Rebirth

Chapter 10: Catching Up

The following day, Sirius awoke to find Remus sitting up in bed and eating a large breakfast with gusto. He had slept for much of the previous day, and Sirius had been content to sit beside him, reading, watching the students play Quidditch outside, or just staring into space. He felt calm and somehow clean again after his talk with Remus that morning, as though much of the frustration, anger and pain he had felt surrounding Harry's death had been washed out of him.

"Feeling better, I take it?" he said, grinning at Remus.

"You're finally awake then. I thought you were going to sleep all day," Remus teased, throwing a piece of toast at Sirius.

"Are you allowed out today?" Sirius asked. "I'm sick of sleeping on this hard bed." Madam Pomfrey tutted loudly as she bustled about the ward.

"I can go later," Remus whispered, casting a furtive look in the nurse's direction. "I'm supposed to go straight back to Grimmauld Place, but I've got a few things to do first. Are you up for it?"

Sirius could barely contain his excitement.

"Finally, someone in this godforsaken place with a sense of adventure," he said, grinning manically.

"Hermione will never approve," said Remus with a sly smile.

"Erm, no," he said, feeling a flush of shame. He had completely forgotten about Hermione and he was not looking forward to the reception he would get when they returned.

"What?" said Remus, reading his friends sudden anxiety.

"Nothing, nothing," Sirius said glancing nervously around the ward. He could never get anything past Remus.

"Come on Padfoot. I can read you like a book. What happened?" he demanded.

"Well, it's just that we had a bit of a ... thing before I left." Sirius couldn't quite bring himself to tell Remus just how badly he'd behaved.

"With Hermione? Really?"

"Keep your voice down!" Sirius hissed. "I'm not exactly proud of myself."

"Let me guess, you got drunk and bored, seduced her and then regretted it. Am I right?" Remus shot an indulgent smile at Sirius.

"More or less," said Sirius, staring down at the bed.

"Well it's good to know you don't change at least," he said, rolling his eyes. "How did she take it?" Sirius took a deep breath. Remus would find out sooner or later so he might as well tell him now.

"Well, I didn't exactly speak to her before I left." He looked at Remus anxiously, cringing slightly at the look on his friend's face. "Oh God, Moony. Why do I always have to be such a bastard?"

"Because you just are," he said gently. "Don't beat yourself up about it, Padfoot. Hermione's a big girl. She'll get over it." He smiled kindly at Sirius, knowing how badly he was feeling. "Did Ron find out?" he added.

"Yup. We had a bit of a fight over it, but I told him he should just tell her how he felt if he was that bothered about it."

"I've been telling him that for ages," said Remus. "Let's hope he does something about it this time."

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while before Sirius spoke again.

"What happened with Bellatrix?" he asked hesitantly. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to talk about it. I just wondered."

Remus paused, obviously uneasy.

"I don't even remember half of it," he sighed. "She wasn't exactly difficult to find. She'd been hanging round here trying to recruit followers so she could pick up where Voldemort left off. I waited for her one night and followed her to where she was hiding. I had meant to just confront her and turn her in, but I just snapped. She laughed at me, asked me whether I'd seen the look on your face when you died. Asked me whether Harry had enjoyed having a little piece of her master inside him." Sirius saw the fear in Remus's eyes as he spoke.

"I transformed, Padfoot, and it wasn't a full moon, not even close. It was as though the evil inside me just took over and I just couldn't stop it." He shuddered slightly, staring at his hands as though he couldn't believe what they were capable of.

"I ripped her to pieces. There was nothing left of her by the time I'd finished. When I transformed back the next morning I could hardly believe what I'd done. I just ran for it. I've been in the forest ever since then."

Sirius suppressed the feelings of horror that rose from the pit of his stomach. Remus moved his hand towards a glass of water, but it was shaking so much he couldn't hold it. Sirius placed his hand on top of Remus's in an effort to calm him.

