Make It Last

A sharp knock on the door woke Remus Lupin from his daze. "Moony! Open the bloody door! I´m freezing my arse off!"

Remus perked up at the sound of Sirius´ voice. "Coming, Padfoot!" he shouted in reply. Remus maneuvered his way around the books scattered across the beige carpet. He opened the door to reveal, standing in the snow, Sirius Black. "Did you lose your key again?" Remus asked as Sirius shoved his way into the living room to sit down in front of the crackling fire.

"Yes, I may have lost my key again, Moony. Did you expect any less of me?" Sirius grinned up into his friend´s face before turning his attention back to defrosting his hands.

Remus shook his head. "Not really. This is what, your third key this month?" He absentmindedly brushed a few flakes of snow from the other man´s hair.

Padfoot once again turned to face Remus, this time standing. Moving closer, slowly, he said, "Maybe. I´ve sort of lost count." He stopped when he was nearly nose to nose with Moony.

Sirius studied his lover´s face intently before running a hand through Remus´ hair. Remus smiled, then gently pressed his forehead to Sirius´. They instinctively moved closer to one another, lips touching, bodies locked, hands groping. Sirius let out a soft moan as Remus kissed him where neck met jaw. He could then feel Remus smiling into the kiss.

A year and a half later, Remus Lupin awoke. He remembered that December evening fondly, despite what Sirius had done to Lily and James, just three nights before.

*There's a lot on my mind

So I guess that I'll take it one thing at a time,

Still sometimes I can't help but wonder why...

I sit around all day

And I waste my whole damn life away,

Still thinkin' bout' just what there is to say.*

A week later, Remus found himself walking to the small cafe in London where he used to meet Sirius every Tuesday for tea. He sat alone at a table in the corner, stirring a lump of sugar into long-cold tea. Sighing, he left a few pounds on the table before trudging home.

*No more weekly tea with Sirius,* he told himself. *Never again.* Yet he found himself back at the small table again the next week, and the week after that. Whenever he saw a tall, dark haired man enter the cafe, his hopes would rise, as though Sirius was just really, really late. When he realised it was not Padfoot, he simply ordered another tea, sadly gazing into the amber liquid.

Steam rose from the cup, swirling about his face, caressing it as Sirius once had. As he never would again. Now, Remus was left with a cup of tea, a ghost of his past, to keep him company.

*Should I say goodnight?

Go to bed, turn out the fucking light

And leave you shining in the past.

Should I try and forget?

Even though next week it's something I'll regret.

Or, should I try and make it last?*

Padfoot tapped his fingers arrythmically on the oak table. Soon he added a foot jiggle. Not long after, he began cracking his knuckles, one by one until Remus slammed down his book to tell him off.

"Look, Siri, it´s not that I don´t find your annoying little habits cute, because I do, but I really need to work right now and you´re distracting me terribly," Remus said quickly before returning to his book.

Sirius looked dejected, and returned sadly to trying to annoy his lover. He began snapping his chewing gum in another attempt to remove Remus´ focus from the thick hardcover volume. "Remus?" Padfoot asked, pouting his lower lip.

"Yes?" came the reply from behind the book.

"Are you mad at me, Remy?"

"Of course I´m not mad at you, you twit. I´m just a bit on edge because I´ve got this report due tomorrow and I´m quite behind schedule," Remus replied automatically, still studying the text.

Shoving his chair back from the table, Sirius crossed the room to stand behind Remus. He crouched so he could whisper in Moony´s ear. "This doesn´t have anything to do with James naming me godfather today, does it?" Padfoot asked before lightly kissing Remus´ neck.

Remus tried to keep from shuddering under Sirius´ touch and failed abysmally. "No, of course not. I understand perfectly."

Sirius grinned widely. "Then does it have anything to do with Prongs suggesting that they make you Harry´s godmother?"

Turning around to face Sirius, he said, "No, it´s more to do with you agreeing with him and trying to pressure Lily into letting him do it." He turned back to stare blankly at his book.

"Oh, come on, Moony! It was just teasing... you know I didn´t mean anything by it."

Remus sighed. "Of course I know you didn´t mean anything by it. You´ve been teasing my nonstop since first year, you don´t think I haven´t learned to ignore it by now?" He shivered as Sirius ran a hand over his chest.

"You seem to like some of the teasing I do, Moony..." Sirius trailed off before nibbling the werewolf´s earlobe.

"Oh... oh, stop that... I need to get back to work... oh, no, not that..." And with that, Remus submitted to Padfoot´s final attempt to distract him.

A year later, Remus Lupin sat in the same chair, recalling what had happened there with vague remorse. The man who he had been kissing betrayed his best friends for his own personal gain.

*I think about the day

When I felt you'd throw it all away

To try to make me feel like I'm the one.

You were my best friend,

And I never ever thought those days would end

But now it seems like they are gone*

Thirteen years later, a much more world-weary Lupin pored over the Marauder´s Map in his study at Hogwarts, remembering the carefree days he had spent using it with his old friends. He felt a pang at remembering James, as he always did. His pain was lessened at recalling Peter, with whom he had never been particularly close.

But it wasn´t pain or hatred he felt when he thought of Sirius. It was something inexplicable. Something delicious and bitter and cold all at the same time.

His eyes ran blankly over the map, catching on a name moving near the gamekeeper´s hut. Peter Pettigrew.

Whatever he had been feeling in regard to Sirius disappeared. In its place grew a feeling of warmth. He could love Sirius without burden anymore.

His mother had always told him that love knows no blame, no guilt, no remorse. Remus could attest to that. But love without a nagging conscience behind it, that was a feeling he hadn´t experienced in God knows how long.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He wiped the map clean, grabbed a cloak and sprinted to the Whomping Willow.

*What more can I say?

I never wanted it to be this way,

And where the hell is yesterday?

We sure had a blast!

I'm sorry that we're living in the past,

Should we try and make it last?*

Sometime after Harry´s third year had ended and Remus had evacuated Hogwarts premises, he returned to being a whole man again. He waited patiently for Sirius to return to see him. Having not seen Padfoot since the night in the Shrieking Shack, which had hardly been the place to discuss their relationship, Remus was sick with anxiety over waiting for Sirius.

He came on a warm night in June when Remus had yet again fallen asleep in a book at the kitchen table. Moony woke with a start, feeling like someone was watching him. From under the table´s shadow crawled a huge, black dog.

Remus fell to his knees and buried his face in the dog´s fur. Soon he found himself hugging a man who returned the embrace. "Padfoot. I almost stopped waiting. But I didn´t. I knew you´d come," Remus rambled into Sirius´ hair.

"Of course I came. You know I´ll always come for you, Moon. Always." Sirius cupped Remus´ cheek in his palm before kissing him firmly on the lips.

When they finally came up for air, Remus said, "I knew you´d come back. I made it last because I knew you would." Resting his forehead against Sirius´, he muttered, "I knew it."

*Should I say goodnight?

Go to bed, turn out the fucking light

And leave you shining in the past.

Should I try and forget?

Even though next week it's something I'll regret.

Or, should I try and make it last?*