Christmas Presents

Sirius ran around the school, Marauder's Map in hand and Invisibility Cloak over him. As he ran, he cursed himself and his impetuousness. 'If I hadn't asked that question...if I'd just left well enough alone...but Remus kissed me first! Dammit, I'm so confused!' Sirius glanced at the Map and saw that he was getting closer; Remus's dot had stopped moving, and briefly Sirius wondered how the hell Remus had gotten so far so fast. He'd probably used a secret passage or two to get all the way from the seventh floor to the second in just a few minutes...Sirius paused outside the door of the room that Remus had stopped in, steeling himself to go in and confront his--friend? Something more?--and remembered what brought all of this on.

'Just ask the question, you fool!' Sirius berated himself as he hesitantly peeked his head through Remus's bedcurtains. There Remus was, absorbed in one of his many books, reading glasses perched adorably at the end of his nose. 'I don't want to disturb him...but if I don't...I'll never know...' "Remus?"

Remus put down his book, took off his glasses, and looked at Sirius, though he didn't say anything. The silence stretched and Remus looked deep in thought. Sirius didn't want to interrupt him, but he had to know. He delicately cleared his throat, and Remus looked startled, then grinned sheepishly. 'Merlin, he's adorable!' Sirius thought.

"Sorry Padfoot, I was just lost in thought. Get in here," Remus said, patting the space beside him on the bed. 'I thought you'd never ask!' Sirius thought happily as he scrambled up to lay next to Remus. He propped his head up on one hand and looked at the beautiful boy lying right next to him. 'He's so beautiful,' Sirius thought reverently. 'I wonder what he was thinking that was so interesting.'

"What were you thinking about?" Sirius asked, meeting Remus's eyes. Brown, with little flecks of gold that seemed to catch the candlelight and reflect it, making his eyes seem as if they were glowing golden. Remus looked down, hiding those amazing eyes. Sirius felt a stab of disappointment, but then Remus answered his question.

"Er...lots of things, really. Mostly about...Christmas presents. Tomorrow is Christmas, after all," Remus replied, and Sirius grinned inwardly. 'So you say, unable to meet my eyes! Christmas presents! You really haven't gotten any better as a liar since second year, Moony m'love. What were you /really/ thinking about, Moony dearest?' Sirius thought, amused.

"Christmas presents! Our Moony, thinking about something as mundane as Christmas presents? Who are you, and what have you done with my Remus?" Sirius teased, smiling and raising an eyebrow. Remus looked vaguely surprised, so Sirius laughed, both to help Remus relax and to cover his own embarrassment at his Freudian slip. 'He's not /my/ Remus...not yet, at least. Dammit. I wish he was...ah, what the hell. Might as well try.' Sirius leaned closer to Remus, close enough that he could feel Remus's breath on his face. He breathed in, taking in the unique scent of Remus; 'Pine and dewdrops and oranges, and general Remus scent...mmmmmmm...' He started growing harder, much to his embarrassment, and really hoped that Remus didn't notice. He didn't want Remus scared off, after all. "What were you really thinking about, Moony?" Sirius breathed. "You're far more likely to be thinking about some obscure Defense text you want to find than something you'll find out tomorrow." Sirius pulled back to look at Remus better, who was bristling.

"I do think about more than classes, you know. There are more important things than schoolwork," Remus replied snappishly.

"Then what were you thinking about?" Sirius persisted, moving in closer to Remus again. Remus's face gained a rosy tint, which he seemed to want to cover up, because he went on the defensive.

"What does it matter what I was thinking about? Why did you come over here, anyway?" Remus growled, and Sirius instantly felt ashamed. 'I shouldn't try to get rid of my nerves by interrogating Remus...okay Padfoot, time to face the music. Just ask him the question!'

"I wanted to ask you a question," Sirius said humbly, hanging his head and looking up at Remus soulfully through his fringe. 'Let's see him try to withstand the puppy eyes...Yes!' Sirius thought as Remus half-smiled, showing all was forgiven.