"She got no more than she deserved," said Sirius firmly. "Moony, I can only imagine how you must be feeling, but you're not a monster. You're a good person. I would have killed her without hesitation if I'd have been in your place, and I wasn't being possessed by Voldemort's spirit at the time. Don't forget how I went looking for Peter after I got out of Azkaban. I'd have cheerfully killed him if Harry hadn't have stopped me."

"He didn't think James would have wanted us to become killers," said Remus quietly. "Bit late for that now, isn't it?"

"Do you really think James wouldn't be out there looking for Peter right now if he were alive?" asked Sirius, lowering his voice to a whisper. "It's his fault all this happened. If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have been sent to Azkaban or killed, Harry would be alive and Bellatrix would still be in prison. James and Lily could well still be alive and Harry would have grown up knowing his parents, prepared for what he had to face. Harry was wrong. James would have killed him in an instant."

Remus paused, searching Sirius's face with his eyes.

"Moony, what is it?" asked Sirius

"There's something you should know," said Remus hesitantly, his voice barely audible. He walked over to the door and closed it before returning to the bed. "After I... killed Bellatrix, I set a trap. I didn't want it to end with her. I suspected that wherever Peter was, news would reach him of Bellatrix' death. Did they tell you about the message?"

"The one on her arm?" whispered Sirius.

"Didn't anyone work out what it meant?" he asked in disbelief. Sirius shook his head a little impatiently. "I left it on her arm, her left arm. Right over the dark mark." Sirius's eyes widened with realisation.

"I knew that if Peter heard about the message, he would suspect that it was something to do with Voldemort and he would find me. I didn't make it hard for him, after all, he knew that the message had been left by a werewolf and it didn't take him long to find out that I was in the forest."

"But none of that was ever reported," hissed Sirius. "How did he find out about it?"

"He kept his ear to the ground as always. It's not hard for a rat to overhear conversations. The news might not have been made public, but enough Ministry officials drink in the pubs in Hogsmeade for him to find out what was going on. He knew all about my disappearance, that I was on the run and apparently mad, and he knew about Bellatrix. Knowing the measures that Voldemort had taken to keep himself alive, it wasn't hard for him to put two and two together and work out what was happening, but it was still too dangerous for him to approach me so he watched me. I knew he was out there, I could feel it. I waited for two weeks, biding my time, but still he did nothing. I knew I had to do something drastic to get him to make his move." Remus paused, dropping his head into his hands.

Sirius reached out to him, desperate for him to continue but equally anxious not to push his friend too far. After a moment, Remus raised his head and looked Sirius directly in the eye.

"I let my guard down. I stopped fighting Voldemort and let him come to the surface. It was... strange. Horrible. I could hear what I was saying, but it was as though I was being pushed down, pushed inside my own mind. I felt his exhilaration at finally being let out, felt his power growing." Remus shook his head slightly and took a deep breath. "Anyway, it worked. Voldemort spoke to Peter and he was left in no doubt that Voldemort... that I was Voldemort. The problem was that once Voldemort had been let out, he was harder to keep under control. I had intended to kill Peter as soon as he revealed himself to me, but I couldn't do it. Voldemort wouldn't let me. Instead, Peter stayed with me, helping Voldemort to fight me. In the end it was as though I barely existed.

"Voldemort's spirit was strong enough to keep me down, but my body was physically weak. When the Centaurs came a few days ago they caught me while I was asleep and Peter ran without waking me. Voldemort was furious. I learned that when he was angry he lost control and I could fight him. The day you found me, Peter was with me. When he saw you coming he ran again. Voldemort's sudden loss of control gave me the strength I needed to let you know I was still there, to talk to you directly, but I couldn't hold him down for long. If you hadn't have found me..."

Sirius stared at Remus, unable to speak. He was horrified, furious that Remus had been put through so much. He stood up slowly.

"Where are you going?" asked Remus quietly.

