Consequences

Chapter Three

Bad to Worse

The following morning, Sirius awoke feeling slightly more positive. At least, he was feeling positive until James decided he needed to be drilled in the basic principles of apology and reconciliation and lectured him on the subject at some considerable length.

'...what you have to remember, Padfoot, is to focus on the matter at hand. Freely admit to all blame for everything that happened on Friday night, and anything Moony has to say about it _in fact, admit to anything Moony decides you've done wrong over the last five years, which might take some time.'

'Is that it?' Sirius rolled his eyes dramatically.

'No, I haven't finished yet,' said James forcefully. 'In fact, you've just reminded me of another one. Don't go getting all dramatic again _all that ranting and whinging stuff, it'll just piss him off.'

'Look, it's OK. I'm fine with it all now. Wormtail and I had a little chat about it all last night, and he's convinced me that_'

'Wait a minute! You'll listen to Wormtail, but you didn't listen to me?'

'I am still here, you know,' Peter interrupted. 'But I wouldn't worry about losing your influence over Padfoot. I gave him biscuits.'

'Ah, well, that accounts for it. Padfoot could be convinced of just about anything if he's supplied with a proper quantity of biscuits.'

'Don't be stupid, Prongs,' said Sirius. 'Or at least, any stupider than you can help. Wormtail simply put forward some valid and intelligent arguments, whereas you seem to be relying on an uncanny, if unintentional, impression of McGonagall in full-blown lecture mode.'

'Firstly, I sound nothing like McGonagall,' James retorted, 'and secondly, you deserve to be lectured for behaving so stupidly.'

'Ha!'

'Shut up, Padfoot,' said James. 'Anyway, what were these valid and intelligent arguments which Wormtail supposedly managed to get through your thick skull?'

'Moony can't possibly stay angry with me,' said Sirius triumphantly, 'because no one ever does. I always win people over with my good looks and charm.'

'What?' spluttered James. 'Wormtail, please tell me you didn't tell Padfoot he was good-looking and charming.'

'Um, not exactly, no.' Peter smiled. 'In fact, I don't recall good looks or charm being mentioned at all.'

'Well, that's a relief,' said James. 'I might have known it was all the product of Padfoot's delusional overactive imagination...'

'Yes, yes, all right,' Sirius cut in breezily, 'those might not have been his exact words, but I could tell what he meant.' Sirius pretended not to notice Peter and James exchanging 'He's Doing It Again' looks and continued. 'And he told me that Moony will definitely have to forgive me because he couldn't bear not to be friends with me. I'm his favourite.'

James looked flustered. 'Did you_' he started.

'Again, it's not exactly how I remember the conversation,' Peter answered. 'But he has got a point. Moony does like him best.'

'No, he doesn't!' James was outraged. 'Moony likes me best! Everyone does. I'm the leader.'

'Prongs, old friend, I fear it is you that is delusional,' scoffed Sirius. 'Clearly, I'm the most popular, and therefore, I'm the leader.'

'Tell me, Padfoot, I'm intrigued. Exactly how did you come to that wildly inaccurate conclusion?' queried James with mock sincerity.

'Simple, really. You can't deny that you like me best.' James scoffed but didn't argue as Sirius continued. 'Wormtail agrees with me that Moony likes me best, and since Wormtail gave me the last of his biscuits and not you, it's clear that I'm his favourite, too.'

'You do know you're talking bollocks, don't you, Padfoot?' said James. 'Even by your standards, this is a pretty extreme flight of fancy. You like me best because I'm the only one who can put up with your crap even outside of school, Wormtail likes me best because I don't have to be bought with biscuits, and Moony likes me best because I'll sometimes punch you for him when you're being excessively annoying. Like right now.'

'I know this is hard for you to accept, Prongs, but it really is time you faced the truth,' Sirius said with exaggerated pity as he patted James on the back. 'I'm just more popular than you are, as well as being better looking, cleverer, and considerably more charming.'

'Pah! The only thing you're better at than me is being rampantly egotistical,' said James, swatting Sirius away. 'And you seem to be overlooking the fact that right now, Moony likes Filch more than he likes you.'

Sirius pouted. 'I hardly think that is very fair.'

'Which brings us back to the point,' said James forcefully. 'You are going to have to pull yourself together and apologise properly to Moony. In order to do that, you are going to have to stop pouting, whinging, over dramatising and generally behaving like a complete and utter girl.'

'Oh, and having a temper tantrum because you might not be the most popular one in the group is so thoroughly masculine,' Sirius retorted.

'Do you really think you're in any position to risk losing the friends you actually do still have?' said James. 'Look, Padfoot, you have to deal with this properly and stop being such an idiot. If you and Moony keep fighting, it'll be completely awful for all of us. You have to make him forgive you.'

'I will. I'm going to. Look, Moony gets let of the hospital wing just before lunch. He won't come down to the Great Hall because he always avoids us when he's upset. I'm guessing he'll head to the library, so I'll be able to intercept him in the corridor, apologise profusely, and then we'll join you two in the Great Hall in time for pudding!'

'Well, that sounds like a fairly good plan,' James admitted grudgingly. 'Just make sure you get it right, OK?'

'I will, Prongs, I will,' Sirius insisted. 'There is no way I'm going to screw this up.'

*************

Two hours later, Sirius was crouched behind a statue in a corridor leading to the hospital wing, feeling considerably less confident that he had done earlier. It was easy enough to feel cocky and self-assured in the comfort of the dormitory with his friends, but he felt rather less sure of himself crouching behind the rotund figure of Ethelbert the Exuberant on his own, waiting to ambush someone he'd given every reason to hate him.

