Faerie Folly and Wizard Wands

Chapter Thirteen

She woke later that evening, and her insides felt strange, squishy, and twisted. Something had changed in her dreamless rest. Saquoya, had had her heart opened for the first time.

She wasn't sure if she liked it at all.

Her pixie sensitivities were sometimes too acute, and now they rang with a new strength. Is this how her mother had felt when she had found her father, the wizard? Was this how it would always be; her senses almost overwhelming with feeling, and her connection to the earth and other living beings always right there, at her fingers?

Sirius was sitting downstairs. She could feel him relaxed and content, perhaps with a full stomach. How long had she slept?

When she came downstairs, he looked up with raised eyebrows. "Feeling any better, there?"

Nodding silently, she looked at where he had started a fire, and the dusk that was settling over the land already. Her hand at her belly, she sighed and turned to him.

"I feel as if I were gutted out. I feel things flow into me-my blood power, my senses, my heart...now feelings rush into me unexpectedly and I have no control over them. This adjustment is too much."

"Others have done worse things, Saquoya," Sirius said wisely, and gave a twisted half-smile. "I didn't think you would be so affected by this...you're acting completely out of character, you know."

"I do not even know what my character is!" she cried suddenly, collapsing into the rocking chair. "I have always been cold, always detached! I had nothing! Nothing permanent! And now, I have all-more than I expected, and all I do is have things course through myself, odd things, things that I have no name for!"

"You're taking this too hard." His voice was hard. "I've spent years in a prison with guards that would suck the very soul from you-quite literally, damn those Dementors...and I've survived, without lots of exaggerated suffering. You used to block yourself from this drama...you could probably find that in yourself again."

"What, and turn to anger instead of confusion?" she lashed suddenly, glaring at him. "Because I am confused with myself, I should lock it up, and let myself become a cynical woman? No, Sirius, I am entitled to these brief hours of sorting."

"There is a war coming!!"

"I cannot think of such now."

He gave her an incredulous glance. "You've changed quickly, Saquoya. I don't understand."

"And neither do I."

They stared at each other for a long moment before Sirius sighed, and glanced outside at the dusk. "Let's not harp on this. I'm not saying shut yourself off, but you'll have to learn to control these feelings...we all had to learn. You just have to learn now."

"Yet another thing to learn," she said distastefully. Everything seemed an overwhelming task. Sirius frowned at her pessimism.

"Saquoya, you are sounding unlike yourself. Your father wouldn't be proud."

This statement seemed to be slapped in her face. She had never heard such an accusation. What about her father? What would he want? For the first time, she had to acknowledge the fact that there were now others who she had to account for, others who cared what she said and did. She was no longer free, but she had permanence. She had never thought of the consequences of finding a home and her family. Now, too late, they were attached to her.

Bowing her head, she bit her lip, then said lowly. "I am sorry for giving you such troubles, Sirius. This is all too much for me, I am afraid, too much change and too much feeling with my thoughts. But I will try. That is all I have to do."

"Then, I'm going. Buckbeak will be getting hungry, and nervous for me to get back." He paused. "You okay?"

"Yes." She nodded twice. She would be, once she found herself. And she vowed to find herself that night! "But first, Sirius, would you explain to me the nature of these marks?"

Leading him over to the heavy oak kitchen door, she pointed out the runes carved into the planks. Bending until the carvings were a few inches from his face, Sirius sniffed them, tentatively touched them, and then stood, shrugging.

"They look to me like a few ancient runes. Maybe a protective spell against people who would raid the kitchen at night for a cookie. I don't know, Saquoya, I was terrible at Runes at Hogwarts. But I wouldn't worry unless they start acting funny."

After he left, with many reassurances of returning the next day, Saquoya walked aimlessly through the room, lighting candles, and straightening pillows absently. The emotions had also left her very tired, even with her sleep. And what was it that kept edging its way into her consciousness?

As she moved to the kitchen to find a bite to eat for dinner, she saw the runes on the thick wood. Stopping once more, she still did not believe they were nothing, thought Sirius was probably more knowledgeable in this area.

This house, she remembered Sirius saying, was usually rented out to wizards. Perhaps these marks were a window into the wizarding world, something that she could use for learning. Curiosity got the better of her, and, plunking down on the wooden floor, she slowly, almost hesitantly brought her fingers on the runes, and was immediately rewarded with a stunning, electrical shock, followed by vivid images and horrible incredible stories.

Lost in these realistic visions, Saquoya passed the night with her hands physically pressed to the marks carved on an oak kitchen door, but her mind, and her heart, was elsewhere.

Swirling, whirling, she retained what she saw and heard...