Madness Most Discreet

Chapter 1 - Saying Goodbye

The halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were buzzing that early summer day. It was the final day of the school year and everyone was looking forward to the three-month holiday. As trunks were carried down to the platform, Severus Snape was pacing in his office. The outside world didn't matter to him at the moment for he was about to break a young woman's heart.

He never expected that he and Luna Lovegood would succumb to temptation and start a fling. But they had and he needed to end it. He couldn't bring himself to pull her into his life the way she wanted. It was too dangerous and it was best if it ended now before they got more emotionally involved.

He knew how he felt for her. She had opened the lock that had binded his heart for so many years but fear kept him from admitting that he loved her more than anything in his life. He couldn't admit that she made his soul sing and his heart beat.

He knew how she felt though, for she had told him the night before.

"I love you Severus Snape! Do you love me?"

He could still hear the words ringing through his head. The moment they had left her lips, he felt as if he was about to melt. Oh, how he loved her but he kept silent and lied; saying he needed to final some last minute exams. And after she left, he decided he wasn't worthy of her love.

'She'll have the whole summer holiday to get over me,' he thought to himself, 'By the fall, she'll be fine and we'll move on as Professor and student.'

And now he waited, with baited breath, for her to come to him so he could lie to her and break her heart and his heart in the process.

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Luna Lovegood skipped happily through the corridors of Hogwarts. Things were finally looking up for her. After years of not fitting in, she'd developed a few good friendships and most importantly she discovered the love of a lifetime.

She'd always found Severus Snape to be an interesting, curious fellow. She had thought his bitterness and anger were hiding something more important underneath. She had admired his ability to change, to grow. And during her sixth year at school, her admiration for the man had turned into something more.

Sighing dreamily, she remembered their first kiss. It was awkward and rushed, he, being a teacher, had been trying to resist the growing attraction, and she was fairly inexperienced in the ways of love. His lips had crushed hers with a passion that surprised her. His large, crooked nose pressed against hers and she drooled. It was one of Luna's favorite memories.

Her trunk had been taken away by the houselves, and she just needed to say goodbye to Severus before leaving. Her father had surprised her by announcing they were going away for the summer, on the hunt for blind kruptons in North America. She had mixed feelings about going away - she loved the time spent with her father, but she hated the thought of not seeing Severus for the whole summer.

Hoping he would tell her he loved her before she left, she quickly made her way to his office. Seeing him pace his office, she knew he must be as upset at their parting as she was.

"Monkey!" she greeted him with a huge smile. She had first called him Monkey as joke around the time they first kissed, and it just stuck.

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Snape continued to pace his office, thinking about her. She was almost prefect in every way and she made him feel light. She could brighten his day by just smiling at him, something he was going to miss.

He never thought in a million years that he'd fall in love with her but this year fate had brought them together. Double Potions had posed a challenge to Luna, at least that's what he thought, and she spent many a night coming down to his office to ask questions. And over time, he started to see a different side to her... she wasn't as flighty as he thought.

Then one night, just weeks before, she was rambling on about some mythical creature and he knew what he needed to do. He grabbed her by the arms and kissed her and his world began to spin. He'd forgotten what it was like to kiss someone he truly liked and it was almost magical.

That one kiss set into motion a beautiful relationship. At first, they talked and held each other a lot but one night, as a thunderstorm rolled overhead, they made love for the first time. And that's when Severus Snape fell in love.

He shook his head and was about to sit at his desk when he heard her call his name. He spun around on his heel and looked at her. "Hello love," he whispered.

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His voice could send shivers down her spine. It was that which made her realize her attraction to him. She'd been sitting in Potions class with her eyes closed, listening to his deep, smooth voice. Even when he was snapping at the Gryffindors, it was done beautifully. She started to stay after class, and come in the evenings, just to talk to him. She'd been sure nothing would ever happen...she was Loony Lovegood after all, and he, Professor Snape! It was laughable. But those evenings together were truly magical. She would tell him wild tales of mysterious creatures and locations and he would listen. Actually listen! Sure, at first he would also laugh at her, but she didn't mind that, it happened all the time. No one else listened though, not even her friends.

