Porcelain

Porcelain

Chapter One: A Stormy Night

A bitter wind lashed angrily at the towers and turrets of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, rattling the windows in their frames and sending cold draughts whistling through the corridors of the castle. Remus Lupin shivered and quickened his pace, pulling his cloak more tightly around himself for warmth. It was only the beginning of October but already the weather had turned cold and the nights were drawing in rapidly. Winter was approaching fast. If it gets much colder than this, Remus thought to himself, the lake will freeze. He hurried along another corridor and up a short flight of steps that was almost hidden in a shadowy corner, until he reached a large, brightly coloured tapestry hanging on an otherwise bare stretch of wall. He had never noticed this tapestry before: in fact he was sure he had never even passed it, and for someone that had spent a large portion of his schooldays exploring every nook and cranny of the castle, that was saying something. It was lucky Filius had given him instructions because he would never have found it by himself.

"Diffindio!"

As soon as he muttered the word the tapestry split silently down the middle and parted to reveal a polished oak door set into the wall. Next to it was a small brass plate and the sight of the name engraved upon it caused Remus to smile. Then another gust of wind tugged at his cloak and, hesitating no longer, he rapped sharply on the door.

There was no response. Remus pulled out "Latest Developments in Cross Species Transfiguration" from where it was tucked safely under his arm. Minerva did say she needed this back for her class tomorrow, he reminded himself. Besides, it's not that late.

Just as he was about to give in and retrace his steps back downstairs, there was a sudden click of a key in the lock and the door swung open.

"Remus?"

"Good evening," he said.

Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall was already dressed for bed in green silk pyjamas and tartan dressing gown. She blinked sleepily at Remus and at that moment he realised he had awoken her. A quick glance at his watch told him that it was indeed later than he'd thought. Quite a lot later.

"I'm sorry," Remus apologised hastily. "I didn't realise you were asleep, I was just returning this." He held up the book. "You said you needed it back," he added, somewhat lamely. It occurred to him suddenly that he could have just waited and seen her at breakfast, and he cursed his own stupidity. He'd not been sleeping well since he'd returned to Hogwarts in September: the news of Sirius Black's release had unsettled him greatly, not to mention his own apprehension that his carefully kept secret would be revealed. He was so used to being up well into the small hours that he'd failed to appreciate that the evening had already passed and the night was well advanced.

Minerva, however, didn't seem to mind.

"It's all right," she said. "I couldn't sleep anyway as it happens. Come in and keep me company for a while."

It was an enticing offer. He could feel the heat radiating through the open door, a stark contrast to the chilly corridor in which he was presently standing.

"Only if you're sure I'm not disturbing you," Remus said, afraid that she was just being polite. He knew that she had been concerned about him. When she'd joined the staff table on the first day of term and had laid eyes on him for the first time in sixteen years he'd seen her shock at just how tired and ill he was looking. She'd tried to hide it but all the same, it had been there.

Minerva dispersed his fears with a warm - and rare - smile. "Not at all," she said. "Please come in. It would be nice to catch up."

It would be nice, he decided. Making up his mind, Remus followed her through the door and was immediately enveloped by the warmth of her living room. He'd never visited Minerva's rooms before - in fact, until he'd been appointed as the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher in September, the last time he'd seen her was when they'd been at school. She'd had her own bedroom then - her privilege as head girl - but that was nothing compared to this. The room he stood in now was paneled in polished mahogany wood with bookcases sunk in at intervals and a high, arching ceiling above. Velvet drapes in a deep crimson colour hung over the large windows, keeping the wintery storms at bay. Much of the space was filled by a sofa and several comfortable armchairs that were arranged on a carpeted area in front of the roaring fire, but there was also a large desk piled high with papers and books. The floor was polished wood: so shiny that Remus could almost see his relection below him, mirroring his steps as he ventured cautiously into this unknown territory.

"It's very nice," he ventured.

"Thank you." She waved him towards an armchair and he collapsed gratefully into it's comfortable cushions, feeling his nose and ears turning red at the sudden change in temperature. After using her wand to conjure up two mugs of steaming hot chocolate, one of which she passed to Remus, she perched herself daintily on the edge of the sofa.

"How does it feel to be back?" she asked.

"Strange," he said, "but I think I'm enjoying it. It's also good to be able to keep an eye on Harry," he added.

"Really? Well, it would appear that you are not the only one interested in Harry."

"Do you mean Sirius Black?"

