Consequences

Sirius approached his next detention with Lily with far more trepidation than usual. He couldn't understand what on earth had possessed him to confess his feelings about Remus, and he alternated between dreading talking to her again and being overwhelmed with relief that he could. When he approached the Muggle Studies office, he might have been a little scared, but I'm Sirius Black, he reminded himself. I don't do scared.

The office was empty when Sirius arrived, and he was giving careful consideration to just giving the whole thing up as a bad job and making a run for it when Lily popped her head through the window and motioned to him. 'Oi, Black, come over here.'

'Evans, what are you doing?'

'Creosoting a rhinoceros. Honestly, Black, what does it look like I'm doing? I'm standing on the balcony and waiting for you to shift yourself and get out here.'

'Oh, how silly of me,' said Sirius. 'Of course, asking me to climb through the window ought to have been the first thing I expected you do to.'

'Just get out here,' Lily told him before pulling her head back through the window and disappearing.

Sirius hesitated and then followed her outside.

'What are you doing out here?' Sirius asked when he had joined Lily on the balcony. 'I mean, what are you really doing, if you don't mind sparing me the hilarious sarcasm?'

'I thought we could talk out here instead of in that stuffy old office,' said Lily brightly. 'There's a bench over there, and it's still quite light in the evenings, so it should be fine. You said you preferred out of doors so I thought you might be a bit more...relaxed out here.'

Sirius looked highly dubious as he followed Lily to a park bench that was positioned near the edge of the balcony, facing out over the Forbidden Forest. 'As I recall,' he began, 'you said that you'd heard enough of me twittering on about observing the sexual activities of the local birdlife and that only complete fools went around climbing through windows, anyway.'

'I, um, did say that,' admitted Lily, 'but I've changed my mind. Anyway, I don't know why you are complaining; I thought you'd be much happier out here.'

'I am,' smiled Sirius as he parked himself next to Lily on the bench. 'Though I do have a terrible sense of impending doom about what al fresco horrors your latest psychological experiment might involve.'

'Ah, well, that's the thing,' said Lily, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. 'I, um, think I'd better cut back with the psychological experiments.'

'Why?' asked Sirius. 'I thought you were enjoying your forays into the deeper depths of my psyche, aided only by some crayons, a clutch of dirty pictures, and reams of multiple-choice questions?'

'Actually, I thought it was all going very well!' Lily sat up straight, looking rather indignant. 'I thought we'd made a real breakthrough last time, and I was so pleased that I wrote and told my mum about it, and she...uh, she....'

Sirius glared at her. 'Don't stop and leave me in suspense, Evans,' he growled. 'Naturally, I'm dying to hear what your mother had to say about me. After all, it's not as though I don't hear enough insults from you.'

'Uh, well, that's the thing,' mumbled Lily, looking awkward again. 'She had plenty of insults, but not for you. She, um, didn't really approve of what I was doing...to put it mildly.'

'You got a complete bollocking off your mother?' Sirius grinned sympathetically. 'I'm certainly no stranger to those. Nasty, was it?'

'Let's just say I've never been so glad my parents are Muggles.' Lily smiled weakly. 'If she could have sent a howler, I think it might have burnt the school down.'

'What was she so worked up about?'

'Everything, really. You remember I told you that it wasn't strictly within the rules for me to try to psychoanalyse you?' Sirius just nodded so Lily continued, 'well, it turns out my mum is more insistent on the rules that I'd realised. She said it was completely unethical for me to "play a lot of ridiculous cod-psychology games," as she put it, and that I ran the risk of causing you irreparable psychological damage.'

'Honestly, Evans, I think my mind was irreparably damaged years ago, so I wouldn't worry about it,' soothed Sirius. 'Does this mean you won't be doing detentions with me anymore?'

'No, you'll still come and talk to me,' said Lily. 'I just won't be doing all those tests anymore. My mum says I should try to act less like a know-it-all half-baked doctor and more like a normal human being.'