"What is it?" Remus asked. Sirius looked up again and grinned, glad Remus wasn't mad at him. But soon the grin faded and Sirius thought a bit, trying to find the right way to phrase his question. 'I can't just ask him if he loves me...oh well, I'll just ask a generic question.'

"Moony...what do you think of love?" Sirius asked softly. He looked over at Remus, who stared at him, open-mouthed with surprise. 'He probably wasn't expecting a serious question from me,' Sirius thought. He smiled gently and reached out with a finger to close Remus's mouth. He wanted to let his hand rest there, let the finger touch and caress, but he didn't know what Remus would think about that, so he removed his finger as Remus closed his mouth and blinked.

"Love? Just love in general, or something specific?" Remus asked, looking a bit dazed.

Sirius shrugged. "Both, I guess." 'I hope.'

Remus sighed. "I don't know. Love is a wonderful thing, of course, and I assume it's even better if it's returned--" Sirius blinked 'Wait a minute, if it's returned? Moony, what--' but Remus was continuing. "--but...I don't know. I don't know if it's even a good idea for me to fall in love."

Sirius was indignant. 'Moony's selling himself short again! I wish he would stop it.' "Why not?" Sirius exclaimed. 'Probably the whole werewolf thing...not that it stops me from loving him...I'll just tell him that...just tell him...' "If it's just the whole werewolf thing--" But Sirius's impending declaration of love was cut short by Remus.

" 'The whole werewolf thing,' as you put it, restrains me from doing so many things that you take for granted," Remus said a bit angrily. Sirius winced almost invisibly--'I wasn't trying to insult him!'--but Remus didn't notice. "I'm not allowed to eventually get married, have children, even adopt children, because it's too dangerous. I'm not going to be able to get certain jobs, because it's too dangerous. The Ministry restricts what I can do, and they're right! It is dangerous for me to fall in love!" Remus sounded so very bitter, and Sirius desperately wanted to just take Remus into his arms and prove how love could be such a good thing, but he couldn't do that until he understood Remus's aversion to love.

"But how is it dangerous for you to fall in love? I mean, aside from the obvious dangers; I don't think you're likely to bite someone," Sirius said, trying to find the answer in Remus's eyes, but Remus looked away.

"Werewolves mate for life, did you know that, Sirius?" Remus said in a detached tone, as if it wasn't himself that he was talking about. Sirius knew about werewolves mating for life, of course; he'd done all sorts of research on werewolves throughout the years and found out many things about them, including their mating habits. But he still listened avidly to Remus, who was continuing. "If I, and the wolf, fall in love with someone and we mate, then that person and I will be irrevocably bonded. For life. Only when I die will the bond not constrain me. But unless that other person is a werewolf too, they'll have nothing stopping them from someday deciding to leave me."

'So that's what it's about! He can't see why anyone would love him enough to want to be with him forever. Oh Moony...' But Remus was looking firmly away from Sirius, so Sirius shifted closer, reached an arm around to Remus's shoulder, and brought the smaller boy around to face him. The two boys stared into each other's eyes for a long moment before Sirius broke the silence.

"You think too much, Moony," Sirius said, and wondered why Remus's eyes widened; after all, Sirius told him he thought too much at least twice a day.

"Sirius..." Remus started, but Sirius held a finger up to his lips to silence him. 'I got this far, so I'm going to see it through. I just hope he doesn't hate me afterwards.'

"Shh, Remus. Just listen to me for a moment, would you?" Remus nodded, so Sirius removed his finger, never mind how good it felt to just touch the satin that was Remus's lips. He didn't want to go too fast, but he certainly didn't want Remus to continue to be self-deprecating, so he continued. "You're selling yourself short, Remus. What if that other person is in love with you too? D'you think that maybe they'll stay with you because they love you and want to be with you forever? You're a wonderful person, Moony, and your love is one of the most precious gifts a person could get."