"Actually, I was referring to Sybill Trelawney," Minerva said. "I assume you've already had the pleasure of meeting our resident clairvoyant."

Remus frowned in mock seriousness. "Dear me, Minerva. If I didn't know you better I might think that you were somewhat sceptical."

Minerva snorted and proceeded to fill her colleague in on what had happened during her third year class. Remus listened with growing concern.

"Oh dear," he said. "As if Harry hasn't got enough to worry about right now."

"Exactly. And you were there when Albus was telling everyone about what Sirius Black was saying in Azkaban."

Remus fell silent for a moment, remembering his schooldays with his close friends James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black. Both James and Peter were dead now and Sirius was worse than dead: he had betrayed them all in the most horrible way imaginable. The thought of him being free again and able to harm Harry enraged Remus.

"Does Harry know?" he asked.

Minerva shook her head. "Albus thought it would be best not to tell him. The poor boy would only worry." There was sadness in her eyes for a moment, and then anger as she remembered the grim fate that Sybill Trelawney had predicted for Harry. "That woman never could keep her nose out. I expect she's been waiting eagerly to have Harry in her class, just so she could pull a stunt like this."

"Have you spoken to Albus?" Remus enquired.

"No. He appears to think I have some kind of grudge against her. An entirely ridiculous suggestion, of course."

Remus decided it would be best not to comment and instead took a sip from his hot chocolate. It was deliciously thick and creamy and he savoured the sweet taste for a moment before swallowing.

"So what did you say to Harry?" he enquired.

"I told him that if he died he would be excused from handing his homework in."

Remus laughed. "I'm sure his friends will reassure him anyway. Hermione Granger in particular: she seems to have a lot of sense."

Minerva cradled her mug in both hands before taking a delicate sip from it. "Yes," she said, "I am somewhat disappointed that she chose to study Divination herself."

"Nothing wrong with keeping an open mind," Remus pointed out. "Anyway, she's studying rather a lot of subjects I believe."

Minerva chose to avoid answering this. "The girl has clear animagus potential," she said instead. "I wouldn't be at all surprised if she was to become to Hogwart's first animagus this century."

At the mention of animagi, Remus smiled fondly. Though she did not know it, Minerva had not been the only successful animagus at Hogwarts in recent years. Remus had been a werewolf since being bitten as a small child, leading his three best schoolfriends to decide to become animagi in order to keep him company. Minerva's training had in fact proved extremely useful to James, Sirius and Peter, who had frequently used James' invisibility cloak to eavesdrop on her lessons.

"Would you like a game of chess?" Minerva asked, cutting across his reverie. An intricately carved wooden chess set sat on a side table nearby.

Remus eyed it warily. "I think not," he said. "I'm a little out of practice. What's that muggle game you used to have? The one with the numbers?"

"Rummikub?"

"That's the one."

With a quick summoning charm from Minerva a square green box flew off a shelf on the far side of the room and landed gently on the coffee table in front of them. Minerva opened it and lifted out the racks and the bag of tiles, dealing them swiftly out and reminding Remus of the rules at the same time. He sat back and studied the array of different coloured numbers before him, looking for his first move.

"Three twelves," he said eventually, laying the tables down on the table.

Immediately she made her move, adding another tile to his set and creating a further two of her own. Remus was impressed at her speed and said so which caused her to blush and look away. In an instant he was reminded of a surprisingly shy seventeen year old Head Girl whose long, dark hair was scraped back into a tight ponytail and whose nose was usually buried in a book. Despite her aptitude for studying, Minerva had also been a talented Quidditch player and had been seeker for the Gryffindor team. Since Remus's close friend James had been one of the team's chasers, Remus had spent a fair amount of time at practices and matches. Minerva had been a quiet girl who rarely socialised with the rest of the team. When Gryffindor house held their famous after-match parties she had invariably sat in a quiet corner supervising proceedings. But she never looked bored: her eyes watched the scene before her with interest, observing but not participating. It was at one of these parties that Remus had first spoken to her.

"So where have you been for the last sixteen years?" she asked casually.

"Why, did you miss me?" he said lightly, a hint of mischievous suggestion in his tone.

Minerva raised her eyebrows disapprovingly at him. "It's your move," she said pointedly.

Remus grinned and placed his tiles on the table: a red ten to one set, a joker from another. He manouvered the numbers around until he could see no further moves then sat back.