"I'm gong to find Peter. I'm going to end this once and for all."

"No," said Remus. "You'll never find him. Even with an invisibility cloak you won't find him. It has to be me."

"Then I'm coming with you."

~

As soon as Madam Pomfrey allowed Remus to leave, the two friends set about convincing Moody to leave them alone for a while. They had decided that the only way to get past Moody would be to let him in on their plan to a certain extent. They attempted to appeal to his sympathetic side (if he had one) and claimed that they needed some time alone in the pub to sit and talk about everything that had happened and have a drink together. After much persuasion and promises to be vigilant, he agreed to meet them back at Grimmauld Place that evening.

Within minutes, they were on their way. They slipped into a toilet and Sirius wordlessly pulled out Harry's invisibility cloak and pulled it over both their heads. They didn't speak as they crossed the grounds and entered the forest. There was no need. Their minds were as one as they concentrated on one single emotion. Revenge.

As soon as they were out of sight of the school, Remus took the cloak off himself and walked ahead. Sirius was vaguely aware of the risk they were taking should the centaurs discover them, but he was no longer afraid. Nothing mattered to him anymore, nothing, except finding Peter and finishing the job he'd started years ago.

When they reached the clearing, Remus walked purposefully over to the rock and sat down, the hood of his cloak pulled low to hide his eyes. Sirius stood at the edge, deathly still as he watched with anticipation.

Remus spoke in a low, harsh whisper, a voice that sounded far away from his own.

"Wormtail, I have returned," he said. Almost instantly, a ragged looking rat ran to Remus and transformed. Sirius stiffened. There, not six feet away from him was Peter Pettigrew. He wanted his revenge so much he could taste it.

"Master," squeaked Peter with obvious excitement. "I am so glad, I was so worried. I thought -"

"Give me your wand," hissed Remus. Wormtail flinched.

"Please, master," he said, cowering with fear. "I didn't mean to leave you. I had only hoped to avoid capture so that -"

"Your wand."

Peter held out a shaking hand and passed his wand to Remus. Remus stowed the wand in his pocket and pulled out his own, pointing it directly at Peter's heart.

In an instant, Remus threw back his hood and Sirius pulled off the cloak, his own wand outstretched.

Peter whirled around, staring from Remus to Sirius as the realisation hit him.

"Master?" he said feebly.

"Not any more," said Remus dangerously.

Peter's eyes widened with shock, the colour draining from his already pallid face. His eyes darted to the forest around them.

"Don't even think about it," said Sirius, his hands shaking with rage. "Not this time."

"Please, don't hurt me," he begged, sinking to his knees.

"Sorry Wormtail. I don't think you're going to get away that easily this time," said Sirius, circling his prey like an eagle. He glared venomously at Peter, radiating with pure hatred.

"I'm sorry, really I am," Peter started to cry, kneeling on the floor with his hands still held over his head. "I didn't mean to do any of it. You have to understand what it was like. I was scared. I didn't know what else to do."

"It's too late for apologies, Peter," said Remus calmly, his wand still trained closely on the quivering man. "We've heard it all before, haven't we Padfoot?"

Sirius nodded, his face contorted with anger.

"You're pathetic, Wormtail," Sirius spat. Peter's eyes followed Sirius as he walked around him, a terror growing inside him as he saw the anger on Sirius's face.

"Moony, don't let him hurt me, please. You saw what the Dark Lord was capable of. You must understand... we were always friends weren't we? Think of the times we spent together while James and Sirius... we always stuck together didn't we?" Peter looked at Remus, already knowing it was hopeless, but his frightened eyes begged for redemption.

"How dare you?" whispered Sirius, his voice thick with rage. "After everything you've done, how dare you call him a friend? You've destroyed all our lives and you will PAY!" he bellowed.

"Please!" cried Peter, "I'm begging you, please let me go. I promise I'll never come near you again. I'll go abroad, I'll stay out of the way. Please let me go." He sobbed into his hands, his body shaking with fear.