'Pretty scathing, isn't she, your mum?' smiled Sirius. He couldn't help but warm to Lily as he realised how much trouble she was in.

'Yeah, well, she might have a point,' admitted Lily. 'But she says friendly chats are OK. I know we've never exactly tried being friendly, but I thought it was worth a try.' She leant down under the bench and pulled out a box. 'So, anyway, whenever one of my girlfriends is having, um, boy trouble--' she paused as Sirius rolled his eyes melodramatically '_we stuff ourselves with chocolately food and have a good old chat about it.' She opened the box with a flourish, revealing an array of cakes and biscuits. 'So,' she asked cheerfully, 'would you like a snack?'

'Evans, surely you can't have failed to have noticed,' said Sirius tersely, 'what with your in-depth study of me and all, that I am not a girl.' He frowned at her, and Lily pushed the box of treats towards him hopefully. 'I wouldn't mind a biscuit, though,' he added reluctantly.

'Help yourself,' said Lily, sounding relieved. 'Would you like some cocoa to go with it?'

'Maybe just a bit,' agreed Sirius grudgingly. Lily produced two cups of cocoa from a flask under the bench and helped herself to some cake. They munched away quietly for a while as Sirius became gradually more relaxed. After all, he admitted to himself, I've had to suffer much worse things in detention than forcing down a few biscuits.

'So, do you want to talk about it then?' asked Lily after several minutes.

'Talk about what?' replied Sirius innocently.

'You know very well what,' said Lily firmly. 'This thing with Lupin. It's obviously troubling you. Is that why you jumped in the lake?'

'Do you ever give it a rest? 'sighed Sirius. 'For the nth time, Evans, I did not jump in the lake. It was an accident. A particularly stupid and embarrassing accident, I'll grant you, but an accident nonetheless.'

'Are you sure?' asked Lily. Sirius thought she sounded almost disappointed. 'It's just that I've read that suicide is a major cause of death in young males, and concern over your, er, sexuality puts you in a high-risk group.'

'Sorry, Evans, but if it's the poor, tortured, lonely homosexual you're looking for, you'll have to look elsewhere,' Sirius told her. 'Naturally, it came as something as a shock--after all, it's not every day you wake up to discover you're a screaming bender with no more right to live on god's clean earth than a weasel, and fancying one of your best friends makes the whole thing particularly disgusting. All the same, I'd rather live with my sordid shame than die on account of it.'

'So you're completely comfortable with the whole thing, are you?' asked Lily. 'Not in the least bit embarrassed or anxious at all?'

'Not in the slightest,' sniffed Sirius airily.

'Why is it a secret then? Why not just tell everyone that you are gay?'

'Because--' Sirius shifted uncomfortably. 'Because...well, I don't need to advertise, now do I? It isn't anyone's business.'

'Maybe not, but there's still the thing with Lupin, and I can't imagine you're normally one to hide your light under a bushel,' said Lily. 'If you are so relaxed and comfortable about it all, why aren't you making a big play for Lupin like Potter does with me?'

'Because,' said Sirius with exaggerated patience, 'James always acts like a complete twat when he's trying to impress you.'

Lily laughed. 'Well, I can understand if it's all about not wanting to look like a twat. It probably wouldn't be the most effective courtship method.'

'Although,' commented Sirius with a raised eyebrow, 'you do appear to be recommending it. Which suggests that the James Potter "behaving like an idiot" seduction technique is having more of an impact that you'd care to admit. I'll have to tell him that--he could do with a bit of encouragement.'

'Don't you dare,' hissed Lily. 'Encouragement is the last thing Potter needs. I'm only sorry you didn't manage to drag him into the lake with you. Might have cooled him off a bit.'

'Don't you believe it,' smirked Sirius. 'He's insanely jealous that you rescued me. The whole thing sparked off a whole world of new water-related fantasies in his sick little Evans-obsessed mind.'