After a few evening 'tutoring' sessions, he finally gave up the pretense and started telling her things about himself. Sometimes it seemed to slip in accidentally, like the abuse he suffered as a child, or his love of red licorice. Her love for him started when she heard his horrifying story of becoming a Death Eater. Any man who could survive that, then turn their back on it, was someone incredible.

He taught her so much more than potions or magic. He showed her how to express love in a physical way and how much you can communicate by silently holding each other. He taught her what it was to feel special.

"I'm going to miss you so much, " she said, as her smile faded away.

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Snape knew he shouldn't fall in love. He was damaged but she had seen past that. She didn't shy away from him when he told her that he had killed innocent Muggles. Instead she understood and he could see the love in her bright blue eyes.

He quietly remembered the first they were together, in the intimate sense. She had been frightened by the loud claps of thunder and he held her and before he knew it, he was showing her how to make love with him. Her presence was so strong and he remembered those nights she held him when he would remember the abuse he'd received from his father. And he returned the favor when she dreamt about that day she lost her mother to a horrible accident. It was perfect... maybe a little too perfect.

"I'm going to miss you too," he quietly admitted as he looked at her. He took a deep breath; there was no sense in delaying what he needed to say. "Luna, we can't see each other anymore."

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"Very funny, Severus, now can we jus..." She trailed off as she looked into his face. He had the oddest expression and she just couldn't read it.

"Quit playing! I have to be off soon!"

"I'm not playing Luna. We can't do this anymore. It's not safe and it's wrong. I'm your professor," he quietly said as he turned his back on her, "It was fun while it lasted but you need to go home and forget about me."

He sighed as he felt his heart slowly break.

"It was fun while it lasted?" She couldn't believe what he was saying. "What? How could you...I don't understand! This wasn't just some bloody fling! We're in love, aren't we?"

She marched over to stand in front of him, her arms crossing over her chest and her eyes wide.

"Yes Luna," he said as he stepped away from her, "It was just a fling and I'm not in love with you. Maybe this summer you'll find someone to be with. You're a great girl --- just a girl and I need a woman, something you aren't."

He hated lying to her but this was the only way to get through to her.

Luna's shoulders sunk and her arms dropped to her sides. She looked like she had deflated.

"No!"

She started for him, but he backed up further.

"Stop it Severus! How can you say that? How can you...after all we've talked about, dreamed about? Of course you love me!" She shook her head, as if trying to remove the words he'd spoken.

"Stop it Luna!" he yelled as he quickly stepped away from her, "I don't love you! Get that through your thick head! Life isn't some bloody fairytale and you need to learn that. I don't want you anymore. Now go!"

Snape turned his back on her so she wouldn't see the tears that were threatening to fall.

It felt as though she'd been punched in the stomach. I can't breathe!, she thought in a panic. Grasping the edge of his desk, she steadied herself.

"You-you don't want me?" she asked in a small voice, her chin starting to quiver.

Snape heard her gasp for air and he turned around. She looked so wounded and he reached out for her and touched her arms.

"Please Luna... just go," he said as he saw the tears pool in her eyes, "Why do you have to make this so hard? Just go, please. You're going to miss the train if you don't."

He released her and sat down at his desk.

"Right then! I'll just go now, just leave so you can have a ruddy fantastic summer with your grown-up friends!" She cried sarcastically, tears falling down her cheeks.

"Why did you do this to me? Oh, I know, just so you could get shagged?" Her face was growing dangerously red and she slammed a fist down on his desk.

Seeing he wasn't going to respond, she screeched and ran for the door, desperate for it to be over. She wasn't two steps out when she turned back.

