Not Myself

Suppose I said

I am on my best behavior

And there are times

I lose my worried mind?

Would you want me when

I’m not myself?

Wait it out while I am somebody else?

Suppose I said

Colors change for no good reason

And words will go

From poetry to prose

Would you want me when

I’m not myself?

Wait it out while I am somebody else?

And I, in time, will come around

I always do for you

Suppose I said

You’re my saving grace

- John Mayer “Not Myself”

Not Myself by Saerry Snape

Chapter 4 – A New Friend

Harry woke up early the next morning at 5:43 according to the ancient, ornate grandfather clock that was in the Slytherin common room.  He was sprawled on his back in front of the fireplace looking up at the ceiling, which was made of dark stone, like the rest of the room.  The only good point about the Slytherin common room were the plush chairs of assorted shades of green.  Everything else was very – dark.  The moving tapestries on the wall were of wizards killing other wizards, dragons chasing wizards, and other things.  Some even had dark colored spots on them.  Blood, thought Harry.

As six o’clock rolled around, Harry looked up to see a girl coming out of one of the dorms.  She looked at him and asked, “Is that comfortable?”

Harry pushed himself up onto his elbows and looked at her from under his dark hair.

“I’s much be’er than wha’ I’m used t’.”

The girl arched an eyebrow at him and said, “Your off the streets.”

Harry smirked.  “How’d ye guess?”

“Your accent.  I-I’ve heard them talk.  I used to have a friend who lived in the streets.”

“’O?  I migh’ve known ‘em.”

“He told me his name was Tyls.”

Harry’s eyebrows shot up into his hair and he lifted a hand to brush it back from his face.  His eyes were as wide as saucers as he stared at the girl.

“Ye….ye knew Tyls?”

The girl nodded and replied, “Yeah.  He used to come see me a lot.”

“So tha’s where ‘e w’en!  I cou’ never figure ou’ where ‘e w’en!”

The girl smiled and sank down onto the floor beside him.

“So, how’d you know Tyls?  He told me the only people he knew besides me were street people.”

“I lived wi’ ‘im.  The both o’ us were raised by Argil.”

“He talked about Argil.  Didn’t seem to like him.”

“’E…’e was’n tha’ nice,” said Harry.

“But…he fed you.  Clothed you.”

Harry let out a bark of harsh laughter.

“Yeh, tha’s all ‘e did.  Res’ o’ the time ‘e ‘ad us out in the stree’s pickin’ pockets.”

The girl’s eyes widened.  “You were a pickpocket?”

“Am.  Ye learn, ye don’t ferget.”

“Ah.”  The girl held out her hand and said, “Niamh O’Feir.”

Harry took her hand and said, “Harry Potter.”

“I know.”

“Yeh, lot’s o’ people tell me tha’.”

“Well, it’s true.”

“Yeh, famous me.”

Niamh nodded and said, “It must be strange to be from the streets and end up here being famous.”

“Strange is ‘n understa’men’.”

Niamh laughed and Harry smiled.

“Oh, look.  The Mudblood and Potty.  How quaint.”

Both Niamh and Harry whirled around to see Draco standing in the door leading to the boy’s dorm, a sneer on his face.  He continued, “What’s wrong, Potter?  Not know a Mudblood when you see one?”

Harry got to his feet and said, “Sod off, Malfoy.”

“You don’t know what it even means, do you?”

Harry moved towards Draco slowly, looking more like he was gliding than walking.  He stopped when their faces were inches apart, their noses almost touching, and said in a low voice, “I know very well wha’ i’ means, Malfoy.  An’ wha’ ‘ave ye goh agains’ em?”

Draco sneered, “They’re Mudbloods, Potter.”

Harry’s eyes narrowed to slits and he growled, “Ye ‘ad be’er watch i’, Malfoy.”

“Or what, Potter?”

“Ye know wha’ I did on the train?”