Remus looked completely shocked, as if someone had hit him on the back of the head with a board. For a moment, he looked completely open, as if all his carefully erected barriers had come down. There was such a mixture of emotions in his eyes that Sirius could only make out confusion, fear, and hope briefly before the mask came back down and Remus closed himself off again. Then Remus spoke.

"Sirius...why did you ask me that question?"

Sirius knew exactly what question Remus meant, but there were so many different ways he could answer that he didn't know exactly what to say. Finally he just went with the most simple, even though he knew that Remus wouldn't be satisfied. He'd just be buying himself more time to think out what he really wanted to say.

"Because I wanted to know," Sirius answered. Remus looked vaguely exasperated with that response, but Sirius had expected that. He knew that Remus would be patient enough to let him think out a response at his own pace, so Sirius took his time. 'Ah, what the hell. Maybe he'll take the hint if I ask a different question.'

"Remus, I...do you mind if I ask a different question. Maybe you'll see what I mean then," Sirius said. Remus nodded, so Sirius took a deep breath and asked his next question.

"...If you were in love with someone, and thought that maybe the other person loved you too, would you tell them?" 'Not clear enough...oh well, I'll just keep asking questions...' Sirius was so preoccupied that he didn't even notice Remus saying his name.

"Sirius..."

"If you really wanted that other person to love you back, would you do anything to make it happen?" 'Closer, but not quite...but what if he doesn't...?'

"Sirius."

Sirius ignored Remus. 'If I don't get it out now, maybe I never will...' "But if you're afraid that the other person doesn't love you--"

"SIRIUS!"

But Sirius wasn't about to be stopped, not now that he was finally getting all of this off his chest. He was letting his mouth run away with him, and right then it seemed as if it wasn't connected to his brain at all, because right then his brain was telling his mouth to shut up, that this was too much to dump on Remus right now, but his mouth wasn't listening to him. His mouth wasn't listening to Remus, either, until--

Remus kissed him.

Sirius's brain, which had previously been trying to stop his mouth, decided to abandon that venture completely, as it liked what his mouth was doing at the moment, though it could hardly believe it. 'Remus...is kissing me. Remus is kissing me. REMUS IS KISSING ME! Mmmmmm...' was pretty much all his brain could think of at the moment, but Sirius was perfectly glad to give up thinking in favor of kissing Remus back, feeling those satiny lips moving against his own. He closed his eyes and pressed into Remus, who gasped. He wrapped his arms around Remus's waist and pressed closer; Remus moaned and looped his own arms over Sirius's neck. Remus's mouth opened and Sirius's followed suit, their tongues flitting out and touching, sending a shock through Sirius's body. He felt Remus's erection pressing insistently against his thigh, and his own hardened further in response. Then, all of a sudden, Remus pulled back with a gasp, panic in his eyes, and scooted away from Sirius, who looked back at him, thoroughly confused. 'Why did you stop...?'

"Moony...?" Sirius started, but Remus didn't say anything. He just stared back at Sirius, eyes wide and chest heaving, rosy lips swollen from their kiss and slightly open. Sirius thought he had never seen anything more beautiful, but he didn't say anything, just let his love and trust and happiness shine through his eyes. 'He kissed me first...that /must/ mean he feels the same way...there /were/ other ways of shutting me up than kissing me, and he certainly seemed to enjoy it...so why does he look so afraid?'

Afraid was an understatement; Remus looked to be in full-blown panic mode at the moment, because without ever taking his eyes off Sirius, he ran. He slid backwards off the bed and onto the floor, and Sirius winced at the loud THUMP his body made when it hit. But it didn't deter Remus in the slightest, because Remus just picked himself up and fairly flew out of the dorm, hitting the closed door at a run, the door smashing open. Sirius had no idea what just happened, but he did know that he had to go after Remus.