"I've given you every thing I have, everything I am. And none of it was real." She nodded slowly, letting the apparent truth sink in. "You horrible bastard." She ran then, as fast as she ever had, leaving the castle without looking back.

Snape leaned away from Luna's harsh words and looked away. Every word that came out of her mouth broke his heart a bit more. He wanted to tell her that she was so much more than a shag but he couldn't bring himself to say it.

He watched as she ran out and softly whispered, "I love you Luna Lovegood."

Chapter Two - Summertime Blues

Larry Lovegood was worried. His daughter Luna, the light of his life, seemed different this summer. When he picked her up at King's Cross a month ago, she looked pale and sad but wouldn't tell him what was wrong but he was sure that their trip would cheer her

up.

Three months along the beautiful banks of Crane Lake had always cheered Larry up when his parents brought him her but it didn't have the same effect on Luna. He watched her as she seemed to crawl through the days and she wasn't even interested in the wildlife that lived around the small house they were staying in.

Larry peered out the back window that day and saw her sitting on the dock. The last time she'd acted like this was when her mother died. Maybe he wasn't spending enough time with her since he had spent their first month there, working on his Death Eater story for The Quibbler. But he was done with that now and he could spend time with her.

"Hello Luna," he said as he sat beside her on the dock. "Is something troubling you?"

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The holidays seemed to drag on forever, yet Luna dreaded returning to England. She'd have to see him. She couldn't talk to her friends about it, and she certainly couldn't tell her father. It hurt her, not being able to confide in him, as he was always there for her, and cared very much.

Her feelings for Snape alternated between anger and sadness. Some days she was furious, accusing him of all manner of things in her head. Others were like she was in mourning again, and she could barely get out of bed.

It was silly, she knew, to be feeling this way when she was barely 17. How many found their soul mate in school? Not many, she thought, but that didn't mean it hadn't happened for her already. If only he felt the same.

She had tried to have a good time. She flooed to Thunder Bay, and one day even as far as Toronto, searching for a distraction. After a few walks in the forest couldn't even tempt her, she decided to just stay near the cabin. So she read and swam and sunned herself, all the normal summer things to do. But anyone who knew her would be able to see the smile was forced and didn't make it to her eyes. Her normal dreamy expression now looked gloomy and stayed far too long to be healthy.

When her father sat down next to her and asked her what was wrong, she wanted to blurt the whole thing out, hoping Daddy could fix everything for her. Instead she said, "No Daddy, everything's just fine."

Larry wanted to believe that Luna was all right but he couldn't. He scanned the lake and saw a black bat flying low. "Oh look pumpkin," he said as he pointed out toward the lake. "A bat! You've always loved dark creatures."

"Yes Daddy, I do seem to gravitate towards dark creatures, " Luna replied with a touch of irony. The moon hung low and it was quiet except for the crickets and toads. And the snapping branches. Snapping branches?

Larry looked over at Luna and sighed. "Luna, I know something is wrong and I want you to tell me! I'm worried about you."

"Not now Daddy. Do you hear something? It sounds like there's someone in the woods!" Luna whispered, suddenly feeling the chill of the night.

Larry shook his head. "You're just hearing things pumpkin. Lets go inside and have some ice cream," he said as he stood and held out his hand for her.

"OK Daddy." They went in for ice cream, then both headed to bed. Luna curled up on her side, a thick quilt covering her head to toe. She couldn't shake the feeling something was watching her.

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A drunk. Severus Snape had become nothing but a filthy drunk. He spent way too much time at The Hog's Head, drinking his problems away. He needed to numb the sadness of forcing Luna out of his life.

He missed her so very much. He missed her smile, her voice, her touch and the way she made him feel loved. And everything reminded him of her; especially when he saw a bar patron reading The Quibbler! Why did she have to possess everything he did?

Snape knew where she was. He had connections in the States and they had told him that she was staying by Crane Lake. They had offered him the address but he refused it, afraid that he'd get too drunk one night and would go to her and he knew he couldn't do that.