'Ugh, I'd rather not know, thanks,' said Lily. 'Anyway, stop trying to change the subject. We were meant to be talking about you and Lupin.'

'Correction, Evans: you want to talk about that; I'm just here for the biscuits,' objected Sirius as he poked around in the box. 'Have you got any of those nice ones with jam in?'

'Yeah, I think there's some down under the chocolate cake. They might be a bit squished, though.'

'Doesn't matter,' said Sirius cheerfully. 'Only going to get squished being eaten, anyway.'

Lily waited until Sirius had finished eating before trying again. 'So, Lupin?'

'You're not going to give up on this, are you?'

'No,' said Lily, grinning. 'Not until you spill the beans.'

'OK, fine,' said Sirius wearily. 'What do you want to know?'

'Why Lupin?' asked Lily. 'I mean, what do you see in him, anyway?'

'What do you mean, "why Lupin"?' Sirius scowled. 'You've met him, haven't you?'

'Yes, I've met him,' Lily answered crossly. 'I'm just surprised that you've fallen for him. He doesn't seem like your type.'

'I hope you're not suggesting there's something wrong with Remus. Anyway, what do you think my type is?'

Lily shrugged. 'I just thought you'd go for someone a bit more like you...more dramatic. Louder.'

'Like James, you mean?' Sirius winked at her. 'Just can't stop thinking about his merits this evening, can you, Evans?'

'Shut up, Black. You're the one who keeps telling me what a good boyfriend he'd make. Maybe you fancy him yourself.'

Sirius coughed. 'Don't be disgusting, Evans. James is practically my brother. It would be like incest. Plus he's got crap hair. And he's the most heterosexual person I've ever met.'

'I'm glad you aren't being shallow about it,' teased Lily. 'OK, what about Theo Hobson? He's got lovely hair, he's in a different house, and he's Head Boy. Not to mention that he is openly gay and, ah, rather dramatic about not caring who knows it.'

'Hence his hugely amusing nicknames, the Gives-Head Boy and Hufflepoof,' Sirius replied scathingly. 'Besides, he's a complete idiot. Who in their right mind would want to go out with an arrogant little show-off like that, even if they are quite good-looking?'

'No, you're right,' Lily giggled. 'No-one would ever want to date a good-looking, arrogant show-off.'

Sirius stared at her. 'I don't know what you're laughing about.'

'Nothing,' said Lily, still smiling. 'Here, have another biscuit.' Sirius took it from her with a snort, and she waited for a moment, trying not to laugh. 'You still haven't told me what's so hot about Lupin.'

'Look, I just like him, OK?' Sirius snapped. 'I don't see why you need all the gory details, anyway.'

'Just curious,' said Lily, picking at a slice of chocolate cake absentmindedly. 'I mean, he's a nice enough bloke, I suppose, but he's a bit on the mousey side.'

'What do you mean, "a bit on the mousey side"?' huffed Sirius indignantly. 'Remus isn't mousey.'

'Yes, he is,' contradicted Lily. 'He's all quiet and timid, like a little field mouse.'

'No, he bloody isn't,' seethed Sirius. 'Just because he doesn't feel the need to run his mouth off every five minutes, unlike certain other prefects I could mention. Remus simply knows when to shut up. He's very witty and eloquent, I'll have you know.'

Lily pursed her lips. 'You have to admit, though, he is rather mousey looking. A bit, well, plain.'

'Mousey looking?' Sirius stuttered in amazement. 'Plain? Evans, are we talking about the same person, or do you need your eyes testing? Anyone with decent sight and taste could tell you that Remus is absolutely gorgeous.' He snatched up another biscuit and bit into it angrily. 'Mousey looking, indeed,' he scoffed.

'Gorgeous, ay?' said Lily, her eyes twinkling as she nudged Sirius playfully. 'You've got it bad, haven't you?'

'What?' Sirius blinked. 'Are you winding me up?'

'Sorry,' said Lily, suppressing a giggle. 'It was just a bit too easy. And it's so sweet to hear you leap to his defence.'