"I travelled for a while," he said in answer to her earlier question. "I had some crazy idea I could find a cure for my condition if I just looked in the right place. I spent about two years searching until I came back to England to see James not long after Harry was born. He adored Harry. He said I should stop chasing impossible dreams and start living my life instead of wasting it."

Remus took a deep swig of his drink. "He also told me Dumbledore had appointed you as Professor of Transfiguration. Of course, since you were Hogwart's youngest ever animagus, it wasn't really a surprise."

Minerva couldn't hide her pride at this and smiled warmly at the memory. "What did you do after that?"

"Two days after that James and Lily were murdered by Voldemort. And then Peter was killed and Sirius captured. Suddenly all my friends were gone. I grieved for a while and then decided to take James' advice. I've been working for the Ministry ever since researching ways to repel dark magic - curses and creatures and so forth. Until Dumbledore contacted me and offered me this job."

"I'm glad you accepted," Minerva said softly. "Even though you didn't get in touch with me once!"

He gave her an apologetic smile. "Sorry," he said. "I meant to come and visit, I just never got around to it."

She sniffed disapprovingly. "Just a letter would have been nice."

Remus pounced upon this. "So you did miss me!" he said triumphantly.

"Of course I missed you!" she protested indignantly. "Remus, you were the only one that ever bothered to speak to me. Not even the boys in my own year were interested."

"Men are always intimidated by intelligent women. Not to mention attractive ones."

"You weren't," she pointed out.

He shrugged. "It was nice to talk to a girl who was interested in slightly more than putting on make-up and chasing boys. Unlike the girls in my own class."

"That's a little unfair, isn't it?"

"How is that unfair?"

"Well, not all the girls in your year were that bad. Melyssa Thomas was nice. And there was Alana Cobble - she was on the Quidditch team."

"I suppose so," he said. "But come on, Minerva. You have to admit they weren't nearly as intriguing as you."

Minerva almost choked on her hot chocolate.

"Intriguing?" she spluttered. "Don't insult me, Remus - please."

"I wasn't!" he protested. "Really, I wasn't."

She seemed to accept this but was unwilling to discuss it further. Instead she carefully rearranged her remaining tiles on the rack in front of her. It was getting increasingly hot where they sat and she hesitated for the briefest of moments before removing her dressing gown and folding it neatly over the back of a nearby chair. Free of it's suffocating warmth, she settled herself back onto the sofa, unaware of Remus' eyes following her the entire time. Stop ogling her, he scolded himself, but he could not tear his gaze away. He wondered if she realised just how attractive she looked right now with her hair loose and her silk pyjamas that flattered the slim figure normally hidden away under layers of thick, high necked robes. Hastily he turned his attention back to the game and tried to focus on his next move.

"Doesn't Harry take after James?" Minerva said unexpectedly. "Every time I see him it brings back memories."

There was a thoughtful expression on her face, and Remus was slightly taken aback by the sudden change in subject.

"Yes," he said, slowly. "Yes, I suppose he does." Then he laughed. "He's lucky, really. All the girls fancied James."

"Not me," Minerva said. "I always preferred the quiet, studious type myself." She gave him a long, appraising look. "I preferred you," she admitted eventually.

Remus stared at her in surprise. It was the last thing he'd been expecting her to say. Nothing she had said or done when they had known each other had ever so much as hinted that she might be attracted to him.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asked her in amazement.

Minerva sighed. "Remus, you were two years younger than me. There were girls in your own class that liked you and you turned them down. Why would you ever have been interested in me?"

"Why?" He laughed. "I've already told you why. Anyway, it doesn't matter. You know you wouldn't have wanted me if you'd known what I really was."

There was a long pause. Minerva stared fixedly down at her tiles as if she hadn't heard him. Just as Remus was about to break the silence she said: "I knew you were a werewolf."

She knew? Remus had been totally unprepared for this revelation.

"H-how?" he stammered. "Who told you?"

"Nobody told me. I worked it out for myself."

"But how? I mean... how..?"

She met his eyes and he saw she was blushing. "I was paying attention," she said coyly. "But I never told anyone, I promise."

This knowledge changed everything. Always before he had been able to blame his illness. But she'd known and still, even at seventeen, she hadn't been frightened away. She'd treated him exactly the same as everyone else. And she'd kept his secret safe.

Remus looked at his colleague with new found respect. "You really are a true Gryffindor," he said, placing his hand on hers. Minerva blushed and looked away. After a moment she pulled her hand away awkwardly and turned her attention back to the game.