He pulled the bottle of Firewhiskey to his mouth and was about to take a drink when a white owl buzzed by. It dropped a letter in front of him and fluttered out of the bar.

Snape picked it up and sighed. It was from Dumbledore. He broke the wax seal and carefully read it. Albus wanted to meet him that night in his office at Hogwarts, saying that it was an emergency.

He growled to himself, paid for his Firewhiskey and stumbled out of The Hog's Head and headed for the castle.

Headmaster Albus Dumbledore greeted Professor Snape at the door to his office.

"Please come in Severus, and have a seat." He gestured to the chair in front of his desk, but stayed standing himself.

"I'm afraid there is a concern for one of our students. A possible attack by Death Eaters. Have you seen this month's Quibbler? There's a very interesting article about the crum...well, we can save that discussion for later." He handed Snape the magazine, and returned to his seat behind the desk while he read.

Snape took the magazine from his hands and scanned the article. He groaned out loud; how could Larry Lovegood do this?

"Albus, what is that you want me to do?" he asked as he looked up at the older man, "I can try and see what they are planning on doing."

He really hoped Dumbledore wouldn't ask him to Crane Lake.

Dumbledore sighed at the younger man's reluctance. "The Order of Phoenix is going to America to get the Lovegoods. I would appreciate it if you could join us, " he said in a sharp tone, making it clear that this wasn't a request.

Snape quietly cursed under his breath. Damnit! "Very well sir. Shall I leave now or later with the rest of them?" he sighed.

Dumbledore wrote something on a piece of parchment and handed it to Snape. "I would appreciate it if you could go immediately. It may take some effort crossing the Atlantic in your state. This is the address. Get them out, Severus, don't take on all the Death Eaters alone."

Snape sighed and took the parchment from Dumbledore. He left the castle and started his journey to Minnesota. After Apparated and flying there, he finally arrived as the morning sun was starting to shine.

He carefully walked around the cabin and found an open window. He climbed through it and saw the Ravenclaw banner on the wall. It was Luna's room!

"Oh bloody hell," he muttered as the door started to open. He quickly hid in the closet, his wand raised.

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"Want eggs or waffles pumpkin?" asked Larry as he look at his daughter. She seemed more distressed today than she did last night.

Luna groaned at the thought of food. After a night of tossing, turning and nightmares with dragons, she wasn't up for it.

"Nothing today Daddy, I'm not hungry," she croaked. Seeing the concern on her father's face she left the kitchen to go back to her room. "I think I'll see if I can get some more sleep."

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Snape tripped into the closet and closed the door a crack. He peered out of it and saw Luna step inside and walk toward her bed. He quickly moved out of the closet and placed his hand over her mouth.

"Shhhh... don't scream," he whispered into her ear.

Luna jerked when she was grabbed, totally shocked. When she felt his hot breath on her ear, she nearly sobbed. How could he be here? Whatever the reason, all she knew was that someone was watching her the night before, and now here he was, in her room. She bit down hard on his hand, hoping he'd let her go, or scream to alert her father.

"Christ Luna!" he growled as she bit him, "Stop being so... so... just stop! I'm here to help you."

He felt her struggle against him so he tightened his grip. He had to admit that feeling her against him was very nice but there were more pressing matters. "Stop Luna...Dumbledore has sent me. You and your father are in danger."

Luna could taste his blood in her mouth, and felt a little bit better. She'd tried to get out of his grasp but couldn't do anything but wiggle. It frightened her, how much like home it felt to be in his arms, even when she was scared.

You and your father are in danger.

She stopped dead and squeezed his hand, not trying to get him off, but out of fear. She couldn't let anything happen to her father!

"If I let go, do you promise not to scream or run?" he quietly asked as he felt her squeeze his hand. "It's important that you listen to me love."