'Evans, I am not sweet.'

'Oh, but you are,' sighed Lily. 'You're all adorable when you stop being an arrogant git and start swooning over Lupin.'

'And I certainly do not swoon!'

'Yes, you do,' smiled Lily. 'You were swooning just now. It's so cute!'

'Cute?' scoffed Sirius. 'Bloody hell, do you have to make me sound like a kitten?'

'I can't help it,' said Lily. 'It's just so lovely and romantic. I've never heard you actually be so nice about someone. Obviously, the pain of unrequited love is good for your character.'

Sirius fixed her with as fierce a stare as he could muster. 'What makes you so sure,' he said archly, 'that it is unrequited?'

Lily started so quickly she dropped her cake. 'You mean it isn't?' she gasped, turning to Sirius, her eyes sparkling in excitement. 'Are you? Have you? You know...with Lupin?'

'Evans, stop babbling; it's most unbecoming,' said Sirius in a superior tone, turning his nose up in the air.

'Don't be like that!' gushed Lily excitedly. 'I want to hear everything. C'mon, tell me, tell me, tell me!' She bobbed up and down in her seat, clapping her hands as she spoke.

Sirius glanced back at her and narrowed his eyes. 'OK, who are you and what have you done with Evans? Only I expected to spend the evening being harangued by a bossy, interfering prefect, and she seems to have morphed into a giggling, girly maniac.'

'Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist,' scoffed Lily. 'I am only human, you know. Even prefects are allowed to get excited sometimes.' She nudged Sirius with her elbow. 'You should know,' she added with a wink.

'For the love of Merlin,' sighed Sirius. 'What did I do to deserve this? Y'know, I think I preferred the psychology. In fact, I think I preferred drowning. Can we go back and start again?'

'No, we can't,' said Lily sternly. 'You're stuck with it, I'm afraid. So why don't you just stop procrastinating and give me the dibs on Lupin. You know you'll end up telling me eventually.'

'Only because you'll keep annoying me until I have to tell you just to get you to shut up.'

'If you say so,' shrugged Lily. She looked at Sirius expectantly. 'Well? Are you going to tell me about it then?'

'There was a...thing,' said Sirius shiftily.

'A thing?' queried Lily.

'On my birthday,' said Sirius, shifting more than ever. 'A...kissing thing.'

Lily let out a small squeal and clasped her hands together in joy. 'A birthday kiss? That's so--'

Sirius stopped her with a stare. 'If you say it's sweet, I swear I won't be responsible for my actions,' he said warningly.

'OK, I won't say it,' said Lily, suppressing a grin. 'Still, it's all good, right? At least you know he likes you.'

'Liked,' said Sirius, pulling his feet up onto the bench in front of him and resting his chin on his knees. 'Past tense. At best. It was only once, y'know, and right at the end of term. We never got to talk about it afterwards.'

'Didn't you write?' asked Lily. 'During the holidays?'

Sirius gave a small smile. 'Not allowed,' he said. Lily looked puzzled, so he continued. 'Remus is a half-blood. My parents didn't want me to be friends with him. They couldn't exactly stop me talking to him at school, but I wasn't allowed to write or visit during the holidays, and Remus knows not to write to me, either. They only way we could communicate was sending messages via James, and, well, I was hardly going to write to him and say, "By the way Prongs, I snogged Moony just before the end of term and was wondering if you could ask him if he liked it," now was I?'

'No, I suppose not,' answered Lily thoughtfully. 'They wouldn't even let you write?'

Sirius shook his head. 'Fraternising with undesirable types. One of the million and one behaviours unbecoming a Black specifically disallowed by my darling family. As if they weren't the most undesirable types of all,' he said bitterly.

'I heard that you ran away from home,' said Lily quietly. Sirius hugged his knees closer to his chest and didn't answer. 'Was that why? Did your parents find out?'