Draco paled then snapped, “Yeah.”

“I’ll do worse then tha’.”

Draco paled even more and Harry sneered at him before walking back over to Niamh, who smiled at him.  Harry said, “Le’s go downstairs.  Be’er ter ge’ away from ‘im.”  Niamh nodded and vanished into the girl’s dorm while Harry roughly shoved Draco aside to get into the boy’s dorm.  He walked past the other four sleeping boys in the dorm and grabbed his bag from beside his trunk.  Slinging it over his shoulder, he plowed past Draco again and waited for Niamh.  As soon as she appeared, the both of them left.

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

“Argh…”

“Wha’?”

Harry looked up from his plate to see Niamh beating her forehead against the tabletop.

“Oi, stop tha’.  Wha’s got ye in a fuss?”

Niamh handed him two slips of paper, one, which he saw, had his name on it.

“Class schedules?”

“Yeah.”

“Wha’…oh….”

“First class, double Potions.  With the Gryffindors.”

Harry handed Niamh her schedule back and stuffed his in a pocket of his robes.

“Wha’s wrong wit’ the Gryffindors?”

“According to a book I read before I came here, Gryffindor and Slytherin have always been at each others throats.”

“Tha’ doan mean we ‘ave ter be.”

“Then we’d have the whole house against us.”

“Tha’?  Tha’s nothin’!  Ye shou’ see ‘ow i’ is on tha’ streets.  Some folk rathered kick ye than look at ye.”

Niamh lifted her head, blue eyes dull, and grumbled, “So do some of the Gryffindors from what I’ve heard.”

Harry shrugged.

“Well, I fer one wo’n pu’ up wi’h i’.  An’ neither shou’ ye, Niamh.”

“Alright, Harry.  I’ll try.”

“Good.  Oi, isn’ the Potions teacher our Head of House?”

“I have no idea.”

“Eh..”

“We’d better get to class.”

“Can I a’ leas’ finish eatin’?”

“Alright.”

“T’anks.”

“No problem.”

A few minutes later…

“Now we can go.”

“Good.  We’re going to need to ask where the Potions classroom is.”

“Oh bloody ‘ell…”

Harry and Niamh grabbed their bags and left the Great Hall.

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

After finally finding a Ravenclaw prefect who would give them directions, Harry and Niamh made their way back down into the dungeons.  They found the Potions classroom easily enough by following the voices of other students.  As soon as they got there Harry recognized one of the other students in the crowd.

“Oi!  Ron!”

Ron looked up, frowned when he spotted Harry, then turned around to talk to a sandy-haired boy.  Harry frowned then strode forward.  He tapped Ron on the shoulder and asked, “Wha’s up wit’ ye?  I though’ we were frien’s.”

Ron frowned and said, “We were.”

“Ah.  An’ now we’re na ‘cause I’m a Slytherin?”

“Erm…”

“Ye’ve go’ some bloody twisted logic der, Ron.”

Ron’s ears turned red and Harry smirked.

“See.  Even ye know it.”

Ron snorted.  Harry sighed and said, “C’mon, Ron.  We’re frien’s.  Doan le’ wha’ house we’re in break our frien’ship.”

Ron frowned for a moment then nodded.

“Alright, Harry.”

Harry beamed.

“Glad ter see ye came ‘round.”

Ron shook his head and chuckled then looked at Niamh.

“Who’s this?”

Harry said, “Ron, meet Niamh O’Feir.  Niamh, Ron Weasley.”

“Nice to meet you,” said Niamh.

“Muggleborn?” asked Ron, taking Niamh’s outstretched hand.

Niamh nodded.  “How’d you guess?”

“I just did.”

“Guessed?”

“Yep.”

