The Dursley's Guide to Being Perfectly Normal Thankyou Very Much

Writer's block - quick one-shots in every flavour. A risk with every mouthful.

Part Two:

The Dursley's guide to being Perfectly Normal, Thank You Very Much

Doting father, loving mother. Our only son is our pride and joy. We're

Perfectly fucking normal.

I'd thank you not to swear. As I was saying-

Vernon dear, have some coffee

No thank you Petunia - do sit down. As I was saying before

It's perfectly normal to keep your nephew locked under a cupboard.

The boy is a deviant. It's more than he deserves.

And the bars across his windows. That's normal too?

It's dark in here, very dark.

Don't change the subject.

Look here - who are you to tell me what to do in my own home?

The beatings. When did they start?

These measures were not unprovoked; the deviant has stolen cars and attacked my sister. He needs to be taught a lesson - disciplined

By hitting him.

He was corrupting my son. Plainly, he was the cause of Dudley's insubordination and then this -

My little Dudders, he came home - and - and

The boy thinks he's a faggot.

And you blame this on Harry.

Where else would he have picked it up. Disgusting. Those bloody dresses he wears, wands, broomsticks! I ask you-

Why

I- we found them in that cupboard together. Dudley was lying on top of him heaving - he, Potter was crying.

Your son raped him. And you saw them together and promptly went upstairs to get yourself off.

I certainly did no such thing-

Don't lie to me.

My wife was distraught, I tell you, she went to lie down.

And after hearing that your son forced himself on another boy you

Nothing less than he deserved after what that little bastard did to my son.

He ran away. Tried to cast the killing curse on himself - the thing that killed your sister

I have no sis-

He's with them now, his parents.

He died?

Voldemort took him. Harry begged for death. Voldemort gave it to him- eventually.

So the boy went and got himself blown up. No great loss.

Your own son, Dudley

Don't you dare touch my boy

I don't have to. He dies too. You all do.

What - no, my Dudley- my baby

What the hell have you done you bastard, I'll-

Avada Kedavra.

Vernon! No, wake up, what have you done? Please-don't I don't want to die, where's my son-

You'll see him again.

I understand

Avada Kedavra.

New voices. Alastor Moody- roughly, "Black what the hell do you think you're doing."

Remus, softly, "Oh Sirius-"

They Apparate in. The Hit Wizards.

Black, drop your wand.

I still hold it firmly. Grasping at straws and wands.

They move towards me. Drop the wand, Black. I warn you- it's the Unforgivables for those that kill Muggles.

An anti-Voldemort measure. How ironic. "Moony, close my eyes." Whispers.

He nods.

You have till three to drop the wand.

Two.

One.

"Goodbye, Padfoot."

Gone