"I couldn't have gone out with you," he said hesitantly. "Or anyone else. I couldn't have trusted myself."

"Well, it's all in the past now. We should just forget about it, don't you think?"

It wasn't a question. He opened his mouth to protest but could not think of a suitable argument and gave up.

There was silence for a while as they both pretended to study the game. The fire was burning low now, yellow flames replaced by glowing red ashes. Growing old, as they both had, as James and Lily and Peter never would. Achingly sad memories haunted Remus Lupin constantly. No wonder Minerva had chosen to stay at Hogwarts, safe from the horrors unfolding around them.

After a short while Minerva reached for her tiles, dealing them out deftly onto the table. Two sets, a yellow one from here, and black one from there. She arranged the new tiles together and then added the last of hers.

"Rummikub," she said smugly, flipping her empty tile rack forward onto the table.

Remus sighed in defeat. "I should have known you'd win," he muttered.

"I've had a lot of time to practice," Minerva replied and Remus saw it again: the briefest flash of sadness before the mask could be replaced. Before he could pursue it further she quickly packed the game away and put the lid back on the box.

"If you'll excuse me, Remus, I must be getting to bed."

"Don't let me stop you," he teased.

She frowned disapprovingly but he could see a sparkle in her eyes. "Thank you for a nice evening," she said. "It was nice to see you." She gave him an affectionate smile.

"We should do it again sometime," Remus agreed. He got to his feet and made his way over to the door.

He was about to leave when something stopped him and he paused with one hand on the doorknob. This is your chance, he told himself. If you walk away now you'll never know. He looked back at Minerva who was waiting expectantly for him to leave, probably anxious to get some sleep before it became so late that it wasn't even worth going to bed. The light caught her strangely and for a moment she seemed like a porcelain doll, perfect and impossibly fragile.

Remus took a step towards her and cupped his right hand against her cheek, holding her gaze as he gently stroked her lips with his thumb. She looked startled but did not break away, waiting to see what he was going to do next. He realised he was holding his breath and let it out slowly. He could no longer fight his attraction to her. It had been easy to deny it at school: he was a werewolf, she was Head Girl. She was seventeen, he was barely fifteen. The notion of any kind of a relationship between them had been impossible. But now... now they were free to do as they wished.

Minerva looked like she was about to protest and as she opened her mouth to speak he brought his lips down to meet hers, silencing her with a kiss. After a moment she responded, relaxing into his embrace with a soft sigh, kissing him back first softly but then with a growing hunger that took him by surprise. He'd imagined she'd be stiff, uptight, that she'd kiss him a little and then send him on his way. He was not expecting this vibrant, passionate woman a world away from the strict, proper deputy headmistress he was used to seeing downstairs. But she was clutching at his back, pressing closer against him, sending his pulse racing as all his blood ran south.

Eventually they broke apart to catch their breath and gazed silently at each other in the soft candlelight.

"It would never work," Remus said after a moment.

She ran her fingers gently through his hair and studied his expression as intently as if she was Sybill Trelawney reading the future in his eyes.

"No," she said vaguely. "Absolutely not." Her cheeks were flushed with arousal and he could see the longing in her eyes as she struggled with her conscience.

Remus kissed her again, undoing the top button of her pyjamas and then the second, boldly reaching a hand in to gently cup her breast and causing her to shiver with desire. Her hips moved of their own accord, nudging gently against his pelvis, seeking a certain part of his anatomy.

"Remus," she whispered. "Remus... make love to me."

"Are you sure?" he asked somewhat pointlessly. As if he could resist now.

Taking her hand he guided her up the few steps that led to her bedroom and lifted her tenderly onto her bed, kissing her with increasing urgency all the while. He tugged at her pyjama bottoms as she unbuttoned his shirt, moaning softly all the while. Finally they were both free of their clothing and he stared at her, seeing her as he'd never seen her before: naked, the curve of her body illuminated beautifully by the candlelight. Hair dishevelled, cheeks flushed, lips parted in silent anticipation... and eyes that gazed up at him now, drawing him closer.

"I never dreamed you'd be-" he began, but his words caught in his throat. Reaching out, she took his hands and pulled him down on top of her and he lost himself in a haze of unimaginable pleasure.

When it was all over he lay with his head on her breast, listening to the sound of her breathing as she drifted into a peaceful sleep. It might just work, he thought, and then the fatigue of weeks of insomnia finally overwhelmed him.

Away from the cold wind of autumn, Remus Lupin slept.