Harry shook his head then looked up as a dark-haired man wearing black robes stalked up and threw open the door.  He glared at them as they scurried inside and slipped into their seats, following them in and moving to stand behind his desk.  Harry and Niamh ended up in the two seats farthest back near the door on the Gryffindor side, while Ron had ended up in the front.  As the teacher, Snape, began to call roll, Harry looked around at the classroom, of which the main attraction were jars filled with pickled animals.  Harry pointed these out to Niamh, who made a choking noise.

“Potter, Harry.”

Harry looked up into Snape’s cold black eyes and said, “’Ere.”  Several people – including Snape – stared at him for a moment.  Harry scowled furiously at them and most of them turned away.  However, Snape’s eyes lingered on him for a moment before turning away.

The class was spent making a simple potion to cure boils.  Snape swept around the room in his black cloak, watching them.  If Harry had been paying less attention to getting his potion correct, he would have noticed Snape’s eyes falling on him several times.

At the end of the class, Snape walked around and looked at each potion, awarding points to the Slytherins and criticizing the Gryffindors.

“Five points for a perfect potion, Potter.  I am surprised.”

Snape ordered them to pack up after that.  As Harry threw his potions ingredients into his cauldron he wondered what Snape had been talking about.

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Snape’s POV

Oh, Merlin.

He’s here.  Here.  At Hogwarts.

Lily’s son.

Oh, yes, he could only be Lily’s son.  No one else could have those eyes.

Those eyes that have haunted me in my sleep every night for ten years.  Ten years.  Ten years of seeing them staring up at me, cold and lifeless.

“Stop thinking about that.  It’s done.  You can’t change what happened!”

Humphf.  I can tell myself that.  But is it true?

Could I have saved her?

Could I?

I doubt it.

But I still wonder.

Dammit, why did he have to be in Slytherin?

Or a better question, how in all nine hells did he get in Slytherin?

Lily was a Gryffindor, as was Potter.

How on earth could that boy be any different?

And what about his accent?  It sounds…streetwise.  I should know, my own sounded that way at one point in time.  Thank Merlin I got over that.

Sigh.

Oh hell.  How can I do this?

How can I look into her eyes during class?  Her eyes in Potter’s…  Wait.  Not truly Potter’s face.  Not truly at all.

I wonder….

No.  No, nothing came from that so don’t consider it.  It doesn’t do to dwell on the past.

Yet I do anyway.

Damn.

Chapter 5 – Lessons

“Okay, what is used to make Draught of Living Death?”

“Powdered roo’ o’ asphodel to a’ infusion o’ wormwoo’.  Why?”

Scratch, scratch.

“I’m writing a report on it for Professor Snape.”

“I doan remem’er havin’ ter write a report on tha’…”

“Extra credit.”

“Ye need extra credi’?  Ni, yer one o’ the top Potions studen’s!”

“Not half as good as you, Harry.  You have…a knack…for making potions.”

“Yeh, yeh.  I ‘eard all ‘bout tha’.”

Scratch, scratch.

“Ya know, I think that’s the reason Snape likes you so much.”

“Mmm?”

“’Cause your such a good Potions student.  And you seem to know everything beforehand.  Like last class when…”

Niamh and Harry looked up to see Madam Hooch enter the Slytherin common room, a roll of parchment in her hand.  She looked at them for a moment then walked over to one of the bare walls and placed the parchment against it.  The parchment unrolled and stuck itself to the wall as she turned and walked out.  Niamh looked at Harry and asked, “Can you see what that’s about?  I really have to finish this essay.”

“’O course.”

Harry pulled himself out of his chair and walked over to the parchment on the wall.

“Flyin’ lessons.”

“Pardon?” said Niamh without looking up.

“I’s abou’ flyin’ lessons.  We’ve got ‘em tomorrow af’er Charms.  Wi’ the Gryffindors.”

Niamh’s lips curled in a sneer at this.  Harry walked back over to her and sprawled in his chair.

“Ye worried?”

“Oh course.  Stupid Gryffindor prats…”

“Oi!”

“Not Ron, silly!  I mean, Ron’s cool and all.  So are his brothers.”