Sirius took a few moments to answer. 'I...I'm not sure,' he said slowly. 'I don't want to talk about it.'

'I take it they wouldn't have approved?' asked Lily cautiously.

'You think?' asked Sirius sarcastically. 'The scion of the House of Black getting it on with a half-blooded werewolf boy? No, they would not approve. They don't approve of anyone who isn't a hideous, inbred, superior little bigot like themselves.'

'I didn't know,' said Lily. 'Sorry.'

'It's not your fault,' said Sirius with a sigh. 'Anyway, it's all academic now. If I ever did have a chance with Remus, I've totally screwed it up now. He's never going to forgive me.'

'What makes you so sure about that?'

'He's still furious with me,' said Sirius sadly. 'I mean, he talks to me now, and he's even quite nice sometimes. Sometimes...I can almost convince myself that he might still care about me, but...it's not the same as it used to be.' He sighed. 'I think...I think he's only nice to me because he doesn't know how to be really horrible to anyone.'

'Or maybe he just doesn't want to be horrible to you,' said Lily kindly. 'He obviously does care about you, or he wouldn't have agreed to let Dumbledore tell me about what happened. He said he wanted to help you.'

'Yeah, that's what he told me,' said Sirius. 'I don't really understand. Why is he so bothered about helping me?'

'I told you, he cares about you,' insisted Lily. 'It is possible to be angry with someone and still care about them, you know.'

'Perhaps,' said Sirius uncertainly. 'Do you think he might forgive me?'

'Yes,' said Lily firmly. 'Of course. If you are really sorry for what you did.'

'I am sorry!' said Sirius, sitting up abruptly. 'I told him that, over and over. But he said...he said it isn't enough.'

'Of course saying it isn't enough,' explained Lily. 'You have to act it, too. Prove to him that you want to make up for it.'

'How can I do that?'

'Well, you could try being nice,' suggested Lily. 'Just helpful and kind. Do something useful.'

Sirius looked sceptical. 'Sounds a bit wet to me, Evans. Nice? That's not really my thing, you know. I'm more your devil-may-care, mad, bad, and dangerous-to-know type.'

'I'm fully aware of that,' said Lily dryly. 'That's what got you into this mess in the first place. You're going to have to give nice a try.'

'I'm not so sure. I don't know if I can.'

'Do you want Lupin or not?'

'OK, OK,' Sirius sighed. 'Nice it is. I suppose anything is worth a try.'

'That's the spirit!' exclaimed Lily cheerfully.

'Are you sure I can get Remus to forgive me just by being nice?'

'Black, not only are we going to make Lupin forgive you,' smiled Lily, 'we are going to convince him to go out with you as well.'

Sirius raised an eyebrow. 'We?' he asked.

'Yes, Black, we, you and me,' said Lily, looking very determined. 'I am going to help you work things out with Lupin.'

'I'm not sure that's such a good idea,' said Sirius.

'Nonsense,' Lily contradicted him brightly. 'It's a brilliant idea. Who else are you going to go to for romantic advice? Potter?'

Sirius laughed slightly. 'Fair point,' he conceded. 'But is this all strictly in the line of your perfectly duty? I thought the plan was for you to make me see the error of my ways.'

'Yes, yes, I know all about that,' said Lily, waving a hand dismissively. 'But Dumbledore gave me a fairly...broad remit. Just to help you sort yourself out, really.'

'And you think trying to help me pull Remus falls within that remit?' queried Sirius. 'I'm not sure this was the sort of thing Dumbledore had in mind.'

'No, I think it will work,' said Lily. 'Lupin is clearly a positive influence on you. It'll be good for you to go out with him.'

'Evans, you're off your rocker,' laughed Sirius. 'This is even more bizarre than your mad therapy ideas.'

'Well, I've seen the limits of counselling now,' said Lily. 'Romance is much more fun, anyway.'

'Are you sure about this?'

'Absolutely,' said Lily firmly. 'Down with psychology, up with love!'

*********