Tell Me How You Really Feel

Tell Me How You Really Feel

My Happiness

When it began to happen, the only thing I could look at were her eyes. So steady, so sure. I was nervous. No, strike that, I was scared shit-less. She’s always been so wise, so surely I could trust her. She told me it would be okay, that it was okay to be nervous, but to never let it consume me. Accept it, but don’t give in to it. Never let it keep you from succeeding, from going through with it.

It didn’t hurt exactly. It was just uncomfortable. Not unbearable, but if I could choose I’d rather not be doing it. I’m not sure why they chose me to go first. I’m the youngest after all, wouldn’t it make more sense to start with the oldest? I guess not because there I was, stuck between two worlds, between fear and excitement. Ever since I knew it was possible, I always wanted to do it.

After it happened, I felt...exhilarated, surprised...shocked really. I had done it. The first thing I did, without really thinking about it, was I went up to him. To my anchor...my secret obsession, my happiness. He crouched down to touch me, and that’s when I truly realized I was no longer a human. I don’t remember if anyone said anything, I just remember knowing that as long as I was by him I could handle it.

A few minutes after, I remembered what she had said, “Get accustomed to your new form, and then try and turn back.” So I tried. No luck. I tried again...nothing happened. Shit. I’m not sure if it’s because he could see it on my face, or if it is just because he knew me like no one else, but he could tell something was wrong. Now being picked up as a human, is very different than being picked up as an animal. He did just that, and held me close to him.

Merlin knows what my brother was thinking, what the rest of them were thinking. Could they tell his concern was stronger than just general little worry? If he was worried about it, he didn’t show it. He let nothing break his focus, he was concentrating on me. I remember feeling safe, and I pressed my nose up against his, and he smiled. That’s when it happened. I knew in that moment I could turn back, so I did. I found myself back in human form, cradled in his arms, with our faces touching.

I’m not sure if the silence that followed was a good one or a bad one, but I didn’t care. I still don’t care. I did what had to be done, and he helped me do it. Everyone else can just eat it. It doesn’t really make sense, but after that I knew I was ready to tell them, tell the whole freaking world that I’m with him. That he makes me smile even when I’m angry with him, that he makes me laugh more than anyone ever could.

 I’m ready for them to know that my happiness is the one and only former bastard, Draco Malfoy.