“Discoun’in’ Percy,” said Harry.

“Yeah.  But the rest of the Gryffindors…  Urgh.  I wish they’d get their broomsticks out of the asses.”

“Intrestin’ imag’ry.”

“Thanks.  Damn, there’s Malfoy.  Slimy git.”

Harry chuckled then scowled as Draco walked over to them.  He growled, “Wha’ do ye wan’ know, Malfoy?”

Draco smiled sinisterly and said, “Who said I wanted anything?”

“Go away, Malfoy,” spat Niamh darkly.

“Or what, O’Feir?  You’ll curse me?”

“Actually, I will.  Ya know, there’s a really old curse I found in a book that will…  what was it again, Harry?”

“Blow yer ‘ead up ter the size o’ a melon,” replied Harry lazily.

“No, the other one.”

“Oh.  Tha’ one.  Make yer feel like yer on fire tha’ one.  Actually burns ye up from der insi’.”

Draco paled slightly and snapped, “There’s no such thing.”

Harry and Niamh exchanged a look then turned to Draco and asked in low voices, “Do you want to find out?”

Draco opened his mouth to say something then shook his head and vanished into the first year boy’s dorm.  Niamh looked after him for a moment then turned to Harry.

“I feel sorry for you.  Having to sleep in the same room as him and all.”

Harry shrugged.

“I’s na’ so ba’.  I goh the be’ by the wall.  ‘E’s righ’ in fron’ o’ the door.”

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

“Welcome to your first flying lesson.  Step up to the left side of your brooms.  Come on now.”

“Good.  Now, hold out your hand and say ‘Up!’”

“Up!”

“Goo’ bleedin’ go’s!”

Madam Hooch looked down the line of Slytherins.

“Something wrong, Mr. Potter?”

“No, ma’am.  Jus’ s’prised meh, tha’s all.”

Harry shook his head and looked at the broom that had jumped up immediately into his hand.  Mr. Weasley had never showed him it would do that.

Niamh looked at Harry after she got her broom up on the third try and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’.  Jus’ s’prised tha’s all.  Never done tha’ ‘fore.”

Niamh blinked.

“You’ve flown before?”

“Yeh.  A’ Ron’s.  ‘E an’ tha twins an’ ‘is da’ taugh’ meh.”

“Cool.  What the….  Oh, my…”

“Tha’ wou’ be tha’ wor’.”

Harry and Niamh watched as Neville Longbottom lost control of his broom and began zooming about the field where they were standing.  When he finally landed, it was with a crunch.  Harry winced and whispered to Niamh, “Soun’s like ‘e’s goh a broke wris’.”

A few seconds later….

“Tut, tut, tut.  It’s a broken wrist.  Come on.  Up you get.  All of you stay here while I take Mr. Longbottom to the hospital wing.  If I see one broom in the air, you’ll be out of Hogwarts before you can say Quidditch.”

Niamh whirled to stare at Harry as Madam Hooch walked off with Neville.

“How’d you know?”

Harry held up his left arm, which had a strange look about the wrist.

“Broke mine meself a goo’ many times.  I know ‘ow i’ soun’s.  Bloody’ ell, wha’s Malfoy doin’ now?”

Harry and Niamh looked to where Ron was trying to get a sphere-like object from Draco.

“Give it here, Malfoy!”

“I think not, Weasley.  Maybe I’ll leave it somewhere for Longbottom to find.  Like on the roof!”

Draco was in the air a moment later, floating about twenty feet above them.  He continued to taunt Ron from there.

“What’s the matter, Weasley?  Scared?”

Ron’s ears turned red and he started to climb onto his broom but Harry beat him to it.  He flew up to hover in front of Draco and snarled, “Give i’ ‘ere, Malfoy.”

Draco’s gray eyes narrowed.  “Shove off, Potter!”

“I said, give i’ ‘ere, Malfoy.”

