Harry Potter Hogwarts Caretaker

Chapter 7: Cho

Again the meal went better than expected. Neville, Charlie and Fred were still trying to be nice to Harry and attempted to draw him into their conversation. It might actually have been nice if Harry hadn't been so out of touch with the wizarding world. Again and again he found himself wondering about events and people the others were talking about. He didn't want to ask too many questions even though they were willing enough to answer them. It would have held up their conversation too much.

After the meal Harry went to find Dobby and they set to work on the schedule for Tuesdays. By the time they were finally done with that Harry knew how often and when Mr. Filch had gone to the toilet, how long he had slept and how many pairs of shoes he owned.

After all this useful information Harry felt like he needed another break and told Dobby that they'd continue the schedules the next morning.

Once the house elf had left Harry leaned back and relaxed in his chair for a while. Dobby was probably the only real friend he had in the castle, but trying to get any specific information out of him was tedious indeed. Now, what could he do with the rest of the day?

Harry decided to return to his exploration of the castle, but it soon got boring. The elves seemed to have kept everything in perfect order. Looking out through the windows he could see that it was a perfect day. The sun was shining onto the Quiddich field. There wouldn't be many days like this left before the winter. Soon the autumn storms would set in and blow away the last remains of the summer.

Harry decided to take a walk on the grounds outside. It was too beautiful a day to waste. During the five years he'd spent in Azkaban he'd never had the luxury of going outside and enjoying the sun and ever since he'd gotten out he had felt a need to make up for that. He just couldn't get enough fresh air and sunlight.

'Maybe gamekeeper would have been a better job for me than caretaker?' he thought. Then he would have been able to keep to himself most of the time living in that small hut that had once been Hagrid's and staying out of people's way. Of course that was the very reason Dumbledore had given him the job he had. So he would be among people who could keep an eye on him just in case he tried to kill himself again.

He walked along the side of the lake for a while thinking how much better this was than his stuffy cell in Azkaban. He hadn't had to deal with the Dementors luckily as they'd gone over to Voldemort's side two years before he'd been arrested, but still it had been depressing to be locked up in a small room with no sunlight.

Every step on the way brought up memories of his childhood and friends. All the happy times they'd spent here, all the adventures they'd had. But that had been a long time ago. He no longer had any friends to share adventures with and he didn't really want to have any adventures anymore either. The things he'd gone through had been enough. More than enough. He could have done without the experience of Azkaban.

His legs were carrying him away from the lake, but he hardly noticed. For a time he wandered around aimlessly lost in his memories.

His mind returned to the present when he more by coincidence than by any conscious design arrived at the Quiddich field. There were people flying out there. Curiously Harry strolled over to watch.

It wasn't a Quiddich practice, he soon noticed. There were too many people there and they seemed to be flying in formations. Coming even closer he recognised Cho Chang on her broom shouting instructions.

This had to be a flying lesson. And Cho was obviously the new flying teacher and Quiddich reverie. Well, he could have guessed. Cho had never been the academic type, but had always been a great Quiddich player. What else would she teach?

He stopped at the side of the field and watched the lesson. Cho seemed to be a good teacher. Her pupils were flying their manoeuvres exactly and with skill. Some of them seemed to be excellent flyers. The competition for the places on the Quiddich teams had to be tough despite the low number of students at the school at the moment.

Harry continued to watch trying to imagine what the games must be like. He remembered his own games back in school, his dreams of becoming a professional Quiddich player and winning the World Cup for England. He'd had a real chance to do it. He had the talent and some professional teams had already shown an interest in him during his sixth year at Hogwarts. But he had foolishly thrown all that away and ended up in Azkaban instead. If only he had stayed in school and continued to play. He might be the one shouting out the instructions to those pupils today if he had. Or he might be the hero they were trying to imitate. He might be the man who had won the World Quiddich Cup for England. Instead he was the lowly caretaker. An ex convict nobody wanted anything to do with, here because Dumbledore felt sorry for him.

Harry sighed watching Cho glide about gracefully without even trying. Her attention was focused on the pupils and she was steering her broom with hardly a thought. He once could have flown like that as well, but now he doubted he'd be up to it. He hadn't been on a broom in nearly ten years.

Cho still was very beautiful the way she glided through the air swooping here and there to offer advice to different pupils. Harry remembered how he had loved her back in his fifth and sixth years of school. She had been his first love and the only steady girlfriend he'd ever had. There had been another girl after he'd broken off school, but it hadn't gone further than a few talks and invitations for dinner. Then he'd been arrested, put on trial, sent to Azkaban and had never heard from her again. He hardly remembered her name at all. Maybe he'd only gone out with her at all to take his mind of the memory of Cho?

Cho and her pupils were starting to land. All of them swooping down gracefully. Harry wondered if he would have been able to teach them this well.

He walked over to where they were landing not really sure why he was doing so. He wanted to be there, see them land.

The pupils cast uneasy glances at him as they dismounted their brooms and carried them away towards the shed. They were probably wondering what they'd done wrong that the caretaker would come out to supervise them. Or were they feeling uneasy because they knew he'd been in Azkaban?

