Half

How can I explain such a matter when I really don't understand it myself... The coldness of my dormitory is how I felt before her but I feel like the green house; sweltering and unearthly warm. I really do not know how or why my heart feels as it does; it just does.

When I first committed the act I thought, perhaps, that someone had tampered with my food. However, this feeling inside me, told me different. Whenever I was around her when I was younger I just thought of her as a filthy Muggle lover, but as time went on she became the pretty muggle lover, and then finally, my Muggle lover. I do not claim to own her, no, I have smartened my ways; the first black eye was enough. For such a petite girl she packs a heavy right.

As I recall the first encounter, it was I who made the first move. Maybe it was the musty smell of the old books or the dimness of the light that made me realize how her freckles connected to make a D across the bridge of her nose, or perhaps that her hair was a shade darker than blood but warmer that fire; I do not know. I ask why I did what I did but each time I get no further. Fate seemed to have a hand in this and I can never thank her enough. I never thought I could live a life like this. I thought I would become my father - that's all I ever wanted to be before- but now I know there is so much more.

This strange reaction called love is nothing strange at all; it is like a part you never knew you had. There are no words to describe this emotion; it is in a league of its own, much like myself. You didn't think I went all emotional did you? Of course not! I still loath Potter and Granger but I loathe Weasley so much more now. He has ruined my secret; the only secret that I ever cared to keep... the secret that I wanted to hold on to forever.

I know she loves me; it is simple to see in her eyes. Though we've never spoken the actual words aloud no words are needed; actions speak louder than words ever could.

I will never forget the first time I traveled the entirety of her body, connecting the faint dots that I adore so much. She once confided in me that she had contemplated removing them with a spell she had learned but I firmly protested. "After all what would Ginny Weasley be without her freckles?" I told her and she playfully slapped me and asked what I would be without my hair. I replied, "bald" and she kissed me for my cheeky remark. Do you see how it is? ...these simple things have kept me going. They have kept me sane through all my fathers bantering and meetings. The smell of her skin, the feeling of her hair, the sound of her laughter are all I have... I may have the best dragon hide boots or the most expensive robes but I never had the most important thing in life. And it turns out it was free. Imagine that?

But now I am afraid. Yes, I, Draco Malfoy, am afraid. I am afraid that she will leave me. Her life centers around her family and I cannot compare with that. Lately I've been daydreaming about having a family of our own. Can you image that? Me, wanting to have children and a wife? I couldn't even fathom the idea at first. Do you see how much she has changed me? Now that she has morphed me into this person I cannot go back. I feel as if I am something, not someone else's property. I no longer feel as if I am someone's toy, to be manipulated as they choose.

Since her family has been contacted I know this- no matter how much I want it to go on- will end. She cannot live with out her family and I cannot live without her. I am caught in a catch-22; damned if I do, damned if I don't. No, I will not kill myself. That would be a total dishonor to my family. No matter how much I hate them I do respect the Malfoy name. I have decided that as soon as school finishes I will move deep into the country; where no one knows of the Malfoys, and start anew. No money, no name to boost my stature, just another face in the crowd. Perhaps I'll be a farmer or laborer of some sort; I really don't know. But the thought of such things are liberating. I am free but this freedom is not all powerful. I can no longer be with her. However, my main concern is her. I have decided that no matter what happens I will say up to date with her life. Her marriage, her children, her grandchildren...

I know it seems lonely and I expect it to be. I could never lie to myself; I could never marry if it were not her, I could never procreate unless the child was half her. I could never live a whole life without her. I am prepared to life a half life for her to life a whole. She needs her family they are her second half as she is mine.