Sirius held out his wand, his hands trembling.

"CRUCIO!" he cried, and Peter screamed, twitching grotesquely on the forest floor.

He lifted the curse and Peter collapsed into a broken heap.

"CRUCIO!" Sirius cried again.

He watched Peter writhing on the floor, waiting for the satisfaction to come, but it was not enough. There would never be enough pain to repay Peter for what he had done.

"CRUCIO!"

He screamed the incantation as loudly as he could. Tears began to form in his eyes, a mingled feeling of grief, fury, frustration and pain threatened to engulf him. His fingernails drew blood from his hand as he gripped his wand with all the strength he had.

Remus appeared at his side, placing his own hand upon Sirius's. He gently lifted Sirius's wand and broke the curse. Sirius shook him off.

"CRUCIO!"

"That's enough, Padfoot," he said gently.

"I want him to suffer!" Sirius spat, his voice dripping with venom. "I want him to feel the pain that he has caused us all. James, Lily, you, me... Harry..." his voice trailed off, breaking with emotion. He lifted the curse and looked hopelessly at Remus.

"And he has," said Remus. "Now let's finish it together and go home."

Sirius stared into Remus's gentle brown eyes and nodded slowly. They lifted their wands together and aimed them at Peter's tortured body. Peter lifted up a trembling hand, desperately trying to claw his way towards the forest.

"On three," said Remus slowly. "One, Two -"

"EXPELLIARMUS! STUPEFY!"

In a blaze of light, Sirius and Remus's wands shot from their hands and Peter collapsed on the floor, unconscious.

Simultaneously, Remus and Peter turned to the edge of the forest.

Mad Eye Moody was standing in the clearing holding both their wands, his face thunderous.

"Moody?" said Remus slowly. "What - ?"

"Did you really think I'd let you go wondering around Hogsmeade all day? I wasn't born yesterday you know. I've been on your tail all day."

"No!" roared Sirius. "Give me my wand. Let me finish it!" He had waited so long for this opportunity and once again it had been snatched right from under his nose. He lunged at Moody, grasping for his wand, but Moody had his own aimed and ready.

"Don't make me stop you by force," he growled. Sirius fell back, seething with anger.

"Can't have you just going round killing people, whether they deserved it or not," Moody said gruffly. "He's going to Azkaban where he belongs."

"He deserves to die!" cried Sirius.

"You've been in Azkaban, Sirius. Tell me which is worse," Moody replied, his wand still outstretched.

Sirius could not answer. There were times in Azkaban when he had longed for death, but he couldn't let it end like this.

"No," he whispered helplessly. He had wanted his revenge so badly. Remus dropped a hand on his shoulder.

"He's right, Padfoot. Harry was right too," he said softly. "Killing him wouldn't have made you feel any better, trust me. Do you think I felt better after what I did to Bellatrix? It doesn't make it better; it just takes away a piece of you. It makes you less human."

Even in his despair, Remus's words made sense to him. No matter how much he made Peter suffer, it hadn't, couldn't make up for the years he had suffered. It couldn't bring Harry or James back. A sudden exhaustion overtook his body and he slumped back against the wall of the cave.

"Take him home," whispered Moody to Remus. "I'll get this mess cleaned up."

"We can't leave you here," said Remus. "The centaurs -"

"You mean that lot?" Moody nodded his head towards the forest behind them. Remus and Sirius turned around to see the same group of centaurs that had approached him before. He stiffened instantly, realising his powerlessness without his wand.

"It was foretold that you would return to make amends for what you have done," said the leader to Remus. "You will not be harmed."

Remus silently nodded and took Sirius's arm, guiding him away from the clearing.

They were about to Disapparate when Remus turned back towards Moody.

"If you've been watching us since we got here, why didn't you stop us from torturing him?" he asked. Moody shrugged.

"Didn't like him."