Love To The Loveless Shown

Chapter X

He turns, stiff and polite and elegant as ever, and bestows a tiny smile upon the werewolf.

"Come to gloat at my defeat, Lupin? Come to make merry in the halls of my anger?" Drawing the severe robes around him, Severus faces the window once again, letting the now waning moon throw his aquilinity into sharp focus. "You see I am always to lose in battle, always to be thrashed by those who are more capable than me. I was beaten by Black in school, in love and in truth, and it still irks me..." He pauses, dampening his dry lips with the tip of his tongue then smiles again, strangely humourless. "Ah, the capacity of the English language that allows me to communicate feelings in such a way as not to scare but to inform. No wonder it is the world´s most spoken tongue."

"You didn´t have to do any of it! Nothing was essential!" Remus´ anger exploded, the build-up sixteen years pouring forth in vitriol. "Why? All I want to know is why? Why any of this!? You ruined so many lives and all you can do is stand there and whitter on about how `irked´ you are. How do think I feel, after all these years. You left me. You left me for something evil and debased and I need to know why?!" The last sentence came out as a sob.

Severus sighed, pressing his forehead against the condensated glass. "You are still innocent after all these years. It suits you."

"What sort of answer is that?"

"One that will do for now..."

"No. I need to know why."

"If you need to know, I will tell you. I was not well liked at school, and this goes to some extent in explaining my actions. Revenge, Remus, is a dish best served cold - that´s a Muggle saying. The taunts, the ridicule, the hatred that was thrown at me by almost every single person in Hogwarts has damaged me far deeper than even I know. I didn´t have a choice, I must stress that, I had no choice at all. I had to go and fight for the Dark Lord because it was the only and most final way I could destroy those who made my life so miserable. Did I not tell you of some of my sufferings, of the anger and hurt?" The werewolf nodded his silvering head. "Imagine this; a resentment so overwhelming, so agonising, eating away at you from the inside until the only way you can rid yourself of it is to hit outwards, and indiscriminately. I have an analytical minds, and I say without bragging that it has made me a talented and able wizard. However, for those with over-analytical minds the pain does not come from the physical, it comes from the inability to shut the brain down. I think about everything that was done to me, every little thing, and as they are processed through his head they become unbearable. I can´t turn it off, and it haunts my waking moments, and often my sleep. You were good and kind and I adored you for it, but as I became more disturbed you became the punchbag, the person that I loved and needed most and the one that I thought could take the flack and still love me for what I am; the twisted creature that still loves you. I am being extremely foolish, am I not, Lupin?"

"I did not know"

"I did not expect you to. It was my pain to deal with and I should have not involved you. It was selfish of me, and for that I apologise. And if you will excuse me, I am tired and need to rest. Goodnight, Remus." With that, the Potions Master turned on his heel and strode down the shadowed corridor.

"Severus?" The voice was a little hesitant but strong.

The professor halted and looked over his shoulder at Lupin, who was cast from ivory and silver and abalone.

"May I...I would like to...if I can, obviously...If you want me too..."

Lips melded, fingers tangled in hair, and for a nanosecond and the rest of eternity, they were reunited.

~finis. Finally~