Rebirth

Chapter 7: Making Peace

The next morning, he was awoken by the early morning sunlight streaming through the window. He felt something cool and prickly on the side of his face. Sitting up to remove the offending object, he saw that Hermione had gone, and stuck to the side of his face was a note.

Dear Sirius,

Sorry I had to go so early, but I had to get to work. I had a really good time last night. I mean, a REALLY good time. If you want to, you could come to the Ministry and meet me for lunch. Or not, whatever you want. I'm babbling now. Sorry. I don't really know the etiquette for this type of thing. Anyway, I left the files in the kitchen. I need to get them back tomorrow, so have a look at them today.

Love,

Hermione.

He groaned and fell back onto the pillow, pulling the blankets up over his head. Ron was right; he was a shit.

He grabbed a change of clothes, Harry's invisibility cloak and a few other bits and pieces and threw them into a bag before going downstairs. Much to his annoyance, Ron was in the kitchen cooking breakfast. Sirius was hoping he would have left by now.

"Morning," he said, grumpily, sitting down at the table.

Ron ignored him.

"What time are you going to work?" asked Sirius. Ron turned round to face him, his face contorted with anger.

"Do you think I don't know what went on after I went to bed last night?" he shouted. "I could hear you!" Sirius groaned inwardly. He was not in the mood for this.

"Ron, you're acting like a teenager."

"I am a teenager! So is Hermione!"

"Look, Ron. She's not interested in you. She's made that perfectly clear. Why don't you just let it go?" Sirius spoke calmly, hoping to diffuse the situation before it got out of hand.

"I don't want to let it go!" Ron shouted, slamming his fist down on the kitchen table.

Sirius stood up. "I'm going out. I really don't want to get into a fight over this. It's not worth it. Just try and calm down a bit while I'm gone."

Sirius picked up his bag and made for the door.

"You're going to find Remus aren't you?" asked Ron incredulously.

"It's none of your business where I'm going," snapped Sirius and carried on walking. Ron darted round the table and placed himself in between Sirius and the doorway.

"You slept with her and now you're just going to leave?" he asked, his face full of disgust. "You didn't even tell her you were going did you?"

"She'll understand. She's a big girl," said Sirius patronisingly. "Now get out of the way before I knock you out of the way."

Ron lunged at him, his fists flailing in all directions as he tried desperately to hit out. In one swift movement, Sirius grabbed him by the collar and slammed him effortlessly into the wall. He pinned him there with his body, his face inches from Ron's.

"Don't push your luck," he whispered dangerously. "I've let it get this far because you're a nice kid, but from this point on, you're in over your head."

Ron gaped at him, his face draining of colour. Sirius realised he was shaking. What am I doing? He slowly let go and stepped back.

Ron's demeanour changed. He looked at Sirius with fearful, pleading eyes.

"You can't do this to her Sirius," he said quietly. "She's not just a piece of meat you can pick up and put down when you feel like it. You don't understand her. This will really hurt her. Please, at least stay until she gets back."

Sirius regarded the boy in front of him. He suddenly felt ashamed of himself. Ron was just a child, and so was Hermione. He should never have let things go this far. He backed away and sat down at a chair by the table.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "You're right. I am a shit."

Ron sunk into the chair next to him and stared at his hands, still white and shaking.

Why don't you just tell her how you feel?" Sirius asked gently.

"She knows how I feel."

"I don't think she does. She told me that she thinks you just see her as a possession. That you don't really care about her, you just can't be bothered to look elsewhere."

"I love her," he said simply.

"I can see that," said Sirius. "But you don't exactly demonstrate it very well. Hermione doesn't want someone who's going to joke about their feelings for her. She wants to be told. She's insecure underneath it all and she needs to feel that you think she's the most wonderful woman on earth."

Ron stared down at his hands, looking a little forlorn.

"Well it's irrelevant now, isn't it?" he said sadly. "You're the one she wants now. That's perfectly clear."

