've stopped, it was so wrong. But how can something so wrong, feel so...right?

I didn't shed a tear the day he left; didn't say a word. His eyes were puffy and red when he said goodbye. He pulled me close and didn't let go, clinging to me with all his strength. I almost broke, almost let a tear slide down my cheek. It wasn't fair, how come I could never cry? But I knew why, I had to be strong for him. I was his anchor, what kept him safe from the terrors of the world. But this was a much too hefty weight, for the strength of one man's shoulders. No, he was born to for this and we both knew it. We knew it before we met; long before he said he loved me.

The sight of him lying so still, so cold and pale still haunts my dreams. He should've never gone to that house, should've never challenged that shell of a man. They killed each other, as he knew would happen before he left me. That's why he cried, why he wouldn't let go. He knew what would happen, how it all would end. They spoke the words at the same time; their wands locked in battle. I comfort myself with the knowledge that he had seen the Dark Lord fall; he knew he had won, because he died with a smile on his face. His job was done. The world could live in peace because of his sacrifice.

Everyone but me. I cry at night, wishing in vain that he were still here. I still have my job, but my days go by in a blur. So, here I sit, starring out a window filled shades of grey. A flash of lightning splits the sky; thunder shakes the walls surrounding me. I look up, brought back to the world, to see rain falling to the ground. I smile softly, and head outside. I've spent the day praying for rain, and now I pray for the sun.