Luna couldn't prevent her heart from soaring as he called her 'love'. She nodded her head emphatically and breathed in deep when he let go. She turned and nearly embraced him, but remembered at the last moment that he didn't want her to.

"What's happening?" she asked.

Snape noticed how she moved toward him but suddenly stopped. He sighed to himself and grabbed her and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm so glad you're OK," he said into her hair.

He finally let her go so he could answer her question. "Your father obtained some information about certain Death Eaters. He took the information and printed it in his magazine. Well, now there are some Death Eaters that are after the both of you. Dumbledore sent me here in hopes I could get you out before they came. The rest of the Order should be here soon."

She didn't want him to let her go. Ever. But he did, and she tried to focus on what he was saying. She was still in her pajamas, which were purple with white fluffy sheep on them. She'd remember to be embarrassed after the Death Eater attack. DEATH EATERS?

"An article?" She had looked through the Quibbler when the new issue was released, but didn't pay any attention to it, as she was thinking of him, like usual.

"Why would Daddy do something so stupid?" she asked as she finally clued in to the situation. She ran to the side table and grabbed her wand, sticking it behind her ear for easy access.

"We have to go get him!"

Snape quickly grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back. "No matter how adorable you look in your pajamas and how capable you think you are as a witch, I want you to stay in this room," he said as he led her to her bed.

"Just stay here, all right? I'll fetch your father and come back and get you, I promise," he whispered as he cupped her face with his hands, "I won't let anyone hurt you." He then leaned forward and placed a small kiss on her forehead.

"If you hear anything, hide in the closet," he said as he looked at her one last time before slipping out of the room.

He didn't want to leave her. He wanted to stay and hold her until the end of time but he couldn't let anything happen to her father.

Luna ached for his touch, his kiss. She prayed for her father's safety and Severus' quick return. Never had the hallway to the kitchen seemed so long.

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Snape quietly slipped down the hallway and went to the kitchen. Larry was sitting at the kitchen table, fretting over why Luna was acting so strange.

"Mr. Lovegood," said Snape as he stepped inside.

Larry looked at him and quickly stood.

He knew Snape was a teacher at Hogwarts but didn't know why he'd be there.

"What do you want?" asked Larry as he grabbed his wand. Snape stepped back and looked around.

"Albus Dumbledore has sent me. You're in danger and you must leave here," he explained. Larry slowly lowered his wand.

"Luna..." he whispered as Snape waved him off.

"She's all right but I have to get you to a fireplace so you can floo to a safehouse," he said as he looked toward the living room and saw one, "Come on."

Larry didn't want to move. He couldn't leave his little girl. "What about my daughter?" he asked.

"She'll be safe. But you have to go," said Snape as he went into the living room. Larry slowly followed him and took a handful of Floo powder from a small bowl.

"Where am I going?" he asked.

"Alpha's Safe," said Snape. Larry nodded and said it before disappearing within green flames.

Snape turned and quickly went back to Luna's room. Once he got there, he quietly pushed the door open.

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She couldn't understand what was taking so long. Where was her father? And Severus. She paced the room and was about to give up when she finally saw the door open.

"You all right?" asked Snape as he stepped into the room and saw her pacing, "I got your father out of here and now it's your turn."

"Oh thank God, Daddy's all right?" She rushed forward and hugged him tight.

"Severus...oh Severus." She started to cry like she hadn't in a long time. She had been trying to hold it in, to keep a brave face for her father, but it all came crumbling down in his arms.

Snape felt her wrap her arms around him and he sighed. Oh, how he missed this. He held her tight as sobs racked her body. He wanted nothing more than to take the pain, that he had caused, away.

"Hush sweetie," he whispered in her hair, "I have to get you out of you before they come. You have to floo to a safehouse."

He pulled back and looked down at her. 'You can't do this Severus,' said the voice in his head, 'It's not right... you can't love her.'

"Let's go," he said as he grabbed her hand.