“Fine.  You want it?  Go and get it!”

Draco pulled back his arm and threw the sphere.  Harry let out an acid remark then shot after it as Draco dived back to the ground.

The sphere soared in an arc then began to plummet downward.  Harry cursed and dived after it, keeping his eyes on the glittering object.  He reached out his arm….

Caught it!

Jerking the broom’s handle upwards, he skimmed back across the ground, a mere few inches above it.  As he landed beside Niamh, he grinned and handed the sphere over to Ron.

“Ma’ sure Neville ge’s i‘, Ron.”

Ron nodded.  “ I will.”

Suddenly someone hissed, “Snape!”

“POTTER!”

Harry looked up to see his Head of House storming onto the grounds with McGonagall.

“Sir?”

Snape looked at him then snapped, “Come with me, Potter.”

Harry handed his broom to Niamh, who smiled at him then walked after Snape.

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

“Inside, Potter.”

Harry went inside what he could only presume was Snape’s office from the resemblance is bore to the Potions classroom.

“Sit.”

Harry sat in one of the chairs place in front of a dark desk as Snape sat in the chair behind the desk.

“Rather interesting stunt you pulled, Potter.  What was so important that you had to risk your neck for it?”

“Malfoy picked up somethin’ one o’ the Gryffindors dropped.  Neville.  Ron was tryin’ ter ge’ i’ back but Malfoy would’n ‘ave i’.”

“So you took matters into your own hands.”

“Yes, sir.”

Snape looked at him for a few moments then smiled.

“I’d never have imagined Lily Evans son would end up in Slytherin.”

Harry blinked and sat up straight.

“Ye knew my mum?”

“Quite well.  We were friends of a sort.  But that’s not what we’re here for is it?  You could have killed yourself today trying to get back Longbottom’s Remembrall.”

“I know.”

“Mmm.  But you’re an excellent flyer…  Have you flown before?”

“A’ Ron’s.  ‘E taugh’ meh.”

“Weasley taught you how to fly?”

“’Is da’ actually.”

“Well, that’s a much better explanation.  Did they tell you about Quidditch?”

“Yeh.”

“Good.  We desperately need a reserve Seeker.  Higgs is leaving this year.”

“So…I’ll be Seeker nex’ year?”

“That would be correct.  Now, head back to your class, Potter.  I will speak to Flint tonight.”

“Flin’?”

“He was voted Quidditch Captain this year.  Now off with you!”

Harry nodded and left Snape’s office, breaking into a run as soon as he got into the dark, deserted corridor.  He was going to be a Seeker!  Wait till he told Niamh and Ron!

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Snape’s POV

I hear him running as soon as he gets out of my office.  Silly boy.

Merlin, I nearly had a heart attack when I saw him diving.

Lily would’ve come back to haunt me if I’d broken my promise to protect that boy.

She told me I was his unofficial guardian a day after he was born.

Ha!

Imagine that.  Severus Snape, the guardian of James Potter’s son.

It actually might be funny if they were still alive.

And that boy hadn’t grown up on the streets.

I wonder why that was…

He was supposed to be with Lily’s family.

Which was the stupidest decision Albus ever made.

I told him!

I told him Lily’s sister hated magic and so did her oaf of a husband.

I told him, dammit!

And now look!

That boy grew up on the streets!

Damn.

I should have kept an eye on him over the years.

Can’t believe Albus didn’t find him.

Eleven years on the street.

Merlin, I hate thinking about that.

Reminds me of my own time on the streets.

Shiver.

Don’t think about that.  It’s in the past.  Done and gone.

Or is it?

Is it really in the past when I still bear the scars from the beatings that old orphanage witch used to give?

I think not,

I hate to imagine what scares that boy has.

The streets are harsher now than they were then.

Okay, Sev, stop this.  Brooding does nothing.

Right.

Makes me feel better.

Sigh.

For a few moments at least.