It's The Great Pumpkin, Harry Potter!

It's the Great Pumpkin, Harry Potter

Chapter One: The Day After ...

It was a sight that would set anyone's heart a-flutter - and even a nun's mind to carnal thoughts.

It certainly had that effect on Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Magic and Witchcraft, and head of Gryffindor House.

The Gryffindor Common Room looked like a tornado had passed through it - either that, or the house-elves had not had a chance to clean it up. This was rather likely - since the Common Room was not as empty as one would have initially supposed it to be.

She could see two very familiar heads over the top of the couch that was facing the common room's main fireplace. A brown-haired head was resting on the shoulder of a black-haired boy whose unruly hair was standing up in all directions - it was apparent from their positions that the girl was sitting on his lap, and they had both fallen asleep that way, entwined in each other's arms ... and Professor McGonagall got the sudden, irreverent thought that they'd fallen asleep while brushing each other's hair with their fingers.

She smiled -- a small smile to be sure, but a smile nevertheless - an action that would have caused the mouths of at least half the students in Hogwarts, and probably half the wizards and witches of Britain to drop open in shock.

Such a thought, however, never even entered her head - what she actually thought was that it was high time that the sight before her happened. She'd been watching the two with affection ever since their first year at Hogwarts (and an incident involving a troll, a bathroom and Halloween), and was happy that they had taken the next step in their relationship.

She was happy for them.

She heard a soft giggle from the stairs leading to the girl's dormitories. Putting on her accustomed mask of sternness and hauteur, she turned her unsmiling eyes towards that area, but caught only the merest flash of red athletic pants as whomever it was scampered out of the way.

A sudden flash of intuition told her that it was probably Cindy, a first-year Gryffindor who, with her best friend Caroline, were present - or had instigated - the only time in recorded history that Professor Severus Snape ever cracked a joke - or a smile.

The story went that the two (along with the other first years) were leaving their Transfiguration classes when Caroline or Cindy (it was never established which one) had blurted out, "I think Professor McGonagall's a virgin. You know, 'Never Been Kissed, Never Been Touched'?"

None of them had noticed the tall, greasy-haired figure in a billowing black robe, who was walking swiftly, and silently, behind them. As he passed the students, however, they heard him say, "That's what you think!"

The group had been so shocked that they froze in their places. Snape, his robes still billowing about him as he passed, had also paused - and looking straight at the two young Gryffindors, given them a wink before moving on.

The story had flown around the castle within minutes ... no one, not even the Slytherins, believed it. None had the courage to approach Professor Snape to ask if the story were true ... although the Weasley Twins had tried to gather enough money to bribe the Terrible Two (as they were now being called) to ask Professor McGonagall to settle the "issue" of her virginity.

The two had flatly refused, pointing out that life as a pair of pincushions was no fun, and then turning the tables by telling the Twins that they should ask Harry to do it for them. When asked what Harry had to do with it, it was Caroline (the then-perceived to be quiet as a mouse half of the duo, compared to Cindy the Whirlwind) who pointed out that Harry was obviously McGonagall's favorite, next to Hermione Granger.

Professor McGonagall successfully stifled a laugh that threatened to pass her lips - an action that would have guaranteed heart attacks from half the student population of Hogwarts. Truth be told, she said to herself, the reverse was true - it was Harry Potter who was her favorite student, something that would have guaranteed an epileptic attack to the brilliant, exceptional teacher's pet, Hermione Granger.

And as for the other thing, she smirked to herself. "That's for me to know, and for them to find out," she thought. "Besides, it was something only I and ... someone else ... would know."

She turned away from the scene before her to compose herself. Much as she hated to disturb the idyllic, and undoubtedly romantic (though clichéd) view in front of her, she still had her duties to perform. Some one (or some ones, she amended herself) was responsible for the greatest piece of Halloween mischief sincethe days of the legendary Marauders - and she was bent on finding out who ... even if it meant losing the House Cup that year.

She turned back to the two people on the couch, and suddenly froze, silenced before she could even speak a word - and she didn't know whether to Disapparate or run for the nearest shower!

Harry Potter was awake and had started planting small, feathery kisses all over Hermione's forehead. The latter slowly woke up, a smile lighting up her face. She reached up and grabbed the other's head and their lips met in a long, deep, soul-searching kiss when she noticed Professor McGonagall standing behind them.

With a muffled shriek, Hermione tore her lips from Harry and scrambled to her feet as he, surprised at her sudden move, fumbled around for his glasses. As the two finally got thoughts and themselves together, Professor McGonagall's eyes followed their every move - and she breathed out a huge sigh of relief as she saw that neither one was fumbling too much with their clothing.

"So, they've been snogging the night away," she thought as she valiantly fought down the laugh threatening to break out of her. "Good ... it's been a long time in coming."

She kept her face calm and impassive, in the manner that all students, especially these two, expected from her. Although she did want to disappear into the nearest hole, she had to stand there, and watch Hermione's face as she tried to think up a reasonable excuse, defense, or explanation for what they had just been doing.

Taking pity on her favorite students (although she would have cheerfully threatened to cut off her own tongue before admitting that Potter was her favorite), she spoke out in her patented, icy-cold voice that always sent shivers down students' backs: "Mister Potter. Miss Granger. I want you to get all the Gryffindors down here right now."

"Professor?" Hermione squeaked, accompanied by a puzzled look on the part of Harry Potter.

"Now, Miss Granger." The two bolted for their respective dormitories, unwilling to face that wrathful presence any longer. When they were gone, McGonagall's eyes scanned the room once again - and suddenly stopped at the sight of a large Halloween pumpkin floating on the floor in front of the fireplace, a fairy or two within giving off an eerie light that shone out through its carved eyes, nose and mouth - as well as a lightning-shaped scar on its "forehead."

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