Cho remained standing in the exact spot she'd landed looking at Harry through narrowed eyes.

"That's a fine class of flyers, Cho. You've really taught them well. Congratulations." Harry called out to her smiling.

Cho stared at him angrily.

"What exactly are you trying to say?" she demanded.

"Nothing. I just happened to come by and notice how well your pupils fly. I thought I ought to mention it to you as I'm sure you've worked hard to teach them so well."

"I do not need your comments on my pupils. I know very well what their strengths and weaknesses are." Cho picked up her broom and turned away from Harry heading for the broom shed.

"I wasn't giving you advice. Can't you take a compliment?" Harry ran after her. This wasn't going the way he'd wanted it to. A voice somewhere in the back of his mind told him to leave it be. Cho was obviously not in the mood to talk to him, but something made him follow her nevertheless. Could it be that he was still in love with her after all that had happened?

"I do not need any compliments from the likes of you." Cho hissed.

Harry held open the door of the broom shed for her. She glared at him as she walked in. Some of the pupils were still inside chatting. They fell silent immediately when Harry and Cho entered. Sensing the tension between them the children hurried out leaving them alone together.

Cho carefully stored away her broom, then turned to check the school brooms for any damage. Most of the children had used their own brooms during the lesson, but a few had borrowed those of the school and Cho made a point of always checking them out afterwards.

Harry watched her with an uneasy feeling. How he'd love to help her with the brooms. It had been so long since he'd last flown. But he didn't dare get in Cho's way, not the way she was looking at him now. Maybe he ought to leave? Come back to talk to her at some more opportune time? But he knew that he'd never get a better chance than he had right now. They were alone in the shed. Nobody around to disturb them. The fact that Cho had put her own broom away indicated that she didn't have another class right now so no pupils would come in and disturb them. She had time to listen to him now. If only he knew what best to say.

"Listen Cho, all I'm trying to do is be nice to an old friend I haven't seen in a long time. I'm not trying to go back to being lovers. Can't we just be friends again?" he suggested in what he hoped to be a reasonable tone, but feared sounded more like begging.

'Well, that's exactly what I'm doing.' he thought. 'I'm begging her to be my friend again. Please Cho, give in.'

Cho whirled around to face him.

"Be friends? I am not and never was friends with you, death eater!" she shouted.

Harry flinched. That was the worst thing she could have said. Cho brushed past him nearly ran out the door and towards the castle. Harry rushed after her.

"Ex death eater, Cho." he clarified. "I'd never go back to that. Come on, you know me, Cho. I was only sixteen when I made that choice. I was a child, Cho and I made a terrible mistake. You know that I never did kill anyone. I surrendered to those aurors even though I could have gotten away. I surrendered because I'd realised my mistake and wanted to come back to the light side."

"As if that made a difference." Cho spat glancing back at him over her shoulder. "You betrayed all of us when you joined Voldemort. We all believed in you. We thought you were a hero. He killed your parents and you just shrug and go help him!"

"I told you I was only a child. He made me believe that there was no other way out, no other chance to survive. I just wanted to live, Cho. I never really did believe in him."

"That doesn't change any of what you've done in his service. You're proud you didn't kill anyone? Well, what about all those people you betrayed? What about those you tortured? Those you captured for others to kill? You want to deny your responsibility for their deaths? You're just as bad as any other death eater. That mark on your arm will never go away. It marks you for what you've done, for what you are. A death eater. There's no denying that."

"I've paid for my crimes, Cho. I spent five long horrible years in Azkaban to make up for the things I did. I went there voluntarily to atone for my crimes. Don't you think I hate that disfiguring mark on my arm as much as you do? I thought I didn't have a choice back then, Cho. I was just a child that couldn't see any other way out. I didn't mean to do all those horrible things."

They had reached the castle. Cho hurried up the stairs towards the portal Harry close behind her nearly running to keep up. Cho reached out a hand to open the door and somehow Harry knew that the moment she walked through that door he'd have lost her forever. He grabbed her shoulder, turned her around to face him.

"Please Cho, forgive me." he croaked out fighting down tears of despair. If only she said yes. If only she'd give him a chance, but he knew that she wouldn't. He shouldn't hope for her to say yes. He should let her go and return to the muggle world where he belonged, where nobody knew what he was, where nobody knew what he'd done.

"Please, Cho." he felt a tear run down his cheek.

Cho Chang flinched away from his touch. She tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but in his fear of losing her he was holding her painfully tight. With one sudden movement she pushed with both hands against his chest as hard as she could and shoved him backwards breaking his hold and throwing him off the step.

Harry tumbled down the steps too shocked to feel anything when he scraped his arms and legs on the hard stone of the stairs and finally landed hard on the gravel path that led towards the portal. He heard the door open and close and knew that Cho was gone, that she would never forgive him and that he deserved it. Why had he even attempted to talk to her? He didn't have the right, didn't have the right to talk to anyone here. He should never have come.

He remained lying there unable to find the will to move. Why had Dumbledore hired him? Why had those muggles saved him after he'd cut his wrists? Couldn't they see that the only way out for him was death?

In the next chapter: we find out what happened to Ron, somebody picks up Harry and he drinks some more tea.