"No she doesn't. And I'm certainly not looking to get involved. I've got to go and find Remus. I can't concentrate on anything until I know he's OK." Sirius saw the boy's spirits lift slightly. "Look, I'm going to go and Hermione's going to be upset. This is your chance. Comfort her. Tell her what a bastard I am and then tell her how you feel. Tell her that you would never treat her this way. Tell her you love her."

"You really think that'll work?" asked Ron, looking up at Sirius, his eyes full of hope.

"I can't say whether it will or not, but if you really feel that strongly about her, you'd be a fool not to try." Sirius smiled at Ron, feeling like at last he had done something right in this whole mess. It felt odd, talking to Ron this way, almost like a father. He had always imagined it would be Harry who he would be giving advice to about girls. He stood up, shaking the hurt from his head. He had to concentrate on finding Remus. Nothing else mattered.

"I have to go. Just make sure she's alright and tell her I'm sorry," he said to Ron. He made to stand up, but something in Ron's face made him hesitate.

"Sirius, there's something you should know before you go," said Ron, looking nervously around the room. "Dumbledore told us not to tell you anything more than you needed to know about Harry, but I think you deserve to know what happened."

"Go on," said Sirius, stiffening. From the look on Ron's face, he knew he wasn't going to like what he heard, but he needed to listen no matter how painful it was.

"Dumbledore thought that there was no point in upsetting you for no reason, and to be honest I thought he was right," Ron said ruefully. "We knew that just knowing about Harry's death would be hard enough, but if you knew the full story it might be enough to send you over the edge like it did Remus." He paused, clearly unsure as to whether he was doing the right thing.

"Just tell me Ron, please," Sirius begged. "I need to know what's going on."

Ron took a deep breath. "OK. You're going to find out anyway when you find Remus, so I might as well tell you now. Harry wasn't killed immediately after the battle with Voldemort. He was badly hurt, but he survived. It took about three months before he finally died, and it was really hard. He was in a lot of pain and there was really nothing anyone could do about it. No one knows that he survived except us, the Order that is.

"Remus was the first to get there and he brought him back to headquarters. He never left his side for the whole three months. He cared for him, looked after him the whole time. Hermione said he felt responsible for him as the closest thing he had to family. He kind of took on the role of his godfather and he blamed himself for it all. He thought he should have done more to protect him from Voldemort."

Sirius listened intently as Ron spoke, conflicting emotions rising up inside him. He was horrified to hear that Harry had suffered. He had comforted himself with the thought that it had been a quick and painless death, and the thought that Harry had spent three months in pain was almost more than he could bear.

"It was hard for Remus, watching Harry suffer so much. He took it very badly when Harry finally died. Dumbledore said he reckoned Remus was on the verge of snapping and told Moody and Tonks to keep an eye on him. Remus didn't just disappear. He attacked Moody and Tonks and nearly killed them to try and get away. That's why Hermione didn't want you to go after him. He's not the same person, Sirius. He's changed."

Sirius thought for a moment before he spoke. His heart ached for Remus and Harry. For what seemed like the millionth time, he wished that he could have been there for both of them.

"I've got to try and help him," said Sirius. "I don't care if he's dangerous. I can't believe he would hurt me. I know if I can just get near him, I can get through to him. He needs me. I've already lost one of my best friends and his son. I don't want to lose Remus too."

"I know," said Ron simply. "That's why I'm telling you all this. Hermione's going kill me for it though."

"Then don't tell her," said Sirius, standing up to leave. "There's no reason anyone needs to know I'm gone. Just tell her I was there when you left and I told you I was going to hang around the house till you got back. I don't want to cause trouble for you over this."

"We were stupid not to tell you in the first place," said Ron. "Harry wouldn't have wanted you to be kept in the dark. He hated it when no one told him what was going on." Ron looked down at his hands, and for the first time, Sirius realised something. Just like him, Ron had lost his best friend. He had never really appreciated that before.

"I've got to go," said Sirius. "Just don't tell anyone I'm gone, OK? I need a head start before Dumbledore sends people looking."

"I won't," said Ron, smiling up him. "Good luck, Sirius. And thanks for all that stuff you said about Hermione," he added awkwardly.

With that, Sirius picked up his bag and Disapparated.