Oh, bugger, damn, and blast, thought Sirius. I can't believe I've sunk to the level of having to lurk around corridors waiting to pounce on Moony just to make him talk to me. He glanced anxiously up and down the deserted corridor before consulting the Map for the thousandth time in five minutes. Oh God, is he ever going to come out of there?

Just as though the Map had heard his thoughts, the little dot marked 'Remus Lupin' moved out of the hospital wing and started to travel slowly down the corridor towards him. OK, it's now or never, Sirius told himself. 'Mischief managed,' he muttered aloud, and stashed the Map in his pocket, hastily flattening himself against the wall. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shitting-shit-shit. Remus would be drawing level with him any second now. Don't screw up, don't screw up, don't screw up, Sirius told himself over and over. He could hear Remus' footsteps getting closer and closer and then_

'Moony!' he called out. Remus kept on walking. Sirius hurried after him and called louder. 'Moony, please!' Oh, please, please turn around, just turn around.

Remus did turn around, but the expression on his face made Sirius almost wish he hadn't. He looked cold, distant, contemptuous _all of the things Sirius had never associated with Remus. 'What do you want?' he demanded.

Oh hell, he's so angry, he hates me... Sirius took a step forward and began uncertainly. 'I...I just wanted to say sorry...I'm really, really, sorry, and I didn't mean...I didn't mean to...' Sirius could feel Remus' eyes boring into him, and his voice trailed away.

'You're sorry?' asked Remus coolly.

'Yes I am. I really, really am sorry,' Sirius nodded. So sorry, so sorry, Moony, don't be angry, please don't be angry with me...

'And you think that's it, you can just apologise, and I can just forgive you, and we'll forget it ever happened?'

'I don't know...I just...I'm sorry,' Sirius stuttered. But yes, please forgive me. Say it's all right. He breathed deeply and continued. 'I just...I just want us to be friends again.'

'That's just the problem though, isn't it?' Remus announced. 'You weren't really my friend at all; you didn't care about me in the slightest.'

'That's nonsense; we've been friends for years,' cried Sirius, I do care about you, I_

'Really? I used to think so, but you've proven otherwise. I thought you were a friend, a really good friend. Do you know I was actually grateful to you when you and the others found out about me being a werewolf because you weren't afraid and didn't seem shocked or worried about it? I thought it was because you accepted me as a person, but I was wrong _you just thought it was cool and exciting to know a real-life dark creature, a scary, dangerous werewolf.' Remus was glaring at Sirius as he spoke, moving slowly towards him.

'No, no, I didn't...I don't think that.' Sirius could hardly believe what he was hearing. How can he say this...how can he think it's true...

'You used me. I don't care if you wanted to kill Snape or just to scare him _you still used me. You didn't think about me at all, did you _not as a person, anyway. I was just a great, ugly, horrible werewolf _a monster.'

'No, no, I don't,' said Sirius desperately. 'You've got it all wrong, I don't think_'

'You don't think at all. You don't care about other people. You betrayed me, and you used me. You let James risk his life to save you from getting expelled; you nearly killed Snape _what sort of person does that make you?'

Sirius couldn't answer. He felt sick and afraid. He'd expected Remus to be angry, to shout at him and call him names. But he hadn't expected that look of disgust in Remus' eyes, that his friend might actually truly despise him.

'You're such a fraud, you know,' Remus continued aggressively. 'All that mouthing off about your terrible family, how awful and elitist they are, but you aren't any better.'

'That's not true!' Sirius exploded, shaking. 'I'm nothing like them!'

'Are you sure?' asked Remus. 'Because I don't see that attempted murder and betraying your friends gives you much claim to moral superiority over anyone.'

Sirius gasped in shock. He wanted to argue with Remus, to tell him how wrong he was about him, that he wasn't like that...but he couldn't. He's right, Sirius thought to himself. I am just like that...no wonder he hates me so much. He looked away from Remus, ashamed. He was shaking more than ever and could feel his hands perspiring, his breath becoming fast and shallow. Oh fuck, I can't start crying in front of him.

Remus continued to glare at him. 'I see, for once, you don't have an answer,' he remarked bitterly. 'Well, I'll leave you to it, then.' He turned on his heel and started to walk away. Sirius watched him miserably. Don't let it end like this...

'Moony, wait _don't go,' he called after him. Sirius ran after Remus and caught hold of his arm, pulling him around to face him. 'Please don't go...let me explain,' he said desperately.

'You can't talk your way out of this one,' Remus spat back at him.

'No...I know, you're right,' Sirius admitted. 'I did let you down, and I...wasn't a good friend, but I'm sorry, and I want to make it better.'

Remus shook Sirius' hand off his arm and pushed him away. Sirius was caught off-balance and collided painfully with the wall behind him. 'Do you really think you can make it better?' he asked contemptuously.

'I don't know. I don't know what to do, but I will try,' Sirius pleaded. 'I don't blame you for hating me, but I'll make it up to you...I'll try harder, be nicer, anything. I'll do anything!'

'Anything?' queried Remus. He took a step towards Sirius, and then another. He was standing right in front of him, but Sirius didn't face him; he was staring down at the floor.

Sirius could smell the hospital soap on Remus' skin; he could feel the warmth of Remus' breath on the top of his head. He was so close he thought he could almost feel Remus' heart beating. Anything.

Remus put his hand under Sirius' chin, slowly forcing his head up, so they were staring into each other's eyes. He leant in towards him, and Sirius twitched as he felt Remus' cheek brush against his own. Sirius was trembling as Remus whispered softly into his ear.

'I don't want anything to do with you ever again.' Remus stepped back, as Sirius sunk towards the floor, hiding his face in his hands. Remus turned to leave, and then hesitated.

'Oh, and one last thing, Padfoot,' he hissed.

'Yes?' gulped Sirius.

'Stop snivelling.'

Remus strode away without looking back, leaving Sirius alone in the corridor.

************